Tag Archives: iPhone 5

SNL: 38.4 – Christina Applegate/Passion Pit

After last Saturday’s horrific outing, I spent the week placing offerings at my shrine to the great Colin Quinn in the hopes that it would pay off with a better episode this week. I wasn’t even asking for it to be good, just that it didn’t suck donkey balls.

Man, my house smelling like a pothead’s van for a week really paid off.

Everyone knew that the cold open was going to be the VP debate. In my review of the premiere, I said that Taran Killam’s Paul Ryan impression needed work. Apparently he heard my concerns because this week it was spot on. It really was better than I could have imagined. Add in the ridiculous water drinking, with the hamster bottle being the highlight, and I was in heaven.

And if the already strong sketch needed any help… Usain Bolt. That was so unexpected but enjoyable. I had completely forgotten about Ryan’s inflated athletic abilities, such great material there.

The monologue was okay. Usually I don’t like when the hosts do a random musical number because it never really seems to fit in, but I always forget that Christina Applegate can sing. Of course it was also nice that she gave Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker a shout out.

The Gillette commercial with Jerry Sandusky was just odd. There’s a good chance I have missed a story concerning Jerry Sandusky and shaving and perhaps that’s where the idea came from, but yea, it was weird.

If I had to choose one recurring sketch that I dislike more than all others, it would probably be Fred Armisen as the annoying producer turned talk show host. If I had to choose a second recurring sketch that I dislike more than all others excluding the previously mentioned, it would be The Californians. The moment the SoapNet logo comes on I just want to fast forward. At least this time it had Taran Killam as the wedding planner.

Next up was the second best sketch of the night, “Tech Talk” aka “First World Problems”. This seems like one they’ve had on the blocks for a while now and decided to go with it this week. Fantastic execution. Describing the new iPhone as “three sheets of paper stapled together” had me rolling. Best parts were the “traditional sarcastic dance” and of course the complaints about American products.

The next sketch was a prerecorded movie trailer for “Give Us All Our Daughters Back”. So many great impressions in this one. Bill Hader as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Christina Applegate as Uma Thurman, Bobby Moynihan as Steven Seagal- they were all good. The best though was Jay Pharaoh with his Denzel Washington impression. “Are you a porpoise or a narwhal?”
The most disturbing part of the sketch was when I realized that not only would my husband watch that movie, he would love that movie. If Chuck Norris were added to that cast, he would probably have that movie showing on a continual loop.

I think it’s a mark of a good show when the musical guest comes up and you think “already?”. Passion Pit was on tap and they are good. One of those somewhat obscure bands that divides the internet between the “I LOVE PASSION PIT” and the “who the hell are these people? Come on SNL, why don’t you get some bands on that people have actually heard of or care about.” crowds.

Weekend Update had one of my least favorite guests and one of my favorite guests. Jean K Jean is sort of amusing but really I could do without him. More than anything he reminds me of Keenan Thompson’s character Pierre Escargot on Take That.

However, Nasim Pedrad’s Arianna Huffington? I could watch her all day long. I don’t know that I would even recognize the real Arianna Huffington if I came across her in a dark alley, but I get a little giddy when I see Nasim appear as her.

After Weekend Update the show moved into that mine field that makes me nervous each week. Which barrel scrapping sketches made the cut? This week I was extremely pleased to see that my favorite sketch of the night aired in this slot. There’s a good chance I loved the “Siren Song” sketch as much as I did because I’m a woman in my mid-30’s and therefore by default have fond memories of chick music from the 90’s, but there’s an equally good chance that this sketch was just perfect. I’m going with perfect. Jason Sudeikis was Odysseus, tied to the mast to avoid the song of the sirens, played by Cecily Strong, Christina Applegate and Kate McKinnon. They tried to lure Odysseus in with such hits like Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” and Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much”. And what mention of 90’s music would be complete without TLC’s “No Scrubs”?

There was a return to the high school with “Hell-o-Ween” which was mildly entertaining and then a “Dance Class” sketch that was a bit on the odd side. What it really made obvious though, is how much alike Christina Applegate and Kristin Wiig are. I don’t know if Applegate was trying to impersonate Wiig, impersonating a strange Fosse obsessed dance instructor but damn, it was a little eerie. The voice, the expressions, everything- odd.

Biggest things from this episode- hello Jason Sudeikis and Kate McKinnon! This is by far the most, and best, we’ve seen of Sudeikis so far this season and he was on top of it this episode. Kate McKinnon is literally living the dream right now. It’s only her second season right? And she has been the go to girl for almost every episode. I can’t imagine she won’t be bumped up to cast member either at some point in this season or definitely by next season.

She’s already gotten to announce the show so what else is there?

Which brings me to a question- where is Aidy Bryant? Has she just had a run of bad luck and all her sketches have been cut? That just doesn’t seem possible. Surely they can find some place for her. We’ve seen plenty of Cecily Strong and Tim Robinson (more Strong than Robinson) and only a few snippets of Aidy Bryant. She was the new cast member I was most looking forward to so her absence is strongly felt.

Dear Ms. Bryant,
 If you want or need help writing some sketches that will make the final cut, just give me a call. I’m sure we can work something out that will blow their minds and force them to give you some airtime.

The Ironbunny.

I’m really glad this episode was as great as it was because next week the host and musical guest is Bruno Mars. Unless your name is Justin Timberlake, you don’t really have any business pulling double duty. Here’s hoping for the best, while bracing for the worst.

THIS IS NOT an iPhone 5 Review

Hike up your glasses and pick your favorite case everybody! The iPhone 5 is almost here – Apple fans have already been rejoicing for months now and I definitely wanted to be in on this new product because it seems that news about the iPhone 5 is everywhere. So now it’s time for me to review this news-maker. Will it meet the hype that dedicated Apple fans have created over it, or will it fail to deliver?

Wrong kind of ‘deliver’

First of all, the bigger screen is pretty impressive. The first time I held the phone and looked at the screen I could have sworn I was looking at a netbook instead of a phone. Apparently, people want our phone screens to keep getting bigger like our TV screens have and Apple definitely delivered on this aspect. I tested out the screen’s size by pulling up a picture of a pizza (because I was really hungry at the time) and I could have picked the entire thing right off the screen, it was so real and life-sized. I was shocked. How awesome would it be if the next iPhone could be even bigger and I could look up even bigger food items, like a foot-long Subway sandwich?

Huge iPhone
I can’t wait until they’re this size!

I’m also pretty stoked about the new charger for the iPhone 5, a cable called the Lightning. The connector is really small and fits perfectly into the small spot allotted for it on the new, slimmer iPhone 5. I think Apple was trying to go along with the whole diet mentality because everything about the Lightning seemed based on smaller proportions to produce greater effects in the end, except for the screen of course. Not a bad strategy if you ask me. I read that apparently a lot of Apple products are going to start using this charging cable, which is pretty awesome that I’ll get to throw away my perfectly good iPod to buy a whole new one just so it will be compatible with the new charger.

Clear iPhone 5
I wish mine looked like this.

A few final notes about the iPhone should be covered before I wrap this up. I simply adore the fact that the iPhone 5 has faster memory and therefore functions a lot faster. Now I don’t have to wait the excruciating 1 second for a website or app to load anymore – it only takes half of a second now! Holy crap, how did I ever deal with dial-up? Also, the lighter weight means that I don’t have to lug around the stupidly heavy iPhone 4S in my purse anymore. The difference in weight between the previous iPhone and the new one is like an elephant to a mouse, which is WONDERFUL for my shoulders to deal with now. Sure, I guess nothing else much has changed besides what I already mentioned, in addition to the new operating system, the iOS6, and an improved camera. But really, it’s the newest and greatest from Apple, and that is good enough reason for me to own it.

But I guess now would be a good time to let you know that I’m not one of those “lucky” writers in the tech industry who was able to get their hands on an iPhone 5 for review. In fact, I’ve never owned any iPhone, or any other smartphone, for that matter. My review was based on me imagining that I was an Apple addict who shells out money for everything my beloved company produces because I must remain a part of their cult. So I hope this article at least entertained you, because there’s no way I’d ever actually want to review an iPhone 5 for real. For as long as I can, I’d like to avoid people telling me that I’m becoming a follower of Apple-ology, Apple-anity, or any other way you want to describe the worship of all things Apple.

iPhone 5: Luxury or Necessity?

On September 12, 2012, the worst secret in the field of technology was released into the wild. Yes, the iPhone 5 was coming out and yes, millions of people want to love it and have millions of its babies. It also exposed an interesting fact about our society. With estimates of up to 10 million iPhone 5s sold by the end of September – NINE DAYS mind you – this is obviously going to be one of the most anticipated products launches in recent memory. But the question is this: do we actually need an iPhone 5?

Let’s start off with the facts. The iPhone 5 is going to carry a larger screen, have access to the LTE network, and be more powerful than previous iterations of the phone that revolutionized the industry. It will still have a retina display and with the new A6 chipset, the phone will run faster, smoother, and more efficient so that your battery life will be extended (or so we’re promised). The price points are the same as the previous versions with the 16gig going for $199, the 32gig going for $299, and the 64gig running for $399. The preorders began on September 14th with phones being available in retail stores and shipping on September 21st.


Admittedly, the reaction has ranged from excited to apathetic. The excited usually revolves around the bigger screen and the added functionality of LTE. The unimpressed concentrate on it being just another smart phone with a longer screen and the fact that it doesn’t make breakfast for you. “Yay, we have an extra row for apps! *fart sound*” Legitimate and sarcastic concerns indeed, but the more glaring concern I get from this is our expectations of our “phones”. I’m not a fan of excessive air quotes but I feel it is deserved in this case because how much do we actually use our phone for calls? I have an exorbitant amount of rollover minutes because quite frankly, I don’t like talking on the phone and if I can deliver a text to get my point across, boom, problem solved. And all without the awkward silences. It’s really an organizer, toy, time waster, camera, however you want to define it. It’s the do-it-all to end all do-it-alls. It’s the symbol of our generation that relies on convenience to be an arm’s reach away.

Before I got an iPhone, I had a Motorola Q which was complete and utter garbage. The reason I got the iPhone was because I needed a new phone that didn’t make me want to reenact Office Space and take a bat to it. I didn’t realize that I would get sucked into the world of “there’s an app for that.” All of a sudden, I had instant access to the internet, my music from my iPod synced into my phone, my calendars and contacts at my fingertips… it was pretty much the perfect phone to keep me organized. Then came the iPhone 4. Now I had Facebook, Facetime, Final Fantasy Tactics (alliteration much?), Angry Birds, Words with Friends, Instagram…these apps that I never would’ve used in 2006 that now dominate my life in 2012. It was ironic to have an device that can keep me on an organized path and then ruin it with distractions at the same time. The fact that I can go to the airport and check my work e-mails, check my gate with my scan-able boarding pass on my phone, with my headphones on listening to Spotify, and then walk to Starbucks and have them scan my Starbucks gift card off my screen…it’s not only a testament on how far we’ve come with technology, but also how absolutely screwed I am if I ever lose my phone.

As much as I am a fan of technology, I’m curious as to the turning point when I became a slave to it. Obviously it’s not just myself as many people suffer the same dilemma. Of course, there is a segment of the population that looks to the iPhone as a status symbol. Which is understandable because it is probably the trendiest technology out there, which Apple smartly marketed its products to be since the release of the first iPods a decade ago. However, while I try to take advantage of all the features on my phone, there are others that just want to purely show it off, not unlike a new outfit or accessory. It also doesn’t help that some people can’t even tell the difference between the iPhone 5 and 4s as evidenced in the video below.

I get it, it’s the new big trendy thing so not everyone is going to get on board with it. Especially when it should not be such an essential part of living and breathing that some people make it out to be. Unfortunately, in this day and age, for those handcuffed by technology, it might as well be the second coming of Jesus. I did get up at 3am in the morning to pre-order the iPhone 5 just like all the other ‘crazies’ on the east coast. It’s a valued piece of technology for me and while I can most definitely live without, I just choose not too because it simply makes my life easier to organize and also, from an ego standpoint, I like to have the new big thing to show off. That and my old iPhone looks like to got into a fight with the Expendables.

It really just depends on the perspective on the user. While I wish I can say this will be the end all be all of all phones, but it won’t. There will be an iPhone 6 or 7 that I’m sure will boot this phone and its features back into the stone age. The iPhone 5 is very evolutionary and will provide souped up features that will enhance your experience as a smart phone. That being said, this is not the game changer people are making it out to be. I think hardcore Apple users will champion its cause out of loyalty. The general public will probably identify this as an unnecessary device that only adds features that promote gimmicks as opposed to functionality. This phone is far from a necessity to the regular person but if you need to upgrade from an iPhone 4, or heaven forbid, a 3 or 3s, it may be worth a shot. We will find out on Friday and hopefully I’ll get a review up to see if the iPhone 5 will match the hype. Spoiler alert: It never does.