Grizzly Review – Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Okay, you should all know the drill by now. Don’t go into a Transformers movie with some sort of hope that it will change your life, or that you’ll glean some sort of valuable information after viewing it. Yes, by now we should all realize that there are good robots called Autobots, and bad robots called Decepticons. And more often than not these robo-factions are beating the bionic shit out of one another…brutally. That fact resonates loudly in this latest and last (at least according to Bay) installment of the franchise. I was actually ready for it to be over, but after this one it leaves me strangely wanting more.

So in case you haven’t seen the widely marketed trailer for the film, there is another cover-up/slash conspiracy in our government regarding the robots in disguise. The moon mission back in 1969? Just an excuse for our government to investigate a crashed transformer ship on the moon’s surface. This ship, known as the Ark, was an Autobot vessel carrying not only their leader – Sentinel Prime, but a technology that could somehow save Cybertron. I’m going to refrain from spoiling everything in this review, so if you want to know who lives and who dies then too bad!

Sentinel Prime

What ensues (Or so it seems) is a race against time to find the technology and Sentinel Prime on the moon before the Decepticons do. It’s a little more complex than that but I’ll just say that the first hour and half set up the final hour worth of non stop action.

Let’s start off with what I liked about the transformer characters in the movie, and I’ll follow it up with those I hated because you know that was inevitable. On the Decepticon side there were a couple of newcomers. Laser Beak, Soundwave’s minion, was actually pretty creepy and cool – unlike Frenzy from the first movie. Soundwave by the way is no longer a satellite in orbit like in part two, he’s a car, but I won’t spoil you with which one he is. Shockwave is our next contestant who, while bad-ass, plays almost no role except to be a complete a-hole. That’s fine with me by the way. Megatron and Starscream return, with Megatron looking extra menacing with half his face missing and robotic spiders crawling in and out of his head. I will let slip to you that the Decepticons are very deceptive (Yes I wrote that.) in this movie and the story is a step above that of Revenge of the Fallen which isn’t saying much, but it’s acceptable.

The Wreckers

Now onto the Autobots. Sentinel Prime is superbly voiced by Leonard Nimoy (who also played Galvatron in the 80’s animated film.) and was the leader of the Autobots before the role was handed down to Optimus. Optimus is back and better than ever, his truck trailer now tagging along to transform into a mobile armory for him. Ironhide, Ratchet, Sideswipe and Bumblebee all return, but there are also a few new Autobots gracing the screen this time. Dino is an almost ninja like Autobot, using multiple blades to fight his enemies. Que, is basically an homage to the James Bond movies, and sort of serves as the movie’s Wheeljack, supplying the humans and fellow Autobots with weapons. I actually completely hated how his head looked like the skull of a balding old man with gray hair sticking out of the sides….epic fail. The Wreckers are a group of Autobots who maintain their only transportation off of Earth: Top Spin, Leadfoot and Roadbuster. Though one is completely silent, the other two have thick Scottish accents which I was digging. They even transformed into heavily weaponized Impala race cars!

The only other two Autobots were Wheelie (from part 2) and Brains, who were so inconsequential that I don’t even need to cover them. Actually Mr. Bay, I’d like to claim my 25 grand for spotting the Twins in this movie because you just replaced two annoying robots with another set! Pay up!

“I’m done with this stupid franchise!”

Enough about robots though, let’s get to our human characters. Shia LeBeouf is back as our leading man Sam Witwicky (For his last stint as the character supposedly), who is struggling to find a job after college, but somehow has no problem struggling to find amazingly hot supermodel girlfriends. After Mikayla dumped him, Sam managed to snag Carly who is an English gal and looks like an effin’ Victoria’s Secret model! Oh wait, I forgot that she actually is a Victoria’s Secret model in real life! For someone just getting into acting, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley works on screen just as well if not better than Megan Fox. I don’t think at one point I ever once thought of Megan Fox since the first shot we are treated to is of Whiteley’s very gifted behind. You’ve done it again Michael Bay!

Holy testicle tuesday!

But back to Shia. He’s back and still goofy as ever, but in the likeable way, not in the Jar Jar Binks way. Sam’s parents were back, but it was thankfully brief this time instead of the overload we received in Revenge of the Fallen. The rest of the gang is in rare form with Josh Duhamel (Lennox), Tyrese Gibson (Epps) and John Turturro (Simmons) returning. Unfortunately in regards to the roles of John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, Ken Jeong and Alan Tudyk they made the movie’s cast seem a bit bloated. Many of their roles, though funny, were ultimately unnecessary. At this point you may ask why I left out our boy Patrick Dempsey. The reason I did that was because I thought his character added a new element to the movies that was missing. *SPOILER INCOMING*

“Why yes, I am fricking awesome. You just noticed this?”

In the prequel book to Revenge of the Fallen (The Veiled Threat by Alan Dean Foster) Starscream employed the forces of African rebels and a corrupt Italian businessman in his battle against the Autobots while Megatron was gone. So it was good to finally see a group of humans siding with who they see as the winning side in the Decepticons, and like Dempsey’s character Dylan Gould says at one point –“You think they gave me a choice?” And I have to admit as a non Patrick Dempsey fan, he played the role of the douche bag to perfection.

“Who forgot to bring the damned parachutes?”

So overall I have to give Dark of the Moon 3 out of 5 grizzlies.

Bay has definitely made up for the monstrosity that was Revenge of the Fallen, but just barely. The visuals were stunning, especially the Decepticon assault on Chicago. It seemed like Bay did everything for that whole segment except flash a message across the screen that said –“Suck it Skyline and Battle: LA!” It would truly seem like this is the last of the Transformers franchise under Bay because there was a whole lot of robotic death going on, but I’m sure they could come up with something for another installment.

Galvatron anyone?

The storyline wasn’t as terrible as Revenge of the Fallen, even though the whole ‘Pillar’ aspect seemed to echo the process of the sun harvester from the last movie. All I can say is at least they had a few twists and turns along the way. The cast was great, even the notable faces who didn’t have a whole lot to do. It makes me think most of them lost a bet to Bay and had to be in his next transformers movie. I will definitely look forward to seeing Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in more movies to come. She was as hot as Megan Fox (if not hotter) but was not a terrible actress. I almost can’t think of any English actors who suck unless they are doing an American accent in a movie. (You’re terrible Bale!) So what did everyone else think of the movie? An improvement at least? Or was it just a special effects laden piece of dog crap?

The Search for Buffy Summers – Our Casting Suggestions for the Impending Reboot…

So last winter we learned that Warner Brothers was planning to reboot the 1992 film Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The reboot was not based of the original’s success, but instead the cult following created by the TV show that started in 1997, 5 years after the movies. The creator – Joss Whedon – was offered a chance to get involved and passed. So let’s start off by saying this: Without Joss Whedon this shouldn’t even be made. 

Whedon created the characters, wrote, produced, and directed the movie, wrote, produced, and directed the show, and writes the comics. This is his baby, it is why we know his name. Along with the spin-off show Angel, the world of Buffy is vast, and after the Twilight craze, in today’s Hollywood, it was only a matter of time till some intrepid studio head decided this needed a re-boot. It just doesn’t seem right without Joss at the head.  

BUT, it’s getting made anyhow, and as ‘Buffy Fans’, Michelle and I have decided to take a look at the upcoming project and let you know who we think could fill the shoes once worn by Kristy Swanson and more recently, Sarah Michelle Geller

 

So first, Michelle’s thoughts…

Buffy Can Do The Single Ladies Dance!

A rumor recently surfaced about who might play ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ in the new Warner Bros. movie reboot. The rumor named Glee star Heather Morris as the top pick for the new Ms. Summers.

According to the magical internet machine in my living room, she was singled out because of her background in gymnastics and dance, making her athletic. She also would be a pretty damn good-looking Buffy… in my opinion. Although Warner Brothers sent a statement saying that the Heather Morris rumor is untrue, and that discussions about casting won’t occur until after the script is completely done, it got me to thinking about who would make a good on-screen Buffy.

Which brings me to my next point:

Michelle’s TOP 3 PICKS FOR BUFFY (other than Heather Morris):

#1. Eliza Dushku:

Eliza played Faith on the original Buffy TV series. I think not only did she do a great job, but she would know the role better than anyone. She is athletic and attractive, but has an incredible fierce attitude that would be necessary by a badass such as Buffy. The only problem? Trying to get her to dye her hair.


#2. Leighton Meester:

Meester has had guest roles on shows such as Veronica Mars, 24 and Entourage, as well as starring in the new thriller The Roommate, where she played… well… a psycho. She did an amazing job, and has had experience being weird, yet totally together. She would be a great choice. She is fit and young and is very professional. She would fit more into the type of character that Kristy Swanson played in the movie… a tad ditzy and cutesy, but she gets her slay on.

Here is when ‘Debbie’ got killed off on 24. Haha. That was hilarious.

#3. Emma Stone:

Stone has impressed me greatly in her somewhat short career. She has proven herself time and time again… she doesn’t do shitty movies. She showed her athleticism off in Zombieland which is one of my favorite movies. She would bring a new funny modern twist to Buffy because she has a ‘tude, and we know she can kick some ass. Her brassy demeanor and gorgeous presence makes me think that she would be a prime candidate for such a remake.


All of this being said, if Joss Whedon isn’t involved, I know that a lot of fans will not see this remake. It will be hard to get over that detail, but I do believe that no matter what, if they cast it properly it will be great. Buffy is a great character.

Ok, so I like Heather Morris as much as the next red-blooded male, and I’d actually be behind her casting – HOWEVER, with no formal training from an acting stand point, and only minimal experience as a secondary character on Glee, I see her as a long shot. And I’m fairly certain the only reason she’s even being talked about, is this:

And what a reason it is…

So, anyhow, as much flack as the show took from non-fans, though out it’s course there actually was some pretty heavy drama from time to time, so bit of acting aptitude should be taken into account for what could turn into a whole series of movies…

Kronner’s Top 3 Picks…

Now, I know what you’re thinking – “Kronner is gonna say Kristen Bell, but once, you’re wrong. Her name has been thrown around a few places, but she already owned the High School scene for 2 seasons worth of Veronica Mars and I doubt that now, come up on 30, she’d want back down that road. I’ve also heard Summer Glau‘s name, but again, I think she’s past the point of play a teenager. And of course there were the rumors about Megan Fox, but I think her career is headed no where but down from here…

So who does that leave?

#1. Emily Browning

 Sucker Punch was nothing great, but you can’t knock Emily’s performance in it, nor can you say it doesn’t at least qualify her for some consideration here. At only 22 years old, she could easily pass as a High Schooler, and she has both the acting chops and body to meet the demands of the movie. She, as of now, would be my first choice. (Plus ‘Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events’ was throughly entertaining…)

#2. Lyndsy Fonseca

She’s already dressed for Slayer Training…

My 2nd choice would have to be the star of the CW show Nikita. Based (obviously) of the French movie La Femme Nikita, Lyndsy plays a kick-ass spy on the show, and I’m sure she could play a kick-ass Slayer in the movies. Not to mention her choice of roles over the last few years (Heroes, Kick-Ass, Hot Tub Time Machine) give the impression she’d be all about killings some vamps…

#3. Evan Rachel Wood 

Wood has plenty of experience with vampires playing the Queen of Louisiana on True Blood, but as her schedule has just cleared up, this is a 23-year-old who could easily pass for  16, especially when you consider that Swanson was 23 when the original movie came out. Wood can act, looks the part, and would no doubt be available.

The Watcher (Merrick/Giles)   Sean Bean


The role of ‘Buffy’s Watcher’ is an important one, as he is not only the man who trains her, but a father figure as well. Sean Bean, the 52-year-old, recently unemployed star of HBO’s Game of Thrones could be a great fit as the man who must train this generation’s slayer. Maybe ‘dork’ him up a bit, but this would give you an established star with over-lapping fanbases. Most Buffy fans aren’t known for hating on Lord of the Rings afterall…

And while the following characters weren’t in the movie, they made the show work and it’d be strange to not include them… 

XanderJeremy Allen White: The 19-year-old White plays Lip Gallagher on Showtime’s Shameless, and is easily my favorite character (outside of Emmy Rossum’s boobs), and could no doubt pull off the role of the dorky friend who is infatuated with the Slayer. This results in a truly identifiable character for the guys watching…

WillowMolly C. Quinn: Quinn, 18, plays Nathan Fillion’s daughter on the ABC show Castle. She’s a brainy redhead who seems almost molded after the original Willow character…you know before all the lesbian Wiccan stuff anyway.

Characters like Angel, Spike, and Faith could be best left for a sequel, while Dawn could be left out entirely…

So those are our suggestions, what’d you think? Who is your pick for Sunnydale’s next protector?