Do you know what connects the films Troll and Troll 2? (Other than the fact that I bought them packaged onto one DVD). The word ‘troll’ in the title. That’s it. They share no characters, no cast, no locations, not even a single plot element. In fact there isn’t even a troll in Troll 2. There are however, lots of goblins.
Joshua (Michael Stephenson) was told stories about goblins by his Grandpa Seth. However, Seth died 6 months ago and Joshua’s Mother is worried about him imagining that his Grandpa is still reading him the stories. The whole family – Joshua, his Mum and Dad, and his older sister, Holly – are off on vacation to try to recover from the loss of Grandpa Seth. Holly’s boyfriend Elliot – and his friends – follow after them in a camper van. And where are they going? Why to the small town of Nilbog (do you see what they did there?) – population 26 – where they are house swapping with a farmer and his family.
But Joshua keeps seeing his Grandpa, who keeps telling him the place is evil and he mustn’t eat any of the food, because if you eat the goblin potion you turn into vegetable matter. Then the goblins eat you, because, obviously, they’re vegetarians. Which all makes perfect sense.
As Elliot’s friends get picked off, Joshua – and the ghost of Grandpa Seth – try to save his family from the goblins, the crazy Goblin Queen and the evil magic power of the Stonehenge…stones. I kid you not.
Troll 2 is often described as ‘the worst film ever made’. It’s not. I have seen worse. It is, however, quite terrible. That’s not to say it’s not entertaining. Sometimes it’s even hilarious. The acting ranges from wooden to totally over the top. Lines are often delivered in a stilted way. Emphasis stressed in the wrong places.
I’m convinced that not one of these people had acted before. The most hammy of all is Creedence Leonore Gielgud, The Goblin Queen (played by Deborah Reed), who eats the scenery every time she appears.
The special effects are cheap looking for the most part. The goblins are all dressed in sack cloth suits with plasticky looking masks. They have practically no movement or life to them. The transformation in to vegetable involves throwing lots of green goop about. And of course the plot is full of holes big enough to drive a truck through. All this means is that it’s a proper cheesy horror film. It even has ‘an everything-is-alright-or-is-it ending’.
It’s also the only film I think I’ve seen where the monsters are held at bay by a meat sandwich.
1.5/5 – Nilbog!
Grizzly Bomb 
