Category Archives: Inside the Ring

WWE Monday Night Raw Recap & Review: 6/4/12

We open with a really over the top dramatic recap of last weeks raw, complete with wailing middle eastern music, showing Big Show further emphasizing his new heel turn, as he beats on fan favorites Santino and Zack Ryder. Big Show is exactly the kind of heel I like, and its been a long time since he’s been the unstoppable big monster character. Most importantly, his motivations, while simple, make sense, are consistent, and it’s fun to watch him really be the big bad he should be. Mark Henry does this sometimes, until he suddenly decides not to, and fades away into the ether for a month or so. Michael Cole comes out, and summons John Cena to the ring, (I mean, not literally, but that’d be a great gimmick for both of them), blaming him for Show’s heel turn and Show’s subsequent actions. They argue back and forth awhile until John Laurinaitis shows up in his super scooter, ( love it) and gives Cena a match, as long as it’s not against himself, or Show in turn, as his contract now guarantees rest days. Cena parades around, and then challenges Michael Cole to a match, because reasons, while Cole protests, screaming to Lauriniaitis to reconsider.

After the break, Cole confronts Laurinaitis backstage, begging to be relieved of his match with Cena, which makes Laurinaitis smugly and directly dismiss Coles pleas. It’s possibly the first ever truly crowd pleasing decision he’s ever made, and he wheels out of there, leaving Cole standing, dumbfounded.  Vickie Guerrero enters the stage, and announces Dolph Zigglers entrance, stating that DZ is “Better than you, at everything he does”, which will probably piss off Jericho whenever he returns, since that’s literally a word away from his catchphrase, which was a huge point of contention just a few months ago when he feuded with CM Punk over who was “best in the world”.

I’m glad Ziggler is getting back into singles matches. I liked his team up with Jack Swagger, but the WWE never seemed keen putting them as legit tag title contenders, nor do they seem interested in an actual tag division lately, as their current champions, R-Truth and Kofi Kingston seemed to be teamed up for no reason other than “both are black?” I digress, since the match between Ziggler and Sheamus served as a pretty good example of yet another case where we see Ziggler show us how to make losing look really good. Nobody takes a brogue kick to the face like Ziggler.

This is actually from an older match, but JESUS GOD.

Sheamus celebrates on the ramp, pounding his chest like usual until he’s interrupted by Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez, who beat the tar out of him, and Del Rio puts him in an armlock, totally hurting Sheamus’ arm for realsies. Backstage, Laurinaitus is approached by the inimitable David Otunga, who mentions that next week, Vince McMahon will be returning to give Laurinaitus a job evaluation. No word on whether it’ll be NO CHANCE IN HELL Vince, Kiss my Ass Vince,  YOU’RE FIRRRREEDD Vince, or just business man Vince. Either way it’ll definitely be a thing that happens. Ahem.

Sin Cara’s new entrance is interesting, because pre-injury he used to enter the ring with a jumping flip off a trampoline that the cameras desperately didn’t want the viewers at home to know about. Camacho and Hunico, shock of shockers, are actually on Raw, and despite their gimmick being really lame and borderline offensive, Hunico manages to pull off a successful jobbing to Sin Cara, and Sin Cara’s push continues.

The undefeated Skip Sheffield Ryback, makes his official debut on Raw. It’d seem they’re trying to get more of the talent from Smackdown on Raw lately, as Smackdown has made a considerable improvement from B-Show to actually-kinda-interesting side-show in the past couple months. Ryback reminds me of those old generic wrestling figures you’d beg your mom to buy you in the dollar store, only come to life, right down to his “taunt” being the inability to move his arms laterally. The two local jobbers they have this time, have a terrible moment trying to read their awful lines simultaneously, and are quickly dispatched by Ryback, who belts out his catchphrase, “Feed me more!” because he apparently craves young skinny man flesh.

Punk and Kane are now having a weird triangle feud with Daniel Bryan, as Kane has been used as an instrument by both Bryan and Punk in their respective feud, and Kane isn’t really having any of it from either of them. Bryan comes out ringside, stands on the announcer’s table, and cuts a quick Q & A promo. I love these because it gives the audience a great chance to shout “Yes!”, or in the case of this particular audience, shout “No!”. Either way it’s great for Bryan , because he makes a great heel who gets exactly the right kind of heat he should get from an audience, regardless if they hate him or love him. Do I love him? Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

CM Punks match with Kane is pretty typical, he’s very accomplished at elevating his competitors moves, and making all their spots look really great for both. It’s a testament to his ability, that he makes Kane look good, because frankly, Kane has lost it, and his fruit roll up mask does him no favors in making him any better than he was in the Attitude era, or even a few years ago. His new/old gimmick doesn’t work, because all of his decisions are so stupid and random. ( hurr imma attack Randy Orton for no reason! He’s not invincible or anything!) Granted that was a few months ago, but his character hasn’t really done anything interesting since he suddenly returned after somehow growing two feet of hair in a month or so.  After some struggling and mild interference from Bryan, AJ comes out, ostensibly trying to point out Daniel Bryan’s interference, until Punk gets distracted attacking Bryan, and loses to Kane via choke slam. Of course, there’s then a woman in the ring with Kane, which means its time for him to threateningly stand there, until AJ strangely smiles at him, probably trying to use her mind powers to calm his “inner beast”. Or maybe he was just awestruck by her hotness, didn’t know what to do, and left like an awkward high school teen? Kane is dumb, is what i’m saying.

AJ is going further down the crazy/aggressive/effing super sexy route, and starts sexually intimidating Josh Matthews. Well as much as she can in this new PG era. I like seeing her assert herself, I like seeing her character interact with Punk and Bryan, and most of all, I like seeing her in short short cutoffs.

Big Show as a heel works. This was a good video package, and I’m stoked to see him feud with any and everybody who he deems is in his way. It’s a welcome return to his “unstoppable giant” character, that I loved from his old WCW days. I approve.

Both Kofi and Truth show up visibly bandaged from their attack by Big Show last week, and throw down against Hawkins and Reks, in a fairly anemic tag team match. It’s hard to get involved in a tag match, when both teams don’t really have any chemistry, and it makes the whole thing forgettable and boring. Also Kofi Kingstons theme song is the worst thing to ever get stuck in your head ever, and I hate it with an unholy passion.

The entire night, Michael Cole has been fearing and dreading his match with John Cena, and has been trying to find some sort of way out of the match, even going to such lengths as to beg all the WWE fans on social media, to convince Laurinaitis to rescind his decision, via people power!

Right before the match begins, Laurinaitis comes out, and announces our real main event, claiming Cena will have to defeat Lord Tensai, in order to get his match with Cole. Cole is ecstatic, and we get a match of Cena pretending to be challenged by a fat, fake Japanese wrestler.  Fake Japanese as in a wrestler from Japan, not that Tensai is literally supposed to be Japanese, or that he didn’t actually wrestle in Japan, because he did, but he’s still just as boring to me as Cena is, his gimmick is really really lame, and the whole thing is fake to me. Tensai and Cena both suffer from big invincible white guy syndrome, and watching them both fight you’d think would be an interesting match, but I find them so inherently uninteresting. The only enjoyable thing about it was watching Cole really get jazzed about Tensai defeating Cena, only to eventually smack Cena himself, leading to Jerry Lawler standing up and giving him an official Officials’ time out.

Cena eventually lands the 5 moves of Doom on Tensai, secures the win, and Cole attempts to run out of the arena, before being brought back into the ring. Cole first asks mercy from Cena, and attempts to settle things with a handshake, and is then goaded into taunting Cena, ends up poking his finger into his chest, until John Cena starts literally stripping him down to his underwear, and starts slapping him around, then forces him to apologize to Jerry Lawler and JR for all the feuds he’s had with them in the past. Then of all things, he starts forcing Cole to admit he loves JRs BBQ sauce, which of course, Lawler *always* keeps ringside. Cena drenches Cole in the sauce, and sprays him with a fire extinguisher, making it officially one of the more confusing and subtly homoerotic comedy matches of all time. Cena seems dominant right up until Lord Tensai jumps in and choke slams him, leaving us to think Cole will weasel another victory under his belt, but Robo-Cena kicks out, and adjusts Coles’ attitude, taking the win.

It’s not often you see the final match on Raw, ending with both participants covered in BBQ sauce, one spraying a fire extinguisher in celebration, the other stripped down to his underwear, wailing aloud. How do I feel about comedy matches being the main event of a PPV and now a Raw? I’m personally okay with it, as long as it is entertaining. I watch WWE to be entertained. I go in knowing I’m not going to see GREAT WRESTLING. If I want that I’ll pop in a Chikara or ROH dvd. Or look up regional matches on youtube. Like it or not, this is what WWE is now, and that will sometimes include slathering nearly naked men in BBQ sauce.


Logical predictions for ‘John Cena vs. The Rock’ at Wrestlemania 28

Here’s the truth – I was content just sitting back until Wrestlemania and seeing what happens in the much anticipated main event clash between John Cena and the Rock. However, I can only read so many articles where a writer shoves his biased, bullshit, illogical opinion down my throat until I finally have to speak up. Here’s the deal Bleacher Report, I get it, you all like the Rock, and furthermore, you all seem to be convinced that John Cena is going to turn heel after or during his match at Wrestlemania, but you never seem to offer a valid explanation as to why. So right now, I’m going to take time out of my day to tell you all exactly why it’s not going to happen!

Over the past six years, the WWE has pushed John Cena as the face of the company. From make-a-wish trips, to anti-bullying campaigns, to representing the WWE at major sporting events, John Cena has done it all for the company. Let me ask you something, after years of investing all of this effort into John Cena being the man to respectfully represent the company, why in the Hell would they turn him heel? Who would the WWE send to anti-bullying campaigns?? The bad guy in the company?? I don’t think so! There is more to John Cena’s character than just his contribution to a storyline. I’ve been hearing about this John Cena heel turn for years, and low and behold it has not happened!

Not only would a John Cena heel turn be about the phoniest heel turn since good ole’ JR, but it would be extremely bad for business. Look into any crowd, on any given Monday Night Raw and you’ll see thousands of children pack the arena decked out in John Cena gear. John Cena has become an idol to the younger viewers with his superman like physique and his “never say die,” mentallity. Should John Cena turn heel, whose merchandise are these young fans buying?? That’s right, nobody’s, because nobody’s character appeals to younger fans the way Cena’s does. A Cena heel turn would not only kill merchandise sales, but also lose viewers. The move would be all around bad for business, and I think the WWE knows this!

Although I heavily knock this prediction, I will say that I wouldn’t ever rule the possibility out completely. It would not be the first time that the WWE has made a bad character decision, I just find it to be nearly impossible at this point.

Continue reading Logical predictions for ‘John Cena vs. The Rock’ at Wrestlemania 28

A Preview of the WWE’s 25th Royal Rumble PPV

Tonight will mark the WWE’s 25th anniversary of the Royal Rumble PPV, and in my opinion this year’s event could very well be the most memorable in years. Most years, the Royal Rumble features around four matches, with the 30 man over the top rope, Royal Rumble match being the main event of the night. Many years we see the other matches on the Royal Rumble card, not carry a whole lot of significance in comparison to the actual Royal Rumble match itself, however this doesn’t seem to be the case this year. In my opinion, there are four matches tonight that are going to be huge going into the next couple months leading up to Wrestlemania.

In the first of these important matches, Daniel Bryan defends his heavyweight title against the Big Show and Mark Henry inside of a steel cage. Over the past month, Daniel Bryan has grown to be despised by wrestling fans that are even remotely interested in the Smackdown brand. Week after week, the notoriously boring champion has squeaked by with his championship still around his waist in matches that he should be losing it in. It would seem that tonight, it would almost be impossible for Bryan to Houdini his way out of a steel cage while competing against both the Big Show and Mark Henry, but something tells me this is exactly what’s going to happen.

For the past month, I and many other fans have been tuning into Smackdown excited to see somebody beat Bryan for his heavyweight title, and week after week, I have been disappointed. With a Smackdown storyline that is still actually grabbing people’s attention, I don’t think it is smart for the WWE to give this story up quite yet, and I think they know this as well.  However, if I see either of the other two walking out of the Rumble with the title, it’s Mark Henry.  This would open the door for Mark Henry to carry on a championship rivalry with somebody else, while still allowing for the Big Show and Daniel Bryan to continue their already heated feud.

The next of the important matches for tonight’s PPV is John Cena vs. Kane. Though this match might not have a championship at stake in it, it is still just as important in other ways. John Cena is two months away from what will possibly be the biggest pro wrestling match of all time, I’m of course talking about his match with the Rock at Wrestlemania 28. Over the past month and a half, Kane has targeted John Cena, in an attempt to get him to give up his “rise above hate,” gimmick and “embrace hate,” as Kane does. Week after week, Kane has targeted John’s good friend Zack Ryder in an attempt to fuel a fire in John Cena and in the past couple of weeks, we seem to see it working.

If John Cena wins this match tonight, this could provide much-needed momentum to carry him through the next couple of months as a baby face leading into his match with the Rock in April. However, if he loses, I’m afraid we may see a heel turn for John Cena in the near future. I have expressed my opinions, on this in previous articles, so I wont say anything besides the fact that this would be a huge disappointment to myself and every other wrestling fan who was the looking forward to a generation vs. generation match. Wrestling fans don’t want to see a hero vs. heel match at Wrestlemania, they want to see a hero vs. hero match.

The next match on the agenda is CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler for the WWE championship with Johnny Ace (Yes, I’m going to call him that) as the special guest referee. I honestly can now say that I have no idea how this one is going to play out. Cm Punk has been on fire over the past 7 months, and having him remain champion going into Wrestlemania just seems to make sense at this point. On the other hand Dolph Ziggler could be a promising main event caliber wrestler for the future and giving him the belt now would give him a couple of months to gain both popularity and momentum going into a Wrestlemania title defense.

Now aside from all of this, the John Laurinaitis storyline does add another dimension to this match. We found out last week that Johnny Ace, is skating on thin ice with the board of directors and any indication that he intends on still screwing CM Punk out of his championship tonight will probably result in him being removed from his position as interim GM of Raw.  Whatever happens tonight will definitely have implications for who walks into Wrestlemania with the belt, and where each of these storylines goes heading into April.

The last match, and quite possibly the biggest match of the night is the Royal Rumble match. Here is the first thing I will say: I am going to be pissed if Jericho comes in and wins this thing! He is washed up, and completely irrelevant now, it would be a waste to see him win this and bore us at Wrestlemania with an uninteresting title match.

The weird thing about this one is that it’s hard to predict a win for anyone because we don’t even know who is going to be in it other than Mick Foley, and the Miz. Whoever wins this one tonight, I don’t see a disappointing win. Whoever wins this match will, as always, go to Wrestlemania to wrestle for whichever title they chose. With the Rock and Cena on the same card, I think they are going to need a Hell of a co-main event, and whoever wins the Royal Rumble could be the one to make that happen.

I will be watching intently tonight to see how the WWE is going to begin what is sure to be one Hell of a 2012!

WWE Updates: Jericho, Ziggler, and Brodus Clay!

Happy New Year, from one pro wrestling fan to many others! It’s been a while since I have written a WWE article, and a lot has happened since that time, so I want to give some updates and reactions on recent events in the world of pro wrestling. From returns, resurgences, to up and coming superstars, we’ve had a lot happen over the last four months so let’s get to it!

Now, am I the only person who couldn’t care less about Chris Jericho? I care about Jericho like I care about Christian – I don’t. He has never been entertaining on a mic or in a ring, and not once in his meaningless career can I recall him being incorporated into a storyline that I thought was even remotely entertaining. So with that being said, my question is why three weeks in a row do we see this  over-rated , no talent ass clown come out to the ring, and not say a single word?

Here’s the deal, last year right around this time, every WWE fan was glued to their tv when the Undertaker made his silent return. He came to the ring, and was greeted by Triple H, and not a single word was said, just a foreshadowing stare from both men up at the Wrestle-mania 27 sign. The crazy thing about this whole scene was that it was entertaining because both men have, over the course of their careers, captured the attention of every fan. Chris Jericho has not done this, and after weeks of ridiculous promo videos for the return of a mysterious superstar, seeing Chris Jericho come out as the mystery man was, in my opinion one big fat disappointment. I just wanted to get that out of the way.

Now, let’s move onto more important topics. In less than three months Wrestlemania is going down in Miami Florida, and we will see John Cena vs. The Rock, which may possibly be the most hyped match in WWE history. I feel it necessary for a self-proclaimed pro-wrestling expert such as myself to put in my two cents on this match, so here it goes.

I like the idea, exactly ten years ago we saw another generation vs. generation match between The Rock and Hulk Hogan. This time the Rock is being looked at as the elder and John Cena representing the “new” or “current” generation. My one complaint (and I seem to be full of them so far in this article) is that I don’t think they have properly built John Cena’s character over the last year to make this match what fans want to see. Fans want a hero vs. hero match, arguably the two best superstars ever facing off at the biggest event of the year. What I expected them to do with Cena’s character over the past year is build him up as this unstoppable force who could tear through anybody anytime, kind of like they did five years ago with him. Instead they’ve almost shown him getting weaker, which leads me to my prediction for Wrestlemania.

There are two scenarios I can see happening, the first of which may be a bit redundant if you take into consideration the Rock/Hogan storyline from Wrestlemania 18. In scenario one, John Cena will lose at Wrestlemania, and after being booed heavily by the crowd (most of which too young to even remember the rock for anything more than his crappy Disney movies) Cena will turn heel. I have been annoyed for years at speculation of John Cena turning heel, but I think at this point, it may be the only logical conclusion. In scenario two, John Cena will win the match, and he and the Rock will let bygones be bygones and because the Rock approves of John Cena now, the crowd will return to the side of Cena. As I said, I hope that for the sake of redundancy, we don’t see John Cena turn heel, but I have no idea what the writers will try to do with this story line.

One wrestler I am continually impressed with is Dolph Ziggler. I have said since I began writing on this website that I really think that he has the ability to sell tickets to shows, and really be a main draw on the card. In two weeks, Dolph Ziggler is scheduled to face CM Punk at the Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View for the WWE title, and I think it’s about damn time we see him in a title match.

For too long, the WWE has been trying to push lame ass wrestlers like “the Miz” and “Alberto Del Rio,” while guys like Dolph Ziggler and Zack Ryder have sat the bench and wrestled in mid-card piss break matches. Even with Johnny Ace as the special guest referee, I don’t see Ziggler taking the title. CM Punk is drawing the viewers and at this point there is no reason to change the title to someone like Ziggler. Although I don’t see Ziggler taking the title, it wouldn’t shock me either. The WWE has got to start pushing some new headliners, and as I have harped on, I believe Ziggler has the in ring ability to be one of them. With a little bit of a character change I can see him being a wrestler that fans look forward to watching.

Up until December I was asking myself the same question that every other wrestling fan was asking themself; what can Smackdown do to make its show even more uninteresting?? However, at the TLC pay-per-view we got our answer, make Daniel Bryan the heavyweight champion! I mean the champion is supposed to be the main draw on your show, and who worse to attempt to draw viewers than somebody whose character and fan base are both completely non-existent! I really think at this point they need to completely merge the two brands and have only one champion. Have all wrestlers fighting for one championship, instead of one brand having the real title, and the other the boring one.

 One wrestler who has gotten me relatively excited over the past couple of months is Kane! With the resurgence of the “masked-monster from Hell,” Kane, the WWE has shown a shred of signs of itself from the attitude era. Even with TVPG restrictions, I have been impressed with what they have so far done with Kane’s character. My only hope is that they continue to evolve his character and push the envelope with what he does as an entertainer, and not just run the same ideas into the ground with him. I have faith that his character will provide another dimension to Raw, and another storyline that fans look forward to seeing the progression of week to week.

The last topic I want to touch on is Brodus Clay! Actually I don’t want to talk about Brodus, I don’t believe talking is necessary, just take a look at Mr. Funkasauris himself….

I want to thank the WWE writers personally for not having Brodus Clay debut as just another big wrestler who beats up other men in tights, and giving this hunk of love some character!

That is my rant, I will be back in a few months, post Wrestlemania to do more updates, and shove more of my opinions into all of your faces. Happy New Year again!

GOdzark’s first annual MMA awards!

As the year 2011 comes to a close, fight fans can’t help but be pleased with everything that took place over the last 12 months. We saw the rise of many new MMA stars such as Jon Jones, and Junior Dos Santos, and saw incredible upsets like JDS knocking out Cain Valasquez in the first minute of their highly anticipated title bout. While reflecting on this year in mixed martial arts, I felt that it was necessary to hand out some awards, to some very deserving individuals. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to GOdzark’s 2011 MMA award show…..

The first award that will be handed out tonight is the (drum roll please).

“WTF” – Comeback Win of the Year

And the winner is……Cheick Kongo knocking out Pat Barry

Ok so let’s face it, on any Pay-Per- View card, Cheick Kongo vs. Pat Barry is easily going to be the guilt free piss break fight of the night. This is a fight that featured two fighters who are more than likely never going to even fight in a number one contender bout ever again. However, it was free and I had nothing else going on that night so I figured what the Hell?

I sat down to watch this fight and within the first 15 seconds of the promo remembered why I hate Pat Barry so much. He is that cocky, arrogant, loud mouth who was never good enough to back up anything that he said, so instantly I’m hoping he gets knocked out and knocked out fast. Within the first few minutes of the fight, Pat Barry lands a huge right hand and drops Kongo. As Kongo stumbles over his feet barely conscious, Barry lands another shot that drops Kongo, and this time it looks like for good. But wait, Kongo half asleep, fights to his feet, and two quick shots later, Knocks Pat Barry the F out.


Congratulations Kongo on winning what will undoubtedly and sadly be the biggest win for the rest of your career, and congrats Pat Barry on not getting fired for being 6-4 against lackluster opponents in your MMA career.

The second award of the night is the…

 “Don’t Ever Wear That Again” award.

And the winner is……Dennis Hallman!!  I refuse to believe that I even need to give further explanation as to why I gave this award to him.

The third award of the night, and a more serious one is the:

Continue reading GOdzark’s first annual MMA awards!