A few weeks ago I told you about a new show on Cinemax called Femme Fatales:
Well that show is out now, and it’s about to join the ranks of those we review weekly. The show is a collection of noir-style stories about dangerous women and the web of lies they weave. Each episode one of these stories, standing apart from the others. Anyhow, the first episode is entitled Behind Locked Doors…
Lacey Rivers is an actress (ala Lindsey Lohan) who, while drunk and coked out of her mind, runs down a family of German tourists with her car, and is subsequently sentenced to 18 months in jail. Apparently killing Germans isn’t that serious an offense in LA… So the pampered Hollywood Princess arrives in prison to find that things aren’t going to be as easy as she expected. The head guard Maxine is not impressed by Lacey’s movie star status and has decided to make things especially difficult for her. This is when we meet our narrator Lilith who will intro and conclude each episode for us, much like the Cryptkeeper from Tales from the Crypt…but with a better rack.
So Lilith goes on the explain to us that if Lacey is going to survive, she’ll have to use her only real skill – Acting (IE; Lying). Now as if having the hacks on your back from the start wasn’t bad enough, Lacey run into some more problems. She isn’t incarcerated a day before she has a run-in with ‘Big Aggie’. Big Aggie as you can imagine isn’t interested in being friends when she approaches Lacey in the shower, she’s looking for something more…personal.
Lacey is however saved from Big Aggie’s clutches by her new cell-mate Camille. Camille is doing 20 years for killing her abusive husband. Camille leads me to believe that this is maybe the most attractive prison population on Earth. Or at the very least they have a strict ‘No Fatties’ policy in effect.
Recognizing she will need Camille to survive, Lacey goes to her strength by acting…acting like a lesbian. And she’s pretty convincing too. Cinemax again reminds us how they got their ‘Skin-e-max” moniker and a gratuitously lesbian sex scene follows. I was appalled. Wait, I applauded. Yeah, that’s the one.
So Lacey is playing Camille for protection from the other inmates, but she still has to deal with that bitch guard Maxine. For that, she cozies up to the male guard Rafe (Yes, his name is Rafe) and he vows to protect her from Maxine. Rafe however doesn’t know what he’s protecting her for. You see, he thinks Maxine is beating Lacey, but the truth is Maxine has learned a secret about our young starlet, and she is demanding $100,000 to keep it quiet. And Lacey doesn’t want to pay.
In classic ‘Femme Fatale’ fashion, Lacey uses her
vagina charms to convince Rafe that she is madly in love with him, and the only way they can be together is to kill Maxine. All the while, Lacey is also flirting with the Warden who is doing what he can to get her an early release. Rafe of course comes through like a champ and the pair murder Maxine. Lacey then goes to the warden and frames Camille for the crime.
Total bitch move. Rafe is ok with it all though, because once Lacey gets out, he’s gonna have a famous movie star girlfriend and life will be good. Sorry Rafe, hit the brakes. Predictably, once she has what she wants, their next conversation goes a little like this:
I’m Lacey Rivers. Wow. She’s a real class act. See there is something that Lacey doesn’t know though. After killing Maxine, Rafe found an envelope in her pocket. Within the envelope was Lacey’s secret. It turns out – she’s not really Lacey Rivers. Her real name is Betty Jo Rogers. Not making that up. Lacey Rivers is simply the alias she came up with after murdering her husband for insurance money, and fleeing Arkansas and going to LA to be a star.
Rafe can’t however simply turn this info over because she could then implicate him in Maxine’s murder. Lacey knows this and threatens to cry “Rape” is he tells anyone. So Rafe resorts to his last option – he takes her to meet her new cellmate – Big Aggie. Too bad Camille’s not around to protect her anymore…
So the episode ends with little Lacey now a mere plaything for Big Aggie, and Lilith letting us know for sure, there won’t be a happy ending for the Actress. As far as story goes nothing mind-blowing, it’s obviously resting on the amount of boobs for ratings. And it wasn’t quite as ‘Noir’ as I’d hoped for, but interesting enough to keep me tuned it. I give 2 Bears for the show, and an extra half of bear for Ana Alexander who played Camille.