Each week, there are ideas that come to Hollywood and we all just think, “Alright, they’ve reached the limit, it can’t go much farther than that,” and each week, we’re just surprised by what they can come up with. At this point, we think we’ve reached the limit, but we really haven’t. The newest piece of awesome to hit theaters? Osombie, and no this isn’t a weekday prank, this is real.
The plot, you ask? The film, “Follows Dusty, a yoga instructor from Colorado on a desperate rescue mission to save her crazy brother Derek, a conspiracy theorist who is convinced Osama Bin Laden is still alive. In Afghanistan, Dusty falls in with a team of NATO Special Forces on a secret assignment. Turns out Derek is not so crazy after all, and Osama Bin Laden has returned from his watery grave and is making an army of zombie terrorists.”
Now, I don’t know about you guys, but American cinema just doesn’t get more inventively and sarcastically patriotically than that. The hilarious trailer, which starts off with: Viewer Discretion: scenes of violence and gore and muscular men with their shirts off. From there, the hilarious teaser keeps you laughing through your dropped jaw for a good minute and a half, and when it’s over, you have to ask yourself, is this real?
Well, I’m here to report that it is. Fortunately, this isn’t just another 30 second preview of a film like 2016 which is a mystery as to whether it’s an actual movie or not. Directed by “veteran editor” John Lyde, with a script by Kurt Hale, the movie has already been shot and edited, with the filmmakers now in post-production, laying a soundtrack over it, as well as tweaking a few other things.
Honestly, I can’t wait. Terrorists and zombies mixed together are about as great as Nazi zombies, but let’s hope it’s not as disappointing as Dead Snow.
It was difficult for me to pin down a scum bag for this week, because there just weren’t enough degenerates doing idiotic, degrading things. But I’ve found my scum champion finally in the form of the family friendly entertainment empire Disney. You might ask, why Disney? That’s Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck and all of those other cool and loveable characters!
Well, I just have a problem with the fact that Disney has trademarked a certain name, that name being SEAL Team 6. They’re the ones who completed the mission that killed Osama Bin Laden, in case you hadn’t heard anything about that story in the news. And I’m not even griping about this one from a political aspect, because here at Grizzly Bomb we don’t get into all that crap. It just amazes me that certain shit gets trademarked. Perfect example: Donald Trump trademarking the phrase “You’re Fired”. And just the other week Dr. Kronner trademarked the color blue. It’s ridiculous.
FishbowlNY uncovered three trademark applications that Disney made in early May to claim the rights to the phrase “SEAL Team 6” covering “entertainment and education services,” “toys, games and playthings” and “clothing, footwear and headwear.”
Seriously Disney, I can’t wait to see the SEAL Team 6 toys that you market to the kids. I only hope that we get to see Mickey Mouse with a sniper rifle, and Donald Duck with night vision goggles. I can only imagine there will be a whole plethora of SEAL Team 6 movies about the Bin Laden mission and Disney will be the only one allowed to have a movie named exactly that. Not only do they now have ABC, ESPN and Marvel Comics in the grasp of their scum covered fingers, but maybe next they’ll privatize the army and own every branch of the military too! Yeah it seems a little far fetched I would expect nothing less of our scum of the week!
After last night’s so-so Extreme Rules pay per view, its onward to Raw for The Rock’s birthday!
In a very classy move to start things off, Raw runs a promo to commemorate September 11th what with scumbag number one Osama Bin Laden being destroyed yesterday. Then we get treated to Lilian Garcia singing the national anthem! Happy Birthday Rock and Happy Deathday Osama!
The first person gracing us with his presence is the man himself, The Rock. What starts out as a full on Rock rant that we’ve seen plenty of times before, gets interrupted by the GM and Michael Cole. The GM wants an apology and so does the little Jack-bag Bitch Michael Cole since Rock has disrespected him over the years. The moron even had the audacity to wear a Boston Celtics jersey in Miama, so you can’t be surprised that he got his ass Rock Bottomed with a second course of People’s Elbow.
We were supposed to get a match between the now arch enemies John Morrison and R-Truth, but Truth decided to beat Morrison’s ass before he even got to the ring. Thanks Truth, maybe invisible little Jimmy should teach you some restraint so our time isn’t wasted.
We definitely got our share of eye candy. Maryse was participating in a match on Raw since I can’t even remember, along with recently drafted and my dream girl Kelly Kelly. The match however, didn’t get very far before the hog that is Kharma (Awesome Kong) made her way to the ring. It looked as if she was going for Kelly, but instead goes after the already downed Maryse. I will say, Maryse still looks hot getting her ass beat!
At first I could have cared less about Kharma because I’m so used to a group of extremely good looking divas who compete each week. None of them save Beth Phoenix are actually imposing, so that is where I hope Kharma adds some diversity and a threat to all of the hot divas. She may not be pretty to look at, but that’s not the point. She is there to make the divas division credible again by providing us with at least a decent storyline where there is actually someone to challenge for the Diva’s title. Rock on Kharma with your nasty self!
If you didn’t see Extreme Rules last night, John Cena is now our new champion. Love him or hate him, I prefer to hate him. But I do hate the Miz almost as much as Cena, and that brings us to the main event which is happening at the halfway point to finish out celebrating Rock’s birthday. Miz has used his rematch clause tonight, which actually resulted in a halfway decent match between the two turds. But of course the Miz loses all credibility when he uses Alex Riley and his shenanigans to his advantage. This time it worked against him after he hit Cena in the face with the title belt and tucked it beneath him before pinning the champ. The ref calls for the belt after Miz’s win and upon seeing it gone and in Miz’s hands he reverses his decision and Cena is still the champ. Sorry monkey by Miz.
Before the next match, Alberto Del Rio comes down to the ring in a new Phantom, incredibly upbeat for someone who lost a title match again last night. I guess Del Rio isn’t the chosen one. The match itself is a tag match with the team of Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger and Drew McIntyre. Not much exciting here until the end when Del Rio gets owned trying to attack Mysterio. Behold, a new Raw feud!
The last match is an interesting one and quite entertaining for how long it lasted. Mason Ryan vs Kane. It’s always a good time when behemoths collide. Mason Ryan shows he can definitely hold his own against Kane and even Big Show as he spears him once the match is a catastrophe. The catastrophe is because of….Nexus interference! Big surprise there. Mason Ryan could easily become a number one contender. He just needs more lines than repeatedly going “Come on! Come on! Come on!”. Besides, that’s Michael Cole’s job.
Overall it was a decently good episode of Raw. Not a whole lot of the same matches besides Cena vs Miz again! Rock was able to beat on Cole, get pranked a couple times for his birthday and end the night in the ring to thank everyone.
He was even given a surprise birthday wish from one Vince McMahon and a video tribute to him. Top all of that off with Happy Birthday performed the gorgeous and talented Mya, and a shower of balloons and confetti, then it makes for a pretty good birthday if you’re the Rock.