Despite my protest, violent anger, seething rage and fairly open contempt towards The Amazing Spider-Man, and this ludicrously shallow movie franchise Sony is trying to build, the editors here at Grizzly Bomb seem to find some sick perverted joy in making me cover Spider-Man movie news. [Ed. Note – This is true.] I tell them, why not get someone who likes this movie? Or the series of previous movies? Or even the character for that matter? But they shun those words, and laugh as my tears are like some salty opiate nectar to them. [Also true.]
Because the last one inexplicably made so much damn money, despite being complete and total trash, they’ve moved forward with carrying out the development of the sequel. As we all know, that was the whole point to begin with, and certainly there was never any intention to tell an interesting, new, captivating, well acted, funny, engaging, non-boring story to begin with. Since we’ve established Gwen Stacy as Spider-Man’s totally hot, awesome babe of a girlfriend, we’re next gonna bring in Harry Osborn, to set up the foundation of what will presumably be the second sequel’s story, which is the introduction of the Green Goblin. Again.
They’ve currently auditioned four different actors for the role of Harry Osborn, and they’re the same type of namby pamby, limp wristed sissy boys that our current Peter Parker is. I’m positive they’ll all have multiple layers of coats and undershirts, and constantly mope about how awful their lives are while being incredibly rich, handsome, famous and generally leading amazing lives.
[quote]According to The Hollywood Reporter, studio insiders say four young actors tested for the role on Monday: Sam Claflin (Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Snow White & the Huntsman); Eddie Redmayne (The Good Shepherd, My Week with Marilyn); Douglas Booth (Noah, Christopher and His Kind); and Boyd Holbrook (Hatfields & McCoys, The Host).[/quote]
Because the current sequel is rumored to have Jamie Foxx as Electro, we can probably expect Green Goblin to show up in the third movie, which will tie in to explain something or other about Peter Parker’s parents, and people will blow their gaskets over it and laud it and oh my god the whole thing already makes me sick. Jamie Foxx as Electro already sounds stupid enough, so I can only hope these movies go full-retard into something that can actually entertain me. Until then, I’m stuck covering the news of this movie, in some sort of Sisyphean torment put upon me until the end of time, or whenever these movies stop being made. By the likes of things, they’re probably one and the same.