‘DIE HARD 5’ Has a Director

Star Wars. Lord of the Rings. Indiana Jones. All great…for the most part. But for my money, my favorite film franchise all time is Die Hard. And as much as some people might want to rip on 2007’s Live Free of Die Hard, I loved it. The movie was throughly entertaining. Outside of Bruce Willis it also starred several of my other favorite actors – Timothy Olyphant, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kevin Smith, Maggie Q…it was awesome.

Well now, 4 years after Willis proved wrong people who said he was too old, we’re getting a 5th movie. And that movie, for the 4th time, appears to have a Director – Justin Lin Joe Cornish Noam Murro John Moore according to Deadline.

Now, I’ve got nothing against Mr. Moore personally, but this isn’t a choice that instills me with a lot of confidence. Here are the last 4 movies he has directed: Behind Enemy LinesFlight of the PhoenixThe OmenMax Payne. Not the greatest run I’ve seen, and apparently I’m not alone. The average score of these four movies on IMDb is 5.75, and on Rotten Tomatoes they average about 27%. That’s…well, really bad. I saw all 4 of these. Behind Enemy Lines was mediocre, the Flight of the Phoenix remake was ok, but forgettable, The Omen remake was kinda shitty, and Max Payne was flat out terrible. This is the guy helming the newest Die Hard? Please Mr. Moore. Step you game up.


Hellraiser: Revelations – An Intentional Piece of Crap Movie

Very rarely are movies intentionally made to be quickly cobbled together pieces of crap, held together by pond scum, but the latest installment of this franchise is meant to be just that. Check out the trailer below to see what I’m talking about:

Check out the trailer below to see what I’m talking about:

Now this crappy piece of shit was only made in order for Dimension Films to retain the rights to the Hellraiser franchise. They needed to do something with the property before they lost it, so while concurrently planning another higher budget entry into the series they give us Revelations. This movie will be in limited release (thankfully) and will be out on DVD October 18… my birthday. Please, no one get that for me.

Clive Barker, the original movie’s maker has even tweeted his disdain for the latest movie. It was harsh but pretty damned hilarious:

Kudos to Mr. Barker in condemning this piece of crap. Sadly I’ll be watching it one way or another to add it to our expanding collection of Craptastic Movie Reviews! I can guarantee it belongs there. I’ll be keeping an eye on the Hellraiser franchise after this is released though, just because my curiosity is piqued at what the high budget new entry could be like.

Now THAT’S Hellraiser!

Kim Kardashian – Jam (Turn it up) – AKA Worst Music Video/Song Ever!

Good lord, if you thought that Rebecca Black and her Friday nonsense was bad, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! In what must be the runner up in worst song/music video ever made, (Yes worse than Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley) Kim Kardashian takes the cake… and injects it directly into her fat butt. Actually that may have been more acceptable than the garbage that assails our ears from the song “Jam (Turn It Up)”, a little known single from Kardashian’s attempt at a pop music career that was quickly hidden from view. Apparently it wasn’t hidden enough as this slipped out of Pandora’s box:

That was horrendous. I can see exactly why they shelved that video and her singing career. What place does an untalented person covered in 20 gallons of oil, lip gloss and sweat have in the music world? Not much I guess. I think that her and Rebecca Black might want to get together for a duet and sing a song that is powerful enough to make a man’s head explode. I’m just saying, it would be a great step forward in the development of a new military weapon….

Anywho, here are a couple of other terrible music videos….

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson Wants to Play ‘Luke Cage’

There’s been so much talk of a ‘Luke Cage’ movie that all of the build up will probably ruin the movie if it ever gets made. There have been almost a dozen actors vying for a role that hasn’t even really been offered to anyone. From Tyreese to Rampage Jackson to the Old Spice guy, this role is much sought after by any African-American actor with muscles. Now another musclebound actor has thrown his hat into the ring of Luke Cage. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has been communicating a lot of his acting activities through Twitter, a couple of weeks back it was about his role in GI Joe Retaliation, and more recently he tweeted this about Luke Cage:

Now of course there’s been some outcry from Luke Cage fans due to a little something called ‘skin color’. He’s just not black enough they say….

Man oh man. They change a white comic character in a movie to a black guy and there’s outcry. You cast a kind of black guy as a black comic character? Outcry. It’s terrible. I guess it will always be an issue in comic movies when it comes to race. The Skrulls better still be green if they show up in the Avengers movie next year! So what does everyone think? Would The Rock make a good Luke Cage or would one of the other self-nominees be a better pick? Personally I’d go with Tyreese Gibson.

Resident Evil 5: The Jill Valentine Verdict

With the fifth Resident Evil movie, Retribution finally coming together there was one loose end left before the film seemed complete. That loose end was actress Sienna Guillory reprising her role as ‘Jill Valentine’. It was at first assumed that she would be back, but then things were not so certain as she was keeping us all in suspense with Twitter updates.

The last update however, was that she was going to a meeting with director Paul W.S. Anderson and then this tweet followed soon after:

So it would appear everything is set for another Resident Evil and hopefully this is the last one set in this particular continuity. To me the franchise has gone as far as it could have with the Alice character, and the storyline in the post apocalyptic universe. At this point there will have been more movies set in the post apocalyptic world of Resident Evil than in the settings that made the games so great. I wouldn’t mind them rebooting the franchise eventually and starting from square one again.

What’s everyone else think? Are you as overjoyed as I am about Sienna Guillory returning? Do you think this is the last hurrah for the Paul W.S. Anderson Resident Evil franchise, or will the box office numbers speak for themselves?


Images: Screen Gems

Stephen King’s ‘Under the Dome’ Heading to Showtime

Stephen King and Steven Spielberg teamed up awhile back to bring King’s Under the Dome story to a TV network for a limited series. Now that story has found a home on Showtime, which is really for the best because now they can do anything they want without being constrained by the rules of network television. The story of Under The Dome may sound a little dumb because the same sort of thing happened in the Simpsons Movie, but I’m sure that King was writing his book before the Simpsons Movie was released… hopefully.

Basically there is a small town in Maine where a force field dome of unknown origin covers the town, sealing them off from the outside world. What happens next is a deterioration of relationships between the townsfolk as they break up into warring factions. I’d classify the story as an extended version of the King short story The Mist where townsfolk slowly begin to turn on one another, stuck inside a supermarket due to the horrible monsters lurking in the unnatural mists outside. The threat is a lot different in this book, but the concept is basically the same, showing how malicious ordinary people can be in dire circumstances when there is no order.

By the way, I would never want to live in Maine if all of King’s books were real, there is some jacked up $hit that happens in that state, especially in the small towns. To me, the ending reveal of exactly what is causing the dome was awesome. Some may find it foolish, but it all depends on what you like from a King book, whether it be supernatural, extra terrestrial or governmental. Either way I think the series will be excellent on Showtime and can’t wait to hear about casting when it starts.