It’s nerd Mecca time, and this year the bevy of posters, trailers, previews, easter eggs and all the other little tidbits in between are being analyzed by every single person who isn’t at CCI, while everyone who is there ignores them while waiting in line for their Hall H panel. Having been to SDCC twice before, I can attest that it truly is the spectacle people make it out to be, and is one of the most exhilarating experiences you can have, that is also extremely horrible at the same time. But I digress, because you’re not here to read what I think about the Con itself, you’re here to look at the juicy, juicy posters and coverage of the event! So let me transport you there for a moment with a collection of the posters themselves, which I believe are mostly self evident of their awesomeness, but I’ll talk about them anyway.
I’m totally stoked to see how The Evil Dead remake is gonna be. I like the use of the original font, and the inclusion of the #Necronomicon is a nice touch that echoes the poor idea of reading the books pages aloud, only now it’s on social media. I’d like to think that was a clever marketing decision on purpose, but even if it isn’t, I’m digging it. Check out our previous coverage of the movie here.
Here’s the complete banner. Spring 2013! Awesome.
Of course GoT is there reppin’ themselves rightly. Season 3 is gonna make everyone shit bricks. Can’t wait.
I was a huge fan of District 9, and remember being intrigued by the viral marketing for the movie they had at the 2008 SDCC, and after seeing it in theaters, Neill Blomkamp cemented himself as a visionary director to keep your eye on. His new project here, looks fascinating. Read our previous coverage here.
I didn’t even know they were remaking this. Reading about it though, seems it’ll be an interesting remake, as Kimberly Peirce is directing. She’s best known for Boys Don’t Cry, and her work on The L Word, which means she knows how to direct stories about women, and messed up relationships.
What can I say about this movie it’s awesome trailer already doesn’t? Joseph Gordon-Levitt has yet to be in a bad film, and Bruce Willis is Bruce Willis. Plus it’s directed by the guy who did Brick, which also starred JGL. Seriously, go see Brick if you haven’t already. Time travel, guns, JGL, Bruce Willis, what more could you want?
I am not familiar with this show, but the banner makes me laugh. The use of internet memes becoming legitimate marketing ploys is so strangely recursive it almost works.
Seeing these banners makes me wish I was there at Comic-Con International, but then I remind myself a bottle of water there is 6 goddamned dollars and am glad I’m not there. BUT if you wish you were, you can find more CCI related coverage right here! On Grizzly Bomb! The site you’re reading right now! YAY!
Welcome to Comic Rack! My pick of the top five comic news stories in no particular order.
Marvel NOW! is still totally not the NEW 52…
Marvel, not content to see DC’s renewed success with their New 52 lineup, is approaching their status quo in the universe with a focus on relaunched titles, renewed book numbering, and reshaping the entire current landscape of the Marvel Universe. The idea, as far as I can tell, is that the new books are meant to jump start things in a new direction, without actually rebooting anything a la DC. All the insistence of the whole thing not being a reboot seems a bit pedantic to me, but I understand that they’re trying really hard to differentiate from DC in their objective. While it sounds fishy at first, the main distinction is that old continuity will NOT be forgotten, effectively making the whole re-launch just a company wide creative shake up. A few notable creative teams being moved around were listed on CBR:
“Uncanny Avengers” by Rick Remender and John Cassaday starring a team composed of Captain America, Wolverine and others from the company’s two powerhouse franchises battling the mutant-hating Red Skull.
“All New X-Men” by Brian Michael Bendis and Stuart Immonen realigning the mutant team in the wake of “AvX” as the original five X-Men are mysteriously brought to the present day. This title will launch in November.
“Avengers” by Jonathan Hickman and Jerome Opena, which is light on specific details aside from a roster of 18 heroes in a bi-weekly comic that seems to be Hickman-esque rethinking of the Avengers core mission in the vein of the writer’s “Fantastic Four” run.
Along with that, is also a number of titles coming to a conclusion, to make way for other newer titles, or similarly titled relaunches of the same books. A list of the series ending this October, comes from Newsarama:
Captain America, The Mighty Thor, Incredible Hulk, Invincible Iron Man, Fantastic Four, FF,Uncanny X-Men, New Mutants and X-Men Legacy are all ending in October…
It kinda goes without saying though, that the lot of those will get picked back up by other creative teams and go on. Most comic fans I’ve talked to don’t seem too excited about the relaunch, or what is going on in Marvel NOW. The main sentiment is that they’ve done this re-numbering thing a bunch of times, and don’t see how this is any different. While there ARE certain differences, what with creative focuses being changed, the cosmic characters coming into a larger limelight, and Uncanny X-Men flat out ending, I’m finding it hard to exactly say WHY this relaunch was warranted, other than “DC did a reboot, lets copy it but not really”. Marvel has never really had the weird, long, confusing continuity problems DC had, and while sure, it had it’s share of inconsistencies and retcons, it was nowhere near as broken as DC.
I suppose the good thing is that all the new Marvel fans from the movies will be happy that they’re soon get a solid jumping on point. I remember a friend of mine who loved the Iron Man movie but never read a Iron Man comic before, and when he entered a comic shop, was utterly confused and overwhelmed by the 5 different Iron Man titles going on at that time. And who could blame him? Getting into comics is hard for a newbie, but Marvel better stick to its guns, because you can’t just re-number everything every two years and pretend like you’re making it “easier” for new readers to jump on. Marvel Now! is a good idea, just like the New 52 was a good idea, but they gotta commit.
‘Chew’ Writer John Layman Brought On For ‘Detective Comics’!
I once had the pleasure of meeting John Layman at my LCS before Chew really blew up as the success it now is, and can say he is absolutely a completely nice guy, and a bit of a nut bar. While he’s known for his sense of humor, what with the very funny Chew and Mars Attacks, I believe a guy like him can definitely hold his own in a dramatic workspace. I’ve long advocated that Comedy and Drama are two sides of the same coin, and that the talent needed to be good at one is the same needed to be good at the other. While some may balk at the idea of a silly, less serious Batman at the hands of Layman, his recent interview with CBR points otherwise:
CBR: Batman, traditionally, is a pretty straight shooter. I mean, he’s the Dark Knight for a reason. “Chew” and “Mars Attack” are both really funny. Are you bringing the bwa-ha-ha to “Detective”?
Layman: It’s not going to be a comedy and I am not going to treat the character with disrespect, but I don’t think it’s going to be as heavy as some of the other series. Scott Snyder does fantastic Batman stories, but he’s got more of a horror writer background and it shows. This is a delicate question. I don’t want it to sound like I am making Batman into a wuss, but I would like to concentrate on more of the detective part of the character. I want to make very smart, surprising stories and make them a little bit more adventure-y rather than horror.
CBR: And if you go back to early Bob Kane Bruce Wayne/Batman, that’s what he was. “The World’s Greatest Detective.”
Layman: But that’s not to say that I’m going to make it goofy. I just don’t think the body count will be as high. I don’t know. I am just going to have some fun and be true to Batman.
Now I love my Scott Snyder horror style Batman, but I’ve LONG loved to see Batman portrayed as the Super Sleuth he used to be. It’s even one of my few criticisms of Nolan’s Batman from the films. Batman’s super power is his mind, he’s there with a plan for everything, and is always 10 Bat-Steps ahead of everyone else at every moment. Too many people focus on his darkness and brooding and forget what range his character can really have, and seeing Layman specifically mention he wants to make surprising, lighter adventure stories, is a breath of fresh air. Plus, if we’re lucky, we’ll get to see Joker be funny again. Darkly humorous Joker is the best Joker, by far. Go Layman!
DC Execs Hint at Vertigo Event!!!
DC right now has a pretty big ball rolling. They’ve got the Third Army/Green Lantern Event, The Swamp Thing/Animal Man crossover, and Before Watchmen all going at once in the concurrent months ahead. Not content to be settled with just that though, they’ve gone and subtly hinted that yet another event is planned, this time to be revealed at the SDCC Vertigo Panel (we’ll have more on this later), which I now really wish I was attending.
Nrama: Are there any plans for an event related to the Vertigo line? It seems like that line is being left out of the excitement with all this New 52 stuff.
Wayne: You should definitely check out our Vertigo panel in San Diego next week. My colleague, Mr. Cunningham, is going to moderate, but I’ll be in the back.
Nrama: So for those of our readers who aren’t going to San Diego, are you saying there’s an announcement about an event coming during the Vertigo panel? And I did say “event,” which you didn’t correct, so you’re going along with that word?
Wayne: We’re not going to tell you any more than that. [Newsarama]
What could that mean? What exactly would a Vertigo event entail? Are we gonna get John Constantine fighting that I, Zombie girl? Or holy hell, is The Unwritten going to crossover into main DC continuity, and create the biggest double reverse mega-meta-mind f*** of all time? I’ve no clue what they could be meaning by a potential Vertigo event, but hot damn am I curious. My mind is reeling with possibilities, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Black Lightning & Blue Devil Make Their New 52 Appearance!
Supascoot here, treading on other people’s articles again. While there are a lot of characters who have yet to show up in the New 52, news has recently been released that brings two longtime heroes into the New 52. But there’s a twist. it looks like the two heroes are actually going to be a new duo premiering in the pages of DC Universe Presents written by Marc Andreyko with art by Robson Rocha. CBR sat down with Andreyko for the full scoop:
CBR News: I understand you’re using both Black Lightning and Blue Devil. My first question then is the most basic one: what is your story about and why use these two characters?
Marc Andreyko: Well, the story originated after WonderCon; I was at Disneyland with [DC Comics Co-Publisher] Dan DiDio, and we were talking and he mentioned the concept of Black and Blue — Black Lightning and Blue Devil. This was just in passing as we were waiting in line for rides, and then I kept bugging him about it and the ideas just started flying. It’s a grand tradition in entertainment, literature and films of two people who are complete opposites becoming friends in spite of themselves, whether it’s Maddie and David on “Moonlighting” or Felix and Oscar on “The Odd Couple,” or even Bert and Ernie on “Sesame Street!” So the idea of taking these two characters, one who was explicitly magic-based and one who was explicitly not, added metaphorically to the differences they had. The book is taking place in Los Angeles, and we’re not starting with an origin story. We’re starting with these guys having already been established. It’ll leave unanswered questions to how they got where they are, which I always find interesting. Most of us don’t pick up comic books with the very first issue, at least originally. You start in the middle of the storyline and then you fill in the details retroactively as you go. I think that adds to the intricacy and interest of a character.
Now you said that the two are essentially an odd-couple pairing — how do they work as foils for each other?
In the story, personality-wise, Jefferson Pierce is an Olympic-level athlete, so for him the training and discipline begets power, whether that’s athletic power or honing his lightning skills. Magic to him is kind of foreign because magic tends not to be from A to B to C — magic is sometimes A to C and then all around. So Blue Devil’s very powers are contrary to the way Jefferson thinks and the way Jefferson lives his life. Jefferson is a very focused guy. You have to be to be an Olympic athlete. You have to have discipline and training. Dan comes from a Hollywood family and has always been this kind of guy who glides through life, taking jobs when he needs them and then, when the money runs out, taking another one. Magic sort of extrapolates on his persona. The conflict there is both personality-wise and super-powers.
The original Blue Devil was a Hollywood stuntman who was magically fused to his suit. In your take on him, are you losing the lighter, comedy aspect to his character?
Oh no, not at all! These guys are definitely Riggs and Murtaugh from “Lethal Weapon.” No, Dan is definitely the lighter one, the jokey-er one. Once again, going back to another pop culture reference, he’s Bruce Willis to Black Lightning’s Cybill Shepherd — without the romance!
Then what is the tone of the story overall? Is this going to be a light-hearted buddy comedy? A more serious superhero story?
The answer to that is actually yes to both. I don’t think one excludes the other. For me, the best dramas always have moments of comedy in them because they allow you to diffuse some of the intensity and dire things that happen. If something is too grim all the way through, it becomes white noise, and if it’s too comedy, it feels superficial. The comedy in these stories comes organically from the characters and the situations they’re in; there aren’t going to be pratfalls and cream pies or that sort of thing. It’s not putting jokes in and reverse engineering a story out of them — it’s the jokes and comedy coming out of story itself. There will definitely be stakes and high drama and there will definitely be tragedy involved, but once again I think having lighter moments only add to the intensity of more serious moments.
Definitely an interesting take on the characters, and it leads us to believe that with the de-aging of Black Lightning his two grown up hero daughters (Thunder & Lightning) will have no place in the New 52. I was never a huge fan of Blue Devil, but Black Lightning has certainly always been at the forefront of the DC Universe, and I am looking forward to reading more on the new versions.
A ‘Death Of The Family’ For Batman?
One thing that even the most avid anti-DC fan has to admit, is that they’ve been pulling off entertaining Batman stories. You could argue about which are the best, but generally I think everyone agrees that as of now, Scott Snyder has been knocking Batman out of the park. His run on Batman has been gripping, creative, and really creepy with each issue, and it only looks like it’s gonna ramp up considerably with his planned Joker centric story arc, “Death Of The Family.” Back in Detective Comics #1, we saw Joker willingly lose his face to the Dollmaker, and in subsequent issues be kept as a bizarre relic, pinging with ominous foreshadowing every time It was shown again. Now we’re going to finally get some payoff from that incredible moment, and Scott Snyder’s excellent blend of creepy sauce and creativity is gonna give us a Joker that we’re all dying to see. Snyder talks about his take on Joker, over at CBR:
CBR News: The last we saw of Joker in the New 52, he had literally gotten his face peeled off by Dollmaker, and the promo image for your storyline showcases his skinned face. Is the peeling off of the Joker’s face going to be touched on and explained in your story?
Scott Snyder: That’s an element you’ll definitely see addressed and explained and built on in this story. When Tony [Daniel] was working on that, he brought it up to me and I knew there was a story that I wanted to tell with Joker that would trail out of that. So that’s something that will play a big part in terms of Joker’s look, but also his whole psychology.
CBR: Let’s talk about that psychology, because Joker’s been everything from an evil mastermind to someone who is absolutely, clinically insane. What’s your take on the Clown Prince of Crime?
Snyder: For this story, we really wanted this to be Joker at his most unleashed and vengeful; this Joker has an axe to grind and a point to prove. He’s gone away for a year for a very deliberate reason. During that year, he sort of set all of his traps and sharpened his knives and he’s ready to come back to Gotham and make his point to Batman and the Batman family. He has a very strong mission in mind and he’s very passionate about what he wants to prove to Batman this time around, and it’s really twisted and dark and unpleasant.
While that’s one of the more interesting parts from the interview, the whole thing is totally worth reading. The story arc’s title is also certainly ominous as well, as the ‘Death Of The Family’ probably isn’t a literal title, but more figurative. Will the Joker drive a wedge between the established pantheon of Batman and Co? I imagine if so, it’ll cross over into Batman Inc as well. The whole thing has me asking questions and eagerly anticipating the book to come out already, so I can get my grubby mitts on it and read it. All in all guys, it’s looking like a great year ahead for Batman fans.
And that’s it for this edition of Comic Rack! You can read more here!
Check back soon for the CCI 2012 edition of Comic Rack!
Assassin’s Creed is one of those magnificent games that manages to pack together a high concept, dense, and intricately woven story, with heavy mythology and symbolism, and still manages to be a commercial success. I suppose the difference between games and other mediums, is that with a game, you can skip the story if you like, and focus solely on the killing and whatnot. You’d be doing yourself a huge disservice, as the AC storyline is one of the better science fiction stories being told in gaming, or any media today.
The first game is initially about you being the descendant of an ancient league of assassins, reliving your genetic memories via a virtual reality machine that can access historical details otherwise obscured or lost to time. The repercussions of your discoveries, and the true intent of the scientists putting you through these experiments is what soon becomes captivating, along with the seemingly anachronistic parallels between the past and the present. Eventually the back story becomes the main story, and in the games sequels it’s expanded greatly, and really makes you wonder just what the hell is going on.
So with much optimism, I’m glad to say that Michael Fassbender, who some of you might recognize as David from Prometheus, or Magneto from X-Men: First Class, has been cast in the lead role for the film. It’s not confirmed if he’ll actually be playing Desmond Miles, the lead from the game, but one could presume so. Speaking briefly on the casting of Fassbender is Ubisoft Motion Pictures CEO Jean-Julien Baronnet, via Coming Soon:
“Michael Fassbender was our first choice. Michael (Fassbender) is an extremely smart, talented, versatile and committed actor.”
For me, even though the game is a lot of fun, I’d rather just watch the brilliant story play out, which is why a movie is such a great idea. Historical fiction is fairly popular right now, and even though The Da Vinci Code, National Treasure and films of that ilk are gaining years in age, all it would take is something like Assassin’s Creedto blow up and get everybody excited about how awesome history is again. I can’t wait to see this thing, and I should really get around to finishing the last 2 games in the series, before 3 comes out, and so should you!
Raw starts right off the bat with a recap of the Punk/AJ/Bryan storyline, because that is so clearly the best storyline they have going right now between the main 3 right now. Triple H vs Brock Lesnar is a big pile of who gives a shit, and Cena VS Big Show has been milquetoast at best. AJ enters the ring, skipping as usual, and starts to talk about her behavior, and how it will affect the match she’ll be refereeing at Money In The Bank. She introduces CM Punk, and they talk about the events that transpired on Smackdown. To briefly summarize it, she kissed both Daniel Bryan and CM Punk, after Punk told her she needed professional help. She addresses his sentiments, by saying that she is in full control of her faculties, and doesn’t need any kind of professional help. I’m inclined to believe her, because I’ve been thinking that secretly, all along, she’s been playing all the men around her for her own end game, but like any long con, when fake feelings and real feelings get mixed, it can nix the whole operation, and jeopardize the con entirely. AJ knows what she’s doing, but it’s gone wrong, and now she’s trying to find an exit plan. Despite being a little too soap opera-ey, this promo was at least a good example of AJ actually being a pretty good actor. For a wrestler, I mean.
Eventually, after AJ continues her explanation of her feelings, how CM Punk made her feel cared about, and generally just breaks my heart with her plight and need to be loved, she full on admits CM Punk gets her hot. She then kneels down on one knee, and goddamn PROPOSES to CM Punk. He shakes his head, just as flabbergasted as we all are, and Daniel Bryan comes in shouting NO emphatically. He begs her to not make the biggest mistake in her life. He goes on to try to convince her that he has never truly lost his feelings for her, and decries CM Punk as a liar and manipulator. CM Punk rebuffs Bryan, and Bryan counters by daring Punk to say “I do”. Punk hesitates, and Bryan continues his deft/cruel/funny manipulation of AJ’s feelings. Then HE gets on one knee, and proposes to her. Then CM Punk interrupts and calls him on his BS, and they start arguing about who will be whose fiancee and whatnot, until the text noise for the Anonymous General Manager of Raw sounds. Remember him/her/it? I guess they weren’t dead after all. Michael Cole then reveals the official laptop that the Anon-GM uses to communicate. I should have called this, but the days of the Anonymous Raw General Manager seem so long ago, that I’d all but forgotten about it. I guess all the past GM’s really do get to return to duty. Michael Cole communicates that the Anon-GM believes that CM Punk and AJ makes a great couple and then announces an inter-gender Tag Team Match, (god is it Teddy? Ugh.), between AJ and Punk, and Daniel Bryan and Eve. Which is a weird pairing, but whatever. It’d seem that the winner of this match will determine who AJ will end up with/married to, along with who she’ll favor in MITB this Sunday. She then says she’ll be walking out tonight with her “Future Husband”, and CM Punk drops his mic in shock. For a very soap opera-ey promo, it wasn’t too bad, although I can see some people being absolutely bored by the first 20 minutes of their wrestling show being 3 people talking about their romantic feelings for each other, and then proposing marriage. I found it entertaining, simply because it was so absurd, if a bit stupidly melodramatic. Also, throughout this segment several fan’s signs were just KILLING ME. I had to take pictures of them to share, because they’re pure comedy gold.
CM Punk. You know, Second City Saint? Voice of the Voiceless? Best in the Wold?
There are no words for this.
He’s not wrong.
Seriously? This could be a good match, but with how much they’ve been obviously burying Jack Swagger, and how hard they’ve been pushing Sheamus on us, why even have this match? Sheamus gets his two finishers in, in 58 goddamn seconds. Big surprise. Alberto Del Rio then shows up on the Titan-Tron to taunt Sheamus, and drives away in his awesome car like a boss. Then Sheamus brogue kicks Jack Swagger again, who was just trying to stand up, and somehow we’re supposed to cheer him for doing this. I don’t get how Sheamus is a face, when all he does is act like a complete bastard heel all the time. What did Jack Swagger do to piss off Vince McMahon so badly? He’s clearly being punished because Diva’s matches are longer than this.
Then we cut to Zack Ryder and Santino backstage, discussing how Zack Ryder won the privilege to be the GM of Smackdown, and the identity of the Anon-GM. Santino then pulls out a Sherlock Holmes hat, and a magnifying glass, and starts literally searching for the Anon-GM in plastic buckets of cable wiring. Because he’s freaking retarded. Maybe that’s been his character gimmick all along? He’s literally retarded, and some WWE writer forgot to tell everyone else, and he’s just been laying it on extra thick to communicate that to us, because he contractually can’t break kayfabe and just tell us.
Returning from the break, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler announce that The Rock will elaborate on his intention to reclaim the WWE Championship, at the 1000th show in 2 weeks. They’ve been doing this for a lot of goddamn things, and it seems like this 1000th show will be nothing but guest stars, announcements made by wrestlers about future matches and their feuds, and generally everything but actual wrestling.
Shot time! Tyson Kidd is on Raw! Take a shot! I’m not exactly sure why these 4 guys are fighting in a tag team match, other than to build up to their MITB ladder match, because there’s no organic character build up for them at all. I know not every match has to be based around a feud, but having these guys in a tag team together for no reason other than “It’s for the PPV”, seems really disingenuous to me in its intention to build hype for the PPV match. Just have them make promos insulting each other or something, rather than this uselessly short tag team match. The match ends with Tensai pinning Christian and winning for himself and Dolph, then he throws his typical after match tantrum where he beats on somebody, this time it’s Tyson Kidd. We cut to Michael Cole and Jerry, and they start discussing who should be GM for Raw and Smackdown, and Jerry’s admittedly stupid opinion makes Cole throws a cup of water on Lawler, and immediately he apologizes in fear. Like Lawler could even do anything to him anyway, but whatever. Cole runs away to attend to the Anon-GM’s messages, and then refuses to announce the Anon-GM’s new messages. Lawler stands up, and reads that Cole and Lawler will have a match tonight. Cole is furious and demands that the Anon-GM change the match. The GM then lets the WWE Universe vote online to determine if the match will take place or not. I then barf.
45 minutes into Raw, and all we’re getting are squashes and Tag Team matches again? I swear to god, the Anonymous Raw GM MUST be Teddy Long, because this is exactly his MO. Does anyone watch this and really think Drew McIntyre is going to beat The Funkasaurus? Really? REALLY? Aw hell, take it away Miz.
I miss you Miz.
Guess what? Funkasaurus wins! I don’t even think Drew Mcintyre even got to do anything during this match. Then Funkasaurus starts dancing with a bunch of kids. Even I’m starting to get tired of The Funkasaurus’ shtick now. Please make him do something interesting. Have him fight big people who present a challenge. Stop handicapping him with a “hurt knee” so he can lose and still come off as a powerhouse later. Give him purpose. Please. I’m begging you WWE. For me?
Backstage, Santino has gotten into the dressing room of Jericho, and accuses him of being the Anon-GM. Jericho then accuses him back, and Santino walks away after having some kind of idiot thought in his head. Then Big Show appears, and Jericho tries to reunite Jerishow, but Big Show tells him by no means is this a reunion, and that he wants him to stay out-of-the-way. Man, who hurt you Big Show? Jericho is ALL ABOUT kicking ass and taking names, he’d be the perfect complement to your budding war machine. I hope Show has some kind of endgame in mind, because even if he wants to be a self-sufficient Unstoppable GIANT, he could stand to network with his fellow heels. I dunno, make a stable of heels even? Man, remember stables? What happened to that? God I miss the NWO and DX.
Jericho, Big Show, and Alberto Del Rio would make the best heel stable they could have right now. I even got a name planned, the WMD’s, because they’d be the worlds most dangerous group of heels in the WWE today. Show would even be the leader with that name! They could go around and systematically destroy stupid inferior people like Santino, or just break Sheamus’ arms and legs and take the WHC back from his waste. I know if you read this column with any consistency, you’ll realize I flip-flop a lot on my opinion of Sheamus, but goddamn does he need to figure out what his deal is. I can’t keep kinda liking, then mostly hating him forever.
Stephanie McMahon’s favorite Raw memory is Triple H calling her a lying bitch on live television for faking a pregnancy? The McMahon family is screwed up.
Then John Cena enters, grabs a mic, and starts to give a promo. It’s exactly the same promo he always gives. I’m not going to summarize it, because there are only so many ways to type “John Cena says he’ll never give up, and he’ll win”, and blah blah blah oh my god kill me. Or more accurately, kill Cena. Well don’t kill him, but lordy give him something to say that he already hasn’t! His whole thing this time is just one big commercial for MITB, himself, and his merchandise in effect. Every time he speaks, all I hear is “BUY WWE JOHN CENA SHIRTS. BUY JOHN CENA CUPS. BUY JOHN CENA TOYS.” and it’s so goddamn awful. It’s blatant, and belittles what little credibility the WWE actually has every time he does it.
An hour into Raw, and we get our first actual wrestling match of significant length and importance. These guys, for better or for worse, have actual reasons to dislike each other, and have actual history and meaning for why they’re wrestling each other, even if the main reason is Money In The Bank. The match started off slow, with Cena and Jericho trading blows until each tagged in their partners, and then Kane starts to actually give Show some competition. Show gets a some big stomps in, and Jerishow gets the upper hand early on. After a series of tags, and a commercial break, Big Show faces Cena and locks him into a big bear hug. Cena counters and gets the hot tag to Kane, and gains some momentum against Big Show. They actually start to get some good moves against each other, and make some good spots on each other. Jericho gets tagged in, and we cut to another commercial break.
That’s two commercial breaks during one match. What must happen in between the moments they don’t show on tv? I’d like to think they just stop wrestling and stand around, making snack a little bit, and the live audience just loses their minds in frustration until the show goes back on air. Anyhow, after the break, during which Jericho has been beating on Kane, Kane regains his composure and lands a big sidewalk slam on Jericho. Cena then starts the process for the 5 Moves Of Doom, but his pin on Jericho is interrupted by Big Show, and causes a DQ. Which makes no sense, because I’m pretty sure tag teams matches are based around the partner interrupting pins, ALL THE TIME. Show then pulls out two ladders, and uses them on Jericho and Kane. By “uses” I mean, he baby taps them very lightly on the chest with them, and slams them very gingerly on the chest with them on the ground. Then John Cena baby taps Show with a ladder, and his music starts playing, thus indicating the “end” of the match. Learn how to use a ladder guys. Jesus. That MITB match is gonna be terrible.
Backstage we see CM Punk warming up for his match, and Eve wishes him luck, and takes time to insult AJ and warn Punk of her unreliability. She also tries to get into his head by comparing him to prior champions and reminding him of the length of his title reign. Punk seems stressed, and we cut again to Santino. This time he thinks he’s found the cell phone of the Anon-GM, but it’s actually The Great Khali’s phone. Santino tries to question Khali if he is the Anon-GM, but the both of them are goddamned retarded and watching them communicate was horrifically boring and led to no new information.
I guess they’re still having qualifying matches for MITB, and while this match is a given, it was still fun to watch Sin Cara and Heath Slater actually do things in the ring. After Sin Cara gets his squash win on Slater, Slater then angrily demands any former champion to come out, claiming he’ll win no matter who. Then Bob Backlund shows up. You read that right, Bob Frikkin’ Backlund shows up, and apparently NOBODY in the crowd recognizes who he is, which was sad. He parades around in the ring, to the utter indifference of everyone in the arena. Heath Slater then kicks him around for a minute, and Bob Backlund puts him into a Cross Chicken Wing submission and wins. Weird.
We get the results of the WWE Universe’s decision to have Michael Cole wrestle Jerry Lawler, which of course was 75% in favor of them wrestling tonight. Michael Cole starts to complain, and is interrupted mid sentence by a commercial break. When we return Booker T and Josh Matthews are doing commentary. Cole tries to coward his way out of the ring, but is thrown back in by Booker T. Lawler feigns a handshake between the two of them, and then hoists him into a fireman’s carry, and spins him around. Being dizzy is apparently enough for him to pin Cole, and the match ends. Then the Anon-GM sends a message, claiming that due to Booker T’s “interference” he’s reversing the decision, and Michael Cole’s undefeated reign continues.
Then Santino enters the ring, claiming he’s searched every inch of the WWE Stadium, looking for the Anon-GM. He deduces that the GM must be under the ring, and the GM sends messages saying there is nobody under the ring, in a ploy to dissuade Santino from searching under the ring. He does, of course, and begins to be pulled under, but is helped out by Lawler, and clinging to Santino’s legs is Hornswoggle. This whole time, the Anonymous Raw General Manager was Hornswoggle. Seriously. Hornswoggle. He then kicks Lawler, and bites Santino’s butt. I’m… I have no words for how stupid this segment was. Moments like this make me ashamed to be a WWE fan, and I’m going to have to take like 10 more Tyson Kidd shots to forget this crap.
I totally forgot about this match. The previous example of extreme stupidity wiped it from my mind, which is quite a feat. Stupidity induced amnesia is quite rare you know. Well the match begins, and we get the good-as-usual-but-not-AMAZING Punk/Bryan interplay that they have on Raw. AJ gets tagged in, and her and Eve trade a decent set of blows against each other, and then start doing the usual Diva style roll around fighting. AJ gets the upperhand, and Eve attempts to tag in Daniel Bryan, who then refuses to be tagged. AJ quickly rolls up Eve for the win.
Bryan then claims this is him proving his true love for AJ, and says they should leave and get married right then and there. AJ ponders, and CM Punk makes the same argument he did earlier, pointing out that Bryan is using her, and doesn’t have any real feelings for her. He then truthfully admits he will not marry AJ, but admits he cares enough about her to be honest. AJ cries, and then smiles, and then slaps CM Punk. and then tearfully slaps Daniel Bryan. The show ends as she starts laughing, and “Yes-ing” her way up the ramp. Lending credence to my theory that she is the mastermind player, using these two men to her own end. She knows exactly what she’s doing.
Yeah, she knows what she’s doing.
Sometimes, WWE will try an episode out like this, which is comedy-promo heavy, and very light on wrestling. Sometimes, it works out, and you get hilarious and memorable promos and segments, like nearly the entire McMahon/Austin feud. Some nights, like tonight, it’s nearly unwatchable and cartoonishly bad. The whole Punk/AJ/Bryan thing only works when the stakes are directly tied and centered around a match, and as much as I like that storyline, 20+ minutes of wrestlers standing around and talking about their feelings, is tiring. I love me some ridiculous WWE action but take overwrought melodrama, and add it to pure retard fuel like Santino Ace Detective, and Hornswoggle the Secret Mastermind Anonymous General Manager, and you’ve got a recipe for bad television, and atrocious wrestling. I understand they call it sports entertainment, but holy hell guys, don’t forget the SPORT your show is based on. Meanwhile, i’ll be sitting over here, rocking in my chair, trying to remind myself I’m not really stupid for enjoying WWE.
It’s a funny thing that the signs in the crowd tonight were so on point. They pretty much sum up my feelings for tonight’s show.
I feel for you CM Punk. I do. You, AJ and Daniel Bryan all deserve better than this. Well, when an episode of Raw is this bad, I can really only think one thought at the end. And that’s really? Really? REALLY?
So the big thing in PC Gaming, and probably gaming as a whole right now, is MMO’s. You know the kind, World Of Warcraft, The Old Republic, or if you go back in time, Everquest. Being a man who has never been much into PC gaming, or the concept of continually paying for a game to keep playing it, I’ve never latched onto MMO’s or any game similar to them. For me there’s never been a game that’s grabbed my interest, although The Old Republic sure gave it a run for it’s money. In my case though, my wallet trumps all, because Money Over Everything. I do have one particular weakness though, and that is anything Game Of Thrones related. With GoT’s popularity right now, they’ve of course announced an MMORPG to go along with it.
Game developer Bigpoint announced today the “Game of Thrones” massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) titled “Game of Thrones: Seven Kingdoms.” MMORPGs are the type of online game that include the likes “World of Warcraft,” and it looks like “GoT” is joining the fray. [Yidio]
Details about the game itself are scarce, but it’s setting is post-book 1, with the throne itself up for grabs. It’s fairly likely this is more based upon the Song Of Ice And Fire Novels, rather than the Game of Thrones HBO series, since there’s not as many licensing issues there. To that end, if I ever did pick up this game, I’d hope the voice acting is good, the world accurate to the detailed descriptions given in the books, and the concepts of intrigue, honor, and moral ambiguity upheld. I’d hate to see GoT turned into a mindless hack & slash MMO, with people grinding for gold dragons endlessly. One thing the game does have going right, is making the game Free-To-Play, which is a trend that’s been very popular lately. The only downside to this is that nearly everything cool in the game will then cost actual cash, as the game’s cost is subsidized through micro-payments.
Want that cool Direwolf for a companion? $10! Want that shiny Valyrian Steel sword? $15. I’m probably entirely wrong about the actual prices for items themselves, and they may be far cheaper, but the reality is that people WILL buy them, and use them. I have friends who play League Of Legends, another very popular Free-To-Play game, who have spent more on it than even the most expensive collectors limited special edition games they’ve purchased in the past. But of course, people like me who love A Song Of Ice And Fire, and Game of Thrones, who are already accustomed to the MMO world, will probably be champing at the bit to try this game out. While in the past the initial purchase/subscription price combo of MMO’s like Star Wars: The Old Republic was enough to keep me away, the tantalizing prospect of Free-To-Play lingers over my head for Game Of Thrones: Seven Kingdoms. Chances are, when it’s released, I’ll be playing it, “just to try it”.
Wish me and my wallet luck. It’s a dangerous rabbit hole.
Breaking Bad is arguably the best show on television right now, and along with its stellar cast, directing, writing and acting, it’s one of the most engaging stories I’ve ever seen. So engaging, that it’s only a week and change away from debuting its new season, and that still feels like an incredibly long time. Unfortunately, the wait could be even longer for Dish Network subscribers, who are SOL when it comes to getting AMC this year. Dish is another satellite TV provider that has at one point or another, failed to make a deal with a popular cable network, and the drama spills out into the public, and fans of that channel have to get involved themselves.
“Dish has not discussed rates with us at all,” AMC said in today’s statement. Dish customers have lost some of their favorite shows because of an unrelated lawsuit which has nothing at all to do with our programming.” [Ad Age]
Basically, Dish says that AMC is charging too much for its channel with its shows with low ratings, (Walking Dead, Mad Men, ) and AMC says that Dish is dropping them because of an unspecified 2008 lawsuit that would lose Dish money, to the amount of $ 2.5 billion. A similar thing happened with FX/DirecTV a year or so ago, and years before that DirecTV and G4, only G4 is such a terrible channel DirecTV decided to not accept their deal and now DirecTV is G4-less. That’s ok though, because G4 has never had anything close in quality to the worst show on FX or AMC combined, and that includes reruns of Two & A Half Men. How this keeps happening, I don’t understand. Perhaps there’s just a constant cycle of lawsuits that are on hold indefinitely to stymie cable and satellite providers, and some great TV Pope declares who will get what network approval every 10 years.
So the Great TV Pope has declared that unless Dish and AMC can come to some agreement, AMC, IFC and We TV will be dropped from Dish. How will they get their dose of Zombies, Meth Drama, Men in Suits, Experimental Indie Cinema and Women’s Programming now?
On an interesting side note, FX was originally going to pick up Breaking Bad, until the president of FX thought that Walter White would make one male anti-hero too many for their channel.
“We had three dramas with male antiheroes and we looked at that script and said, ‘Okay, so here’s a fourth male antihero,’” Landgraf recalled. “The question was: ‘Are we defining FX as the male antihero network and is that a big enough tent?” [EW]
I suppose this means that no matter what, at some point every Satellite TV customer, would have to have worried about not getting their fix of Breaking Bad. What with FX’s fans’ main rallying cry being to save It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, in some alternate universe somewhere it very well may have been “Save Breaking Bad! Tell FX you love meth!” Mostly, I’m just glad I have DirecTV right now…
Grizzly Bomb 