Tag Archives: Michael Bay

Michael Bay’s Terrible New ‘Ninja Turtles’ Ideas

First of all, how dare you? Soon after Michael Bay’s name was attached to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, he proved he was not to be trusted. The working title of the projected May 2014 film is Ninja Turtles. By omitting the Teenage and Mutant, Bay has opened up the floodgates to his outlandish, ill-received changes. Earlier this year, he revealed the turtles will no longer be mutants. Rather, they will be aliens. Though alien inhabitants became an integral part of the comic book series, making the turtles aliens will destroy one of the key factors that made them so special.

Dave Rapoza’s awesome take on the lineage…

Recently reported on IGN, several released script ideas have only fueled the flames of fury among true TMNT fanatics. Though the turtles are no longer teens, April O’neil and Casey Jones are, except they are exs. What? Why? I am assuming that means April will no longer be the beloved news reporter that connected the turtles to the world they felt distanced from. I can only imagine how obnoxious Jones would be as a teenager. Jones as a teenager makes me think of some disrespectful, loitering punks I forgot to punch outside of a local convenience store.

With this script, Bay would be removing two key factors that made the turtles relatable to their younger audience. The turtles we grew up with were mutated teenagers dejected from the world. That sounds like every insecure adolescent I have ever come in to contact with. So how else can Bay manipulate our beloved story line until it is unrecognizable? Did I tell you that Master Splinter is completely missing from the draft? Of course he is. What significance did he ever have anyway, right?

Just to make sure that this is a Bay specific story, he made some other minor tweaks. Shredder will no longer be Shredder. That would be ridiculous to call the villain Shredder. Instead, he will be Colonel Shreadder. Not different enough for you? Okay. To make sure this is a Bay creation all of its own the Foot Clan will be replaced with a Special Forces unit under Colonel Shreadder. You just can’t trust the military, can you?

I can see the trend here. Bay has flooded his films with big boom box office bait, and now he wants to prove he is capable of making something more significant. May I preface this next rant by saying, “You will never be Christopher Nolan.” Now to put it into context. Batman shall remain one of the greatest American heroes ever created. Though the comic book creation and a stint of the 1960s were the epitome of camp, the character has an appealing dark theme that is not only relevant to adults and children alike, but society as a whole. Nolan has completed an amazing trilogy using one of the greatest heroes ever created. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles however, shall always be considered camp. I lovingly refer to it as camp, but it is nothing more than marketable camp. You cannot honestly tell me that Robert Van Winkle jiggling around on stage while the turtles destroy some Foot Clan is ground breaking cinema. Due to an oddball concept of four cartoon turtles with ninja weapons and a story that closely emulates the Daredevil franchise, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird created gold that I will forever enjoy. So keep your filthy hands off!

These egregious additions to the script are only a draft. If we’re lucky, they’ll never see the light of day. Cowabunga, dude!

Michael Bay’s ‘Ninja Turtles’ – 1, Nostalgic 20-Somethings – 0?

Michael Bay really does have a way to entice the masses in two separate ways. He has either pulled in several hundred millions of dollars and packed the theaters with his visual style, or he has enraged a fanboy base that asks for their childhood to not be destroyed in a sweeping camera move. As much of a giant douche bag that he is, the guy is a great visual artist and moviemaker that knows exactly how to draw people in and make them ‘Ooo’ and ‘Awe’ despite the fact he has no clue how to do a stationary camera shot. His next conquest/debate maker? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Or actually, just Ninja Turtles. Because he’s changing the name. And the origin. And your childhood memory. Why can he do this? Because he’s the producer dammit and bathes in Victoria’s Secret model’s tears.

“He can do what now?”

Continue reading Michael Bay’s ‘Ninja Turtles’ – 1, Nostalgic 20-Somethings – 0?

Dr. Sleep: Stephen King Writes Sequel to ‘The Shining’

The Shining is a classic movie by all accounts, and bridges the gap between horror and thriller genres allowing it to be heralded by geeks, fiends and “the thinking man” alike.  It’s a movie that is extremely quotable and therefore quite often lampooned and even though it was a product of the 80’s it is still watchable and relevant today. The Shining came in at #29 on AFI’s “Top 100 Thrills” list and more importantly is #2 on The Grizzly Bomb’s list of “Top Horror Movies of the 1980’s”.

The Shining was of course based on Stephen King’s book of the same name and it seems that King has finally returned to the Torrance family with the announcement of his new book Dr. Sleep. According to Wikipedia and other online rumor millings Dr. Sleep follows a grown up Danny Torrance who is using his mental powers to help terminally ill patients move to the beyond. On his current promotional tours Stephen King has been reading the first chapter of Dr. Sleep which catches up to an 8-year old Danny Torrance. Danny and his Mom have moved to Florida where they keep in touch with fellow Overlook survivor Dick Hallorann {he doesn’t get axed in the back in the book} and, as we soon find out, the woman from room 217 haunts more than one bathroom in the world. By doing some quick math we can extrapolate that Dr. Sleep will likely be a modern tale. The Shining takes place in 1977 and Danny is four and if Dr. Sleep follows him at age forty, as rumored, that would set the tale in 2013.

In a separate reading King reveals a little more of the Dr. Sleep story this time focusing on “The Tribe” a group of vampire-like  octogenarians who mask their youthful vitality and nefarious ways under the guise of  America’s RV crowd.

After listening to the two chapters it seems clear that Dr. Sleep will have little similarities to The Shining except for the involvement of  it’s characters. The Overlook has been destroyed so there’s no returning there, and although Jack Nicholson is old enough to play a ghost it’s wholly unlikely King will be going down that road. The title Dr. Sleep seems to reference Danny Torrance’s new vocation, but there is assuredly some other parallel to be made in what we expect is the eventual battle between Danny and his vampiric tormentors led by the woman from Room 217.

As King has not even released a date for the books debut it’s unlikely the inevitable “Shining sequel” will be headed for the big screen anytime relatively soon. Worthy or not, you know that the sequel will be made. It’s too bad that Stanley Kubrick is no longer with us to put his masterful stamp on Dr. Sleep, but based on the preliminary plot line is seems more like the kind of movie that will be helmed by the likes of James Cameron, Michael Bay or some other action junkie. If we’re lucky maybe it will fall into the hands of a Guillermo del Toro or a Peter Jackson where it can get the intellectual horror vibe it will hopefully warrant.

Transformers 4: A More Serious Approach on Mass Robot Mayhem

It would seem that Michael Bay may be seeing the error of his ways. I remember by the time that Revenge of the Fallen had found it’s way out of theaters that I would ask questions like- “Why do we need the human characters?” “Can we just have a movie with only Transformers in it?” “Why all the forced toilet humor?” And even though it seemed like Bay had started to tone it down a little and just focus on his craft of blowing shit up, Dark of the Moon still had that wasted human element to it. I liked the character of Sam Witwicky and think that Shia LaBoeuf is a great actor, but after three movies of the character, his parents and his girlfriends, I’m kind of ready for a Transformers movie just about…. Transformers. It seems like the movies are at least 70% CGI with the Autobots and Decepticons onscreen for the majority of the movie so why not just have a movie focusing on their war against one another? I don’t mind the human characters acting as support but I don’t need a lovesick kid running around trying to prove his self worth to everyone.

Now come reports that the next Tranformers movie will still indeed be a sequel to Dark of the Moon, but will feature less comedy and not so many human characters. Josh Duhamel has been pretty candid about the fact that neither himself nor any other actors have been contacted in regards to the fourth Tranformers movie, courtesy of E! Online:

“I don’t think anybody’s doing it,” Josh Duhamel told us last night at the launch party for Sony PlayStation’s new PS Vita portable entertainment system. “I know Shia [LaBoeuf]’s not doing it. I don’t think Tyrese or Rosie [Huntington-Whiteley] or anybody else is doing it.”

“Whenever these movies make that much money they’re going to make as many as they can,” he said. “[But] I haven’t heard anything about it. They haven’t called me.”

 If there were human characters that I didn’t mind, it would have been the soldiers including those played by Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson because they were all business about killing Decepticons and not how their girlfriend thought about their socioeconomic status.

I’d love to see the Autobots engaging the Decepticons on different planets throughout the galaxy as they did on the cartoon and the Transformers animated movie in the 80’s. I honestly doubt that the budget would be affected by having less “real” shooting locations, especially with how much money the studio knows that it’s going to make off the franchise. They could make the fourth movie about Optimus Prime trying to find his inner human whilst also looking for a female Transformer to settle down with and the movie would still gross almost a billion dollars worldwide. We can only hope that Michael Bay remains serious about toning down the cheesiness and five year old humor in his Transformer movies until the movie is finished. Am I expecting some sort of Academy Award winning performance from Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime? No. Nor am I looking for a deadly serious movie with the complexity of something like Inception because we all know that Transformers is a popcorn summer action flick. Just give us something true to the Transformers mythos and we’ll be happy.

Transformers 4: Michael Bay Returns in 2014

So a few months back I wrote a Transformers article about Michael Bay possibly coming back for one or two sequels with the Robots in Disguise, even though he had already said that the third one would be the last of them. Days later Michael Bay came out and dispelled any rumors about himself returning to any more Transformers flicks. I didn’t even bother to update the article or write a follow up one because I was so sure this particular article would be coming, just not so soon. Check out the snippet below from IGN:

Paramount Pictures has now issued a press release officially announcing Michael Bay’s involvement:

Paramount Pictures announced today that director Michael Bay has signed a two-picture deal with the studio, which will commence this spring with the filming of Pain and Gain, and will be followed by the next installment in the hit Transformers franchise.

Following Pain and Gain, Bay will bring audiences a new take on the Transformers franchise as he begins production on the fourth installment in the hit series of movies based on the best-selling Hasbro toyline. The third, and most recent installment of the franchise, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Is the fourth highest global grossing film of all time with 1.124 billion dollars of worldwide box office success. Directed by Bay, the movie will re-unite the filmmaking team from the hit franchise, including producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Don Murphy, Tom DeSanto and Ian Bryce; and executive producers Steven Spielberg, Bay, Brian Goldner and Mark Vahradian. Paramount Pictures will release the film on June 29th, 2014. 

 

So there you have it. That explosion-whore Michael Bay will be returning to explode even more, all over giant robots once again. Man, that sounded so dirty. But seriously, like Bay was going to pass up on this billion dollar franchise that is such a sure thing for him. This guy’s purpose in life is to make movies like this and the sooner he realizes that, then the better off we will all be. Don’t get me wrong, I hope that this Pain and Gain, Wahlberg-Bay-The Rock collaboration is at least a worthwhile movie to go see. I just don’t have very high hopes for anything besides napalm and half naked chicks from Michael Bay.

 

So until 2014 let the speculation begin about which actors shall return, which transformers shall kick ass and what form the story shall take! I for one am totally excited for another Transformers movie to come out. I enjoyed the third installment because it went back to it’s roots of non-stop action and a story that you could set your mind on cruise control for, unlike Revenge of the Fallen where you had to set your brain off completely to enjoy the toilet humor and bogus ass story. What’s everyone else thinking? Has the transformer franchise run its course or is everyone psyched for a new one? Comment below!

Grizzly Review: Red Tails

There’s nothing like two hours of hokey, old-fashioned, and exciting entertainment. Ridden with clichés and one-dimensional characters, big budget blockbusters are the foundation of American entertainment. I mean, what would we do if pretentious art films were the only things hitting the megaplex? You know what we would do? We would poke our freaking eyes out, and beg people like Spielberg and Lucas and Jackson to just get back behind the director’s chair, and give us the goods. But not Michael Bay. No, Michael Bay is on a permanent time out after the Transformers sequels.

George Lucas announced his retirement from big budget filmmaking, saying that he’ll be going out with Red Tails, a fictionalized telling of the Tuskegee airmen, the first all African-American pilot group. Serving as Executive Producer for the project, it was a story that Lucas was very eager to tell. He felt that the Tuskegee pilots were extremely underappreciated and wanted to bring their story to life in the most entertaining way possible. Now, in 2012, he’s achieved that goal, finally releasing Red Tails after twenty-odd years in production.

Red Tails’ main pilots are ladies’ man, Lightning (David Oyelowo), the “best pilot in the whole damn world”, Joker (Elijah Kelley), Junior (Tristan Wilds), and their leader, Easy (Nate Parker). Together, they make up the most talented and fiercest pilots in the military, but because they’re colored, they’re forced to do minuscule surveillance jobs where no enemies have been spotted for months, as they aren’t trusted to handle real combat due to the belief that they have “inferior mental capacity” to the other pilots.

The group’s leaders, Major Emanuelle Stance (Cuba Gooding Jr.), and Colonel AJ Bullard (Terrence Howard), land them a mission that involves escorting bombers across enemy territory. They nail it with no US casualties which catapults their status into the top air league in the entire military.

TV director Anthony Hemingway makes his feature film debut with Red Tails, and the directing is definitely the first thing I want to talk about, because it’s f***ing awesome. Granted, this is one of the most heavily produced movies you’ll ever see, but it’s damn cool to look at, and the CGI is quite realistic. The dogfight scenes are breathtaking, and Hemingway makes use of steady cam, immersing us in the action instead of flip-flopping the camera every which way so that we see nothing.

The screenplay is the definition of cheesy, but I really didn’t care because the corny one-liners and unrealistic dialogue is just a part of what makes Red Tails the old-fashioned action fest that it is. In fact, the film borders on Chaos Cinema, with the extended dogfight scenes and thin plot, but it’s Chaos Cinema done right. Unlike 2011’s Transformers: Dark of the MoonRed Tails know how to balance action and plot well enough to the point where the resulting product actually comes off as a movie and not a commercial for explosives.

I had an amazing time watching Red Tails. It’s a fun, family friendly movie that can appeal to all ages, races, genders, and anything else you can think of. It’s an inspiring tale that isn’t meant to be taken too seriously and being a George Lucas skeptic, I was surprisingly impressed by this movie’s capacity to entertain and inspire all at the same time, while still not losing its edge. The surprisingly bad reviews can be called “racism”, but I call it opinion, and by definition, Red Tails isn’t necessarily a “good movie”, but it’s an extremely fun one to watch, and isn’t that all we really need sometimes?

4/5 Bears