#26 – Countdown to Halloween: FEAST

The Countdown to Halloween continues and already we’ve seen some great reviews of some great movies. And there are lots more to come. Well, 25 more. 26? Whatever.

We’ve seen some classics, so I want to move ahead a few years and take a look at one of the newer crop of horrors to come out. A movie That takes everything you love about classic horror, then flips it around to attack you with it. Patented rules of horror? There are no rules. Too much blood and gore? It’s NEVER enough.

Feast came out way back in 2005. It was written by Marcus Dunston and Patrick Melton, and directed by John Gulager. It came to us because of Project Greenlight, a TV series and contest that allowed first-time movie makers to get a cinematic release. The first two seasons on HBO brought us Stolen Summer, and the enjoyable The Battle of Shaker Heights. For the third season they moved to Bravo, and we were rewarded with Feast.

Feast takes place in a dusty old country bar, which soon becomes plagued by fearsome creatures that turn a night of drinking into a night of mayhem. The film opens with a quick introduction to our main set of characters, showing us quick flashcards of those assembled in the bar. The usual statistics; Name, Occupation, Fun Facts, Life Expectancy. And with that its apparent we aren’t watching your typical horror film.

Our cast of characters includes Bozo (played by Balthazar Getty) Hot Wheelz (Occupation: Selling fireworks to 7th graders), Harley Mom (Fun Fact: Robbing bar in minutes), Coach (played by Henry Rollins), Grandma (Fun Fact: Blew Mick Jagger…recently), Jason Mewes (played by Jason Mewes). Yea, Jay plays himself. His Life Expectancy? Already Surpasses Expectations.

A few more members of the cast are introduced; Bartender, The Beer Guy (played hilariously by Judah Friedlander), Tuffy (played by the always sexy Krista Allen), Vet, Bossman (Vibe: Mean, Stoned and Horny), and Honey Pie (played by Jenny Wade). Already we’ve met a ton of characters. But that’s okay, because a whole lot of them are going to die real soon.

Hero (played by Eric Dane), who has been running across the desert toward the bar during our intros crashes through the door with a shotgun.

“Unless you people want to die, You’ll do what I say and you’ll do it fast.”

He offers a quick explanantion of the “storm of hell” that’s heading their way, complete with a severed monster head for authenticity. “Beasts with claws like ginsu knives and more teeth than a chainsaw” are a pretty accurate description as we’ll soon see. He quickly gives the orders, the opening salvo in a defensive to save their lives.

“Who are you?”

“I’m the guy that’s gonna save your ass.”

It’s a pretty intense moment. This man obviously means business and instantly excites the bar. Until he’s pulled through a window, his head eaten and body dropped back into the bar showering blood across the room. His wife (Heroine, played by Navi Rawat) enters, and the shit hits the fan.

A chaotic blood bath occurs, killing off half the bar, some by creature, some by accidental firing. Unfortunately, Jason Mewes is one of the first to go as his face is ripped off by the quick-moving baby monster that vaults around the bar. Buckets of blood and organs and severed limbs fly in a bloody, horrific scene. And that’s just the beginning.

Feast is a movie that embraces what it is, and makes no attempt whatsoever to take itself seriously. It dedicates itself to the gross out, and to being constantly unpredictable. You never quite know what’s going to happen next, whether you’re gonna vomit from the grossness as Judah’s character is sprayed by monster vomit and proceeds to slowly rot away, or laugh as Bozo and Hot Wheelz creep Honey Pie as she washes blood off her ample… tank top.

Oh, like you wouldn’t watch?

The effects are well done the old-fashioned way, without a hint of CGI. Accompanied with a quick and frenzied camera movement, despite all the death your still left wondering exactly what the hell these creatures are. One thing is for sure; they are disgusting.

The deaths in the movie escalate, and people die in some of the worst ways possible. Harley Mom is dragged out into the desert, then mouth humped by one of the Beasts before her death. Seriously. It’s horrendous. The amount of fluid needed in this movie is ridiculous; Blood, puke, drool, monster semen, you name it.

All the while its told in a fast, dramatic, comedic, thrilling way. It relies on classic horror lessons, and takes them three steps further attempting to shock the audience. Which it does rather well, with scenes of monster’s wearing skins of roadkill doing it doggystyle on the hood of a car. Sounds ridiculous, but filmed in a very serious way to convey the funny while keeping the fear. A monster cock gets slammed in the door then hacked off with an axe. Funny? Maybe. Horrific and Jaw-dropping? Definitely.

“Does it look any better?

A movie of expectations that throws them away at every possible chance to bring us a unique, gory, humor filled horror that redefines horror of the new millennium. You’ll be on the edge of your seat in anticipation, rolling on the floor laughing, or over the toilet puking at different parts of this flick, and when it ends you’ll be begging for more. Which you get, as Feast quickly spawned the sequels Feast II: Sloppy Seconds and Feast III: The Happy Finish.

I happily give Feast 5 Great Pumpkins out of 5.

That’s how much I enjoyed the hilarious gore-filled roller coaster of Feast. Maybe I’m just a sick person. But hey, we have some time until Halloween, you can still check it out in time to construct you entire Halloween party around this movie.

For more of the Countdown to Halloween click here!

Feast poster

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