All posts by Stephen Sanchez

MOVIES

In Case You Missed It Review: Green Lantern

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I’m a Green Lantern fan. I’m not one of those from the beginning Lantern fans, I’m talking the Geoff Johns era Lantern fan. That would probably make a whole bunch of geeks out there vomit in revulsion because they don’t like the Geoff Johns era because it made Green Lantern relevant after they blindly followed his lameness throughout the decades before. But that’s neither here nor there, as a Lantern fan (a pretty big one in my opinion) I felt it only proper that I review the recent Ryan Reynolds starring film. I was very excited after the second trailer came out for the flick, but once I missed it the first week in theaters the critics and my colleague Dr. Kronner had already done the damage. The movie was lambasted as a piece of crap that failed at every turn. Dr. Kronner had a more reasonable assessment but he stopped short of calling it awesome or even good. Well I’ve watched the Blu-Ray disc this very night and let me tell you: This movie sucks major arse, especially if you’re a Green Lantern fan. Casual movie goers would enjoy it and that’s about it, which explains it’s heartless box office performance.

*SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY*

So for those of you who do not know, the movie is about an ancient species of beings called the Guardians who have harnessed the green energy of will power and created an intergalactic force of peacekeepers to maintain justice throughout the space sectors of the galaxy. The peacekeepers wear rings imbued with the green energy of will power and the wearer can make any construct they can imagine to serve and protect those in need. Sounds great right? Yes, in theory it does and in the comics it is awesome but this movie really just falls flat and makes the mistake of spending far too much time on Earth and not in the galaxy showing us what the Lanterns can do.

Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan I could live with. He was wise cracking and humorous at times but nothing too over the top for Mr. “I like to wear no shirt” Reynolds. But as for the costume he wore, in particular the mask, I found myself laughing out loud at it in certain scenes. I still can’t figure out if the laughter was a confused laughter because I should have been crying at what a joke they had made of the Green Lantern Hal Jordan.

Hurr Durr Durr

It’s a shame because the movie did have some potential in many ways. The scenes on Oa and elsewhere in the galaxy were very well done and made up the best parts of the movie. As I said before there just wasn’t enough time allotted to said parts. Kilowog, Tomar Re, Sinestro and the Guardians all looked fantastic as well. Mark Strong did a fine job as the veteran lantern Sinestro who starts off as a mentor to Hal Jordan before eventually turning into his greatest nemesis. The one issue I had was with Parallax and it was not because they changed up his origin and character quite a bit. It was because he basically looked like a squirming pile of burning dog shit. Watch the movie if you want to see what that might look like on screen.

Instead of more Oa and space action we are served with a generic romance between Hal Jordan and fellow pilot Carol Ferris, played by Blake Lively. Lively is definitely a very, very hot slice of pizza but she really doesn’t have much of an onscreen presence. However, that doesn’t mean I’m against a sequel where there is a possibility of her being in the uniform of a Star Sapphire.

Blake Lively would look great.

The other bit of Earth story we get is the completely pointless one of Hector Hammond, played by Peter Sarsgaard. Hector is a childhood friend of Carol and Hal who is more of a bookworm who gains telekinetic powers from a connection with Parallax; this again is for no good reason other than to have someone for Hal to fight on Earth. I give props to DC and the studio for making Hammond, a lesser known Lantern foe the main villain besides Parallax to face off against Hal, but unfortunately most of the scenes with him made me laugh. And I assure you that was not their intent.

Huh huh… I farted.

His gargantuan cranium looked sillier than it does in the comics and he had a propensity for screaming about anything and everything that brought an amused smile to my face. This would be the sort of smile I get when I see a drunken idiot in a bar trying to fight everyone in sight and making a complete ass of themselves. Epic fail Mr. Hammond. Epic fail. But seriously big ups to the literal roast of Tim Robbins, because that was entertaining for about ten seconds.

Holy Smokes!

Overall I have to give the movie a 2 out of 5 bears. It would have been a 1 out of 5, but since Ms. Lively was looking so superbly elegant in the movie I’ll bump it up. The other point would be for the scenes not taking place on Earth because they looked pretty, especially on Blu-Ray.

Otherwise the movie just didn’t have good enough pacing or anything on Earth worthy enough to care about. Hal’s fear wasn’t touched upon nearly enough except in a silly flashback seen from viewpoints of footage we had seen about fifteen minutes previously and a couple parts that took him two seconds to decide “I’m not afraid. Let’s party”.

I’ loooooooove screamin’!

A sequel is definitely most welcome, granted they work on focusing it more in the galaxy at large instead of boring old Earth. With Sinestro utilizing the yellow ring of fear at the end that would make for a good set up for a third film if he is exiled from the Green Lantern Corps by the end of the second movie. And if they need a villain that doesn’t suck as hard as Hector Hammond for the sequel I suggest they use Artrocitus and his Red Lanterns due to his history with the Guardians… and because they are totally bad ass.

Movie News & Opinions

‘Empire’ Covers Reveal More of Bane and the Bat

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Heyoooooooo! As if we all weren’t ready to eat our own faces in anticipation for The Dark Knight Rises footage playing before Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.  Empire Magazine was nice enough to give us a little look at their upcoming covers feature Mr. Bane himself and Bale’s Batman. Not a real big deal on the Batman one, but the Bane cover gives us a pretty good look at ‘the man who broke the bat’. I suppose I’m still pretty indifferent at this point about his look. The mask isn’t terribly ridiculous but it isn’t effin’ awesome either. I’ll reserve all judgments until I see it on screen. Not to mention his voice, which in the spy video from Heinz Field sounded like a stoned impersonation of Don Corleone from The Godfather.

And a bad impersonation at that. Oh well, I’ll still be seeing the movie come Hell, high water or terrible voices. Yes Mr. Bale I’m looking at you.

TV

Clone Wars Review: The Umbaran Quadrilogy – Season 4 Episodes 7,8,9 and 10

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The last four episodes of The Clone Wars were great, especially if you like seeing the clones in action. I thought the season opening Mon Calamari arc would be hard to topple as the season’s best arc, but the fight for the dark and bleak planet of Umbara proved me wrong. After the typical mid-season lull, Clone Wars has begun to pick up again! *WARNING – HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD!*

So let’s set the story: You know about the galaxy spanning civil war that is sweeping over every planet, and you’ve seen this conflict on various worlds for the show’s tenure thus far, but I must say it’s never quite been like this. With hardly any battle droids to speak of (Seriously they were around for a few minutes in one episode.) we are introduced to the Separatist-aligned Umbaran people who fight to defend their planet from being conquered by the Republic. I can’t remember the planet’s strategic importance or if it was even mentioned, but really that’s beside the point. We finally get to see an organic army fighting the clones in the form of the Umbarans and their awesome technology. They have everything from aerial ships, tanks that shoot crazy looking lightning balls and walkers that rival even an AT-AT in bad-assery. And let me tell ya, these guys give the Republic quite a run for their money shouting in their bizarre chattering language the whole time.

The planet itself was presented to us as almost like Felucia… except someone turned the lights off. The place is cloudy, dark and dangerous and not just because of the indigenious Umbarans, referred to by one clone as the “Shadow People”.

The first attack on the planet is led by Anakin Skywalker and the 501st legion which includes our boy Rex and various other clones we know and love including Fives, Hardcase and Jesse. Another clone worth mentioning is future commander of the 501st, Appo, who plays quite the role in the Expanded Universe of Star Wars, leading the assault with Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader on the Jedi Temple all the way until his decapitation by Jedi Master Roan Shryne on Kashyyyk immediately following the birth of the Empire. It leaves one to wonder what will become of Rex since it is known in the movies and literature that Appo is the eventual leader of the 501st. I don’t see Rex being put in the middle of situations dealing with following or not following orders at this point, so that counts him being demoted out. In the world of Star Wars that may mean that Rex is eventually going to buy it on Clone Wars. I hope when that happens we get to see him go out as a hero in a blaze of glory.

After Anakin is “mysteriously” recalled to Coruscant by the Supreme Chancellor, his replacement as Jedi General arrives via LAAT in the form of Master Pong Krell. From my initial viewing of the trailer for this season of Clone Wars I was super excited to see this guy in action, which was awesome. The guy has two double bladed lightsabers that are collapsible! Brilliant! However, my hopes for him to be a brilliant and likeable Jedi general were dashed upon one realization – That he is a total asshole.

Pong Krell was a genuine enigma to me during the course of theses four episodes. Sure we’ve seen a couple Jedi who either distrust the clones or don’t see them as actual men. Master Rahm Kota was fortunate enough to survive Order 66 due to his mistrust of clones and using only his personally raised militia in battle. Quinlan Vos was also mistrustful of the clones but he still commanded them in battle and refrained from using their lives needlessly. Pong Krell however seems to have a knack for throwing the clone troopers at his disposal (literally) into unwinnable circumstances which all but guarantee their deaths. If not for Rex and his brothers creative thinking and their questioning of General Krell’s orders the battle for Umbara would have been lost at the very beginning. But as the story arc wears on you begin to see there is something more behind Pong Krell’s disdain and carelessness for the clones he commands. I’m sitting there thinking –“What a terrible Jedi this guy is.” And then by the end of the fourth and final episode the writers drop a bomb on you. Pong Krell is in fact a Jedi who is embracing the dark side and hoping to become Count Dooku’s new apprentice. Didn’t see that one coming….

Even when Krell was owning clone troopers left and right with his quadruple sabers I wasn’t under the impression that his motives ran so deep. The Dark Side, yes, but a plan to become Dooku’s apprentice no. It’s great that the show is giving us a view on how different Jedi are affected by the war and this is perhaps the most distressing. It was an even bigger surprise to me when Krell was finally executed, not by Rex but by newcomer Dogma who was on Krell’s side nearly until the end.

The last episode was most definitely a powerful one emotionally. I’m all about the clones and when Fives and Jesse were about to be executed I honestly wasn’t sure which direction things we gonna go. Another hard hitting portion of the episode was when the clones were killing one another in a firefight due to the information from General Krell that the Umbarans had stolen clone trooper weapons and armor. To see the reactions of the clones once they realize they are firing on one another was heart wrenching, then to see Waxer shed a tear before dying upon the realization of him killing his own brothers was almost enough to bring me to tears myself. Waxer was great in the epidsode from season one’s “Ryloth Trilogy“: Innocents of Ryloth”, where he made it his personal mission to save and protect the little Twi’lek girl Numa. When Rex removed his helmet we are reminded of his previous actions by the little Numa face picture painted on his helmet.

I have to give this arc a five out of five. It goes without saying that even had the story been crap, the visuals alone throughout the arc would have still carried it. Thankfully the story wasn’t crap as it brought us to a whole new perspective on how the Jedi are affected by  the war and how loyal the clones are; not only to their Jedi generals but to themselves and each other.

Pong Krell was a pleasant surprise because of the scum bag he turned out to be. I’m not sure there had been a twist quite like that to leave me shocked in this show. I was actually kind of hoping that he would survive the ordeal to actually ally himself with Dooku and be an opponent of the Jedi for a time before he was killed, but I suppose that is why we have Savage Opress and Darth Maul for later in the season. Props to the Clone Wars creative team for giving us an excellent arc without the support of series regulars Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka: it goes to show us that the series has many other avenues to explore and could still possibly go another couple seasons.

Movie News & Opinions

From Arcade to Movie Screen: Rampage!

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I remember the simple days of gaming. There were no save points, no huge stories, no variety. Hell, back in the arcade days variety meant you get to choose from three large monsters to control and story meant you used one of those monsters to bash the living shit out of buildings and watch them crumble in a specific city. Then you repeated it over and over. But man was it fun! That was what Rampage was. The story of three monsters climbing buildings and bashing them. So it makes sense that they would turn it into a movie about thirty years later, right? No? Well it’s gonna happen whether you agree or not! Check the video below to experience the awesomeness that was the arcade version of Rampage:

According to IGN, via Hollywood Reporter, Rampage is set to get the big screen treatment like so many other bits of our 80’s pop culture:

THR says Rickard is currently meeting with writers to develop the film’s story, and that New Line “believes that technology has advanced enough that the possibility exists to make a smartly-budgeted monster movie in the vein and tone of Ghostbusters and Independence Day.”

Ghostbusters and Independence Day…. That sounds like a dream come true. I love both of those movies, but as we all know movies that people claim are like two awesome features rolled into one don’t always work out. Van Helsing was proclaimed to be Indiana Jones mixed in with the Matrix and that movie sucked hard. Spiderman 3 was supposed to be like Spiderman 1 and 2 combined… but I’m not even going to get into that debacle and its inane emo dance scenes.

Hopefully they are able to give us something that is not struggling to be witty and smart, because monsters tearing apart a city is not witty and smart. I’ll take an entertaining, dumb action movie with great CG to keep my mind from over-thinking for an hour and a half! Bring it on! What say you Rampage fans? (if there are any who remember the glory days of the arcade game.) Are you ready for a movie version of Ralph, George and Lizzie?

TV

R.I.P. Charlie’s Angels

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Well that didn’t take very long. I didn’t have a chance to catch an episode of the newly revamped 70’s series about secret agent women in tight clothing, nor do I intend to. And neither will any of you because this little program is now canceled. After only four episodes, Charlie and his titular Angels are about to ascend to heaven. Man I am just killing it with the puns already! I will say that’s about four times better than the Aquaman show or the more recently canned Wonder Woman series, both of which never saw the light of day.

How do you cancel this?

Check out the news below via Variety:

“Charlie’s Angels” has become ABC’s first cancellation of the fall TV season.

The network confirmed Friday that production has shut down, though episodes that have already been shot will continue to air in the Thursday 8 p.m. time slot for the time being. At least seven episodes are believed to be in the can.

Rumors of its demise had been circulating all week were all but confirmed when the series barely inched up a tenth of a ratings point Thursday, to 1.3 rating/4 share in 18-49, 6.0 million total viewers. The series has aired four episodes to date having launched on Sept. 22.

I honestly can’t say that I’m surprised that it came down to this. The two movies starring Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu were downright awful; especially the sequel Full Throttle. It would seem that the whole formula is just downright dead and they really need to stop trying to resurrect it. Perhaps try again in another thirty years and you’ll have better luck… or not. I apologize to any females this may have offended due to how sexist it may sound, but trust me if it were a show about three secret agent dudes wearing tight designer clothes and striking corny poses I’d have wrote almost the same thing.

Later Angels.

Movie News & Opinions

Michael Bay to Return for Transformers 4 and 5?

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Click This Link for Newly Updated Article Regarding Transformers 4

After the disgraceful, garbage juice-bloated monstrosity that was Revenge of the Fallen,  Michael Bay returned to his roots with a “Less talk and more blow shit up” philosophy that roped me right in. Transformers: Dark of the Moon should have been the most enjoyable of the franchise for a lot of Transformers fan. I love, love, LOVED the first movie and the introduction into the Michael Bay Transformersverse, but with Dark of the Moon we were able to dispense with the pleasantries and have an all out Autobot-Decepticon brawl that essentially leveled Chicago and left the Lincoln memorial busted up like so much rubble. The movie had everything I loved about the first one, with less of what we were subjected to in Revenge of the Fallen. Not to mention my favorite addition of all with ‘Sentinel Prime’, voiced by the man, the myth, the Vulcan: Leonard Nimoy.

Now, I was under the impression that the 3rd Transformers movie was the end of the road for Michael Bay and company because that’s what was said, but there was no effin’ way that Paramount was dropping the exploding money generator that is the Transformers franchise, so a part 4 was inevitable. The only question was who will star in it and who will direct it.

With Shia supposedly not coming back for a fourth hurrah, we were fed the rumor that has not been heard from again about Jason Statham starring. Personally I don’t think there should be any humans. I’m ready for a Transformers movie with only Transformers starring in it. You know it’ll never happen but a guy can dream, right?

The next big question was who could possibly replace a genius like Michael Bay? Well pretty much anyone who can make stuff blowing up on-screen look impressive is my answer. Give me McG, give me Roland Emmerich. The list could go on for a little bit. But with Dark of the Moon I was completely used to Bay’s popcorn movie, action directing style so you won’t hear me complaining if he returns, which it certainly sounds like is happening. Worst Previews:

Rumors started flying that a fourth film will soon happen, since Paramount Pictures will never give up such a lucrative franchise. And now comes word from Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner that the company has been in active discussions with Paramount, Steven Spielberg and director Michael Bay to develop “Transformers 4.”

The goal is to make an announcement before the end of the year, so a decision will be made soon. And not only that, but now IGN is reporting that there may be a Transformers 4 and 5 being shot back to back if it all comes to fruition. Color me super happy-excited!

Variety is now reporting that not only is another film being planned, but the studio is considering shooting a fourth and fifth installment back-to-back.“Nothing is set in stone, but screenwriter Ehren Kruger is said to have an idea for the next installments that the studio is high on, and has only begun engaging with writers,”

Shia LaBeouf will not be back, but those rumors about Jason Statham taking over the franchise? The action star is being considered. And according to Variety, Bay very well might be directing these films as well (and not just exec-producing), despite all his past talk about being done after three.

Can Bay truly pass on a franchise whose last movie grossed over a billion dollars? Hell naw man! If Shia is smart he’ll do a couple of passion projects before gearing up for another ride with the robots in disguise.