Tag Archives: Claire Forlani

Mallrats 2: Kevin Smith Is Going Back To The Food Court

That’s right, boys and girls, we’re going back to the mall.

Kevin Smith has announced that a sequel to his cult hit Mallrats is in the works. Smith first hinted at the project on Twitter with the mere mention of a rat.

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Camelot Review: Episode 9 – “The Battle of Bardon Pass”

If you’ve missed any other episodes, hit it HERE.

So the 9th episode of Camelot focuses on 2 major things:
1. Morgan’s capture and impersonation of Igraine
2. The Arthur/Guinevere/Leontes Love Triangle

So first, as we saw in Episode 8, Igraine has escaped Castle Pendragon and made her way back to Camelot only to be confronted by…herself. That’s where we pick up in 9. Igraine thinking herself crazy retreats to her room to find Merlin still in her bed from his night with her Morgan. She blubbers coherently enough that Merlin figures out what has happened and they almost immediately set out for Pendragon to confront Morgan. Alone and unarmed. Again. For the extreme badass that Merlin is supposed to be, he sure doesn’t show it much…

As Merlina and Igraine are preparing to leave, Leontes confronts Guinevere about her relationship with the King. She initially denys it, but quickly folds like a the cheap thin metal they used on my new grill…

“You’re not my wife. You’re the King’s whore.”

While all the melodrama is going on in Camelot, Bardon Pass, the main trade post of the kingdom is under attack and Arthur’s guards there are killed. So as Merlin and Igraine head to Pendragon, Arthur, Leontes, and the others head to the Pass.

By this time Morgan is back at her own Castle and it’s clear that the attack on the Pass is of her doing, and lead by her peeping Tom from a few weeks back. As she arrives she is met by the mysterious Nun, whose motivations to this point are still completely shrouded, and the two discuss Igraine’s escape and how no one will believe the weak-minded Queen.

 As her men continue attacks all over the lands, more and more villagers flock to Morgan for the protection Arthur isn’t providing. She goes on the convince the stupid frightened people that Arthur is being mislead by Merlin and that he’s not to blame for the troubles of the land, begging that they put their faith in her.

Now, when Merlin and Igraine show up to confront her, the deck is already staked against her. The many people seeking refuge within the castle walls see Merlin as a liar, and are convinced of Morgan’s innocence.

Merlin enters quite boisterously and makes grader claims that many in the crowd do not understand. Morgan emerges from within Castle Pendragon’s walls with a smirk on her face that only further proves this too is part of her plan.

Merlin and Igraine are quickly branded as traitorous and bat-shit crazy. Respectively. They are then taken into custody as Morgan announces plans to March them back to Camelot and reunite with her brother. Except what no one knows it that she have already given her men orders to kill Arthur in the Battle at Bardon Pass. Thus ensuring the crown will fall upon her head in his demise. Pretty clever.

Merlin has legitimate questions as to the endgame played by the Nun, but they aren’t questions we’ll yet have answered. This is about the time the stupidity of the writing once again takes grasp. They’re need to constantly inject Guinevere into every situation has become bothersome. So when she came galloping into the battle to bring Leontes his bible, I was hoping she’d catch an arrow…

Of cousre she doesn’t get shot, but she does fall off of her horse, causing Leontes and Arthur to play a quick round of “Who can get Shot Quickest” as they rush out in a hail of falling arrows to save her. Unfortunately, Morgan’s men can’t shoot any better than the Vietnamese in Rambo II, so unbelievably, no one gets hit here.

This does once again prove though how stupid Arthur is. If he dies, all is lost. Guy really doesn’t deserve to be King at this point…

Ol’ Arttie decides now would be a good time to tell the troops how he betrayed his Champion and that’s he’s basically a dick and all. His brother Kay disowns him and then, as the full blown battle begins, is promptly shot with an arrow. Not however before Morgan’s troops shoot the only Black knight, dudes were totally racist…

Arthur’s men however are well trained enough to push back the attacking horde and hold their ground. This leads to Arthur’s next stupid selfless act – he orders that everyone retreat out the back of the pass, unseen by the enemy, to get help for Kay and Gwen, since she bumped her head and all. Arthur will stay at the pass, alone, and distract the opposing forces for as long as he can. Then, everyone actually leaves. Really?

So Guinevere’s decision to jump into the battle is now gonna cost them the Bardon Pass. Hey, G, thanks for stopping by!

So this episode was mostly setup for the impending 10th episode and season finale. I give it a 3 of 5.

Camelot Review: Episode 8 – “Igraine”

Filling in for Darth this week, I have to say he’s been a little rough on Camelot as of late. Yes there were a few episodes in there that got a little slow, but this week’s I think had a nice flow to it.

Morgan is disguised as Brandi Svenning Arthur’s mother, former Queen Igraine. She has positioned herself inside of the walls of Camelot, while the real Igraine is a chained prisoner at Castle Pendragon.

This exchange is the focus of the episode with surprisingly little of Arthur actually appearing. Arthur and his champions are out of Camelot on a hunting trip, bonding as a crew. Two important things happen on the hunt. First, Arthur talks of creating a representative government for the people, which his brother Kay likens to the Roman senate. Leontes however suggested instead that each area send a champion to represent them, this is obviously the suggestion that will turn into the ‘Knights of the Round Table’.

The second event is the encounter between Morgan’s mystical wolf and Leontes. While the others sleep Leontes is meet face to face by the wolf who has been stalking the group. The wolf does nothing though, as Arthur’s champion still has too large a part to play.

“I’m in a Wolf-Pack of one.”

Back at Camelot Morgan is starting to become more comfortable in her Igraine appearance, and she’s also getting more familiar with Merlin. This was the strange part to me, I guess I just expected Merlin to sniff out the deceit, but he was just a powerless against it as everyone else. The real Igraine however is less comfortable, incarcerated  within the castle walls she once called home. This is when we get to see more and more the true character of Sybil, the nun. She enters Igraine’s prison to taunt and belittle the former Queen. This episode is also the first time we see any real flare from Igraine and she nearly kills the nun with her chains. It is only that blade of the door’s guard that stays the Nun’s execution.

Meanwhile, as the Queen is fighting for her freedom, Morgan is learning how the other side lives. She spends time with an orphaned boy who is clearly in love with Igraine and to whom Merlin is obviously also attached. The kid looks a little like Darth Vader…but a better actor.

Anyhow, this won’t grow up to be a badass like Lil’ Ani, because this kid, is dead. That’s right folks. After Morgan and Merlin give him his first ever birthday and tuck the little guy in, Morgan has another attack from the powers, which seem to be ripping her apart from the inside. Well the kid wakes up and finds who he believes to be Igraine in pain and declares that he is going to get Merlin to help. In an attempt to stop him from retrieving  Merlin, Morgan grabs his arm and inadvertently knocks him over the balcony. So after Game of Thrones, I’m starting to think they like dropping kids off of stuff in these period pieces…

Wow. Nice move Morgan.

Thinking this might cause Morgan to see the error of her ways, and retreat back to Pendragon, I am proven completely wrong as she first lets it slip to Leontes that his wife and Arthur bumped uglies, and then uses the tragedy of the day to seduce Merlin. And might I say, for someone who is pushing 40, Clair Forlani is still looking damn good.

So anyhow, back Pendragon the real Igraine is using her body to advantage as well, making a deal with the guard for her freedom. It proves deadly for the guard however, as she is giving opportunity to grab his dagger during. But hey, if you gotta go, can’t think of many better ways…

“Was it good for you?”

Igraine then escapes Pendragon thanks to a blind eye turnned by Vivian, and steals a horse to make way back to Camelot. She however cannot get in time stop prevent the cavalcade of damage. The kid is dead, Merlin slept with who he thought was the Queen, and Morgan had her little chat with Leontes about his wife and the King. This does not bode well for Arthur, as his greatest champion now knows of his treachery and the wolf let Leontes live for a reason…

Igraine, upon her return to Camelot, comes face to face with her impostor…

The house of cards Merlin has so steadily been building is starting to tumble, and it’s awesome. This was probably the best episode since the premiere. (and I’m not just saying that cause we saw Brandi Svenning’s boobs...or at least her body double anyway) I’m giving this one a 4 out of 5.