Logical predictions for ‘John Cena vs. The Rock’ at Wrestlemania 28
Here’s the truth – I was content just sitting back until Wrestlemania and seeing what happens in the much anticipated main event clash between John Cena and the Rock. However, I can only read so many articles where a writer shoves his biased, bullshit, illogical opinion down my throat until I finally have to speak up. Here’s the deal Bleacher Report, I get it, you all like the Rock, and furthermore, you all seem to be convinced that John Cena is going to turn heel after or during his match at Wrestlemania, but you never seem to offer a valid explanation as to why. So right now, I’m going to take time out of my day to tell you all exactly why it’s not going to happen!
Over the past six years, the WWE has pushed John Cena as the face of the company. From make-a-wish trips, to anti-bullying campaigns, to representing the WWE at major sporting events, John Cena has done it all for the company. Let me ask you something, after years of investing all of this effort into John Cena being the man to respectfully represent the company, why in the Hell would they turn him heel? Who would the WWE send to anti-bullying campaigns?? The bad guy in the company?? I don’t think so! There is more to John Cena’s character than just his contribution to a storyline. I’ve been hearing about this John Cena heel turn for years, and low and behold it has not happened!
Not only would a John Cena heel turn be about the phoniest heel turn since good ole’ JR, but it would be extremely bad for business. Look into any crowd, on any given Monday Night Raw and you’ll see thousands of children pack the arena decked out in John Cena gear. John Cena has become an idol to the younger viewers with his superman like physique and his “never say die,” mentallity. Should John Cena turn heel, whose merchandise are these young fans buying?? That’s right, nobody’s, because nobody’s character appeals to younger fans the way Cena’s does. A Cena heel turn would not only kill merchandise sales, but also lose viewers. The move would be all around bad for business, and I think the WWE knows this!
Although I heavily knock this prediction, I will say that I wouldn’t ever rule the possibility out completely. It would not be the first time that the WWE has made a bad character decision, I just find it to be nearly impossible at this point.
‘The Simpsons’ Hit #500 and Other Such Springfield Related Nonsense…
Episode 500 Review: This episode has an epic couch gag mashing up every bit they have ever done. A fake nuclear war has been cooked up to keep the Simpsons away while the town votes on whether to ban them from Springfield. In a good amount of self referential fun, the family is displaced to the “Outlands” and gets to meet ultra-cool guest star, Julian Assange.
Recent episodes have contained a good amount of Easter eggs to longtime fans of the show. The amount of property damages that Bart and Homer’s escapades have cost the town is shown with images from Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken and Brother’s Little Helper (seasons 10 and 11 respectively). By the way, Sideshow Mel has become a great voice amongst the townspeople. He’s always hilarious and pithy.
I love Maggie’s Mad Max outfit and Marge’s concerns over her new friends in the Outlands. “Two babies enter, one baby leaves.” Marge and Homer have some great scenes breaking back into Springfield and continue to prove themselves as the only reason I have any faith in marriage.
For quite some time, The Simpsons have been lambasted as having fallen off from the heydays of the 90’s. Many former Simpsons sycophants feel the show is no longer considered amongst the television elites and want Groening and Co. to end its historic run. Opinions like this could not be more sinful towards Bart, and most who sprout these rants are no longer watching the show.
The Simpsons has developed such a diverse cast of characters and utilizes Springfield as a microcosm of the world in such a way that another 500 episodes should not be viewed as improbable, but rather desirous. I will concede that the show does not write “touching” episodes as often as it did in its apex. And it was in those “touching” episodes, where satire and sentiment perfectly fuse, that some of my favorite moments occurred (see Bart Sells His Soul and Mother Simpson, both season 7). But, since the show went HD (in season 20), it has been consistently creative and still delivers on the laughs. I entreat you, do not turn your back on the Church of Bart but return to the flock.
Favorite lines:
“You want I should spray some of my Jerk Off on you.”
“Manning up, manning up. Ohhhh. Girling down, girling down.”
“You can’t leave society! Humanity is on an inexorable upward march. Or, at least was, until the year 2000.”
4 out of 5 bears
And now for some The Simpsons news…
‘Watchmen’ Prequel Comics Announced
Considered by many to be the seminal story of the comics medium, and a work that singlehandedly changed the comics forever, Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons has been a consistently successful story for over a quarter of a century. A complete deconstruction of the Superhero mythos using close facsimiles to classic Charleston Comics characters – Watchmen ushered in the grim and gritty narratives all to prevalent in comics today. Against the wishes of writer Alan Moore, but not by artist Dave Gibbons – Watchmen has spawned numerous merchandising opportunities and a Hollywood film in 2009 by director Zack Snyder. In just twelve issues, Gibbons and Moore constructed an intriguing world and very interesting characters, with back-stories largely untouched. Considering how widely revered the Watchmen comics are, the series has been considered a sacred cow of sorts, and its universe has for quite a while, not been expanded upon in anyway.
On February 1st, DC comics announced that they will be releasing several four to six issue miniseries set in the Watchmen universe, written and drawn by some of comic’s top creators.
USA Today reports:
Who watches the Watchmen? This summer, it will again be a legion of comic-book fans.
Under its DC Comics banner, DC Entertainment is reviving characters from the beloved and seminal graphic novel Watchmen for seven prequels collectively titled ‘Before Watchmen’.
The comics will feature all of the heroes — and anti-heroes — who writer Alan Moore and artist Dave Gibbons created in the 1986-87 Watchmen series, which was later collected as a graphic novel. Those characters will star in miniseries by some of the company’s top writers and artists, including:
•Rorschach by writer Brian Azzarello and artist Lee Bermejo
•Comedian by Azzarello and artist J.G. Jones
•Minutemen by writer/artist Darwyn Cooke
•Silk Spectre by Cooke and artist Amanda Conner
•Nite Owl by writer J. Michael Straczynski and artists Joe and Andy Kubert
•Dr. Manhattan by Straczynski and artist Adam Hughes
•Ozymandias by writer & original editor Len Wein with art by Jae Lee
Issues will be released so that there will be a new one every week, and each will include two pages of a separate, continuing backup story, Curse of the Crimson Corsair, by Wein, with art by Watchmen colorist John Higgins. A single-issue Before Watchmen: Epilogue will also be a part of the prequel series, featuring several of the writers and artists involved.
A Preview of the WWE’s 25th Royal Rumble PPV
Tonight will mark the WWE’s 25th anniversary of the Royal Rumble PPV, and in my opinion this year’s event could very well be the most memorable in years. Most years, the Royal Rumble features around four matches, with the 30 man over the top rope, Royal Rumble match being the main event of the night. Many years we see the other matches on the Royal Rumble card, not carry a whole lot of significance in comparison to the actual Royal Rumble match itself, however this doesn’t seem to be the case this year. In my opinion, there are four matches tonight that are going to be huge going into the next couple months leading up to Wrestlemania.
In the first of these important matches, Daniel Bryan defends his heavyweight title against the Big Show and Mark Henry inside of a steel cage. Over the past month, Daniel Bryan has grown to be despised by wrestling fans that are even remotely interested in the Smackdown brand. Week after week, the notoriously boring champion has squeaked by with his championship still around his waist in matches that he should be losing it in. It would seem that tonight, it would almost be impossible for Bryan to Houdini his way out of a steel cage while competing against both the Big Show and Mark Henry, but something tells me this is exactly what’s going to happen.
The Hunger Games: The Influences…
With the approaching release of The Hunger Games (March 23rd), I thought it would be a good time to gain (or regain) some perspective on the possible influences on the plot of the much acclaimed book series. Now, when I first thought of writing on this topic, I took the stance that the book series, written by Susanne Collins, was simply a bastardization of some quality pieces of art and entertainment (not always at the same time). After sharing some of those thoughts with my 7th grade students – Collins target audience – I have realized that many fans of the series are blindly convinced of its originality, as well as the authenticity of the themes and plot of the books. However, they are just as blindly willing to watch or read the various films and novels that have shaped their being.
Before going any further, I know many of you will automatically think, “Nothing is original anymore!” If you want to have that argument, view the profound “Everything Is a Remix” blog. My point here is not to say that unoriginality is terrible, but rather point out possible influences on the forthcoming movie which I think are more interesting and poignant than the young adult novels.
Theseus and the Minotaur
One of the greatest places to find stories to reinvent is from Greek and Roman Mythology. The premise of the hero Theseus running around the Labyrinth contending with a Minotaur as punishment for the wrong-doings of Athens is intriguing. In a Q and A with publisher Scholastic, Collins admitted that the basic premise of a government that sends youths into a battleground as punishment for the past came from the brutal Greek Myth.
This is a pretty clear modernization of that basic premise.
The Running Man (1987)
The next step in forming The Hunger Games is obvious: include the Governator. The basic plot of The Running Man is that a wrongly accused man is set for public execution on television. This is not simply flick of the switch type execution. Rather, the execution is a commercially driven television game show, in which viewers are rewarded with entertainment, and not necessarily justice. The movie is like many Arnie flicks: lots of campy action, one liners, and guilty pleasures. However, the premise is disturbing, and the idea that people gain entertainment from others’ pain and suffering is appalling, if not true to modern times, i.e. Survivor, Mixed Martial Arts, and any “reality” dating, singing, or makeover show.
I digress.
The connection to Collins’ series is clear: the people in the Capital city of Panem are completely desensitized to the violence of ‘the Hunger Games’, and find the brutal destruction and death to be the greatest form of entertainment.
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WWE Updates: Jericho, Ziggler, and Brodus Clay!
Happy New Year, from one pro wrestling fan to many others! It’s been a while since I have written a WWE article, and a lot has happened since that time, so I want to give some updates and reactions on recent events in the world of pro wrestling. From returns, resurgences, to up and coming superstars, we’ve had a lot happen over the last four months so let’s get to it!
Now, am I the only person who couldn’t care less about Chris Jericho? I care about Jericho like I care about Christian – I don’t. He has never been entertaining on a mic or in a ring, and not once in his meaningless career can I recall him being incorporated into a storyline that I thought was even remotely entertaining. So with that being said, my question is why three weeks in a row do we see this over-rated , no talent ass clown come out to the ring, and not say a single word?
Here’s the deal, last year right around this time, every WWE fan was glued to their tv when the Undertaker made his silent return. He came to the ring, and was greeted by Triple H, and not a single word was said, just a foreshadowing stare from both men up at the Wrestle-mania 27 sign. The crazy thing about this whole scene was that it was entertaining because both men have, over the course of their careers, captured the attention of every fan. Chris Jericho has not done this, and after weeks of ridiculous promo videos for the return of a mysterious superstar, seeing Chris Jericho come out as the mystery man was, in my opinion one big fat disappointment. I just wanted to get that out of the way.
Now, let’s move onto more important topics. In less than three months Wrestlemania is going down in Miami Florida, and we will see John Cena vs. The Rock, which may possibly be the most hyped match in WWE history. I feel it necessary for a self-proclaimed pro-wrestling expert such as myself to put in my two cents on this match, so here it goes.
GOdzark’s first annual MMA awards!
As the year 2011 comes to a close, fight fans can’t help but be pleased with everything that took place over the last 12 months. We saw the rise of many new MMA stars such as Jon Jones, and Junior Dos Santos, and saw incredible upsets like JDS knocking out Cain Valasquez in the first minute of their highly anticipated title bout. While reflecting on this year in mixed martial arts, I felt that it was necessary to hand out some awards, to some very deserving individuals. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to GOdzark’s 2011 MMA award show…..
The first award that will be handed out tonight is the (drum roll please).…
“WTF” – Comeback Win of the Year
And the winner is……Cheick Kongo knocking out Pat Barry
Ok so let’s face it, on any Pay-Per- View card, Cheick Kongo vs. Pat Barry is easily going to be the guilt free piss break fight of the night. This is a fight that featured two fighters who are more than likely never going to even fight in a number one contender bout ever again. However, it was free and I had nothing else going on that night so I figured what the Hell?
I sat down to watch this fight and within the first 15 seconds of the promo remembered why I hate Pat Barry so much. He is that cocky, arrogant, loud mouth who was never good enough to back up anything that he said, so instantly I’m hoping he gets knocked out and knocked out fast. Within the first few minutes of the fight, Pat Barry lands a huge right hand and drops Kongo. As Kongo stumbles over his feet barely conscious, Barry lands another shot that drops Kongo, and this time it looks like for good. But wait, Kongo half asleep, fights to his feet, and two quick shots later, Knocks Pat Barry the F out.
Congratulations Kongo on winning what will undoubtedly and sadly be the biggest win for the rest of your career, and congrats Pat Barry on not getting fired for being 6-4 against lackluster opponents in your MMA career.
The second award of the night is the…
”Don’t Ever Wear That Again” award.
And the winner is……Dennis Hallman!! I refuse to believe that I even need to give further explanation as to why I gave this award to him.
The third award of the night, and a more serious one is the:
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An In-Depth Breakdown of ‘Lesnar vs. Overeem’
On December 30th, the UFC is putting on UFC 141, whose main event will feature a heavyweight collision between Brock Lesnar and Alistair Overeem! I felt it necessary to throw my two cents into the penny fountain that everybody else has thrown their two cents into, and give you my breakdown of this fight and my prediction for it.
Brock Lesnar is coming off over a year off from fighting, and during which he had to overcome his second serious bout with Diverticulitis. Last October, we saw Cain Valasquez pick Brock Lesnar apart in the first round with his striking, until a final TKO victory for Valasquez, stealing the title from Lesnar. I will not say that striking is Lesnar’s issue, after all who can forget the incredible right hand that sent Heath Herring in a backward cart-wheel across the cage, breaking his Orbital bone. I will say that Lesnar’s issue, is striking defense. Brock hasn’t quite found out how to get hit, and keep moving forward. This fault may present a huge problem when fighting Alistair, who will undoubtedly be the best striker that Lesnar has fought thus far in his career.
Overeem comes into this fight making his UFC debut, and there is a big question mark over how well he is going to be able to stop Brock Lesnar’s takedowns. Brock has made quite a name for himself with his explosive takedowns, over powering of opponents, and destructive ground and pound.
#16 – Countdown to Christmas: THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL
“Old Henson was dead as a doornail. This must be distinctly understood or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.”
I might have just committed blasphemy in multiple ways with that mixing of the first two sentences from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (1843) and the fact that Jim Henson had passed away before The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) was created. However, I find it only appropriate considering that was the first Muppet movie made after Jim Henson’s death in 1990. It was the first movie in which the infamous Kermit the Frog was voiced by someone other than Jim. A fact that still slows my mind.
It is with this in mind that I recount the Muppets’ version of the classic tale of Ebenezer Scrooge, a miserly old money-lender with a certain disdain for the Christmas Spirit.
Narrated by the unflappable Gonzo the Great, with the help of Rizzo the Rat, the tale begins in the hub-bub of 19th century London, where, amongst a mixed choir of people and Muppets, we are introduced to old E. Scrooge. This version of Scrooge is played by the living legend Michael Caine. Caine’s Scrooge is as grumpy and unlikeable as George C. Scott’s 1984 television version, but here you don’t think that Scrooge would do well in North Africa. (more…)
Grizzly Ranking: College Football’s Top 10 Defenses
An analysis of strength of schedule, player injuries, home/away matchups, and performance revealed the nation’s top defensive units in college football.
Teams with impressive statistics, but lighter competition were commonly knocked down the list, while teams that fought through brutal schedules and significant injuries were not wholly penalized for their slightly lower numbers.
Separate from the pack, Big Ten and Southeastern Conference squads dominate the rankings, filling eight of the top 10 spots.
In the end, only two teams remain in the conversation for “best defense in college football”.
10) Virginia Tech Hokies
Antone Exum slows Georgia Tech QB Washington
Ranking eighth in the nation in points allowed (17.2 points/game), Defensive Coordinator Bud Foster led his rag tag bunch through an injury-plagued campaign. The Hokies lost multiple players in each level of the defense this season, but somehow managed to net a 11-2 record. Starring on defense, 2010 All-American CB Jayron Hosley registered three interceptions and 59 tackles despite suffering a hamstring injury early this season. He will consider leaping to the NFL in the upcoming draft.
Senior S Eddie Whitley helped hold the secondary together, providing leadership, stability, and 78 tackles. Redshirt sophomore safety Antone Exum filled in more than admirably in his first year as a full-time starter, leading all Hokies with 10 pass break-ups and 85 tackles.
The Hokies landed four players on the All-ACC second team- Hosley, Whitley, CB Kyle Fuller, and DE James Gayle.
9) South Carolina Gamecocks
Melvin Ingram tries to deflect a ball against Georgia
Freshman sensation Jadeveon Clowney brought a welcomed level of nastiness to the Gamecocks. The 18-year-old defensive end has already met lofty expectations with six sacks and 10 tackles for loss. Equally impressive, his senior adviser on the defensive line Melvin Ingram led the team in tackles for loss (13.5), sacks (8.5), and defensive touchdowns (2).He also helped secure a win against Georgia by running a fake punt 68 yards for a score.
These two monsters in the middle allowed the Gamecock defense to clamp down opposing wide receivers. South Carolina ranked second nationally in pass defense (133 yards/game), behind only Alabama. They also forced 18 interceptions, fifth in the nation.
Impressively, the Gamecocks held in-state rival and ACC champ Clemson 20 points under their season average in a 34-13 victory November 26.
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#21 – Countdown to Christmas: SANTA’S SLAY
Guest Writer: BatmanEnvy
When is the best time of year to watch a great slasher flick? Perhaps you’re thinking about October, near Halloween. Maybe a Friday the 13th lands during the month and you need some Voorhees in your life. But I hope you haven’t forgotten about one of the best seasons of all. I’m talking about ‘Holiday Horror’. If you like Gremlins, then you like holiday horror. Or maybe you saw Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and loved anything with Phoebe Cates ever since. I don’t blame you.
Wether you spin dreidels, or hang stockings, holiday horror flicks are a delightful treat that enhance the truly horrific qualities of our favorite holidays. It is the most wonderful time of the year, so why not incorporate some gratuitous violence with your yule tide cheer? For a fantastic example, check out Santa’s Slay starring none other than WCW wrestling superstar Bill Goldberg. (Just so all you Wrestlemaniacs are well aware, he does throw his signature move, “The Spear.”) This all-star line up also includes James Cann, Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, and Rebecca Gayheart. Oh wait, never mind. They all get axed within the first four minutes. This is a true sign of slasher genius.
The plot revolves around Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith). A young teen struggling through the holidays with his bah humbug grandfather. Luckily he has his girlfriend Mary (Emilie de Ravin of “Lost”) by his side. The plot may have borrowed some ideas from the Rosemary’s Baby playbook. The film shows us there have been two immaculate conceptions. God and the Virgin Mary giving birth to Jesus Christ, and Satan with the Virgin Erika giving birth to none other than Santa. See what they did there? They switched the position of the “n”.
#7 – Countdown to Halloween: THE MONSTER SQUAD
This movie is awesome and totally lives up to all the 80′s/90′s stereotypes. First off the main charters father is definitely a high-ranking official in the town’s police department, its in a super small town where everyone apparently knows everyone, all the kids have access to weapons and metallurgy tools, and there also all kinds of sweet school yard bullying.
The movie was made in 1987 and didn’t seem too popular back then. It centers around a group of junior high school kids who are obsessed with monsters. So clearly this means all they do is hang out in a tree house and talk about monsters.
Obviously Dracula is real and comes to the only town in America where a group of dorks sit around and talk about monsters. It turns out that Van Helsing and his diary kept Dracula from getting a special magic item hundreds of years ago. Now his diary ends up in the hands of ‘The Monster Squad’ in the middle of suburbia. Dracula goes to get it, but decides to bring along some friends like The Wolfman, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Mummy, and Frankenstein’s Monster.
We later learn that not all these “monsters” turn out to be completely evil though. In case you havent guessed it these kids destroy all things evil. They recruit the “tough kid”, a creepy old German guy, and all the virgin girls they can find, to use Van Helsing’s diary and send Dracula into some creepy black vortex. All while using sexual innuendo way beyond their comprehension, illegal explosives, and firearms.
Hornady Releases Ammo Just for Zombies
Even though most of these posts are about movies and TV I feel like this is something we all need. I can’t be the only one secretly hoping for Z-day to arrive so I can loot and kill zombies all day. Now when that day does finally come I’m gonna be ready.
Major ammunition manufacturer Hornady released its line of Z-Max bullets this month. Making them the first company to provide zombie enthusiasts like myself with the proper round to pop some heads “Resident Evil” style. These were NOT easy to find to buy. I had to go online and then they are back ordered 5-6 weeks so I can’t say just how they shoot yet. I can say that the box alone is sweet as hell and that just having a couple of boxes in my house is cool enough.
They manufacture a 9mm Luger, 40 S&W, 45 Auto, 223 Rem, 7.62×39, 308 Win, and 12 Gauge rounds. The rifle rounds appear to be tipped with a greenish tint and I’m gonna assume the same is on the handgun rounds. All are fairly standard with the company saying their focus was mixing velocity and speed while still keeping a safe enough distance.
You can read a short talk with the company president here.
They released a sweet promo video for ammo which I included below.
#14 – Countdown to Halloween: ERNEST SCARED STUPID
Alright, so I’m an over-thinker. All of the articles that I’ve written for The G-Bomb have been over-intellectualized, self-indulgent pieces hoisting my awareness of some impressive sounding words, and a mild knowledge of whatever is on Netflix. So here’s a curve ball: I love Ernest P. Worrell.
Yes, the “You know what I mean, Vern?” Ernest P. Mother Flippin’ Worrell.
Here’s a synopsis of the not-so-classic Halloween flick:
One Halloween night, dimwitted Ernest P. Worrell unintentionally unlocks an evil troll named Trantor from his confinement in a spell-bound tree. Trantor begins stealing children…because he’s an asshole.
Ernest and his side-kick Kenny can’t get anyone to believe that there is a troll on the loose, especially the adults. So, as is the case with every Ernest movie, Ernest is the only one who can save the day. Good thing trolls don’t like milk.
This movie has its moments of actual comedy, like my favorite line:
“How about a bumper sandwich, Boogerlips!?”
Note to self: Call more people ‘Boogerlips’.
#15 – Countdown to Halloween: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD
To me, there is no greater cinematic guilty pleasure than a Slasher Flick- poorly written, poorly acted; rife with nudity and over the top low budgetspecial effects- all of which revolves around the true star of the film-the killer. The killer, usually referred to as a “Slasher” is one of the great cinematic inventions of the 20th century, a cold, unfeeling psychopath with little or no motive or character development, that is tactically brilliant, innovative and typically a physical powerhouse-even if not in stature.
While there have been many great movie killers such as Norman Bates - the true Slasher style killer didn’t come into fruition until Black Christmas in 1974 with ‘Billy’, a strange, jaundiced maniac who stabs the ever loving hell out of Margot Kidder. Two Slashers that are more notable came onto the movie scene later- ‘Leatherface’ of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the original breakout killer- ‘Michael Myers’ of the Halloween franchise. Myers is essentially the standard archetype of the Slasher genre, and in 1980, director Sean S. Cunningham used the fantastic characterization of Myers – as pretty much a MacGuffin for the original Friday the 13th wherein the killer turned out to be the mother of a drowned boy.
However, the film’s sequel, Friday the 13th: Part 2 nullified Mrs. Voorhees whole motivation by bringing forth her boy – the over sized disfigured Jason into the great cinematic lexicon.
The Friday the 13th franchise- actually just the initial eight under Paramount (the subsequent New Line Cinema installments - Jason Goes to Hell and so forth try to hard and miss the point) are the zenith of the Slasher genre. Jason was rad. He killed all sorts of folks that probably didn’t need a killin’, but it was a fun ride and people ate it up for most of the 80′s.
I chose to review “Friday the 13th part VII: The New Blood” (Henceforth referred to as F7, because that title is way too goddamn long) because it’s the pinnacle of the franchise, it’s absurdity and whole embrace of what it is makes it stand out above the rest. F7 is also a notable installment due to Kane Hodder playing the role of Jason for the first time. Hodder is most famous for, well playing Jason Voorhees over the span of four films and is considered to be the definitive Jason- this is no joke either, Hodder is essentially the Tom Baker of guys who behead skinny dippers.
The League: Season 3, Episode 2 – “The Sukkah” Review
This week, on The League…… Jenny has her period! Seriously, this was one of the reoccurring jokes of the episode. We also find ourselves watching the guys struggling with keeping their porn shooting secret from Andre until they can premiere it. Ruxin trying to get his son in a prestigious Jewish school by throwing a Sukkah party, and all the guys trying to re-establish trust in the group to get a trade to occur that will improve all the teams in the aftermath of the draft debacle.
The show kicks off with Jenny, Kevin, and Taco checking out Jenny’s new bench advertisement that was extremely generous when it came to capturing her breasts. A bum decides to make this bench his home, and a ragging Jenny now makes the removal of this bum Kevin’s problem. Kevin does get to the bum by reasoning with him and confiding in him about his wife’s time of the month, but the bum has the last laugh when he tagged the bench and informed everyone about Jenny having her period. This was the slow part of the episode that I could have done without, but they did do a good job tying it into the ending. Of course it’s up to Kevin to get THIS taken care of as well.. More on this later…
#21b – Countdown to Halloween: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
We already saw Doc Kronner’s take on this classic, so here is another opinion from TheBustedBoxes…
This is simply the classic Halloween horror flick in my mind. It has influenced everything from video games to music videos - ala Thriller….
The best part, this isn’t simply a ‘scare-you-with-gore-slash-up-your-face-and-piss-on-anything-holy film’; it is more than that. It is one of the most ground-breaking films in the history of cinematography. Hyperbole aside, I friggin love this movie.
Here’s a synopsis: A group of people are hiding in a farm-house surrounded by countless living dead.
I didn’t lose you did I?
Now I know that George Romero didn’t invent zombies. He wasn’t the first to bring zombies to the big screen. He did however, take the Haitian imagining of a zombie and turn it into something distinctly American: a blue-collar monster that threatens our way of life (and yes, I did take the “blue-collar” part from Romero’s “interview” on the Call of the Dead map from Call of Duty).
The film itself is an entertaining mix of expanding the visceral effect that a film camera can have, playing to some of our darkest fears, and satire. I think the visual effects speak for themselves, so I’ll concentrate on the latter two.
The most basic instinct that humans have is to survive, and by nearly any means necessary. The characters in N of the L D are simply displaying that tendency, with few exceptions. This is where the fear and satire come in, because as the audience is being horrified by the gruesome trap that surrounds the characters, they are also being shown how individuals react to the stress, self-centeredness, and hopelessness of the world trying to eat them alive. Of course, let’s not forget the social commentary on government ineptitude, racial relations, and indulgence and greed.
The League: Season 3 Premiere Bitches – “The Lockout” Review
And were back!!! Season 3! For those of you living under a rock, The League is a weekly, 30 minute comedy on FX that follows 5 friends try to balance their personal and professional lives with their love, I mean obsession – fantasy football. Each season we follow the guys weekly on their quest to make it to, and win their fantasy football league championship game, the Shiva Bowl.
Each season, the first episode is always centered around 2 things: last years league champion rubbing his reigning title in the face of the other members of the league, and THE DRAFT. This year we kick off with Ruxin doing his own version of the classically terrible 85 Chicago Bears Super Bowl shuffle song and dance aptly named ‘The Shiva Bowl Shuffle’ with his top three fantasy football players Maurice Jones-Drew, Sidney Rice, Brent Grimes.
The player cameos they are able to swing are pretty amazing, like the Ochocinco from the Season 2 premiere, that was a classic. Besides the league champion gloating, we also catch up with what the guys have been up to during the “off-season”. Andre, last years Sacko Bowl winner for last place, has been getting tortured for loosing by Pete. His punishment?? Not being able to have his goatee and Captain Picard halo hair, and to play the flute dressed like a hippie at a city bus stop. Mega-creepy!
#27 – Countdown to Halloween: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974)
Aside from college football, playoff baseball, and hunting season, one of the many rewards I benefit from in the month of October is that it also seems to be the unofficial horror movie month. There’s something about taking two hours out of your day, to completely detach yourself from the real world, and scare the shit out of your girlfriend, that I continuously get enjoyment out of. One of my favorite horror movies of all time, and the one that I have decided to write my first horror movie review on is, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was an independent horror movie released in 1974 and was directed by Tobe Hooper (Poltergeist), with a budget of only about 300,000 dollars. For those of you who have never seen the movie, here is a little synopsis of the classic horror flick:
With high hopes of investigating alleged cases of vandalism and grave robbing where their grandfather is buried, Sally and her annoying wheelchair bound brother Franklin, set off with three friends across Texas to find out what is going on.
After doing this, the five ill-fated teenagers decide to visit their grandfathers old house, but run into trouble along the way. On their trip, they pick up a demented hitchhiker, who they quickly drop back out of their van after he cuts both himself, and Franklin with a blade he is carrying.
After getting back on the road, and to their grandfathers place, one of the couples heads out to explore the area and find a nearby pond, but discover an old farmhouse instead. The couple quickly finds out that the house belongs to chainsaw wielding ‘Leatherface’ and his disgusting cannibalistic family (which includes their hitchhiker friend as well). One by one, the travelers begin to be killed off by this human decapitator, and soon Sally is the only one left in a fight for survival.
MLB Playoffs: Divisional Series Preview and Predictions
Holy shit that was an exciting end to the season. A month ago, everyone was talking about how there was no races except maybe the AL Central. Well it ended up that the Tigers were the first team in MLB to clinch and we had some crazy finishes for the Wild Cards last night. The collapses of Boston and Atlanta were crazy. Hopefully the playoffs will be just as exciting. We are going to preview the Divisional Series and give you our prediction for who will end up in the League Championships.
Detroit Tigers vs New York Yankees
Tigers: The Tigers won their division for the first time since 1987. They have quite possibly the best pitcher, hitter and closer in baseball in Justin Verlander, Miguel Cabrera and Jose Valverder respectively. Verlander will win the Cy Young, should win the MVP and facing him is any team’s worst nightmare. The Tigers also made incredibly good trade deadline moves, including picking up Doug Fister who became their number 2 pitcher.
Yankees: The Yankees have powered to the best record in the AL, and it is mostly because of their bats. Curtis Granderson, a former Tiger, is having a MVP caliber year as is Robinson Cano. They are buoyed by playing in the band box that is the New Yankee Stadium. Beyond CC Sabathia, their pitching is highly suspect.
Pick: Tigers in 4
Tampa Bay Rays vs Texas Rangers
Rays: What is lost in the epic collapse of Boston, is the effort of the Rays to get in the playoffs, especially in the perennially difficult AL East. Their reward is a rematch of last year’s ALDS matchup with the Rangers. The Rays batting has done just enough to support their strong pitching staff led by James Shields. The big question is do they have enough left in the tanks to get past Texas.
Rangers: The Ranger’s put together a strong September to allow them to close out the AL West as well as secure home field advantage in the ALDS. The Rangers have incredibly dangerous lineup, leading the league in batting average and second in slugging percentage. CJ Wilson has stepped into the vacancy left by Cliff Lee’s exit to Philadelphia and been a strong staff ace.
Pick: Rangers in 5
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America to be Invaded – Red Dawn Remake Releases in 2012
Everybody here holds a soft spot in their heart for the original 1984 Red Dawn. It starred Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Hall, Charlie Sheen, Jennifer Grey, and Lea Thompson alongside others as a group of kids who hide out in the woods after their town is invaded by communist forces from Russia and Mexico.
They then make a bad ass stand against the occupiers and save America and freedom. They probably save France again too, bunch of pussies.
NBC’s Thursday Review and Recap: Community, Parks and Recreation, The Office and Whitney
Last week, we did a preview of NBC’s Thursday night comedy lineup. Well the shows are in the books and we would love nothing more to give you a recap and review. Warning…Spoilers Ahead.
Community
The students of Greendale are back after a too long summer break.
That musical number to kick it off was awesome. It was too short, and it is extremely rare that I would ever say that about a crappy musical number in a show.
The group is taking biology together this year, and it kicks off in the study room and Pierce asking to be back in the group, even though he is not in the class with them. Jeff does not want him to be in, but the girls feel like they should let them in. In class, Jeff almost immediately butts heads with the ex-con biology professor when his cell phone keeps interrupting the speech.
After watching the “new” dean approve monkey knockout gas, he meets the wonderful John Goodman, making his appearance. Goodman plays an assistant dean who is head of the very powerful Air Conditioning Repair Annex.
NBC’s Thursday Nights: Community, Parks and Rec, The Office, 30 Rock and Whitney
Thursday night on NBC has an amazing history of being home to some of the most popular comedies. From Cheers and The Cosby Show to Friends and Will and Grace. They had a few shaky years at the end of Friends, but they have slowly built back what was a respectable comedy lineup back on Thursday nights with Community, Parks and Recreation, the Office and 30 Rock. Unfortunately, all these shows haven’t hit their stride at the same time to build that viewership base and the ratings for these sometimes great shows has suffered.
Beginning in the fall, NBC will bring back Community, Parks and Rec and the Office while introducing Whitney. 30 Rock will be brought back mid-season (probably when Whitney get’s canned). Grizzly Bomb will be reviewing these shows throughout the year so check back every week for updates. Let’s take a look at a preview of the programming lineup and see if it can reclaim “must see” status.
Community
Community kicks off it’s third season with some exciting things in the works. The show follows the lives of a study group at Greendale Community College as they work towards degrees. Well, that’s how it started in season 1, but it soon morphed into one of the most self-referential, meta shows of all time.
Throughout season 2, the show took on different aspects of pop culture and television itself.
Looking forward to season 3, what we know so far is freaking awesome. John Goodman is joining the cast as an assistant dean. Any time you can add somebody of his caliber to an already great cast which includes Donald Glover and Alison Brie, is outstanding. It also looks as if there will be a musical number, which normally is just silly in a TV show, but done in the style of Community it should rise to the level of The Simpson’s musical episode.
Parks and Recreation
Parks and Recreation is the show I am most excited about. They hit their stride last year. We talked earlier about some of the Ron Swanson plot points, including the regrowth of his facial hair and his first wife Tammy as well as his mom Tammy coming on the show. We also will get to see what happens with Leslie running for office as well as her relationship with Ben.
We'll use any excuse to use this Gif again...
Not that the plot is what makes this a great show. This is a well written comedy that has serviceable enough story to allow the great characters do great jokes. Hopefully they continue to grow on their success and don’t let the characters become charactertures.
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Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: Full Trailer
A while ago we showed you a teaser trailer for the film adaptation of John Le Carre’s Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. We now have a full length trailer for us to enjoy (via Film Drunk)
The trailer highlights that strong cast again, including Tom Hardy, Mark Strong, Colin Firth, Gary Oldman, Toby Jones, Benedict Cumberbatch, and John Hurt. It also lays out the story in a way that should entice you to see some awesome spy action.
As I said before this will not have a high body count, but be more intellectual thriller. Could you expect much more with all those British accents?
