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MOVIES

Ted – 2 AM Text Review

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My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced employee screenings for movies the Wednesday night prior to the film’s release. These are his thoughts on TED…

Aaron: WAKEUP SNOWFLAKE!! Just finished watching Ted. – 2:02 AM

Aaron: Between the last 2 seasons of family guy and the entire existence of the Cleveland show, I was pretty sure ol’ Seth had blown his load on funny things to – 2:03 AM

Aaron: say. – 2:04 AM

Aaron: Turns out, he blew his load on FCC approved things to say. Genuinely funny. Some pretty good moments. But a movie about a teddy bear for 2 – 2:05 AM

Aaron: hours?!?! – 2:06 AM

Aaron: Much like me ordering a jack and coke, it’s predictable, but nice to see all Seth needed to be funny again was less restrictions. Let’s say 7 out of 10.  – 2:09 AM

Aaron: Oh, and of course, your much needed boob count: 2. Nice ones too, which means they didn’t belong to Meg.  – 2:10 AM


– Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – 2 AM Text Review

MOVIES

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – 2 AM Text Review

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My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced screenings for movies the Wednesday night prior to the film’s release. Well early this morning I got a few texts from my good friend about his thoughts on President Lincoln’s Vampire Slaying skills.

Aaron Stallings: Kronner, I’m texting you at 2am with no regard if you’re sleep or not to tell you that I want to have sex with this movie. It was f***ing sweet! Reminds me of zombieland.  – 1:58 AM

Aaron Stallings: Fast pace, kinda crazy, great effects, creepy characters, smooth villains… oh, and Abe Lincoln freeing my people. – 2:01 AM

Aaron Stallings: Oh, and 1 boob, but there’s was a little blood on it soooo… If that’s you’re kinda thing…  – 2:02 AM

He also informed me that he viewed the film with projection team, who are, as he put it, “Movie buffs. Like you”, and that they too seemed to share his excitement for the feature.   

I don’t know about you, but based on that review…I’m in.