Monthly Archives: May 2011

Movie News & Opinions

10 of the Best Awesomely Bad Horror Flicks to Date

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Here at Grizzly Bomb we love Horror Movies, both good and bad. Here are a few that are so bad they’re good. Get it? Good.

#10. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

HollywoodChainsawHookers-Camp1Prostitutes, chainsaws, and Leatherface… what could be better? In Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Gunnar Hansen (Leatherface from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre) plays he leader of a cult. Basically, the cult consists of hookers who love to cut up their Johns-turned-Victims with chainsaws. The group is discovered by a detective searching for a runaway, leaving for an interesting story and some fantastically horrible, but very sexy acting.

FUN FACT from Wikipedia:

The film begins with the disclaimer “The chainsaws used in this motion picture are real and dangerous! They are handled here by seasoned professionals. The makers of this motion picture advise strongly against anyone attempting to perform these stunts at home. Especially if you are naked and about to engage in strenuous sex.” The film ends with the promise of the sequel “Student Chainsaw Nurses”, which was never made.

#9. Rabid Grannies (1988)

This movie…is ridiculous. A nice big family out in the country gets together for their two grandmothers’ birthdays to celebrate. One of their grandchildren is a boy who worships the devil. They open his gift, and become cannibals, who need to eat all of their loved ones. This film is mostly ridiculous, but the gore is phenomenal. It was originally released as Les Mémés Cannibales in France. It is absolutely hilarious, and you will never look at your sweet old granny the same.

Fun fact: The DVD version of this movie had too much gore, and a lot of the gross stuff was taken out. The bonus features of the DVD show all of the previously removed content.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcqQlICChh4

#8. The Stuff (1985)

This is one of my favorites on the list. This genius plot would touch any P.M.S.-ing woman’s heart…. an ice cream mogul trying to save the business. In “The Stuff”, a white foamy, creamy substance begins bubbling from the earth. FOR SOME REASON someone sees this substance and thinks… hmm… I’d like to taste that! It tastes so delicious that it becomes addictive, and people go crazy over it. Little do they know, it is parasitic and starts to seep into their brains. The people turn into zombie-like creatures. This plot has deeper holes in it than a Britney Spears love doll…. but it is fantastic just the same.

Fun fact: The scene in the motel where the Stuff comes out of the mattress and pillows and attacks the man on the wall and ceiling was shot in a room that could turn upside down, allowing the Stuff to move up and down the wall. It was exactly the same room used in A Nightmare on Elm Street when Johnny Depp’s character is sucked into his bed and his blood is regurgitated back out onto the ceiling.

#7. Howling 2: Your Sister Is A Werewolf/Howling II: Stirba – Werewolf Bitch (1985)

This movie has been called “breathtakingly awful”, and deservedly so. The Howling II is unfathomabley silly. Karen, the heroine from the first movie of the series, has died and they are now having her funeral. Evidence surfaces that she is a werewolf. Because of this, the character Stefan goes to put a titanium stake through Karen’s dead body. While trying to do this, two other characters Ben and Jenn, along with Stefan are attacked by Werewolves. They go on a quest to find Stirba… the Werewolf bitch… the SEXY werewolf bitch with huge jugs. This is an action-packed waste of a Thursday night if you are looking for a good horror flick. Then again, it is SO bad that it makes it good again.

Fun Fact: The movie is mentioned in the Yo La Tengo song “From a Motel 6” in the line “I climb where I can see – you’re close but I won’t reach. Blank stare at the TV- THE HOWLING II’s on Channel 3 I drift off to sleep, while the snow falls on the screen”.

#6. Critters  (1986)

Critters has a huge cult following. Why, I do not understand. I thought this movie was ridiculous and annoying. Since it is widely received as a greatly bad horror flick, I must include it.

The Plot: “A massive ball of furry creatures from another world eat their way through a small mid-western town followed by intergalactic bounty hunters opposed only by militant townspeople.”

BASICALLY, little demonic Furbys and bounty hunters from outer space make for a movie with some laughs and little to keep me interested. The cow-eating scene was gross. UDDERly disturbing. Get it? I’m funny. LAUGH AT MY JOKES!

Fun Fact: The Critters movie series has a total of four movies. That is correct… THEY MADE SEQUELS, and one of them stars a young Leonardo DiCaprio. :/

#5. Microwave Massacre (1983)

Every guy has probably thought once or twice about shoving your woman in an insanely large microwave…. and eating her legs? This movie is phenomenal. In this movie, Donald plays the husband of May, a snooty woman who tries to be classy and is in fact no better than her bologna-eating neighbors. She buys a comically huge microwave one day to help her prepare her terrible food. After arguing one night, a drunken Donald decided to beat her incessantly with a pepper grinder and push his wife into a microwave. After finding her body in the large appliance the next morning, he is horrified…. but not for long. He decides for some reason to begin eating his wife. He packages her meat and stores it in his fridge. He does the same with her sister, who comes looking for her. He has a heart attack, and his wife’s head is found in his fridge. His friends realize he has been giving them May-sandwiches. I loved this movie. Top notch.

#4. Vampire Hookers (1978)

The best motto of any sexy vampire movie: “Don’t let them bite…or they’ll suck you dry!” 

Orgies, vampire fapping, and vampires who tan. This is seriously amazing. I have never seen such little attention paid to detail. In this movie, John Carradine (Young Frankenstein) is an aged vampire who has a bevy of vampiric beauties who lure many of their customers back to his lair. It was filmed in the 70s, so I was glad that the drawn-out orgy scene didn’t show any 70s mega-bush.

Vampire Hookers was a hilarious movie with a very Scooby-Doo-like comedy to it (FOLLOW THAT CAB!)

#3. Slugs (1988)

slugsThis is one of the scariest movies on my list.

The creepy-crawly feeling you get when you see a centipede crossing your bedroom wall… you get that feeling a lot in the movie Slugs.

It is quite ridiculous, but totally worth watching. In this movie, people keep suffering gruesome and unsuspecting deaths.

Mike Brady (Not the dad from the Brady Bunch), a doctor, develops the theory that this is the work of slugs. After being laughed at a whole lot, his theories are proven by the “slug professional”.

#2. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

sndn2After his older brother (psycho Santa) gets slayed at the conclusion of the first film, Ricky, psycho Santa’s baby brother, has an ax to grind with the naughty and continues to spread the family brand of holiday fear. He goes through killing innocent townspeople in horrible ways dressed as Santa.

Now, I hadn’t seen the first movie of the series, which ended up being just fine because of all of the flashbacks, they show almost all of it in here.

In fact, the movie ends with a dream sequence, involving scenes shot from the first movie. When you combine the awful acting, the shoddy cinematography, and the eyebrows… this movie is so bad it becomes good again.

Thank you to the big boss man for this suggestion.

#1. S.I.C.K. (Serial Insane Clown Killer) 2003

sickS.I.C.K. will always be on the top of my hilariously bad yet fantastically great horror flicks. I love this movie for several reasons, not the least of which is the acting. Oh my, the acting. It is very bad, despite how hard they are obviously trying to make it good. The plot: The main character, Brandon, invites some of his work friends and their women to his uncle’s cabin to spend the weekend. When eerie things start happening, like doll heads in the fridge (Dexter?) and finding what looks like a human butcher shop in Brandon’s uncle’s shed, they FOR SOME REASON do not suspect Brandon or his uncle to be doing these things. You’d figure that they would, considering when the power goes out Brandon says “MY UNCLE has a flashlight here” and when they can’t get a hold of anyone he says “MY UNCLE has a CB radio!”… followed by “MY UNCLE has a tool shed”. The “My Uncle” thing becomes sort of a running joke. My little sister Jessica saw this one with me, and we still say that to one another to get a laugh. The group travels out to the woods by the cabin and a killer clown chases them to kill them. You’ll never guess who the killer clown ends up being. It is worth watching ten times over. Everyone should see this spectacularly horrid film.

I hope you enjoyed my compilation of the ten best of the worst horror movies of all time. I realize that there are two different hooker movies in here. Guest writer Tim says that “It is because hookers make for great horror movies because no one cares if they die”. Zing. “And awayyy we go!” (If you watch S.I.C.K. you will get that joke).

TV

AMC’s ‘The Killing’: Episode 9 – “Undertow”

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After last week’s episode I’ve found a stronger interest in the show. Not that I lost interest, but this week certainly held more anticipation than the past few did. The show has found a flow as Linden and Holder have grown closer. Their relationship is what is now driving the show. Richmond’s campaign seems to be spiraling downward since going negative, and the Larsen’s have been promised that Bennett will be arrested soon.

We see Stan and Belko back to work, unloading a house and Stan is asked by a little girl for her bike out of the moving truck. As Stan gives it to her, you can see him pretending she’s Rosie. He puts her on the bike, and fixes the chain, and straps the helmet on her head. As he sends her down the road and tells her to be careful, it seems symbolic of letting Rosie go. Stan is moving on.

Linden and Holder’s warrant falls through and their wire is inadmissible. And Richmond? His release of info on Mayor Adam’s mistress has been spun by Adam’s to look like lies and Darren’s problems just continue to grow, as his supporters jump ship in the wake of the perceived lies.

As Richmond’s political aspirations dwindle, his buddy Bennett attempts to return to work. He garners support from neither co-worker or students, and his class actually walks out on him. If this isn’t a bad enough way to start the day, unbeknownst to him,  his wife has gone to Linden with the phone number of Muhammad she seeks.


Using the number given to them by Mrs. Ahmed, Linden and Holder track down the elusive Muhammad, but not before being confronted by Mitch Larsen. She is irate that Bennett is still free. And this is something that Stan is gonna hear about.

Richmond has hit rock bottom and must once again crawl to Tom Drexler for another handout. This time he wants $5 Million to fix the Somali community damaged by recent events and bad pub. He believes this will be the gesture that wins him an election. It’s a ‘Hail Mary’, or more accurately, a $5 million shot. Drexler gives Darren the Basketball and tells him the money is his if he makes it, but if he misses, he must withdraw his name from the race. Cut to commercial…

Once we return from commercial break we learn that Muhammad and Bennett didn’t kill Rosie, but have instead taken the missing girl from the Muslim community. They are trying to get her to Canada to help her escape her parents. Mitch then finds Rosie’s pink ‘Grand Canyon’ shirt in the wash and quickly realizes what we already know – Bennett didn’t kill her daughter. It’s realized too late however, as Mitch has already sicked her husband on the teacher. As the Stan and Belko open the back of their van we hear Bennett scream in terror.

Richmond returns to his office with a basketball in hand. This means of course, he hit his shot. He has his funding. The screen then cuts back to Stan and Belko as they proceed to beat Bennett. Beat him to viscously to hear Stan’s phone ring. Mitch is unable to call off the attack.

It’s a good follow-up to last week, but it does re-open the suspect list and it doesn’t get us any closer to a solution. Though, as many people have already guessed, the ‘Belko Theory’ gained some grounding tonight. As Stan is beating Amhed, Belko can be seen punching a rock in frustration. I give it a a solid 3.5/5 Bears.

 So who’s your guess?

TV

Review: HBO’s Game of Thrones, Episode 6 – ‘A Golden Crown’

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After the killing of his men and the injury of his leg by the Lannisters in the last episode, Ned Stark wakes up in bed to see the King and Queen standing over him. Cersei is of course angry at Tyrion being held by Catelyn, and now they’ve spun the story of Ned Stark being drunk outside of a brothel and attacking Jaime Lannister. Robert commands them both to shut it, having to smack Cersei for questioning his status as king. Robert orders Ned to make peace with the Lannisters and release Tyrion, while also offering him the clasp of the Hand back. Ned takes it as Robert leaves for a hunting trip.

Queen Punch courtesy of WARMING GLOW

Bran, Robb and Theon have their own expedition in the forest underway as the Bran gets to test out his new saddle from Tyrion’s design. Things seem to going well until the little Stark runs afoul of a couple wildlings and a Wall deserter who try to rob him. Unfortunately for them, Robb shows up and whoops some ass, and Theon finishes the job. Robb decides to let the wildling woman (Soon to be known to us as Osha.) live after she surrenders her life to him. It was interesting in this scene to see Theon speaking to Robb of going to war with the Lannisters, because that would mean weakening the kingdoms and creating an opening for his father Balon to rebel again, not to mention an opportunity for Theon to return home.

Tyrion is having a rough time himself in the Eyrie. Besides his uncomfortable sleeping arrangements in the sky cells, Mord the turn-key of the cells decides to come in and yell at him for making noise and hits him repeatedly. He finally convinces Mord to tell Lysa Arryn that he wishes to confess his crimes. After appearing in front of the court of the Vale, Tyrion confesses to a number of crimes he committed in his childhood. Putting goat shit in his uncle’s boots and tossing off in his sister’s turtle soup. It was all pretty hilarious to me, but nothing was better than actually getting to see the Moon Door and getting to see Tyrion proclaim his right to trial by combat.

In trial by combat, the accuser and the person on trial are able to either fight themselves or choose a champion. Lysa Arryn chooses Ser Vardis of the Vale while no one except the sell sword Bronn will stand for Tyrion. Bronn as you will see loves gold and no doubt expects a great pay out from the little Lannister. The fight was excellent, showing us what a crafty fighter Bronn can be. He had to be in order to beat a knight in full armor. After Ser Vardis leaves via the Moon Door, Tyrion leaves through the main door. But not before paying Mord with his gold purse for delivering the message of confession and proving that a Lannister always pays his debts. Meanwhile in King’s Landing Ned filling in for Robert at court, hears from people in the Riverlands where his wife’s father rules that there is a rather large bandit and his men burning their villages and killing their loved ones. Based on his height, Ned deduces that it must be Ser Gregor Clegane who is one of Tywin Lannister’s men and Ned announces that Clegane shall be stripped of his knighthood and all of his lands, not to mention his life. As an extra added bonus he also has the Grand Maester deliver word to Casterly Rock that Tywin Lannister must come to court to answer for the actions of Clegane and if he refuses then he will be marked as an enemy of the crown. Ohhhh boyyyy. So much for peace between the Starks and Lannisters.

Flawless. Victory. (Warming Glow)

We are then treated to a Sansa scene, where Joffrey actually comes to see her and offers her a necklace that she gladly wears. He also apologizes to her for how he acted and promises to never disrespect her and marry her so she can be queen. They even share a tender kiss after he is done telling her this. It makes me want to puke because he’s such a demented little turd and time will tell you the viewer just how sincere his promise is.

You can smell the bullshit

And now we get back to the Targaryens finally. In a Dothraki tradition, Daenerys gets the disgusting honor of eating a horse heart in front of Khal Drogo and some assembled Dothraki while Mormont translates for Viserys that her son will become the greatest Khal ever who will rule over the whole world. Viserys can finally see how there is no plan to make him king and decides to go off and sell his sister’s dragon eggs to get enough money to buy his own army. Ser Jorah Mormont stops him and shows that his loyalty lies with Daenerys and not Viserys who surrenders the eggs and storms out.

That just looks delicious… (Warming Glow)

Things get worse a little later as “the dragon” storms into the evening feast honoring Daenerys’ unborn child Rhaego. (Named after her brother Rhaegar who died by Robert’s hand at the Battle of the Trident.) The moron insults her and even draws his sword on her after Mormont tries to remove him. After Viserys threatens to cut out their baby if he doesn’t receive the crown Drogo promised for her, Drogo agrees to give him what he wants…. literally. The Khal has his men hold the Targaryen boy down as he melts down his gold belt in an empty soup pot and then proceeds to pour it over Viserys’ head in what I can only describe as one of the most brutal, yet awesome scenes in the series. The clunking sound that Viserys’ head made as it hit the ground and his screams before were just eerie as can be; and here I was worried about how they would do that scene when not on the pages of a book!

Awesome episode overall. I’m giving it a 5 out of 5 bears because the episodes keep getting better and better, and the tension is building to a climax in the next episode. I promise I won’t be able to keep giving it five bears every week because the episodes will slow a bit towards the end unless HBO has made some changes.

Review: Game of Thrones, Episode 7 – ‘You Win or You Die’

SPORTS

Why America is, or at Least Should Be Rooting for the Bulls…

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For the Non-Basketball (or at least Non-NBA) fans out there, you may not know that the Miami Heat and Chicago Bulls are currently in the Eastern Conference Finals of the NBA Playoffs against one and other. In the 82 game regular season the Chicago Bulls finished with the best record, winning 62 games and securing the #1 overall seed for the playoffs. Miami finished just a few games back at 58-24, and entered the playoffs as the #3 seed. Despite these truths, the Miami Heat are looked at by many as the favorites. It’s not often that the team that won the regular season is looked at as an underdog in a series, but here we are.

Chicago built a team largely through the draft, selecting players like Joakim Noah and Taj  Gibson, and drafting Derrick Rose #1 overall a couple of years back. Then added a slew of Ex-Utah Jazz players like Kyle Korver, Ronnie Brewer, and finally Carlos Boozer, adding the piece they needed down low.

They were quietly dominant this season, winning at a pace not seen in Chicago since Jordan left town.

Miami on the other hand was anything but quiet. Their off-season marked maybe the single biggest shakeup via Free Agency in NBA history. First re-signing Dwayne Wade, and then adding LeBron James and Chris Bosh. They weren’t done there though. They went on to also acquire Mike Miller, Eric Dampier, Mike Bibby, Juwan Howard, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Before playing a single game they exhibited extreme arrogance previously unseen, even in the NBA.

Now, I grew up in Detroit, so I’m a Pistons fan. That means I grew up hating the Bulls. But it’s surprising even to me, how easy it now is to root for Chicago as if it were my own team. That is how much I despise the Miami Heat. And that all comes back to ‘The King’. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say I was a Chris Bosh fan before this season. And I almost sorta liked Wade too, you know, until the wheelchair thing…

However, LeBron James has now tainted the entire team for me. A lot of people don’t understand my disdain for him, but to me it’s so obvious it’s insulting. LeBron and the Heat has ruined the NBA, but before I get into that, let’s look at LeBron’s rise first…

While still in High School he is annotated ‘the next one’ and gives himself the nickname ‘The King’. Before he’s done anything. He is then so concerned with his image, that while already an established NBA Superstar, at a camp he’s hosting, he get dunked on and conviskates the tape. Really LeBron? Instead of congratulating the kid on a nice play and laughing it off,  he and his handlers at Nike try to squash the thing. What’s gonna happen if it gets out? Are you not any good anymore? Grow up…

So anyway, he’s awesome. No doubt, but Cleveland can’t seem to get it done. And instead of taking his game to the next level – like MJ did vs the Bad Boys and the Celtics, he blames his team. This breeds ignorance for years to come as ‘LeBron Supporters’ will tell you that “Cleveland didn’t do enough for him”, which is of course total poppycock.

People seem to forget, in addition to paying him ridiculous amounts of money, they basically let him run the team. Brought in the guys he wanted, and he still  couldn’t get it done. It was his job to win, and he could not do it. People talk about the lack of talent around him with the Cavs – How about Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who despite injuries early in his career, went on to multiple All-Star games, and became the team’s clutch shooter and free throw specialist, over James. The team around him ‘sucked’ so bad apparently that they were able to secure the best record in the NBA his last season, and were marching towards the Finals until James quit on the team against Boston. So he chokes in the playoffs, again, and his fans blame the organization. I’m sorry, I thought they paid him to win the games, I thought that was his job.

So LeBron now Free Agency hits and ‘The King’ decides to leave his home state of Ohio. A state that loves him, and one that hasn’t had a Pro Championship since Jim Brown retired in the 60s. An entire state whose dreams rest on his shoulders, and to whom he promised a title. But does he leave this people who love him with a modicum of class or dignity? No. He instead holds an hour-long ESPN special called “The Decision”. This is where he’ll announce where he’s going. Keep in mind he has not told Dan Gilbert (Owner of the Cavs) his plans, and it is now late into the Free Agency period and Cleveland has been thus far unable to make a movie waiting to hear from James. So what is his decision: “I’m taking my talents to South beach”. Could you slap the fans of the Cavs in the face harder? Not only have you left your hometown team in the lurch, but you made a national spectacle out of it. One the fans did not appreciate…

So now here he is in Miami, a team that epitomizes a loser mentality. No wonder Jordan has time and again proclaimed that Kobe is better than LeBron. Can you see Jordan, or Isiah Thomas joining forces to try to win? How about Magic and Bird going to Houston to play with Hakeem? Never would have happened, because those guys were competitors. They wanted to prove they were the best, by beating the best. And the sad part, the NBA was much tougher then too. So not only are LeBron and Bosh and Wade weak for needing each other, they are doing it against a much lower level of competition. Today’s NBA is watered down and about to get worse.

As a result of this so-called “Super Team” in Miami, the ripples have already been felt through-out the rest of the league. Carmelo Anthony forced a trade to New York to play with Amare Stoudemire, and Chris Paul has already talked of joining them next year. This is going to give cities like Miami, LA, and New York unfair advantages, and the smaller cities, who will now lose their stars to these Super Team will struggle just to stay a float. Utah already had to ship their best player to New Jersey in Deron Williams because they knew they wouldn’t be able to resign him. That’s right, a perennial playoff contender: The Jazz, lost their star to a terrible Nets team because of their proximity to New York.

  All the while, the only remaining Mid-West Team is Chicago, who is winning without a bunch of household names, and is led by a humble super-star in Derrick Rose.

Miami on the other hand represents the chance for a title totally bought and paid for. Style over substance with a swagger totally unearned. Now maybe I’m bias because I saw one of the least flashy Detroit teams ever, whoop the snot out of a Hall of Fame rostered Lakers team in 2004 to win the championship.

But even my undying hate for Scottie Pippen isn’t enough to make me root against the Bulls tonight.

So I ask you: If you are a fan of the NBA, how can you root for Miami tonight?

COMICS/PRINT, Uncategorized

A How-To Guide on Killing Wolverine

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These days, Wolverine seems to be pretty much invincible. In a world where almost any superhero can die, Wolverine is one of the select few who still hasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they should ever kill him off just because he’s one who hasn’t died, it’s just odd, that’s all.

My colleague Dr. Kronner and I were just talking the other day about how he seems to have gotten a little too invincible, and hasn’t been really owned since X-Men #25, during the Fatal Attractions storyline when Magneto ripped the metal off his skeleton. Back in the ’80s Wolverine would lose fights all the time and always get back up, but his healing factor took some time. There was more mystery surrounding the character. Now, he heals so quickly that he could be likened to a T-1000 from Terminator 2. You can’t really stop him, just slow him down. Over the years he has just become much more powerful, which to be honest makes him less interesting, but allows Marvel to stick him into every book out there without any down time.

Continue reading A How-To Guide on Killing Wolverine →

TV

Camelot Review: Episode 8 – “Igraine”

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Filling in for Darth this week, I have to say he’s been a little rough on Camelot as of late. Yes there were a few episodes in there that got a little slow, but this week’s I think had a nice flow to it.

Morgan is disguised as Brandi Svenning Arthur’s mother, former Queen Igraine. She has positioned herself inside of the walls of Camelot, while the real Igraine is a chained prisoner at Castle Pendragon.

This exchange is the focus of the episode with surprisingly little of Arthur actually appearing. Arthur and his champions are out of Camelot on a hunting trip, bonding as a crew. Two important things happen on the hunt. First, Arthur talks of creating a representative government for the people, which his brother Kay likens to the Roman senate. Leontes however suggested instead that each area send a champion to represent them, this is obviously the suggestion that will turn into the ‘Knights of the Round Table’.

The second event is the encounter between Morgan’s mystical wolf and Leontes. While the others sleep Leontes is meet face to face by the wolf who has been stalking the group. The wolf does nothing though, as Arthur’s champion still has too large a part to play.

“I’m in a Wolf-Pack of one.”

Back at Camelot Morgan is starting to become more comfortable in her Igraine appearance, and she’s also getting more familiar with Merlin. This was the strange part to me, I guess I just expected Merlin to sniff out the deceit, but he was just a powerless against it as everyone else. The real Igraine however is less comfortable, incarcerated  within the castle walls she once called home. This is when we get to see more and more the true character of Sybil, the nun. She enters Igraine’s prison to taunt and belittle the former Queen. This episode is also the first time we see any real flare from Igraine and she nearly kills the nun with her chains. It is only that blade of the door’s guard that stays the Nun’s execution.

Meanwhile, as the Queen is fighting for her freedom, Morgan is learning how the other side lives. She spends time with an orphaned boy who is clearly in love with Igraine and to whom Merlin is obviously also attached. The kid looks a little like Darth Vader…but a better actor.

Anyhow, this won’t grow up to be a badass like Lil’ Ani, because this kid, is dead. That’s right folks. After Morgan and Merlin give him his first ever birthday and tuck the little guy in, Morgan has another attack from the powers, which seem to be ripping her apart from the inside. Well the kid wakes up and finds who he believes to be Igraine in pain and declares that he is going to get Merlin to help. In an attempt to stop him from retrieving  Merlin, Morgan grabs his arm and inadvertently knocks him over the balcony. So after Game of Thrones, I’m starting to think they like dropping kids off of stuff in these period pieces…

Wow. Nice move Morgan.

Thinking this might cause Morgan to see the error of her ways, and retreat back to Pendragon, I am proven completely wrong as she first lets it slip to Leontes that his wife and Arthur bumped uglies, and then uses the tragedy of the day to seduce Merlin. And might I say, for someone who is pushing 40, Clair Forlani is still looking damn good.

So anyhow, back Pendragon the real Igraine is using her body to advantage as well, making a deal with the guard for her freedom. It proves deadly for the guard however, as she is giving opportunity to grab his dagger during. But hey, if you gotta go, can’t think of many better ways…

“Was it good for you?”

Igraine then escapes Pendragon thanks to a blind eye turnned by Vivian, and steals a horse to make way back to Camelot. She however cannot get in time stop prevent the cavalcade of damage. The kid is dead, Merlin slept with who he thought was the Queen, and Morgan had her little chat with Leontes about his wife and the King. This does not bode well for Arthur, as his greatest champion now knows of his treachery and the wolf let Leontes live for a reason…

Igraine, upon her return to Camelot, comes face to face with her impostor…

The house of cards Merlin has so steadily been building is starting to tumble, and it’s awesome. This was probably the best episode since the premiere. (and I’m not just saying that cause we saw Brandi Svenning’s boobs...or at least her body double anyway) I’m giving this one a 4 out of 5.