Category Archives: Movie News & Opinions

Twisted Metal: The Movie!

The new Twisted Metal video game on the PS3 came out today. I haven’t yet had a chance to go out and rent it, but my heart yearns for some vehicular combat where car and body parts fly hither and yon across the screen. I mean seriously, check out this game play video below and tell me that the mass mayhem isn’t something every guy dreams of being in the thick of every now and then.

I’m not so sure of Sweet Tooth turning into an effin’ transformer, but with a storyline so completely ridiculous who the hell am I to judge?

Now comes the news of a Twisted Metal movie in the works to further rock our worlds and it is being developed by the same team bringing us Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance this Friday in theaters. They are also the same team behind the Crank movies starring Jason Statham. The trailer from Ghost Rider: Spirits of Vengeance actually looks as if they were possibly doing a test run for a Twisted Metal movie with the car and motorcycle scenes. Not to mention with the frantic pace and ferocity of the Crank films I’d say it’s safe to assume they can handle a Twisted Metal movie. Check out a little from the story reported at Deadline:

Sony Pictures has made a preemptive 7-figure deal for Ghost RiderSpirit of Vengeance co-director Brian Taylor to write and direct a live action adaptation of the iconic video gameTwisted Metal. Ghost Rider’s Avi and Ari Arad are producing the adaptation of the game, which has been published in various configurations by Sony Computer and is one of the biggest selling video games. The newest version of the game was just released today for PlayStation 3. Avi Arad, of course, has been a producer of Sony’s Spider-Man films since the beginning, including the upcoming 3D The Amazing Spider-Man.

I know what you’re thinking; how is this different from any other terrible videogame adaptation out there? How is it different from the egregious Street Fighter movies? The all but destined to be doomed Doom movie? The numerous pieces of Uwe Bol directed drivel? The answer is simple, that there is no difference. The movie will more than likely suck, but we fans of Twisted Metal can only hope and pray that it doesn’t.

I think it will be fine just so long as they don’t try to make the movie smarter than what the game itself is. Let’s face it, the Twisted Metal story is fairly simple; a group of broken and desperate drivers have turned their cars into killing machines in order to be the one to reach the organizer of the Twisted Metal tournament so he can grant them a wish. How can you screw up a 90 minute movie given that premise? I think they can make it at least passable as a video game adaptation like the Resident Evil franchise and possibly spawn some sequels off of it. I for one hate the Resident Evil movies, but somebody likes them as they are already on part 5. We can only hope a classic video game like Twisted Metal gets the same chance.

Transformers 4: Michael Bay Returns in 2014

So a few months back I wrote a Transformers article about Michael Bay possibly coming back for one or two sequels with the Robots in Disguise, even though he had already said that the third one would be the last of them. Days later Michael Bay came out and dispelled any rumors about himself returning to any more Transformers flicks. I didn’t even bother to update the article or write a follow up one because I was so sure this particular article would be coming, just not so soon. Check out the snippet below from IGN:

Paramount Pictures has now issued a press release officially announcing Michael Bay’s involvement:

Paramount Pictures announced today that director Michael Bay has signed a two-picture deal with the studio, which will commence this spring with the filming of Pain and Gain, and will be followed by the next installment in the hit Transformers franchise.

Following Pain and Gain, Bay will bring audiences a new take on the Transformers franchise as he begins production on the fourth installment in the hit series of movies based on the best-selling Hasbro toyline. The third, and most recent installment of the franchise, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Is the fourth highest global grossing film of all time with 1.124 billion dollars of worldwide box office success. Directed by Bay, the movie will re-unite the filmmaking team from the hit franchise, including producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Don Murphy, Tom DeSanto and Ian Bryce; and executive producers Steven Spielberg, Bay, Brian Goldner and Mark Vahradian. Paramount Pictures will release the film on June 29th, 2014. 

 

So there you have it. That explosion-whore Michael Bay will be returning to explode even more, all over giant robots once again. Man, that sounded so dirty. But seriously, like Bay was going to pass up on this billion dollar franchise that is such a sure thing for him. This guy’s purpose in life is to make movies like this and the sooner he realizes that, then the better off we will all be. Don’t get me wrong, I hope that this Pain and Gain, Wahlberg-Bay-The Rock collaboration is at least a worthwhile movie to go see. I just don’t have very high hopes for anything besides napalm and half naked chicks from Michael Bay.

 

So until 2014 let the speculation begin about which actors shall return, which transformers shall kick ass and what form the story shall take! I for one am totally excited for another Transformers movie to come out. I enjoyed the third installment because it went back to it’s roots of non-stop action and a story that you could set your mind on cruise control for, unlike Revenge of the Fallen where you had to set your brain off completely to enjoy the toilet humor and bogus ass story. What’s everyone else thinking? Has the transformer franchise run its course or is everyone psyched for a new one? Comment below!

Abraham Lincoln: The Most Ass-Kickingest President

The crazy success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies has created the market for a slew of similarly themed books starring historical or fictional characters versus the Occult. The first of these to hit the big screen will be Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, ahead of the proto-generator Pride and Prejudice and Zombies which isn’t scheduled to come out until 2013. Well, the trailer is out and the first thing that’s apparent is that AL:VH is swinging for the fences.

Continue reading Abraham Lincoln: The Most Ass-Kickingest President

Jar Jar Binks and the Deleted Scene

So, I cannot stand Jar Jar Binks. It’s honestly just something you really can’t even get used to by being exposed to it over and over again on the screen. It’s like someone forcing you to watch 2 Girls, 1 Cup repeatedly; you will never be able to watch it without feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed or just completely nauseated.

Continue reading Jar Jar Binks and the Deleted Scene

George Lucas Claims That Han Solo Never Shot First! COME ON!

‘Whether or not Han Solo shot first’ is one of the biggest debates ever. It’s somewhere akin to the health care issue in the United States or whether global warming exists or not. You have Star Wars geeks of all creeds and color going at it back and forth about whether or not Han was a hero by not shooting first, or if he was a cold blooded killer for being shooter numero uno.

Personally, I always felt that Han definitely shot first when I was a youngling, and justifiably so. I think it qualifies as self defense when some scumbag Rodian has a gun pointed right at you and is gloating about taking away your starship and/or turning you over to a disgusting, oversized slug gangster. To tell you the truth I never actually thought twice about the whole situation.

Then came the special edition releases of the Star Wars trilogy and the modified scene where Han looks like he had a slight seizure to dodge a blaster bolt that harmlessly hits against the wall. I remember being in middle school and thinking not much of it, but after watching the movie about 80 more times it sort of started to bug me about why they did that, and why it looked so terrible. It was something that many fans including myself had hoped would disappear once all six Star Wars movies were released on Blu-Ray, but it was to no avail. George Lucas, creator of the Star Wars franchise claimed time and again that he added the scene because he didn’t want Han to look like some cold blooded killer. But if that was the case then why have the scene be so shoddy in the first place? Why not just fix this shit in the 70’s so we don’t have to waste our geek time debating it now?

Since then, there has been a recent development. This one is coming straight from the source. The Maker and flannel bearer himself George Lucas has recently had this say to the whole Han-Greedo debacle (IGN):

[quote]In a chat with The Hollywood Reporter (via /Film), Lucas said, “The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down.” [/quote]

Oh yes George. We, the violent masses want nothing more than for our beloved Han Solo to be a murdering psychopath who just guns down every Rodian he sees. Really? I don’t think that anyone was upset due to the fact that Lucas’ terrible wide shot proved that Greedo shot first, I think they’re mad because you did such a crap job about it in the special editions. Lucas should have either left the whole thing up to interpretation or done a better job way back when. And yeah, I guess Han should be looking at keeping his image clean without any bar room murder, despite the fact that he’s already a f–kin’ smuggler and self-proclaimed scoundrel. (He did like the sound of that.) Either way I guess it doesn’t matter because Lucas will leave things that way that he wants. So that means all of the Star Wars geeks will remain looking like idiots as they argue over which guy shot first. Seriously say those last four words again, it doesn’t sound good at all.

Ridley Scott to Direct Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Counselor’

In a story that brings together two auteurs lauded in their respective fields, Entertainment Weekly reports Ridley Scott has signed on to direct Cormac McCarthy’s first ever screenplay, The Counselor. The Gladiator director plans to start production in May, making it his next project after the much-anticipated Prometheus. That would, as expected, push Scott’s secretive Blade Runner picture further down the production line, but it’s something I can personally make exception for, since this is a collaboration I’d never have imagined possible. EW also stated that Scott is hoping to bring along Prometheus star Michael Fassbender to The Counselor, who would star in the lead role.

McCarthy’s screenplay has been described by insiders as “No Country For Old Men on steroids,” according to Deadline, a bold statement considering the effect the Oscar-winning No Country had on audiences. We’ve reported on The Counselor before, but in case you need a refresher here’s a synopsis of the story from Deadline:

“The protagonist in The Counselor is a respected lawyer who thinks he can dip a toe in to the drug business without getting sucked down. It is a bad decision and he tries his best to survive it and get out of a desperate situation.”

I’m ecstatic to hear this news and I’ll be keeping up on all the newest updates.