2011 marked the announcement of a film that literally sealed the deal for the death of Hollywood. Granted, it’s based off of a marginally successful, tongue-in-cheek novel of the same name, but it’s true when they say that some things are just not meant to be movies. Regardless, this Spielberg produced “historical” action flick has been garnering quite a bit of buzz over the last few months for being as outlandish as it can be.
Of course, every mindless action pic has its low-budget imitators, but there are some movies that are rehashed so poorly, they make history. The Asylum, which is the production company known for taking movies we love and turning them into remakes/sequels we detest. A couple of names that may sound familiar are: Almighty Thor (originally just Thor), I Am Omega (instead of I Am Legend), 2010: Moby Dick, Battle of Los Angeles (not be confused with Battle: Los Angeles; the colon makes all the difference in the world), 3 Musketeers, and sadly, Titanic II.
Now, The Asylum is deciding to bastardize Hollywood even further by redoing Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, as Abraham Lincoln Versus Zombies. Again, world of difference, got to give credit where credit is due. I mean, just look at the originality that is seeping from the loins of The Asylum, here! It really is quite astounding. I mean, if hearing the title Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter doesn’t already make you do a double take, then taking on zombies definitely will.
Of all the ideas that The Asylum has had, this one might be the most absurd, which in turn makes it the most watchable of the bunch. John Wilkes Booth has been turned into a member of the “New Secret Service”. I mean, who can resist historical accuracy this rich with flavor? One thing is for sure, if I had the choice between vampires and zombies, I’m almost positive I’d take the walkers.
The fall of our economy has been hard on everyone, including Hollywood, California, that magical place where even the litter is diamond-encrusted. It’s hard to believe, but big-budget studios have taken a pretty noticeable hit in recent years, and revenue continues to fall each year. It always helps to look for the good in bad situations and that’s just what this story is all about.
It looks like Warner Bros. has hit the brakes on Jaume Collet-Serra‘s upcoming adaptation of Akira while they make one last negotiation to work out the on-going budgetary and casting issues that have been plaguing production from the start. The Hollywood Reporter says that a call has been made requesting that the entire crew and production crew drop everything they’re working on until further notice. As one insider put it, “everyone has been sent home.”
This would be great news for Akira fans like myself. I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m not a fan of the way the remake was going. Besides some questionable casting decisions and storyline changes, Akira just doesn’t seem like it’s doable in live-action; anime, as you probably know, can go to some pretty wild places from time to time and Akira‘s subject matter requires an extensively realized cyber-punk world. I imagine lowering the budget would make this challenge even more difficult.
If it’s one thing Hollywood craves more than cocaine and prostitutes, it is sequels. Personally, I can’t think of a better way to bask in the glory of a successful and profitable film than to make it all over again. It’s the law of probability. It was successful once, it’ll be successful again. Any decent scientist will tell you that.
Earlier today, The Hollywood Reporter wrote that the science team over at New Line is pretty much green-lighting Horrible Bosses 2.John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein, the screenwriters who penned the original, are on board; and it is expected that director Seth Gordon will return for the new project, as well as most of the cast, which included Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day, Jennifer Aniston, and Kevin Spacey. If you haven’t seen Horrible Bosses yet, it must be because you can’t get Netflix under the rock where you live. While not “the funniest movie in years”, it was funny; and Kevin Spacey is always a good reason to see a film.
The big question is: was it good enough to support a sequel? Probably not. Look at The Hangover. That movie legitimately made pop come out of my nose. (Sidenote: POP is a super sweet term that came from Detroit and is used around here as opposed to SODA. Look it up.) When they announced that there was going a Hangover 2, everyone was shrieking like 13-year-old girls. But when we all sat in those seats the movie fell flat, and the only good thing about that evening was that I found $5 in my pocket which still didn’t pay me back for the crappy movie I had just watched.
Shifting gears for a moment, on the other end of the spectrum we have Bridesmaids, another surprise hit. This film didn’t have a lot of buzz surrounding it like Horrible Bosses did, but it delivered with a smart story and hilarious content. Universal is just itching for the cash cow sequel, but Kristen Wiig won’t bite. In fact, Wiig told The Hollywood Reporter that she and Annie Mumolo, who co-wrote Bridesmaids with Wiig, “aren’t planning a sequel [and are] writing something else.”
I’ve heard a bunch of garbage about discord between the actors and the studio because they only got $100,000 bonuses contributing to her lack of participation. Apparently in Hollywood terms that’s like tipping your waitress ten cents. I mean, whenever I do movies, I expect at least half a mil. Anything else is insulting.
I think Kristen Wiig is the type of person who appreciates film and comedy as art forms. She wants to create something good, work really hard at it, and move onto the next thing. That’s refreshing these days when everything has to be a franchise with merchandise for preteens to spend too much of their parents’ money on at Hot Topic. If this at all went into her decision, I support her organic approach to film. And maybe a salute is in order.
What blows my mind, though, is that Universal is willing to go on with this project without any of the original cast; though I don’t see Judd Apatow being dumb enough to make it without Kristen. I wasn’t aware that Bridesmaids franchise had that much material to support it without its original creator and main character. It’s like Saved by the Bell: The New Class, where only Mr. Belding and Screech are left, and everyone’s looking around wondering where Zack Morris is.
If I’m being honest here, I don’t think either sequel, if they end up being made, will be any good. Horrible Bosses was a good movie on its own, but I don’t know how they can take the story much further. Bridesmaids doesn’t stand a chance without Kristen Wiig. Sequels are tricky, and you have to have more than decent source material because the expectations are high. But they’ll keep making the movies as long as people keep going to see them. You know, the people who keep going to see Scary Movie and Final Destination.
Remakes. Sometimes good, and sometimes completely unnecessary, unwanted, and absolutely dreaded. Movies that stand alone as their particular works of art, which cannot plausibly be recreated to contain the same zest and epic-ness as the original. I’m talking about the upcoming American remake of Park Chan-wook’s Oldboy.
Anyone who reads this site with any regularity should already know how I feel about the Die Hard franchise, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that it made the list. And truth is, I’d rather watch this 5 times in a row than watch any other movie on the list once. Hence, it’s representation of # 1-5. Yippee ki-yay.
I will assume every has already seen Die Hard, but as a refresh, here we go: John McClane is a cop from New York who goes to a Christmas party at his wife’s new office, the Nakatomi Plaza in LA. After arriving John takes off his shoes and all hell breaks loose. Hans Gruber and his group of “terrorists” brake in and take everyone hostage. Everyone that is except for barefoot John. From here McClane proceeds to sneak around the building, talking shit and killing members of Hans’ team…
As the movie progresses John kills more and more of Hans’ men, and we remain in awe at his ability to do it all without shoes. Eventually we learn that Hans is in fact not a terrorist, but instead just a very clever thief, and once it becomes apparent that Santa Claus in not gonna swoop in and save the day then it falls solely into the lap of John to save Christmas. And save Christmas he does. Barefoot.
With no available chimneys our hero is forced into the building’s venting system to deliver his presents (bullets) to Hans.
This allows him the opportunity to rescue his estranged wife Holly and her co-workers.
Few, if any Christmas movies ever really exemplify the true spirit of the holiday. Too often we are inundated with commercial messages, and magical reindeer, and a complete and utter lack of brutal murders. Well, that’s not the case in Lee Harry‘s masterpiece Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2, which focused on what really matters at Christmas time – punishing the naughty.
In the first Silent Night Deadly Night, Billy grows up in an orphange and is a rather unhappy child, perhaps it’s cause Santa Claus (the real one I assume) shot his dad and raped and murdered his mom. Right in front of him. Yikes! That must make sitting on Mall Santa’s lap an even more terrifying experience than normal. Anyhow, once Billy grows up, he decides that he too will dress like Santa and murder people who he deems to be ‘naughty’. It all seems justified to me…
In Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2, Billy’s younger brother Ricky decides to take up the mantle of ‘murderous Santa’. This is particularly interesting since the murder of his parents, which is the event that inspired his brother to kill, he was far too young to remember. That means, since he credits the same event as his inspiration, the stories told to him as a kid must’ve been pretty explicit.
Ricky is so intense…
Now director Lee Harry made a pretty interesting choice here, he shot the 2nd movie using the mostly recycled footage from the first movie as Ricky has flashback after flashback to events he was not present for. Like Brody’s wife in the 4th Jaws movie. So after Ricky, who never says a word without furiously moving his eyebrows, tells us about all the stuff Billy did in the first movie, it’s time for him to flashback to some of his own kills. Amazingly, no matter how far back a story goes, Ricky never seems age. Anyhow, we hear about him killing a man with an umbrella and that’s where it all began.
Eventually Ricky stops with the flashbacks and starts getting in some fresh kills, and one in particular has become increasingly popular since the invent of YouTube…
So as you can see, the Internet really appreciates strong acting. The sheer power behind Ricky’s eyes on Garbage Day is unforgettable and for that reason, as well as the respect paid here to the first movie, I give SNDN2 a solid 5/5.
Grizzly Bomb 