All posts by Adam Parker-Edmondston

Hello there :D i like poster art, films, graphic novels, vhs.........just loads of things really. if i list them all here then you will no doubt leave and no one wants that. Lets just say i like cool stuff and leave it at that ;)
TV

Looking for the New Doctor Who? We Can Think of a Few Contenders

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As we reported, the current Doctor Who; Matt Smith (who has played the Doctor for 4 years)  is leaving the show at Christmas, speculation has been rife over who will replace him. With the season finale having John Hurt pop up as an unknown Doctor could he stay on after Smith’s departure? He will probably have prior commitments and would be unable to stay long term on the show so I think that’s a no, but if not him then who? Well the bookies are currently taking bets on it, and have a full list of their suggestions you may want to look at, either at The Guardian or The Mirror, but here are some of my ideas for possible contenders.

Continue reading Looking for the New Doctor Who? We Can Think of a Few Contenders →

Movie News & Opinions

Film Festival Fodder: 12 of the Craziest Posters from Cannes 2013

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[divider] The Cannes film festival is a time of celebration for the movie industry as every big Hollywood studio tries to woo fans and press alike with their new releases. But it is not just big budget ventures like Only God Forgives that get a chance to shine in the limelight because Cannes is also a time when the low budget companies get to play. These companies don’t get their fair share of attention in my eyes so here is a list of the top twelve picks from this year’s Cannes. Some are good and some are bad, very very bad but at least they are always interesting to look at.

[tabgroup][tab title=” Abner the Invisible Dog “]

Abner the Invisible Dog

Words escape me on this one. I think I will just slowly walk away from the computer and get some mind bleach to erase the fact I ever set eyes on this awful poster with its over used plot device. What is the fascination with dogs at Cannes this year? This is the second film that has a dog in the lead. Fred Olen Ray, the once master of cheap horror movies, made this and I really think he should have known better.

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Android Cop

With a costume straight out of a bargain basement Halo movie and a cover entirely created on computer I am guessing that this is going to be a laugh riot, whether it was intended to be or not. It is hard to see what film the makers are going for here. It seems like Robocop but why bring a Robocop copy out now? This looks bad even for low budget movies.

[/tab] [tab title=” Copposites “]

Copposites

A washed up cop and a law breaker on the mend do the body swap routine in this supposed comedy. I am guessing there is hilarity to be had with plenty of slightly dubious racial jokes and digs at how bad law enforcement officers are. It is a well known fact that mustaches sell cinema tickets so I am glad that this film has obliged us with one hell of a top lip curler. The body swap genre is not one I ever needed to revisit and I doubt this film is going to change my mind…………Who am I kidding? I will be watching it as soon as it is released on DVD.

[/tab] [tab title=” Dragons 2 “]

Dragons 2

Do I know anything about Dragons 1? No, nothing at all but if it looks anything like the sequel then I am happy in my ignorance. I don’t think I have ever seen a cover so cluttered with CGI tat before. It is so crammed in you can barely see what is going on as one colour mixes into another; oh look I think I see a dragon. Why does the Snooki look alike on the front have no neck and such a weird body shape? That is the danger of photoshop overuse and it has really screwed up this poor woman’s proportions. Unless she actually looks like that and if that’s the case I am very sorry. This was not the only dragon film at Cannes either; there are at least two more. I think dragons may be the new low budget zombie for film makers now, a thought that makes me tremble with fear.

[/tab] [tab title=” FDR: American Badass “]

FDR American Badass

I am a sucker for anything with Barry Bostwick in so I would see this anyway but what is there not to like here? An American president who battles polio but still finds time to get kitted out with a killer wheel chair courtesy of Einstein and the CIA makes me think this is probably not factually accurate. If this image alone is not enough to get you all psyched up then guess who the villains are? Only Nazi Werewolves! Yeah I have seen loads of Nazi zombies but Nazis werewolves only turn up once in a blue moon. There is not one part of this poster I do not like, it is simply stunning.

[/tab] [tab title=” My Dog the Champion “]

My Dog the Champion

When I hear the word spoiled teenager in a sentence I can assume that by the film’s end she will have ditched her selfish ways and become someone that loves all her family and friends. Now add in an elderly grandpa and a dog that needs training for a show and you have this film in a nutshell. If this done to death plot is not enough to put you off, then look at the complete lack of effort that has gone into producing this poster. I can see 7 different photos here, all of which have been thrown together to create this mess. Was it so hard for the actors all to get together to have their photo taken? The dogs must have been free at least. Oh why Lance why did you agree to do this piece of rubbish. You are so much better than this and you know it!

[/tab] [tab title=” Robot “]

Robot PosterNo, sorry. This is a guy in silver makeup, not a robot. You are not fooling me with that nonsense. Unless the guy thinks he is a robot and the kid is his mentor. That would be okay but if that is not the case then this is just a really poorly devised robot. That kid really freaks me out to. Why is he so scary looking? The finger pointing to the potential victim (or me, as he is looking right at me) is quite disconcerting. Still it has a rocket launcher in it so it cannot be all that bad.

[/tab] [tab title=” Santa Claws “]

Santa Claws

At first I thought this movie was actually one of the many horror Santa flicks that litter the shelves in DVD rental stores near Christmas. But it is actually a kid’s film where Santa does not deliver cats at Christmas because of his allergies. Santa should not be delivering animals anyway in my view, just think of the mess it would make in the sled. Anyway, one child called Little Tommy has been extra good so Santa breaks his own rules and brings him a kitten. It sucks to be Santa though because not just one cat gets in his sack but the whole litter leading to hilarity when the kittens have to deliver the presents themselves while Santa suffers a massive allergic reaction. No news on whether Santa actually survives this attack or even if the kittens can drive a sled. I bet the kittens can talk too; they always talk in these kinds of movies.

[/tab] [tab title=” Sharknado “]

SharknadoThere are a few films on this list that are just plain awful and there are even fewer which actually look like they might be amazing movies. This is one of those elite few. “Enough Said” is the tag line and it has won me over already. It is by Asylum, the bastions of all things ripped off and CGI enhanced, so I cannot wait for this one to come my way. A tornado of sharks is enough to make any cinema goer jump out of their seat in delight.

[/tab] [tab title=” Ultimate Adventure “]

Ulitmate AdventureAdventure is spelled wrong in the title but I will let them off as it is a foreign release and maybe that’s how they spell it over there. The reason I liked this particular poster was I had no idea what was going on. A cat ( or it could be a rabbit I guess) that looks a lot like David Tennant as Doctor Who carries a cheering cat (or rabbit) partner while they chase a horrified / excited rabbit across a landscape that has pigs in suits and a crocodile as the villain? Well it has certainly piqued my interest.

[/tab] [tab title=” Voyage “]

VoyageDirector Scud brings us this Hong Kong treat about a depressed psychiatrist who visits former clients to get some closure. They all apparently live on nudist beaches as this is the only reason I can think for him being in the nip. The director says there is a funny hara-kiri scene in this so that’s something to look forward to. I have no idea what to think of this film. It looks like the male equivalent of the late night erotic thrillers Shannon Tweed used to make or at the very least a more disturbing take on Cast Away. Well they do say sex sells but in this case it really has not worked for me.

[/tab] [tab title=” Zombie Night “]

Zombie NightWhy this company even bothered to make this film is beyond me. It covers so many over used horror film clichés it will be pointless watching. It has something sinister happening on Halloween, a zombie hand popping out the ground that we have seen a hundred times before and it is yet another zombie movie. The only way this movie could be saved is if the zombie goes trick or treating for brains. Now that is a film I would like to see.

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So that’s it for the round up of Cannes 2013 weird and wonderful movies. Thanks to Total Film and The Guardian for the poster selections. These two sites have a few more gems that I did not have the heart to write about so if you liked this selection then it may be worth checking them out to. I doubt we will hear from most of these straight to DVD movies ever again but if Sharknado and FDR American Badass do not get a release somewhere then the cinematic world will be a lonelier place because of it.

Movie News & Opinions

WWE to Remake Leprechaun – Work of Genius or the Day Horror Died?

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The Leprechaun movies make up a very long line of fan favorite films getting the remake treatment. This new film will be called Leprechaun Origins and will be directed by Zach Lipovsky. If you are unaware of Mr Lipovsky’s work, and I am guessing most of you are, then here is a quote from Gamma Squad that gives us a bit of information about him.

[quote] Lipovsky has written and directed numerous short films and TV movies, and he also produced the upcoming found-footage action-thriller Ends of the Earth, which CBS Films will release in the U.S. and Sony Pictures Worldwide Acquisitions, will distribute overseas. He’s currently developing a Canadian movie about the War of 1812 in the vein of “300.”[/quote]

So that all seems promising enough for someone I had never heard of before, but the director is not the real shock here. The shocking news is that it is the WWE (with Lionsgate) is in charge of the remake. The entity famous for wrestling has their own film production company, which makes sense when you think that wrestling itself is just a mix of soap operas, colorful costumes, and fighting. They don’t call it sports entertainment for nothing you know. Now the WWE stable of movies has more misses than it does hits. For every fun movie like The Marine, we have the hideous cinematic failures like Knucklehead and The Chaperone. In the company’s defense however, their foray into the horror genre, while mindless, was actually lots of fun, with the hulking wrestler Kane throwing people around like rag dolls in See No Evil. It at least kept your bum in its seat.

The problem with this latest installment however is casting. Take a look at the original Leprechaun played by the great Warwick Davis. He looks pretty cool right?

1-LeprechaunSmilingInFlashlight

Now look at Hornswoggle the wrestler the WWE has put in as the lead character.

Leprechaun

Granted, this won’t be the Leprechaun costume in the movie, but still, this guy is no Warwick Davis. In the WWE Hornswoggle is your goofy vertically challenged character that gets his ass kicked, but is supposed to be lovable. Can he pull of this new horror role? With Lionsgate wanting this new instalment to be darker in tone (like every other remake out there) we will have to wait and see if he has the acting chops to pull this off. My personal feeling is that no one is going to be able to pull off what Warwick Davis did in these movies. Sure they got really silly near the end but Warwick’s charm kept you watching.

1-LeprechaunJumpsOutOfFridge

But hey maybe I am wrong and Dylan Postl (the wrestler / actor playing Hornswoggle) just needs this change to break out and give us all a scare. The first movie was a pretty dark affair already, so it will be interesting to see how WWE is going to top that. The original had a young Jennifer Aniston being chased by a Leprechaun who planned to rape her while murdering everyone else. That is a tough act to follow, but this is the same company that introduced necrophilia into its wrestling plots. This could be either the funniest horror film this year or one of the worst turkeys imaginable, and with the WWE track record I am betting on the worst. If nothing else it will be interesting to see if it can make people forget about the Leprechaun’s trip into space…

LeprechaunRidingInWheelchair

Movie News & Opinions

Curse of Chucky Goes Back to its Roots with its New Chucky Doll Design

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Curse of Chucky is the latest in the popular and always entertaining horror series starring everyone’s favorite killer doll. Reprising his role as the plastic man wanting a real body is Brad Dourif who has teamed up with stars Fiona Dourif (True Blood), Danielle Bisutti (Get Smart) and Brennan Elliott (Double Jeopardy) to continue the tale of serial killer Charles Lee Ray who, when close to death performs arcane passages to live again, only to find he is stuck in a child’s doll.

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Movie Trailers

Maniac Remake Makes For Disturbing Viewing

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The horror genre goes in phases, it always has. With the recent spell of haunting movies and zombie flicks it seems that the new trend is brutal horror pieces that dare you to keep on looking. The Purge, You’re Next and the new Evil Dead movie have all gone for extreme violence and thrills. Now Maniac is getting in on the action. Another remake, this time of a 1980s film made by cult horror director William Lustig and starring Joe Spinell (best known to main stream film goers for his part as Rocky’s mob boss) as the overweight sweaty psycho. This remake seems to be following the same formula but has switched it around by having baby face Elijah Wood in the lead role of the killer and is written by Alexandre Aja, the man behind horror classic High Tension. The director is Franck Khalfoun (P2). The killer is called Frank who is a disturbed man with only his mother for company. When she died his thoughts turned to darkness. He owns a mannequin shop and develops an obsession with a woman who he sees photographing mannequins. While this relationship is building, his killer urges still need to be satisfied in the most extreme ways. Here is the new trailer but be warned it has extreme content in it.

This trailer certainly captures the tone of the movie with its mix of sex and violence which makes for uncomfortable viewing. As usual, the red band trailer takes it just a little bit further.

Elijah Wood seems to be able to give off that puppy dog look and then switch it to inverted psycho very easily and it is pretty creepy hearing him talk about how much he loves his potential victims before smashing their faces in walls, stabbing them up, etc. The difference here is that you can imagine pretty boy Elijah having no trouble picking up these women to murder and also the relationship angle works a lot better here. In the original because of his size and general look, it was difficult to see poor Joe Spinell in a relationship with a hot lady. It seemed forced in that film, while from the bits we have seen in the trailer this relationship seems to develop more organically. The original did have a sleazy feel to it because of its tone and the low budget it had. This film tries to retain some of the original’s grime and even though it looks a lot smoother it does show that dark underbelly. The tense scenes in darkened alley ways and streets certainly helps add to this feeling. There is a good chance a shower may be in order after diving into this sleazy affair.

Maniac

Elijah is a big part of this film working as he plays against his typecasting to give us a truly scary portrayal of a mad man. Much like Norman Bates in Psycho, his good looks and supposedly normal interactions with people hide the darkness inside and is merely a shell to hold the killer at bay. Mind you, anyone that has seen Green Street will know that when Elijah Wood really wants to kick off he can break heads with the best of them. The use of constant POV shots will no doubt make the viewing experience even more uncomfortable because the viewer has no escape from the carnage they are seeing and it seems like we are actively engaging in it to or just as bad, becoming a voyeur looking at all the carnage as it unfolds. Mannequins are just plain freaky anyway and they pop up a lot throughout this movie, all helping to keep that dark atmosphere.

This is all looking promising but if the film will be able to  keep up with the dark tone of the original still remains to be seen, but it looks well on its way to getting there. Getting Alexandre on board is certainly a plus. He is well known for his work on hard hitting and shocking horror movies so this film is in safe hands and the dark tone seen in the trailer will hopefully be seen throughout the movie. The key part of the original film was the way the female victims were killed, with their heads getting scalped and put onto mannequin’s heads. With the new posters that have just come out (via Dread Central) it seems that this film is going the same route with some nice posters showing how gruesome this film is going to get.

Maniac

Maniac

Movie Trailers

Empires of the Deep: The New Waterworld or How to Lose $130 Million…

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Hollywood has quite the history of movies that have thrown their money away in an attempt to give us an entertaining night out at the cinema. Films like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Waterworld (for whatever reason) all went over budget and crashed and burned when it came to release day. Now it looks like we have yet another massive waste of money with Empires of the Deep, a Chinese-American co-production starring ex Bond girl Olga Kurylenko. Don’t worry if you have never heard of this film, no one has which is frightening for a film that has had a hundred and thirty million dollars pumped into it over the course of 3 years.

empires of the deep fish lady

Twitch Film has been kind enough to put together a brief rundown of what this film actually entails. It is the brain child of Chinese real estate tycoon Jon Jiang who wrote the script himself and helped finance it. Already a sense of foreboding is setting in for most of us reading this, but still the project kept circulating with director Pitof involved and Irvin Kershner (Empire Strikes Back) as a producer but both of them dropped out of the project. Pitof’s only claim to fame is the overwhelming turd that was Catwoman. Now if the man who directed Catwoman declined this movie it does not bode well. It changed hands numerous times until settling with director Michael French (who is mostly famous for TV projects like Taming the Dragon) finishing the film up with the already mentioned Olga starring. The problem (among many this production has had) seems to be they had no real producer presence on this movie what so ever. Harrison Liang and Kevin Jiang are the two people credited, but they are CGI guys on the movie. No producers on board means no budget control which leads you to over spending.

empires of the deep fish head

After all this it has still managed to rear its ugly head and now has an internet presence with this trailer, which we can now share with you, but be warned it’s not the aquatic setting that is making this seem a bit fishy, it is just because it is rubbish.

Plenty of comparison can be made here. It looks to me like a mix of Avatar and Dune set underwater which is not inherently a bad thing if the cinematography did not look so bad. It looks like a bad TV movie, poorly shot and acted. The cast with fish fins on top of their heads look as if they auditioned for the Adam West Batman as the villain of the week. This makeup does not look organic and oozes cheesy. Now I am afraid we have to look at the special effects which all look on the level of classic such as Giant Piranha or Shark Night. Dire. This would not be such a bad thing in itself as these films are a good laugh, but you expect that as they were made for peanuts. These level of effects are not what I expect to see from a film with this much money spent on it.

All that said, I will still be buying it when it comes out on DVD, as I am guessing I will not have to wait long before it ends up in the bargain basement sale section. But there is no way I am seeing this movie in the cinema. If the next trailer isn’t considerably better, the film is going to be in for a very rough time when it finally arrives on the big screen sometime later this year.

empires of the deep whale