Wow…just, wow. I just watched this montage of video dating applicants from late 80’s California. It was a life changing experience. This is my favorite guy, because we both love Data Processing!!!

Here is the video. Watch it then allow me to break it down for you…

I told you – Wow.

This one starts off strong, with what appears to be my High School Gym Teacher. They cut back to him often throughout the video as he cannot seem to stop giving us gem after gem.

– 0:10 “Ok, early to bed. Early to rise, makes a woman healty, wealthy, and wise. That’s why you’re wiser than me.”

– 2:00 “Excellent legs…ummm”

– 3:58 “And you know a journey always begins with the first step.”

Wow Mr. McElreath, that’s some deep shit.

At the 1:00 mark we meet this guy with a simple greeting:

– “Hi Mom.”

Few things moisten a woman’s panties as fast as a shout out to your mother.

– 3:38 ” ‘Type A’ I’m not. Comfortable, caring, and serious about a relationship – I am.”

I think “Comfortable and caring” could’ve gone unsaid. Those qualities were made clear by his sweater.

From here is just a plethora of success stories, true masters of the Pick Up Game…

A – “I’m not having fun doing this.”
B – “I will cry at a commercial”
C – “Do you like cats?”

Actually, I know someone who ‘C’ might work on. Looking at you Ms. Kasper…

A – Doesn’t do smokers. Sorry Ladies, move along. 
B – “Perhaps even a nice bath wi–“ No. STOP. NOOOOOOOO. 
C – “I like to talk to people deep into the night”…with nothing on but woman’s underwear.

This guy here, just full of useful quips:

2:50 – “I steal watches”

3:12 – “Domestic Violence”

3:17 – “Sexual Abuse”

3:20 – “All sort of alcholics and addict and stuff”

I’m not gay, but this guy sounds like so much fun I wanna date him! Where do I sign up?

And then there’s this guy. The cream of the crop:

His tirade begins at 2:46 and continues as such:

“No fatties, no hampsters. No dopers, no smokers, no alcoholics. No Donna Juanitas. No Pooooosers, no crazies.”

What the hell is a Donna Juanita?

Urban Dictionary:  Donna Juanita – The Feminine version of “Don Juan”. A woman who gets together with many men. A promiscuous woman.

Ok then.