It seems like there are ten Snow White flicks floating around out there, but really there’s only two. One of them stars Charlize Theron, Kristin Stewart and Chris Hemsworth. Before I show you the pictures that were featured at Comic-Con I feel it’s my duty to warn you that Kristin Stewart’s Snow White seems to look like a rip off from Alice in Wonderland armor and all. I’m not saying this to defend that Tim Burton piece of shit, but I think it’s hilarious to see Hollywood’s lack of creativity. I’m sure Sleeping Beauty will be a warrior too, toting around a’ flamethrower or double Gatling-guns. I like Hemsworth and hope the movie can’t be all that bad with him in it. I’ve already enjoyed one go at the movies watching him own people with a Norse hammer, so why not an axe too? Next up is Charlize Theron as the Queen:
The only role I’ve seen Theron in as a villain was Monster, and she was ugly as sin in that movie. But now she’s back and hot as ever (Not doing naked pushups though) along with a persona that Theron describes via Deadline as this:
Theron described her queen as a serial killer, grounded in reality, and that this movie takes the original concept, turns it upside-down, and slaps it around a little bit.
Serial killer? I can deal with that. Once again I’ve already had to see her killing people with her ugly face on, so now I want to see it when she’s an evil hot queen. Kristen Stewart plays the role of perhaps the not so cute and timid “fairest one of all” that the queen wants dead by the Huntsman’s hands. Prepare for the Alice rip-off:
Though the movie hasn’t started filming yet, the screaming fans’ enthusiasm was palpable. Theron got a better ovation here than at the PROMETHEUS panel. Audiences were shown a proof-of-concept short that Sanders made to get the job. A voice-over emphasizes that the theme of the movie is about being confronted with death. Slightly disturbing fantasy images include a white fairy being born out of the body of a crow, giant wooden demons emerging from trees, knights hitting each other with swords and shattering into black stone, the crowned queen bathing in milk, castles on the edges of cliffs, and Snow White petting a giant wolf. This isn’t actual movie footage, and features unknown actors, but gives a sense of the look of the film.
Wow. All of that sounds like maybe Tim Burton should have directed the movie. Hopefully it’s dark and serious instead of dark and mildly retarded like pretty much all of Tim Burton’s movies after Batman.
On that note, let’s move onto the other Snow White, titled The Brothers Grimm: Snow White, starring Lilly Collins as the leading lady.
This Snow White also features the always horrible Julia Roberts as the queen after the fairest broad of all, and Ned Stark Sean Bean, fresh off his beheading in Game of Thrones, as the King. That guy just loves snow. The awesomely named Armie Hammer portrays the Prince after Snow White’s hand in the film that releases next March, well before Snow White and the Huntsman.
Are you wondering which will fare better? Or are you like me and could give a rat’s ass because you think they’ll both be equally horrible?
Grizzly Bomb 