Sexed-up Nuns in ‘Hitman: Absolution’ – An In-depth Analysis

After 7 years of hiatus, we finally have another Hitman game. I’m wondering what’s been up with the video game industry lately. There are bunches of forgotten franchises re-surfacing. This year, we started off with Twisted Metal, and after that Max Payne 3, and in fall, Hitman: Absolution. The game developers must be running out of ideas. Anyways, I’m here to give you some of my impressions on the newest CGI trailer.

The trailer opens with a shot on the motel sign, suggesting that the following event takes place in Waikiki, a neighborhood located in Oahu, Hawaii. Then, we can see Agent 47 in a room, treating his wounds. Meanwhile, a bunch of high-heels-wearing nuns are walking towards the motel. They then shed their robes, revealing some BDSM clothing, the ICA tattoo, and a bunch of weapons. One of them fires an RPG at the motel. Somehow, Agent 47 pops out from nowhere, showing up right behind the ladies, and basically cap their asses. He then places all of their weapons in the trunk of his car and drove away.

I’ll be straight up with you. My BS meter is going off like crazy. This makes zero sense. Here I’ll dissect what the hell is wrong with the nuns.

First of all, they’re in the middle of nowhere.

Why the hell do you need a disguise if you’re in the middle of nowhere? People won’t recognize you in that very scenario because… hmmmm… let me think – Is it because there are people everywhere in the middle of nowhere and it’s just so easy to blend in? No. Is it because of some magic powers the school bus possesses? No. What can it be then? Oh yes!!!! It’s because there are no people to begin with!!! Wow, that took me long to figure out.

On a more serious note, have you actually seen a hot nun before? One good-looking nun is hard enough to come by, let alone eight. On second thought, I’ve actually seen quite a number of sexy nuns before. Ever heard of something called porn?

Here’s something about me. I’d actually like to consider myself a feminist. Despite of that, however, sexualizing women in media is not my biggest concern. Hell, I like checking out our Grizzly Girls feature. We, as straight men, are horny, and we enjoy masturbating staring at attractive females. However, there comes a time when sexualizing goes way too far, to a point where it just violates human logic. This is definitely the case. Why the hell will you put on your bondage gear when you’re going on a full frontal assault operation with no seduction involved? And doesn’t the very act of shedding your robes and instead opting for BDSM spandex suits sort of defeats the purpose of disguising? I would also like to take a moment to point out how ridiculous it is for these so-called cold-blooded killer-for-hire look with those ridiculously high heels. Try running in high heels and you’ll see what I mean.

Talk about taking women seriously

Watching those nuns getting slaughtered is actually pleasantly satisfying. Given how ridiculous they dress in the first place, they deserve to die. They do put up a good fight, but electing for skin-tight suits over Kevlar vests when you’re going up against Agent 47 is just a death wish.

Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

I’m not sure of Eidos’ intent behind rendering such a trailer. Whatever it is, it sure did spark some controversies. Plus, there is no such thing as bad publicity, and I guess they got our attention. Either case, I’m not pre-ordering the game, or purchasing it full-price. From what I’ve seen so far, the game has strayed too far from its roots. As evidenced by previous trailers as well as this one, it is trying to be a shooter of sorts, relying on more reflexes of the players rather than brains. Hitman: Absolution reminds me of Splinter Cell: Conviction, when it comes to dumbing down gameplay for broader appeal. While making a game more accessible is not necessarily a bad idea, doing so at the expense of compromising its idea is a questionable decision.

Jade Raymond, the mind behind Assassin’s Creed, is right. The industry needs to step its game up (pun intended) or it might lose its relevance. It needs to appeal to a more diverse demographic. Being sexist is not the way to go.

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