Category Archives: MOVIES

2012 Oscar Nominations are Out! Cue the Fart Sounds!

Today around 8:30 am Eastern time, the 2012 Academy Award Nominations were announced by the lovely Jennifer Lawrence (Mystique Jr.) and some old guy I did not want to research his name or title on.

With that, talking to the good Dr. Kronner, I think on my end, it basically ended in a few shrugs. He was bit more incensed because his beloved Fast Five [LIES!] was not nominated because the Academy does not recognize ‘general public movies’. The list is typical with the favorites (The Artist, The Descendants) while a few pleasant surprises entered in (seriously, go watch A Better Life and Demián Bichir’s performance) and then a few what-whats?! (see: 9/11 movie I refuse to mention).

Martin Scorcese’s Hugo leads the way with 11 noms, followed by the movie no one wants the see that everyone should see – The Artist with 10 nominations. I am sure there will be a post on what we all thing got snubbed (where the crap is Drive?), and who does not belong (according to the good Doctor, Bridesmaids doesn’t deserve to be part of the party, so debate away) so I will not go into major detail about those. All I know is there is a reason for the comments section below so have it…

With that, I have your nominees for the 2012 Oscars on February 26th via EW because I like copy & paste:

Continue reading 2012 Oscar Nominations are Out! Cue the Fart Sounds!

First Look at ‘John Dies at The End’

I’m just going to put this out there: if Cracked isn’t a part of your daily online routine, you’re not using the internet properly. In addition to serving as a home for my favorite internet writer as well as my favorite… whatever the hell this guy does, Cracked is one of the most entertaining places you can go with an internet connection. So when the site’s senior editor (And author of one of my favorite articles of all time), David Wong wrote a horror/fantasy book called John Dies at the End and it started getting huge praise, I was intrigued.

[Actually, full disclosure: I just remembered, literally as I was typing the last sentence, that I placed an order to have a copy shipped to my local Chapters store about a year ago, and promptly forgot about it entirely. I have a phone call to make.]

Anyway, the book is being adapted into a movie by Don Coscarelli, who previously did Bubba Ho-Tep and Phantasm. If you’ve seen either of them, you know that Coscarelli  tends to lean towards the bizarre and fantastical. John Dies at the End, it seems, is right up his alley. Here’s a plot synopsis, straight from the book’s website:

It’s a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users can drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human.

Suddenly a silent, otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs.

Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity?

No. No, they can’t.

The trailer for the movie, starring Paul Giamatti, is below:

I’m really excited to see how it turns out. From the trailer it looks like the movie will feature all kinds of horror tropes and crazy, off-the-wall moments. In the meantime, I have a book to pick up.

Grizzly Review: Haywire

When I think of Steven Soderbergh, I definitely don’t think of the terms “out-of-touch” or “has-been”. He’s a cinematic chameleon who is able to stay relevant while still sticking to his guns. His Ocean’s trilogy are among some of the best heist movies in recent years. Traffic is one of the best films you’ll see on the drug trade. Last year’s Contagion is a disturbing and stylish take on disease and a rather accurate take on what would probably happen.

Continue reading Grizzly Review: Haywire

Grizzly Review: Contraband

I’m man enough to admit that I love the “one last job” genre. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this genre you either don’t watch a lot of movies, or don’t pay attention to the movies you watch. A “one last job” movie involves a retired or aging criminal who has to do one more job to get himself out of the game forever and back to his family or his money or what/whoever he wants to be with. One of the most recent, and best, examples of the “one last job” genre that comes to mind is the Christopher Nolan, no pun intended, mindbender, Inception.

What is it about having to do one last job that makes a movie so damn exciting? Well, the stakes are almost always higher, and the payoff is always bigger. Whether it be millions of dollars, or the chance to be an actual citizen of the free world, sometimes all it takes is that one job to, well, get the job done. In the new action vehicle for Mark Wahlberg, Contraband, he plays a legitimate ex-con who now has a job installing alarm systems. That, my friends, is called action movie irony. Get used to it because it doesn’t get much better than that.

Wahlberg plays Chris Farraday, one of the best smugglers anyone knows. He did what he had to after he and his wife, Kate (Kate Beckinsale), had their two sons, Michael (Connor Hill), and Eddie (Bryce McDaniel). Kate’s brother, Andy (Caleb Landry Jones), has been going against Chris’ good word and doing runs, despite his brother-in-law’s advice to get out of the game while he could. Now, Andy has gotten himself into some deep doo-doo, dumping a bag of drugs that belonged to a local criminal, Tim Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi).

The only way that Andy can get off the hook is if Chris helps him out with this one last job to get him out for good. Calling in a couple of favors, including a reliable counterfeiter from Panama, Chris reluctantly agrees, enlisting the help of some old partners including his right hand man, Sebastian (Ben Foster), and newlywed Danny Raymer (Lukas Haas) to get the money for the drugs from Panama, and back to Briggs in two weeks.

Contraband is definitely not the best action movie you’re going to see this year, maybe not even this season, but for a January release, the month which is notorious for its bad films, it could be a lot worse, and the excellent performances by the cast, especially Ben Foster and Giovanni Ribisi, elevate the film from run-in-the-mill, to, marginally above average. There’s also a pretty cool cameo by Diego Luna, which contains the most action packed sequence in the entire movie.

The writing is obviously not what anyone would call Oscar-worthy, and the shaky cam can get a little irritating at times, but overall, it’s nothing to cry about. Contraband delivers exactly what you’d expect; an average enough story and predictable plot points. But it also offers some of the best supporting performances I’ve seen in an action pic in recent memory, and everyone can appreciate some good acting.

3.5/5 Bears

The Expendables 2 Is Going To Be PG-13…Because of Chuck Norris

The news that every action fan in the world did not want to hear has been officially announced. Chuck Norris is ruining yet another action movie. The much-anticipated action flick, The Expendables 2, which was announced sometime last year, is getting the kiss of death in the form of a PG-13 rating. The reason? The film’s addition of Chuck Norris, of course. He commented, saying, “In ‘Expendables 2,’ there was a lot of vulgar dialogue in the screenplay. For this reason, many young people wouldn’t be able to watch this. But I don’t play in movies like this,” Norris explained. “Due to that I said I won’t be a part of that if the hardcore language is not erased. Producers accepted my conditions and the movie will be classified in the category of PG-13.”

Excuse my harsh language, but this is just a steaming pile of bullshit. First off, The Expendables wasn’t rated R just for its language. It was rated R for the bloody violence that we’d come to expect with an action cast of that caliber, no pun intended. To prove my point, The Expendables‘ MPAA rating says: Rated R for strong action and bloody violence throughout, and for some language. Please take note of the italicized words and what follows. Strong and bloody are both followed by action and violence, whereas language is preceded by some, a term used when said classification isn’t used excessively.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong here, but didn’t The Expendables make about $267 million dollars worldwide? Oh, that’s right, it did! And the comment about young people not being able to see it, erroneous! The small minority of young kids who are honest in their movie watching and want to see this movie without stealing it or sneaking into it can just continue being honest and rent it when it comes out on DVD, which they will. And I mean, if we’re being honest here, should young kids even be watching hardcore action fare like The Expendables?

Norris’ comments are bogus, as is his career. He’s famous for being the butt of a couple of good jokes, and even in the prime of his acting career, he was nothing special. He’s going to end up being the Billy Mays of action movies; we’ll remember him fondly, but in actuality he didn’t really do anything of significance. Stallone wrote a letter to Ain’t It Cool News’ founder, Harry Knowles, stating, “Harry, the film is fantastic with Van Damme turning in an inspired performance… Our final battle is one for the ages. The PG13 rumor is true, but before your readers pass judgement, trust me when I say this film is LARGE in every way and delivers on every level. This movie touches on many emotions which we want to share with the broadest audience possible, BUT, fear not, this barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry…Sly” But with Stallone stepping down as director and instead taking on the screenplay alone, there’s a chance that The Expendables 2 may hold on to one shred of lonely, lonely dignity, but I doubt it. Of course, all of the original cast will be returning, with Simon West in the director’s chair. The Expendables 2 is set to release on August 17th of this year.

First Look At Riddick

The first picture of Vin Diesel as Riddick is out and yup he looks about the same as he did in the last two movies. Goggles, check! Black tank top, check! Shaved head, check! Ok Mr. Diesel, you’re all set to play Riddick again.

More news from the Underverse! 

In addition to the lovely Katee Sackhoff joining the cast of the next Riddick film

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We also have two more cast members to report on, Jordi Molla and Nolan Funk.

Jordi Molla, will be playing the main villain. He is a very popular Spanish actor and you may remember him from his roles in Colombiana, Blow, and Bad Boys 2.

Nolan Funk on the other hand is not very memorable at all. He will be playing the role of annoying teenage sidekick to Riddick. He is best known for his role in Spectacular! A Nickelodeon musical tv-movie and his role as Captured X-Kid in X-Men 2.

Rumors are that the movies title will be The Chronicles of Riddick: Dead Man Stalking, but that hasn’t been made official as of yet.

That’s all for now, but keep checking back for more Riddick News!