Charlie Sheen’s “Torpedo of Truth” Tour… More Like “Torpedo of Turd” Tour

How dare you sully that jersey good sir...

Yes, ‘Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour’ has landed. Well, crash landed anyways.

Of all the places to start off, why do it in Detroit Charlie? I don’t live directly in Detroit, but I’ve lived in the greater metro area my whole life, and know just as well as anyone else how unforgiving the people there can be. And unforgiving they were according to Yahoo!:

The former “Two and a Half Men” star showed that comedic success on the screen doesn’t necessarily translate to the stage, and the capacity crowd at the 5,100-seat Fox Theatre rebelled before he left the stage, chanting “refund!” and walking out in droves.

Linda Fugate, 47, of the Detroit suburb of Lincoln Park, walked outside and up the block yelling, “I want my money back!”

She said she paid $150 for two seats.

“I was hoping for something. I didn’t think it would be this bad.”

Come on Linda, you didn’t think it would be this bad? What in the hell were you expecting? The man is not a stand up comedian. Did you expect him to reveal somehow that he was from Mars? Or give a blood test on stage and actually prove not only that he has Adonis DNA, but also the blood of a f–king tiger? Laughable man!

But as it turns out that is what plenty of people were expecting. Well maybe not exactly that, but one man likened it to a NASCAR crash scene you just can’t look away from.

Another man, who crossed the boarder from Ontario, Canada said: “I expected him to at least entertain a little bit, it was just a bunch of ranting.”

Seriously, you paid 40-80 dollars to come and see someone who has been ranting on the national news scene for almost two months do something besides rant some more?

Honestly the people at the Fox Theater in Detroit would have been better off watching a compilation of all of Sheen’s shenanigans on YouTube instead of wasting their money and gas to go see this so-called ‘Torpedo of Truth’. Maybe even an on stage performance of Two and a Half Men with his goddesses playing Alan and Jake. Heck, one is a porn star, so she could have played Alan’s part nude or something to spice it up.

Mmmm... Tiger Blood.

I don’t even have a gripe with Sheen at this point, even though I wish the guy would just shut it and lay low for about a year. My gripe is with the ignorance of the people who went to the show and were unsatisfied with what they saw, when they shouldn’t have expected anything less.

Congratulations Charlie Sheen, you are a genius. I would imagine with 5,100 seats filled at the Fox Theater he must have really raked in the dough, and he still has 19 shows across the country to go. Duh, winning. Well played Mr. Sheen, well played. But please, just don’t come back to Detroit for an encore.

For a full timeline of events at the Sheen show, Entertainment Weekly’s James Hibberd did a great article on it last night. You can find it here.

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