Tag Archives: Kristen Stewart

Grizzly Dailies: Abraham Lincoln (Not A Vampire Hunter), ANOTHER Men in Black Movie, and More!

Jumanji is Getting the Reboot Treatment

Source: AV Club

In some of the most unexpected and surprising news of the week, Columbia has announced that they’re rebooting the classic kids’ movie, Jumanji. In an attempt to “appeal to a younger audience”, the studio is bringing the game of Jumanji back to the big screen with a modern twist. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any stupider, I was pleasantly surprised.

See, this doesn’t work for many, many reasons. The first one being that a plot involving two kids playing a glorified Ouija Board with a mysterious man is probably not something we need to revisit in theaters. Oh, wait just a goddamn minute. We did see a Jumanji reboot except it was called Zathura and it had a lot of Kristen Stewart doing what Kristen Stewart does. And as much as we’d like to admit that maybe technologically advanced visual effects will improve cult classic remakes, let’s take a look at the quality of such films as the Conan the Barbarian and Dark Shadows. Yeah….no.

21 Jump Street Sequel in the Works

Sources:  AV Club/Bosco’s Grindhouse

Anyone who saw 21 Jump Street this year was more likely than not pleasantly surprised by how well-made it was. From the extremely clever script by Michael Bacall to the immense chemistry between Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum, who showed a new found strength as an actor, 21 Jump Street was one of the most pleasant surprises of the year other than the other Channing Tatum vehicles of 2012, The Vow and Magic Mike. Don’t hate on me for liking The Vow. You liked it too. Don’t lie.

Anyway, word has hit the streets (or actually, the “twitter-sphere” as Captain Dickson says in the film) that a sequel to the film is in the works. The news came from C-Tates himself after a fan asked him if he thought that a sequel to 21 Jump Street would be a good idea.

Personally, I’m conflicted. 21 Jump Street was such a great comedy and it should/would/could work beautifully as a standalone stroke of genius. But of course, in the consumerist Hollywood that we live in, that’s just not an option. The ending of the first film even left the possibility of a sequel open, but I always hoped it could be left to the viewers’ imaginations. With that being said, if done as well as the first film, I’d be totally open to a sequel. The first film did a great job at avoiding tired cliches and actually just…farting in the general direction of conventional storytelling.

Bringing back the original writer, Michael Bacall, and directors, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, would be the best idea, because no one else would be able to handle the characters like they did. Also, the entire cast would have to return or else it just wouldn’t work. And for the love of all that is holy, please make sure that Jonah Hill and Brie Larson stay together as a couple throughout the sequel. Please.

Men in Black IV Approaching as a Reality

Source: AV Club

Will Smith, the guy who says he “doesn’t want to be the sequel guy”, is in talks to star in Hancock IIBad Boys III, and now Men in Black IV. Seems legit. Columbia Pictures President Doug Belgrad says that he believes the Men in Black series is “an ongoing franchise” but, “We don’t have clarity yet on how it should be done.” Again, seems legit. If you ask me, I think this is code for: Will Smith is pushing 50 and he’s going to hand down the franchise to his son, Jaden Smith, like it was his Grandfather’s watch.

Personally, the Men in Black formula only truly worked for the first film which is, in every way possible, a perfect sci-fi comedy. Few films have been able to reach the level of the original Men in Black, but the two sequels just kind of ruin the legacy and if they keep making them it’s just going to bury the original even more. As for other Will/Jaden Smith projects, we’ve got After Earth coming up, a film written and directed by the infamous M. Night Shyamalan.

M. Night gets a bad reputation for making The Last Airbender, a film I refuse to watch. But I think almost everything else he does is really quite fascinating. I’m one of the few defenders of The Happening and Signs is one of my favorite films. He has a chance to make this a really interesting movie, but judging by the viral video, this may end up being Will Smith’s first truly abysmal film that reaches (or degrades itself) to the levels of Battlefield Earth.

Abe Lincoln no longer hunting Vampires

In the most unpredictable decision made so far this year (please note the sarcasm), the Spielberg-directed Lincoln, starring Daniel-Day Lewis as our 16th President, is set to release on November 9th, three days after Election Day as well as in the midst of awards season. Does this news surprise me? Not at all, am I still excited to see Daniel-Day Lewis in a movie? Always, but it’ll be difficult for an actor even of his skill to top Bill Oberst Jr.’s portrayal of Lincoln, something he’s been doing for years now on stage.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about this movie, especially because the cast includes Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Adam Driver, Jackie Earle Haley, Tommy Lee Jones, John Hawkes, and James Spader, but Spielberg has lost his touch in recent years and period pieces have to be done to perfection to truly work. Due to this, I remain skeptical. I just hope it’s not another “Oh, look! Daniel-Day Lewis is in this and we’re releasing it during Oscar season so GIVE US A BEST PICTURE NOMINATION PLEASE!!!!” If you want a perfect example of that, watch Nine. Well, don’t watch it…but, yeah. Nine. That.

Trailer Roundup: Safety Not Guaranteed, On The Road, House at the End of the Street & More!

Savages

Pot growers Ben and Chon face off against the Mexican drug cartel who kidnapped their shared girlfriend. That’s the for realz synopsis. Directed by Oliver Stone.

Stars: Taylor Kitsch, Aaron Johnson, Blake Lively, Benicio Del Toro, Salma Hayek, Emile Hirsch, Joel David Moore, Uma Thurman, John Travolta

Release Date: July 6th, 2012

Lawless

Set in the Depression-era Franklin County, Virginia, a bootlegging gang is threatened by authorities who want a cut of their profits. Formerly titled ‘The Wettest County in the World’, based on the book by Matt Bondurant.

Stars: Tom Hardy, Shia LaBeouf, Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce, Gary Oldman, Mia Wasikowska

Release Date: August 31st, 2012

Safety Not Guaranteed

Three magazine employees head out on an assignment to interview a guy who placed a classified ad seeking a companion for time travel.

Stars: Aubrey Plaza, Mark Duplass, Jake M. Johnson, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Karan Soni, Jeff Garlin

Release Date: June 8th, 2012

Get The Gringo

A career criminal nabbed by Mexican authorities is placed in a tough prison where he learns to survive with the help of a 9-year-old boy. Why a 9-year old boy is in prison I do not know…

Stars: Mel Gibson, Peter Stormare, Kevin Hernandez, Dolores Heredia, Dean Norris

Release Date: May 1st, 2012

Hotel Transylvania

Dracula, who operates a high-end resort away from the human world, goes into overprotective mode when a boy discovers the resort and falls for the count’s teen-aged daughter.

Stars: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, David Spade, Steve Buscemi, Cee-Lo, David Koechner, Molly Shannon, Fran Drescher. Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky

Release Date: September 21st, 2012

On The Road

Dean and Sal are the portrait of the Beat Generation. Their search for “It” results in a fast paced, energetic roller coaster ride with highs and lows throughout the U.S. Based on the best-selling novel by Jack Kerouac. Yea. That Jack Kerouac.

Stars: Sam Riley, Garrett Hedlund, Kristen Stewart, Kirsten Dunst, Viggo Mortensen, Amy Adams, Steve Buscemi, Terrence Howard, Elisabeth Moss

Release Date: May 23rd, 2012

Death of a Superhero

A dying 15-year-old boy draws stories of an invincible superhero as he struggles with his mortality. With Andy Serkis as a human.

Stars: Andy Serkis, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Aisling Loftus, Michael McElhatton, Sharon Horgan

Release Date: Summer 2012

High School

A high school valedictorian who gets baked with the local stoner finds himself the subject of a drug test. The situation causes him to concoct an ambitious plan to get his entire graduating class to face the same fate, and fail.

Stars: Adrien Brody, Michael Chiklis, Colin Hanks, Matt Bush, Sean Marquette, Adhir Kalyan, Yeardley Smith, Michael Vartan, Mykelti Williamson

Release Date: June 1st, 2012

Little Birds

Lily and Alison face a life-changing event after they leave their Salton Sea home and follow the boys they meet back to Los Angeles. Sounds real safe.

Stars: Juno Temple, Kay Panabaker, Kyle Gallner, Kate Bosworth, Leslie Mann, Neal McDonough

Release Date: June, 2012

Lovely Molly

Newlywed Molly moves into her deceased father’s house in the countryside, where painful memories soon begin to haunt her.From the director of ‘The Blair Witch Project’.

Stars: Gretchen Lodge, Alexandra Holden, Johnny Lewis, Ken Arnold, Lauren Lakis, Daniel Ross

Release Date: May 18, 2012

House at the End of the Street

A mother and daughter move to a new town and find themselves living next door to a house where a young girl murdered her parents. When the daughter befriends the surviving son, she learns the story is far from over. Or is it? It is. Or it isn’t. But it might be…

Stars: Jennifer Lawrence, Elisabeth Shue, Max Thieriot, Gil Bellows, Nolan Gerard Funk, Krista Bridges, Allie MacDonald

Release Date: September 21st, 2012

That does it for this edition of the Trailer Roundup!

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New Snow White and the Huntsman Teaser Trailer is Turning Japanese

Fairy tales are certainly becoming all the rage these days.  With TV shows like Once Upon a Time and Grimm, and 786 movies coming out about Snow White, it’s pretty clear that they’re becoming Hollywood’s new trend.  Whatever keeps people from obsessing over sparkly vampires, I guess.

Continue reading New Snow White and the Huntsman Teaser Trailer is Turning Japanese

Grizzly Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

I feel like the entire film industry is beginning to revolve around pop culture. Now, this isn’t anything new, I know, but that doesn’t mean that it still isn’t frightening. Franchises that run for anywhere from five years (Twilight Saga) to 50 years (James Bond films). The surprising thing, though, is how much money these franchises make. Franchises like the Harry Potter films are in the multi-billions, as are franchises like Twilight and the James Bond movies.

For our fourth helping of vampire-human-wolf romance, Breaking Dawn opens on a distressed Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), tearing off his shirt to reveal his abs as he does in every Twilight film, and we learn that he has just received an invitation to the wedding of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). We then cut to Bella and Edward who are preparing for the festivities, exchanging cringe-worthy, lovey-dovey, pseudo-humorous dialogue that makes you just want to press some kind of magical fast-forward button in the theater.

The wedding scene itself is overdone, as is the rest of the movie. The scene prior is an oddly humorous and equally disturbing nightmare scene that doesn’t juxtapose well with the humorous and joyous status that the wedding scene attempts to achieve. Then comes the 90 minute long honeymoon scene that seems to never end.

If Breaking Dawn achieves one thing, it can be rightfully named the most boring and badly written Twilight movie of all of them, which is really saying something. Jacob is as whiny as ever, Bella is more insecure than ever, and Edward emotes about as much as a Saudi Arabian housewife.

And don’t even get me started on the birth scene. It’s f***ing disgusting. That’s all I have to say about that. Then, when the little half-vamp bastard pops out, she’s disgusting. But what’s even more disgusting is what happens next. Trust me, I couldn’t make this up.

Jacob Black, who’s eternally in love with Bella, sees the baby, and becomes transfixed. The film fades to a flashforward of the child at a much older age. Jacob then imprints her, which in Twi-cabulary, basically means that he’s in love with her until she dies. Thinking of this from a standpoint that doesn’t involve pedophilia, it’s not even that romantic, but with the whole pedophilia aspect added in, it veers of the course from romantic to f***ing disgusting. The movie put such a bad taste in my mouth after that, I didn’t even care what happened next, which is convenient, because nothing interesting pops up like it should. If you’re going to split one adaptation into two films, at least make the movies interesting.

The Twilight series is known for having good soundtracks with songs by bands we actually like. Admittedly, the soundtracks are all great, but Breaking Dawn doesn’t even seem to try in this department, trading in well-crafted rock songs by good bands, for either whiny pop songs or melodramatic, epic, and usually unnecessary pieces of music, in an attempt to maybe keep everyone from drifting off about 45 minutes in to the movie.

Almost everything about The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 is overly serious, pretentious, boring, and so full of itself it might as well be a fat woman. Even fans of the Twilight series might start falling asleep in the second half. On the bright side, the end credits are designed really well, and they were by far the most exciting part of the movie. Also, I heard that people were having seizures during the birth scene due to the quick flashes of light. I theorize that this is because after 89 minutes of such boring-ass nothingness, the sudden and infrequent (There are honestly about 4 flashes of light in the entire scene. I expected to see like an electrical storm happening in the theater. The credits had more flash than this scene.) flashes of light woke up some viewers to the point of involuntary convulsion. If I had the choice between bad movie and seizure, I’d choose seizure any day.

1/5 Bears

Comic-Con: ‘Snow White and The Huntsman’ and ‘Snow White’

It seems like there are ten Snow White flicks floating around out there, but really there’s only two. One of them stars Charlize Theron, Kristin Stewart and Chris Hemsworth. Before I show you the pictures that were featured at Comic-Con I feel it’s my duty to warn you that Kristin Stewart’s Snow White seems to look like a rip off from Alice in Wonderland armor and all. I’m not saying this to defend that Tim Burton piece of shit, but I think it’s hilarious to see Hollywood’s lack of creativity. I’m sure Sleeping Beauty will be a warrior too, toting around a’ flamethrower or double Gatling-guns. I like Hemsworth and hope the movie can’t be all that bad with him in it. I’ve already enjoyed one go at the movies watching him own people with a Norse hammer, so why not an axe too? Next up is Charlize Theron as the Queen:

The only role I’ve seen Theron in as a villain was Monster, and she was ugly as sin in that movie. But now she’s back and hot as ever (Not doing naked pushups though) along with a persona that Theron describes via Deadline as this:

Theron described her queen as a serial killer, grounded in reality, and that this movie takes the original concept, turns it upside-down, and slaps it around a little bit.

Serial killer? I can deal with that. Once again I’ve already had to see her killing people with her ugly face on, so now I want to see it when she’s an evil hot queen. Kristen Stewart plays the role of perhaps the not so cute and timid “fairest one of all” that the queen wants dead by the Huntsman’s hands. Prepare for the Alice rip-off:

Deadline:

Though the movie hasn’t started filming yet, the screaming fans’ enthusiasm was palpable. Theron got a better ovation here than at the PROMETHEUS panel. Audiences were shown a proof-of-concept short that Sanders made to get the job. A voice-over emphasizes that the theme of the movie is about being confronted with death. Slightly disturbing fantasy images include a white fairy being born out of the body of a crow, giant wooden demons emerging from trees, knights hitting each other with swords and shattering into black stone, the crowned queen bathing in milk, castles on the edges of cliffs, and Snow White petting a giant wolf. This isn’t actual movie footage, and features unknown actors, but gives a sense of the look of the film.

Wow. All of that sounds like maybe Tim Burton should have directed the movie. Hopefully it’s dark and serious instead of dark and mildly retarded like pretty much all of Tim Burton’s movies after Batman.

On that note, let’s move onto the other Snow White, titled The Brothers Grimm: Snow White, starring Lilly Collins as the leading lady.

Lilly Collins as Snow White in ‘The Brothers Grimm: Snow White’

This Snow White also features the always horrible Julia Roberts as the queen after the fairest broad of all, and Ned Stark Sean Bean, fresh off his beheading in Game of Thrones, as the King. That guy just loves snow. The awesomely named Armie Hammer portrays the Prince after Snow White’s hand in the film that releases next March, well before Snow White and the Huntsman.

Are you wondering which will fare better? Or are you like me and could give a rat’s ass because you think they’ll both be equally horrible?

Hemsworth Is The Huntsman In Snow White

The role that Hugh Jackman, Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen all passed on has now been claimed by the Mighty Thor – Chris Hemsworth. He will star in Snow White and the Huntsman along with Kristen Stewart.

Hemsworth will of course play said Huntsman and Stewart will play perhaps the ugliest Snow White there could have ever been. She has the face of a rodent and I stand by that claim no matter what anyone says. So don’t anyone challenge me on it. Here is a plot synopsis, which of course could be completely different by the time a trailer is released:

An updated take on the Brothers Grimm tale, “Snow White and the Huntsman” follows Snow White (Kristen Stewart) after The Evil Queen (Charlize Theron) calls upon The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth), to try to kill her. The Huntsman, who is haunted by the death of his wife by a white wolf, goes off to kill the innocent princess but then has a change of heart. He decides to mentor her and teach her to fight off The Evil Queen, thus turning her into a legendary heroine. –MovieNewz

I’m not sure what to make of this movie at all, but I can’t blame Hemsworth for taking the role. After Thor he’s going to be all over the place. He’s already set to star in Joss Whedon’s Cabin in the Woods and of course the Avengers. He is also starring in the remake of Red Dawn (filmed locally) which has already completed filming. The sky is the limit for this guy.

Someone try and dispute that!