Sometimes the scariest things are simple, and in the case of It Follows, something as simple as seeing a person walk towards you can become the scariest damn thing imaginable.
Let’s get this right out of the way. Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, is the best of all three of the Cabin Fever films so far. You’ll probably react to this news in one of two ways: Indifference, or you’ll defend the Eli Roth original to the death as the One True Cabin Fever film. The problem with this is that the horror genre has moved beyond the referential “Homages and passion are enough” status quo. 2012’s Cabin In The Woods changed all of that. When Cabin Fever came out, it flopped pretty hard but the theater of people I saw it in were changed forever. It’s a raucous film that has energy and lots of flaws, but it’s lots of fun. The sequel was a bizarre result of studio intervention and Alan Smithee-esque levels of final cut butchery, so it’s best left forgotten.
I have a long and personal history with Dan Harmon’s work, and in a lot of ways, this documentary is a culmination of my fandom for him growing to its absolute peak. That is to say, the work of Dan Harmon is something I’ve always loved, even before I knew his name. You’re most likely familiar with his most famous work, Community. A lot has been written about that show, and with it, Dan Harmon. The two are kind of inseparable, which is what creates such an interesting pretense for a documentary: What happens to an artist when his creation is taken from him?
While this is a documentary that certainly does tell that story, the main focus is on Mr. Harmon. It’s his self-destruction, heartache for the loss of his own show, and the eclectic people who have all been touched in one way or another by Dan Harmon’s work that creates the backbone of the movie. We follow the tour he takes in response to being fired from his own show, and what we see is a condensed version of scenes from his popular and eponymous podcast Harmontown. So this documentary is really for two sets of fans; Fans who love Community and want to know more about its creator, and fans of his podcast. I’m personally in the latter, and I was giddy to watch this film. In a nutshell, it’s exactly what I expected. The podcast in a movie form, with a semi-narrative that accurately captures the spirit of the tour, and of Dan Harmon himself. He’s a tortured mad genius poet, who cannot accept his own success, and seems to self-sabotage. But it’s great! It’s cathartic to watch a man slowly – over the course of his tour – take some time to think about who he really is, who his fans are, and what that connection truly means to him, and to his fans in turn.
If you’re a Harmonite like me, you don’t need convincing to watch this movie, not really. If you’re in the camp of fans who only know him as the creator of Community, I’m honestly jealous of you. Along with the wonderful podcast (which is basically the long form version of lots of this film), this movie is a deep exploration of how insidious self loathing is. It shows us the real trials of being a very demanding artist who is willing to burn everything around him to create from his soul. It’s a passion and a drive that is respectable and admirable, even if ultimately unhealthy.
And unhealthy it is. Don’t get me wrong, this documentary is not favorable to Dan Harmon. It’s quite unflinching in its portrayal of his relationship with his girlfriend, who sits back and casually receives verbal abuse from Harmon that would cut others to ribbons. If there’s one thing to look for in the film, it’s how even though Harmon is a broken, sad, tortured man, he’s still managed to find someone who loves him for who he is. It’s a beautiful message and one of the more subtle ones told in the film. We mainly see the film through the perspective of a young Dungeons And Dragons player (“A Dungeon MASTER”, as he exclaims in the film) named Spencer Crittenden. He’s our “everyman” in the documentary, and as much as I love Spencer in the film, the focus is clearly on Harmon.
Harmontown is a documentary that shows us how over long periods of time, with enough mental work, enough patience and enough time, we can rise out of the ditches of self-loathing we all dig for ourselves. I can’t think of anything more heart wrenching than having your creation ripped away from you and given to others to continue working on, and the effect it has on Harmon is gripping. He’s a polarizing man for sure, but I guess in a lot of ways so am I, and so are a lot of Harmontown fans. I think that’s something that I, Harmonites, and Dan Harmon himself have all discovered together, and that’s pretty damn magical.
Images: Harmontown, The Orchard
Amazon has recently taken big swipes in the entertainment industry. They’ve gone pretty wholehog into this Fire thing, and to be honest, I really dig it. I like their approach to digital media distribution and the way they handle their cloud. They’re also great at creating original content, which is something they’re really starting to get a handle on. In the past few years they’ve even gone and made a “Pilot season” for their original programming. The Amazon pilot season is now in it’s third iteration, and while I’m not familiar with the previous two “winners” (all the pilots are in a contest to be chosen which will continue by viewer demand), the current lineup has two clear front-runners out of the pack that includes:
Hand Of God
This is a pretty typical “ambiguous religious duty” kind of show. You know the type, where the character is maybe getting some secret message, or maybe they’re just crazy, man. It’s not written terribly well, but it’s not boring or laugh out loud stupid either. If anything, it’s pretty clear that the whole thing is a vehicle for Ron Perlman to strut his stuff and show off his acting chops, of which he has plenty. Perlman is the draw here, because his performance elevates an otherwise pretty dreary and dull script. The show is captivating because of him and him alone, but that in and of itself is enough to keep me watching. The issue with this is that when your whole show rides on one actor, it tends to create a pretty huge vacuum if, for some strange reason, he decided not to act in it anymore. I’m not saying Ron Perlman is gonna die, but if he does, then this show will suck.
- Look: 75
- Sound: 70
- Players: 90
- Script: 30
This was the most pleasant surprise of the selection for me. I never thought a story about a tennis coach could be so interesting, but Steven Soderbergh has managed to produce a show about tennis that’s magically not stupid as hell. Granted, it’s accomplished by being set in the ’80s, which is the cultural equivalent of that neon colored frosting on store bought cupcakes. Bright and beautiful, but mostly just filler and lots of saturated fat. And cocaine. Did you know that all store cupcakes have cocaine in them? Explains a lot, doesn’t it?
Anyway, the pilot centers on a kid who teaches rich folk at a tennis club how to tennis better, or whatever. He eventually gets tied up in some hijinks and ’80s genre leitmotifs. I loved it, not only because I’m a sucker for ’80s music, but because everyone in this acted like real people who were trying to do things. When you’re making a dramedy, the characters HAVE to feel real, or else you’re just an unfocused director or writer trying to console their own feelings on camera while calling it an “exploration of the human condition”, or something really dumb like that. Red Oaks isn’t that, it’s just an interesting show that’s well-acted, and I’m excited to see where it goes.
- Look: 80
- Sound: 95
- Players: 75
- Script: 75
This kind of show has been done. It’s basically This is 40, the TV show. Another dramedy about a group of middle aged 30-somethings trying to understand their own burgeoning maturity and mourning the loss of their youth. It’s a common story in these kinds of shows. The one aspect this brings to it is thankfully all the characters are likeable, which is a fresh breath of air compared to most of the other relationship dramas of this kind. It makes it stand out a bit more from the rest of these pilots, but not enough to warrant a continued series. Likeable characters in your show are the difference between an objectively bad show being fun and a mediocre to good show being unwatchable trash, like Mad Men. Yes, Mad Men is boring trash. Fight me. (<— Editors Note: Mad Men is great – I will fight you.)
- Look: 70
- Sound: 65
- Players: 75
- Script: 77
This is one of those shows that is destined to fail. You know the ones, like 666 Park Avenue or Happytown. Does anyone remember Happytown? This show is like Happytown. An incomprehensible mess. There’s the old TV trope of the one scientist or doctor who discovers a new virus that’s somehow spread by social media. Not to mention the dismal pacing, acting, plot and terrible editing. It’s the kind of idea that some really naive but peppy exec would pitch to appease some Suit, or a Suit’s idea of what’s hip and new in the drama scene. I can imagine the scene right now:
“Viral stuff is in! Let’s make it a virus story! VIRAL! THE INTERNET! MY GOD JIMMY, I’VE DONE IT AGAIN!”
And then we’re left watching Mena Suvari’s weird forehead bumble around in the dark and warn us of weird internet diseases. I’ve got a disease for you, and it’s called Dumb-Conceptivitis. Guess what the cure is? Not watching this piece of crap.
- Look: 70
- Sound: 50
- Players: 30
- Script: 10 (I like the kernel of the idea, but it’s a short story at best, not a full TV show)
Overall the standouts were Hand of God and Red Oaks, mainly because they were good, and the rest were either boring or really dumb. That’s kind of the case with every pilot season, though. If you had to pick and choose through dozens of pilots for each season of TV, you would end up hating a lot of crap too. Watching all of these was fun in a way, because it made me feel like a weird TV exec with some level of power over the content I watch. In a way, this is really the future of television. We’re the ones who will choose the shows that we want, and the stupid middleman system they currently have with the studios will slowly become antiquated and weird. Amazon is doing something interesting here, and I’m honestly looking forward to next pilot season.
*Since this was submitted, Amazon has renewed both Hand of God and Red Oaks for series continuation. Awesome.
It’s a difficult thing to review a movie like I Spit On Your Grave 2. On one hand, I’m a life long horror fan who is always impressed when a film gets an emotional response out of me, and quite frankly that’s the easiest and simplest way to sum up the movie. I Spit On your Grave 2 is designed, as if by cruel life-destroying scientists, to challenge your emotions and morals when it comes to the nature of revenge and justice.
I don’t mean to get all Armond White on you here, so I’ll acknowledge I could be biased in my assessment of the film and my interpretation of this movie. That being said, I’m positive this film warrants some merit and consideration beyond the bargain bin at your local Best Buy. It’s no Citizen Kane, but as a revenge film, it’s very effective in establishing the kinds of characters we come to expect from these movies. The revenge movie has a series of tropes and this film follows along. The Victim, The Victimizer, and the Outside Force attempting to make due between the competing nature of violence that ensues with predator and prey. I’m not gonna bury the lead here, it’s a fairly simplistic revenge film, but it does a few things right, and adds one scene and bit of commentary that brings an otherwise relatively bland update into something special.
I Spit On Your Grave 2 is an obviously titled sequel to 2009’s I Spit On Your Grave. It’s not really so much a sequel as another remake. I suppose there is some tangible link between the two, but it seems fairly insignificant to me and would miss the point. It’s basically just a sequel that makes a better remake than the original remake. Which is a strange and confusing sentence to type.
Let’s get this thorn out of the way first, I Spit On Your Grave 2 is a violent, horrific film, just like the rest of the series, starting with the first ISOYG in 1978. Similarly to any of the other films in the series, if you’re at all a victim of abuse it’s certainly difficult to watch, which is the point. I think these movies are ultimately a way to make male viewers empathize and try to understand the cycle of violence and abuse that’s perpetuated not only by the act of revenge, but on each other as people. In the past, previous ISOYG films all featured the same setup: Girl gets kidnapped, girl gets brutally raped and tortured and left for dead, and the last act is her exacting revenge on them. After she kills everyone, she wins and the movie is over, You’re left to ponder the meaning of revenge and justice. The 2010 remake was just a bargain basement torture porn cash in that had some good technical effects, decent acting and creative death scenes. Sometimes as a horror fan, that’s all you ask for, but ISOYG 2 is different.
It’s a unique series because of it’s history as being pro-feminist, and honestly I get it. It’s a movie (and series of movies) that promote the idea of a woman being victimized horrifically, realizing nobody will save her, and instead of giving up she self actualizes and saves herself, then enacts revenge. It’s an admittedly weird, convoluted and bizarre context to portray that message, but nevertheless it is still there. The real twist this film brings to the table is a predictable reveal of who the “head honcho” is, which I can’t reveal without spoiling the film. Suffice to say, it’ll give you some thoughts about how misogyny and femicide are ideas perpetuated by all sexes, but really, it’s the men who deserve to be punished for it. Punished for it with their balls. Their dong meat. Their waggling baby sausage of love. Their HATE WORM.
What? Right. Anyway, the movie is food for thought, or you can just watch it and enjoy it as the sick horror movie loving scumbag I am. Either way, I wasn’t bored watching it, which is ultimately the highest compliment you can give a film these days. Right?
Images: Cinemagic, Anchor Bay Entertainment
I have a confession to make: I’ve never read Ender’s Game. I know, a part of me should have my nerd credentials ripped off, torn into pieces, spat upon and then skinned and turned into some kind of floppy ruck sack. The issue was while in middle school and high school I was too busy reading Heinlein and Douglas Adams, and the contrast between those two types of SF left me a bit frazzled and unable to try anything else for a while, until I found Philip K. Dick and boy did that open a whole new can of worms. Enough my waxing poetic about books I’ve read in the past though, and more about Ender’s Game itself. Sadly, all I have to go on now is how it’s supposedly a great story, written by a man who now unfortunately has tainted his own name pretty horribly. There’s been a pretty large, and justified row about Orson Scott Card due to his incredibly awful personal beliefs, and I’m fairly certain that will affect the perception the public at large has of the film. Especially for folks like me, who haven’t read the novel itself, and only know about OSC’s reputation. Regardless of that stigma however, the trailer is certainly interesting enough.
The problem I have with that trailer is it doesn’t really explain what the story is at all, and relies on the fact that you already know the story to be pumped for it. It makes me think what most non-SF loving people must think of the genre as, because all I see are weird swarm/alien bee-ships, and a little kid using an Mega-Xbox-Kinect (Oh I get it, a GAME okay) to control giant laser beams that are blowing up a planet maybe? And somehow that’s a heroic thing, I think? Plus there’s someone in it named Asa Butterfield, which I swear to god I’ve named an old Dungeons & Dragons character of mine before. Along with Jakk Hornsblood and Magnus Graverock, but that’s neither here nor there. Plus did you see Ben Kingsley’s weird face tattoo? If I didn’t inherently love SF and everything about the genre, I would assume this was a bunch of weird nonsense of The Last Airbender proportions. Then again, Avatar was the biggest hit movie of all time, so what do I know? All I have to go off of is the synopsis give to the film from press releases anyway.
“After an alien race called the Formics attacks Earth, the International Fleet prepare for the next invasion by training the best young children to find the future leader to lead the International Military. Ender Wiggin (Asa Butterfield), a shy but strategically brilliant boy, is pulled out of his school to join International Fleet and attend the legendary Battle School. After easily mastering the increasingly difficult war games, distinguishing himself and winning respect among his peers, Ender is soon ordained by Colonel Graff (Harrison Ford) as the military’s next great hope, resulting in his promotion to Command School. Once there, he’s trained by Mazer Rackham (Ben Kingsley) himself to lead the military into a war that will determine the future of Earth and the human race.”
There’s also this preview trailer, which I guess is a trailer for a trailer, which is a thing they do now. How incredibly redundant that is I suppose is up to your personal choice, but I find it utterly dumbfounding.
The only thing worth seeing in that preview was hearing how Asa Butterfield pronounces his name, which hilariously sounds like “Butts field”, which is now going to be a town in my next Dungeons & Dragons game. But enough about my Dungeons & Dragon’s games. This is about ENDER’S Game, (Ooooh segue master!), and if you like Ender’s Game and can ignore how much of a douche OSC is, I suppose you’ll be psyched for this. I’m reserving a cautious “Meh”, just in case it ends up being a weird, homophobic, terrible polemic.
Here we are in the second half of the third season of Game Of Thrones, and for those who haven’t read the books, I’d imagine things are getting frustrating when it comes to pacing. Granted not every episode could be the tour de force that was episode 3.04 “And Now His Watch Is Ended” aka “The Badass Episode With Dragons & Daenerys F***ing S*** UP” as most of my non book reading friends refer to it. Unfortunately with a series that has a cast of dozens, there has to be room made for the many storylines to all come together in lots of interesting ways. The most difficult thing for me, is trying to pinpoint what exactly is new to the story, adapted differently, or I’m just plain forgetting. That all being said, while “The Climb” wasn’t the most riveting episode in terms of plot advancement, it did well to establish important character beats that will pay off later. Or they should, unless they’re changed. Or done differently.
Regardless of the changes, the episode did a good job of having all the concurrent stories touched on and expanded in interesting ways. We started off with Samwell and Gilly escaping off into the Gods know where trying to save her baby who had the audacity to be born a boy, followed quickly by Meera Reed trading some barbs with Osha about skinning rabbits. (Women!) Ostensibly they’re all working together to follow the Three Eyed Crow’s dream, who’s guiding them along a vague and unknowable path of certain divine and/or fortuitous significance, that even I’m not sure of. I don’t even think they’ve really gotten around to what they’re really after just yet, even in the books. Then again I’m impossibly stupid sometimes.
Beyond The Wall we got to see Jon Snow and Ygritte finally put into words their bond with each other, as well as her admission of knowledge that she figured out he’s still doing the double agent thing for The Night’s Watch. Of course, love blinds all to duty, honor or loyalty, and she makes a pretty reasonable argument as to him staying loyal to her only, by threatening to cut off his Johnson and wear it around her neck if he betrays her. Generally when women tell me that, I run the hell away, or I’m super turned on and maybe that’s the reason why all of my relationships are horrific meltdowns of apocalyptic emotional proportion?
Anyhow! Afterward, there’s a tense scene between Lady Melisandre and Thoros who discuss in Valyrian their agendas to the Lord of Light. We see Melisandre shaken for the first time, as she meets 6-times resurrected Lord Beric, and she proclaims it’s not possible. Which was interesting, because I’m positive Melisandre didn’t have this interaction in the book. Her role is beefed up here, and she’s portrayed a bit more humanely, as opposed to the starkly conniving, mysterious and witchy woman she is in the novels. Then they sell poor Gendry for gold to her. Because she needs nubile boys to make armor for her or something. I mean, sure yeah he’s technically the son of Rob Baratheon, but nobody really cares about King Rob anymore, and the only guy who did had his head chopped off. What? Too soon?
Then back with Theon, which is the one part of the show that’s entirely, wholly new, and subsequently to me is the most interesting. We’re just as curious as he is as to why Simon from Misfits torturing him so horribly, (I mean I have an idea, but no spoilers), or even who he is and where they even are. Theon is then forced to play a horrible game of “Guess who I am, where we are, and what’s going on, or else I slowly rip the skin off your fingers!”, which is the worst f***ing game in the world, probably. Right after all team sports. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, I’M CALLING YOU OUT ALL SPORTS FANS! SUCK IT!
Source: Ha, Never Again
Well eventually Theon loses, and we’re back to seeing Jaime and Brienne making a deal with Lord Roose Bolton, a man who’ll become very important soon, in ways I won’t ruin for you. We learn that poor Brienne won’t be let go along with Jaime, and Jaime’s defense of her slowly clinches Jaime’s eventual face-turn as an anti-hero. Then we get to see Lord Tywin and Lady Olenna Tyrell exchange snarky quips, the way old people do. I don’t know if it was just me, but if they were both about 30 years younger I have a feeling they would have totally boned right on that table. Right? Nobody but me got that?
Okay then. Some more rumination on by the Lannisters, this time both Tyrion and Cercei, on their arranged marriage woes, then Tyrion’s awkward revelation to poor Sansa Stark that she now has to marry him. Which I guess is a downgrade from marrying a super hunky gayboy, but personally I think Tyrion is much better company. All Loras has going for him is his knighthood, his looks, and his skills with a “sword”, as Lady Olenna would put it. Then Sansa cries because truly there is no fate worse than marrying a midget. Or something about her whole life being controlled by others, never being able to hang onto any semblance of happiness, and having every bit of hope snatched away from her. Either or.
Back at the wall, Snow and Co. are climbing it slowly, on the way to make their attack against Castle Black. Eventually the ice cracks and makes a big avalanche, nearly taking out Snow and Ygritte, who manage to save themselves in the nick of time right before their untrustworthy compatriot cut them loose. Then they climb on top, hug and share the scenic view of the land beyond the wall. All romantic and s**t. The end.
Like I said earlier, as a fan of the books it’s difficult to reconcile what I’m thinking is new, and what I’m just not remembering. I read the book sometime last year, and while I know the broad strokes of the story, watching episodes like these is still interesting if only for the character building. Fans of the show only may find the pacing incongruent with the last two seasons, but that’s only because SO MANY THINGS happen in A Storm Of Swords we’re really only about 1/4 of the way through the book, and I have a firm idea in mind exactly what the season finale will be. So will any reader of the books, and waiting for that moment to happen is as anxious and as exciting as watching the show and seeing all the new developments, thematic changes, and straight up plot changes. It’s still the same story overall, but episodes like this highlight how the little scenes in a novel can translate into other things entirely, simply by the nature of the story becoming a visual medium. So yeah, it wasn’t the most important episode in relation to the plot of the others in the show, but character development, foreshadowing, and of course those awfully great added torturing scenes with Theon, keep the whole thing fresh and interesting for folks like me, who are silently waiting everyone else to have their damn socks blown off.
If you’re complaining about the story not moving fast enough right now, stick with it. Believe you me, when your socks are flying around the damned room in circles and your balls or ovaries are exploding or whatever, you’ll thank me. Oh how you’ll thank me.
Check out the promo for next the next episode, ‘The Bear and the Maiden Fair‘ now!
[Editor’s Note – I thought this was one of the best episodes of the whole show. The scene between Littlefinger and the Spider at the end, as well as the one with Tywin and Lady Olenna were both about as good as you’ll see. I have no problem with the pacing. That is all.]
I’m a big fan of Horror. I think that it, along with Science Fiction, are the two most important genres in all of fiction, and that truly successful horror can encompass every other genre perfectly. It’s because more or less life is pretty horrifying when you think about it, and life holds all the genres in it at once, and in that way, life is just a long, protracted existential horror film we all live in real time. But enough philosophy, the real reason I’m writing this is to spread the word of Hellmouth. Which no, isn’t some kind of delightfully sexy demonic orifice which would grant you the literally most sinful pleasure imaginable, but rather a film.
For those of you who aren’t familiar, Hellmouth is a film with a striking pedigree that has me captivated by its creators alone. It’s written by Tony Burgess, who wrote probably the most creative and inventive “zombie” film in the last decade, Pontypool. He’s now writing Hellmouth, which is being directed by John Geddes, who did 2011’s Exit Humanity, which I’ve heard nothing but good things about. Add to the fact that Stephen McHattie is in it and you’ve got me sold. Stephen McHattie is one of those criminally underrated actors, and I’ll never understand why he’s not more famous or used for more roles. You’d most likely recognize him as Nite Owl 1 from Watchmen, but it’s his standout performance in Pontypool that cemented him as a brilliant actor in my mind. As for Hellmouth itself? I’ll let the director state the intention of the film himself:
[quote]Per Director Geddes, “I wanted to create a story-driven film with fantasy and horror combined. Something that was directly inspired by the era of Hitchcock and even Ed Wood. Working with a writer like Tony Burgess was a pleasure as we both love the simplicity in many of the old classic films of the 50′s and 60′s, and even earlier in films like Nosferatu and Faust. We worked really hard to make Hellmouth something fresh.”[/quote]
[one_half]I’m always all for throwback horror, but I’m more interested in seeing any trailers or previews for this film, because the name alone is enough to captivate me, not to mention the talent behind it. There currently is an Indiegogo fundraiser thing for it currently however. The preview on it isn’t exactly a preview of the film per se, because it’s mostly unfinished and going through extensive post-production. There’s a few neat glimpses of things that will be in the movie though. Monsters and some stills of Stephen McHattie being badass.
The problem is I rarely can find myself caring enough about crowdfunded projects to give a damn, probably because I’m very cheap. For example, I’m a huge Veronica Mars/Kristen Bell fan, but I didn’t donate to the Kickstarter for the new movie, because I’d rather spend my money on useless crap or alcohol. As for Hellmouth, If it actually turns out to be about demonic sex mouths that taunt you into having oral sex with them until you’re full of dick-sin… Holy S***! Sadly, I don’t think that’s exactly “50’s” in its feel. But, now I have a great new idea to add to my script! Thanks, Hellmouth! [/one_half]http://www.indiegogo.com/project/346765/widget/3146077
I think the most interesting thing about all the clips and previews we’ve seen from the new Star Trek movie is definitely Benedict Cumberbatch. Not just in a “Oh who is he?” sort of way, (although GODDAMMIT WHO IS HE?!), but more in that he’s probably the best actor of the bunch, with the possible exception of Karl Urban. I say Karl Urban, because I defy you to watch Dredd and think that dude pulled off the most menacing and accurate portrayal of Judge Dredd, all only using the lower half of his face. That’s irrelevant though, because the real meat and bones here is the fancy new clip we have of Benedict acting circles around Chris Pine. Probably because of his soothing, baritone voice and limey accent. Those brits always have inherently more authoritative voices don’t they? Here, judge for yourself:
There’s been talk about the “villain in a glass cage” trope that’s being used here, but I don’t really find that all that interesting or revelatory. Tropes exist and will continue to do so. The creation of a new one isn’t anything to be particularly surprised about, unless for some terrible reason anal-eel interrogations become a new movie trope, and every movie has a scene with a good guy getting violated anally by writhing eels while the villain taunts and cackles from the darkness. Is that how Zero Dark Thirty started? I know there was an interrogation scene somewhere… Oh god I hope my horrific prediction hasn’t come true! HOLLYWOOD, NO ANAL EEL INTERROGATION SCENES PLEASE!
Well to get that awful image out of your head, here’s a few new posters featuring Chekov and Scotty via Moviefone. Frankly I find that Chekov adorable. Much more adorable that Walter Koenig ever was. Granted Koenig was amazing in his role, but have you seen him lately? So not adorable anymore.
Oh and lastly, a friend of mine was browsing through a bookstore and found a new Star Trek novel, where the cover art is strangely drawn so that Kirk looks halfway between Shatner and Pine and the more I look at it the more convinced I am it’s ripping my sanity in half.
Shocker of shockers, it’s still a month away from the release of Star Trek Into Darkness, but those bastards out there responsible for hyping the film still find it necessary to ceaselessly tantalize any and every Trekkie out there by releasing little clips or new stills. In particular a new trailer has been released, and this time it gives us a bit more of a confirmation of the growing themes for these Star Trek movies. It’s almost definitely revenge and the pursuit of it destroying you. This trailer paints a clear picture of Kirk becoming his own personal Ahab, with Cumberbatch painted as his white whale. I’m looking forward to the movie obviously, but I’m more looking forward to seeing how the film will stand up as the ever so important “middle” entry in the series, if it is indeed a thematic trilogy we’re getting with these new Star Trek films. Sure there could and probably will be more, but in the same way Wrath Of Khan, Search For Spock and Voyage Home were all linked around the character for Spock, this first three can be around the idea of revenge. I’m just looking to see how it’s all going to play out in the grand spectrum of things, because this trailer certainly makes the film look to be very, very revenge-centric. Overcome personal demons and all that. It’s literally titled INTO DARKNESS, so I suppose that’s the first clue anyway.
Also there was a new teaser that was shown on the MTV Movie Awards, which I would have never seen if not for Internet. I think the only reason I ever even put on MTV anymore is to watch that Catfish show. I have this fantasy about someone really beautiful pretending to be a total uggo, starting an online relationship with that person, and revealing that they’re actually totally gorgeous after all. Surprise! You got reverse-Catfished! I mean, that’d be a much more interesting show than one about a bunch of weird broken people pretending to be people they’re not right? How does this relate to Star Trek? It doesn’t. At all. And I’ll tell you why; It’s because there’s only so many ways you can possibly look at what generally adds up to the same series of clips, trailers, previews with a new little scene added in to make it technically new, and not just immediately groan in impatience and frustration. I’m not necessarily a child of instant gratification, but let’s just say I tend to like things as a sudden surprise than a long, excruciatingly dragged out wait. When it comes to film or TV, the journey is never the point, it’s always the destination. Unlike life, which is almost always the opposite.
Well regardless of my elaborate and terrible bitching, (because I’m a huge bitchy little emo man-baby), the clip does look goddamned neat, and the myriad pictures collected spell an interesting story. One I’m still not sure about, but why would I want to be? I’m one of those people who enjoys being surprised by a movie, and often films I’ve loved the most are the ones I knew nothing about beforehand at all. Take a look at them for yourself, and you be the judge of whether you find yourself wanting to know more about the scenes they’re from.
See like I said, that teaser was interesting, but mainly composed of things we’ve seen before, with little barely perceptible snippets of new stuff. I get it though, it’s a teaser. You’re supposed to watch it over and over to try to guess. I suppose I’m just so tired from being teased all the time. It’s a love/hate relationship with film and television. It teases you relentlessly, but you always come back for more. It’s probably the most abusive relationship there is. Aside from any of those on Catfish though. Man have you SEEN that show! Goddamn!
Oh yeah. Pictures. Woo!
Last but not least, there’s also some actually pretty well designed movie posters. They’re still basically floating heads, but at least they’re good floating heads.
And last but not least, I certainly won’t add in that picture of Alice Eve in her underwear like last time, because I am a man of class and taste. However, I can’t be held responsible for whatever my editor decides to add here at the last-minute. Ahem.