Tag Archives: Expendables

The Expendables 2 – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced screenings for movies the Wednesday night prior to the film’s release. Well early this Thursday morning I got a few texts from my good friend about his thoughts on Stallone’s newest epic one-liner fest…

Aaron: It’s 2am and I just saw expendables 2 so you gotta wake up!  – 2:21 AM

Aaron: I’d hate to insult the definition of plot by saying this movie had one. It’s more like, simple reasons we’re about to kill these guys. – 2:22 AM

Aaron: That being said, it was the prefect kind of movie for a cheesy ass script.  – 2:22 AM

Aaron: Rambo, Die Hard, Terminator, even Chuck Norris jokes. Lots of action, average acting, some pretty good humor. – 2:24 AM

Aaron: Boob count: Zero. But I’ll give an award to Walker Texas Ranger for having the best kill.  – 2:25 AM

Aaron: 3.5 Grizzlies out of 5. Is that the scale? I don’t know. I’m tired. Leave me alone. Go to sleep. – 2:28 AM


For more of Aaron’s 2 AM Reviews – CLICK HERE!

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“Sushi Girl” Promises Deliciously Retro Fun

Films like The Expendables follow a formula that teams up classic action heroes with newer action heroes, pitting them against the evilest of all evils and seeing what goes down. But why can’t we just leave the old people to their own devices and watch the dust fly out of their throats? I’ve been waiting to see a film like that and my prayers have been answered with Sushi Girl. Starring Tony Todd, Jeff Fahey, Danny Trejo, James Duval, Mark Hamill, Michael Biehn, and Sonny Chiba, this is a fanboy’s wet dream.

 

According to the IMDb synopsis, which was written by the film’s writer and director, the film goes a little something like this:

“Fish has spent six years in jail. Six years alone. Six years keeping his mouth shut about the robbery, about the other men involved. The night he is released, the four men he protected with silence celebrate his freedom with a congratulatory dinner. The meal is a lavish array of sushi, served off the naked body of a beautiful young woman. The sushi girl seems catatonic, trained to ignore everything in the room, even if things become dangerous. Sure enough, the four unwieldy thieves can’t help but open old wounds in an attempt to find their missing loot.”

I was honestly a little skeptical with this premise because I was expecting another straight-to-DVD style film that really had no redeeming qualities. But I learned that the film made its world premiere at San Diego Comic-Con, so I wasn’t as skeptical. Then, I saw the trailer. Needless to say, my pants exploded.

With almost too much badassery stuffed into its 2 minute and 10 second running time, Sushi Girl promises nothing but bloody, old-school, old man fun. The character of Sushi Girl is played by Cortney Palm, an actress I’m not too familiar with. Her character isn’t referenced or even shown that much, but considering the movie is called Sushi Girl, I’m sure she’ll play an important role in the actual picture.

If you think you’re ready for it, you can watch the full-length trailer right here:

The Expendables 2 Is Going To Be PG-13…Because of Chuck Norris

The news that every action fan in the world did not want to hear has been officially announced. Chuck Norris is ruining yet another action movie. The much-anticipated action flick, The Expendables 2, which was announced sometime last year, is getting the kiss of death in the form of a PG-13 rating. The reason? The film’s addition of Chuck Norris, of course. He commented, saying, “In ‘Expendables 2,’ there was a lot of vulgar dialogue in the screenplay. For this reason, many young people wouldn’t be able to watch this. But I don’t play in movies like this,” Norris explained. “Due to that I said I won’t be a part of that if the hardcore language is not erased. Producers accepted my conditions and the movie will be classified in the category of PG-13.”

Excuse my harsh language, but this is just a steaming pile of bullshit. First off, The Expendables wasn’t rated R just for its language. It was rated R for the bloody violence that we’d come to expect with an action cast of that caliber, no pun intended. To prove my point, The Expendables‘ MPAA rating says: Rated R for strong action and bloody violence throughout, and for some language. Please take note of the italicized words and what follows. Strong and bloody are both followed by action and violence, whereas language is preceded by some, a term used when said classification isn’t used excessively.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong here, but didn’t The Expendables make about $267 million dollars worldwide? Oh, that’s right, it did! And the comment about young people not being able to see it, erroneous! The small minority of young kids who are honest in their movie watching and want to see this movie without stealing it or sneaking into it can just continue being honest and rent it when it comes out on DVD, which they will. And I mean, if we’re being honest here, should young kids even be watching hardcore action fare like The Expendables?

Norris’ comments are bogus, as is his career. He’s famous for being the butt of a couple of good jokes, and even in the prime of his acting career, he was nothing special. He’s going to end up being the Billy Mays of action movies; we’ll remember him fondly, but in actuality he didn’t really do anything of significance. Stallone wrote a letter to Ain’t It Cool News’ founder, Harry Knowles, stating, “Harry, the film is fantastic with Van Damme turning in an inspired performance… Our final battle is one for the ages. The PG13 rumor is true, but before your readers pass judgement, trust me when I say this film is LARGE in every way and delivers on every level. This movie touches on many emotions which we want to share with the broadest audience possible, BUT, fear not, this barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry…Sly” But with Stallone stepping down as director and instead taking on the screenplay alone, there’s a chance that The Expendables 2 may hold on to one shred of lonely, lonely dignity, but I doubt it. Of course, all of the original cast will be returning, with Simon West in the director’s chair. The Expendables 2 is set to release on August 17th of this year.

More News on THE EXPENDABLES 2 – Jet Li and Tom Arnold?

As my dear friend Darth Saeris informed us quite recently, Willis and Schwarzenegger are not only coming back for the Expendables sequel, but they are going to have much larger roles. He also told us that Jet Li would not be returning, and there were rumors that Donnie Yen (Ip Man) would replace him, but that now appears as though Jet Li might appear after all, just in a smaller capacity. And that’s good news. Not because I don’t like Yen, who I actually have the utmost respect for, but because – though sorely underused in the first movie – Li was my favorite character. In addition to Li, it seems Schwarzenegger’s True Lies co-star Tom Arnold might also be popping up, no doubt as comic relief. There is no conformation there yet, but Movieweb recently posted a video where Arnold says he was sent a script by Sly and wants to be involved. In addition to doing True Lies with Schwarzenegger, Arnold also worked with Jet Li before in Cradle 2 The Grave.

The basic plot is as follows:

Plot: After Tool (Mickey Rourke) is brutally murdered on a mission, his comrades swear to avenge him. They’re not the only ones who want blood. Tool’s beautiful young and wild daughter Fiona embarks on her own revenge mission, complicating matters when she is captured and ransomed by a ruthless dictator plotting to destroy a resistance movement. Now Barney (Sylvester Stallone) and the Expendables must risk everything to save her and humanity.

Van Damme is rumored to play a former colleague, who becomes the villain in the film. He’ll be completely covered in tattoos and have his own gang of mercenaries. Adkins is in talks to play one of the mercenaries. 

The additions of Chuck Norris and Van Damme to the cast seem only logical. The big surprise is that they weren’t in the first one…

These are the animal handlers of the group. They are so gentle…

No word yet as to if Veronica Mars alum Cordelia Chase Charisma Carpenter will return. But my guess is no…