Hollywood’s Compulsion: Sequels We Don’t Need

Have you checked the Zodiac lately? Because it is of course the year of the sequel. That’s right, 27 major studio sequels to be exact. It must be the current Hollywood fad right now to give every movie a 3D sequel. Below are recently announced and upcoming movies that follow up other movies that did not warrant a sequel to begin with. Actually some didn’t even deserve to have a first one made, but let’s go over them:

Bad Santa 2

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According to IGN Billy Bob Thornton is in talks to reprise his role as the foul-mouthed mall Santa from the first 2003 movie. But the biggest question is why? Do we really need a sequel to such a let down, crude movie starring an actor who hasn’t had a decent role since his only noteworthy acting turn in Sling Blade? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for crude movies. I love ’em. But a sequel to Bad Santa eight or nine years after the fact seems like doing a sequel to Battlefield Earth a decade later. Admittedly, I may just be hating on Billy Bob because he effectively ruined any fantasy I could have about Halle Berry, after sloppily plowing her in Monsters Ball. Thank you Mr. Thornton, that is now burned into my retinas.

American Pie 4: American Reunion

I’m not really sure how this one will go, but I’m pretty sure they’ll have no problems rounding up the likes of Chris Klein, Jason Biggs, Mena Suvari and Tara Reid to do this movie. Lord knows they aren’t doing anything of note at this point in their careers. Eugene Levy and Sean William Scott are the only ones who will add any entertainment to this, the fourth entry into the American Pie franchise. Well, it’s the fourth if you’re not counting the four Direct-to-DVD sequels starring no one from the originals except Eugene Levy.

Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance

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The first Ghost Rider was so bad I honestly think I’ve somehow erased it from my memory, or aliens did because the recurrent nightmares I kept having from its suckiness interrupted their sleep study of me. This is one movie there should not be a sequel of. Reboot? Maybe. But a sequel, yet again starring Nicholas Cage? No! No! No! I don’t care if nothing from the first film is mentioned, because having to look at Cage’s face the entire time will only be a constant reminder of how much scum inhalation the first movie performed. (Basically the movie was a scum sucker.) Seriously Cage, turn Drive Angry into a franchise and get it over with.

Check out details on Spirit of Vengeance at SupaScoot’s Action News!

Clash of the Titans 2

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Honestly, I did enjoy the 2010 version of Clash of the Titans. It was entertaining to me, and I saw it in 2D instead of that “slimy piece of worm ridden filth” (Thank you Han Solo) they tried to pass off as a 3D feature. Imagine how I would have enjoyed it if actors like Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson were utilized better, and the story didn’t seem like a fan fiction written by a 16-year old ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ fan. The effects and action were good, but I was hoping they would just end it with Clash of the Titans being an entertaining, dumb action flick. But no, they’ve come back for more. At least the story for Wrath of the Titans sounds decent, you can read about that here.

Fast Five

This Fast and the Furious sequel just got downright lazy. Maybe the next one will just be called Fast6, all bunched together like that. I was not a fan of the first movie, didn’t get a chance to see the second one, and flat out refused to see the Tokyo Drift. And though I actually enjoyed the fourth movie, Fast and Furious, Fast Five looks extremely entertaining to me, so I will be checking it out even if it wasn’t warranted. I mean come on, they are throwing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson into the mix. However, if they had decided to end the franchise with number 4 I wouldn’t have cared at all.

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon

Two words sum up Revenge of the Fallen for me; Colossal Failure. It took me awhile to come to grips with that, but multiple views at theater, and a purchase on DVD finally did it. That’s when I noticed more and more how terrible the film was when robots weren’t beating the ever-loving cybernetic crap out of each other. Shame on me. Even though the franchise should have ended with part two, it was a given with the amount of box office cash it raked in that a 3rd installment was inevitable. But that doesn’t mean it should be happening. This is another I will be seeing, giving Michael Bay a second chance to make something even comparable to the first Transformers. I may be setting myself up for a huge fit of gouging my eyes out at the theater, but that is a risk that I’m willing to take.

Now I understand I’ve committed to seeing half of the movies I just described as being ‘sequels we don’t need’, but I can’t do anything to stop them from being cranked out of the Hollywood machine. So I’ll just buckle up and hope the ride doesn’t suck too much.

Clash of the Titans 2: Plot Reveal

"Liam who? Bwahahahahah!"

For those of you who loved Clash of the Titans and are eagerly awaiting the sequel, then I have good news for you via Cinema Blend. The plot has now come to light and the cast for the movie is definitive. Check out the synopsis below:

Set 10 years after Perseus (Sam Worthington) defeated the Kraken, the hero is trying to live a quiet life as a father to his son, Helius. But while this is going on, things are going a bit crazy on Mount Olympus, as the gods can no longer control the imprisoned titans due to the humans’ lack of faith. The leader of the titans is Kronos, who also happens to be the father of Zeus (Liam Neeson), Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and Poseidon (Danny Huston). But when Hades and his son Ares (Edgar Ramirez), the god of war, team up to help Kronos capture Zeus, Perseus is called back into action. Bringing a team together that includes Queen Andromeda (Rosamund Pike), Argenor (Toby Kebbell), son of Poseidon, and Hephaestus (Bill Nighy), a fallen god, they head into the underworld to rescue Zeus.

Continue reading Clash of the Titans 2: Plot Reveal

Vintage Reviews: MARATHON MAN – Is it safe?

You may have noticed an increase in the amount of reviews we’ve been doing lately. Be it our ‘Grizzly Reviews’ of the most current stuff at the theater, ‘Random-Ass Reviews’ which are focused around totally random viewings of movies, new or something less recent on Netflix. We also have the increasingly popular ‘Craptastic Reviews’ where we take a look at B-Movies in hope of finding a rare, entertaining gem. That quest continues still. But now we are throwing something new in the pot: the ‘Vintage Review’.

These will focus on movies from 1979 or earlier, some to be considered classics, some considerably less prestigious than classic. These will focus not only on the movie itself, but factors such as cultural relevance, how well the movie has stood the test of time, and how it was received originally. For the first movie in our new series of ‘Vintage Reviews’, I’ve chosen Marathon Man.

Marathon Man is a story about Babe (Dustin Hoffman), a grad student living in NYC. He is a History Major whose father committed suicide years earlier as a result of accusations made against him during the rampant McCarthyism of the 1950s. Babe has an older brother, Doc (Roy Scheider), who Babe thinks sells oil, but who is in fact a covert operative for the CIA. Doc is brought to town to meet with wanted Nazi War Criminal Szell. Played by film legend Laurence Olivier, Szell is in New York to claim millions of dollars worth of diamonds he has hidden in a safe deposit box.

Szell is convinced that he is going to be robbed of said diamonds as soon as he claims them from the bank. In fact he is convinced that not only will he be robbed, but that Doc will be the one to rob him. Believing his fortune in danger, Szell has Babe kidnapped and then proceeds to torture him in the famous “Dentist Scene”.

Now that is obviously a broad stroke, and describes only part of the movie as I don’t wish to ruin anything for those who haven’t seen it.

Upon it’s release in 1976, the movie was both a financial and critical success. Olivier’s performance was particularly praised and he would be nominated at the Oscars for ‘Best Actor in a Supporting Role’.

His character, ‘Dr. Szell’ (based on Dr. Josef Mengele, head SS Doctor of Auschwitz) was ranked as villain #34 on the American Film Institute’s “100 Years… 100 Heroes and Villains” list. The film itself was ranked #50 on the “100 Years…100 Thrills” list.

Personally I felt the film holds up very well, and not all films from that period do. A lot of the thrillers from the late 70’s have become a bit dull in retrospect, but this one holds up nicely. The pacing has a good flow to it, which is no surprise with John Schlesinger (one of the most respected directors of the era) at the helm. It’s also always helpful when the writer of the novel adapts it himself for screen as William Goldman did here. It helps keep the themes of the story in check.

Though we are now a bit removed from hunting Nazi War criminals, as most are dead, the characters are still relevant and identifiable. We are again reminded, as in most films from this time, how New York really seemed to be the center of the world then. Now with the Internet and other technological advancements of the past 30 years, thing don’t seem so centralized anymore, but it gives a real presence here.

The cast is obviously phenomenal, Oliver being one of the most respected actors in the history of film, and Dustin Hoffman is always excellent. Plus you add Roy Scheider, who most of you will know as Sheriff Brody from Jaws, and you’ve got a real powerhouse trio up front.

A special treat for me was seeing a young William Devane, who I will always remember as ‘Secretary of Defense James Heller’ on 24.

Again, I highly recommend this movie, that is why I have tried not to spoil more than is necessary, but I can tell you there is much more to it, so it’s for sure worth a watch.

I give Marathon Man a 4 out of 5 Bears…

Grizzly Reveiw: Sucker Punch

Take the setting of One Flew Over the Coocoo’s Nest, add the underlying theme of Inception, and a bit of style from The Watchmen. Then combine with a cast that looks like that of Coyote Ugly and a Kill Bill level of female sword play, you should have a movie that any dude will love.

Now on the flip side for the ladies. Imagine a Moulin Rouge type of setting, a Buffy-like level of girl power, and wardrobe department that could make any girl look good. Sounds sweet right?

So why wasn’t Sucker Punch? 

It had all the above elements, but was missing a key component. The story is what makes the movie. Director Zack Snyder nailed all the visuals, his pacing was good, and he inserted a really good soundtrack. Hell, even the story in its primal stages is promising, we just don’t see it develop fully.

Some Minor Spoilers Ahead, Tried Not to Ruin It… 

We open the movie strong. The music is good, the slow motion is fitting, and despite the film speed the pacing is fast. Our principal character, Baby Doll is like the subject of a Fairy Tale – dead mother, evil Step-Father, tragedy strikes, and she is thrown into an extraordinary situation and forced to inspire others.

We are introduced to her new home, an asylum with the aesthetics obviously influenced by Arkham…

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The cause of her incarceration there being the accidental killing of her sister, and we see the gears in her head start to turn. As soon as she enters the place she begins to plot her escape. We see clues about how she’ll make her eventual break, and we are hurriedly introduced to the rest of the cast. Her escape has a timer on it as her evil step-father plots to have her silenced. Then – Boom. Our setting changes. Now inside her head, the asylum has become a Nightclub/Brothel, and infinitely less interesting a setting than the actual one we just left.

This is the 2nd level of her mind and this setting gives Snyder excuse to dress all the girls as scantily as he wants, and this is also the point where the Inception comparisons start to pass through the heads of the audience, or at least those who can follow what’s happening. In this setting the girls are no longer inmates at the asylum, but instead sex slaves, forced to dance on stage and pull in cash for the boss, who in reality is the crooked orderly at the hospital who is conspiring with the step-dad.

Baby Doll, going deeper into her own mind, enters another plane of existence. This is the whole Inception ‘dream inside a dream’ scenario. In this plane she is a great warrior. She meets a totally unexplained Wise Man (who I assume is maybe her real father) and he tells her what to do. It was like that scene in Final Destination where the Candyman shows up, has no reason to know whats happening, and then proceeds to explain the entire plot of the movie to the main characters. So now, armed with a sword, a pistol, and an incredibly short skirt, we are given maybe the best action sequence of the film as Baby Doll fights 3 giant robot Samurai. This is all happening to her as she dances in the Nightclub level of her mind. Throughout the movie, each major action sequence in the 3rd level is triggered by her dancing in the 2nd level.

After returning from this fight with the Samurai, the 2nd level dance studio is amazed at her ability to move, but all she cares about is the escape plan she brought back from the deeper dream state. This plan however looked to me less like a plan, and more like a list. It was reminiscent of the Underpants Gnomes on South Park. She convinces 4 of the other girls to help her with her escape, and from there on, each time she dances, and enters that 3rd level in her mind, they are there with her. As the movie progresses we get several more action sequences as the girls try to accomplish the tasks that will make their escape possible.

From here, after the first sequence with all 5 girls fighting, it starts to get repetitive. The mysterious Wise Man is present in all of these delusions, but not in any of the other levels of her mind. In the end however, once Snyder has brought us back to reality (Oh there goes gravity…Sorry) and the movie is about to end, we meet the Wise Man. He is completely out-of-place and seems to somehow be in on all that was transpired earlier…which makes no sense whatsoever.

The we close the movie out with a voice over. Now I know some people don’t like voice overs, and it’s considered lazy storytelling and all, but I’m a sucker for them. Think The Sandlot, where Smalls tells us what happened to all the guys with a voice over at the end, gives me chills. When done right, it can really make for a strong ending. But the voice over writing here was atrocious. It ended the movie with a bad taste in your mouth.

Don’t get me wrong here though, I didn’t hate this movie (even if the people I saw it with did), I felt I got what I expected, and I was entertained. Overall it was actually really cool, but cool doesn’t always mean good. My biggest problem was really just the wasted potential here. They took would could’ve been a great movie, and gave us a mediocre one.

And for that I give Sucker Punch only 2.5 Bears.

Marvel Comic Reviews

Future Foundation #1 -“The Club”

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And here it is… the debut of the Future Foundation. (and Spidey’s new suit) Although a good issue, there wasn’t much action, just a whole lot of setup. It takes place after the death of the Human Torch and the renaming of the Fantastic Four.

You get to see Spiderman suiting up with the Future Foundation and going on his first mission with them, which is quite brief and involves what seems like rogue AIM operatives attempting to free…. wait for it… the Wizard. Maybe we’ll get to see M.O.D.O.K in action in a future FF issue. But seriously, I’m all for jobber villains like the Wizard being used in comics now, because sometimes the writer can make them a legitimate threat.

The rest of the comics shows how everyone is dealing with Johnny Storm (aka The Human Torch) being dead and gone. Franklin Richards doesn’t want Spiderman sitting in Johnny’s chair at dinner, and Thing is blaming himself for the “matchstick’s” death, his brooding presence being felt throughout.

It was rather inspiring to see the family vibe throughout the Baxter Building in this issue since I haven’t read a Fantastic Four comic since Mark Waid was writing. Nathaniel Richards brings a lot to this family dynamic being a father to the father of the FF. He disagrees with Reed after everyone else agrees with him and shows that Mr. Fantastic isn’t infallible. The big surprise and probably the best part of the issue occurs at the end and the next issue’s title says it all.

Highlight between the asterisk’s to reveal the spoiler and who may very well play a part in the Future Foundation. –  *Doom Nation!*

Uncanny X-Force #5.1

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I was a huge fan of the concept for X-Force when it first hit the shelves. A covert team of the most dangerous X-mutants tasked with taking on the missions that deal with threats against homo superior, with no compunctions about killing. And by the way they are led by Wolverine, the most kill-tacular character in the Marvel universe. Nothing to not like about that if you’re an X-men fan.

Sadly I missed the first volume with the team consisting of Wolverine, X-23, Warpath and Wolfsbane along with Domino and Elixir joining later. It is now renamed Uncanny X-Force after the team was disbanded by Cyclops. But Wolverine and Archangel feel there is still unfinished business with the threats against mutantkind so they formed a new team consisting of themselves along with Fantomex, Psylocke and Deadpool.

With issue 5.1, a reader like me who missed all of the previous X-Force titles can jump right in with this issue and it didn’t disappoint. You are given a cut and dry plot and plenty of action. The issue takes place in Australia and involves Lady Deathstrike leading the cyborg Reavers on a mission against the X-men. Their plan is to use Gateway to gain access to Utopia, the X-men’s current residence, and cause mass bombing casualties.

The Reavers are morons who simply hate mutants and want to kill as many as they can with the attack, but Deathstrike only has plans of revenge against Wolverine. It was very interesting to see how Deathstrike is almost certain that Logan cannot be killed by her or the Reavers, but reasons that his honor can be wounded. With the destruction of Utopia, Wolverine would be dealt a very serious personal blow by one of his worst enemies. Unfortunately her use of the Reavers brings back unhappy memories of a past run in for Wolverine and Psylocke.

Long story short, chaos ensues with plenty of dead Reavers.

Age of X Alpha: (X-Men Legacy #245/New Mutants #22)

I bought this issue expecting another attempt at an Age of Apocalypse storyline, like the Return to Age of Apocalypse storyline that never even came close to being a fraction as good as it’s predecessor.

This is actually the opposite of the AoA though, where in this reality the mutants have been hunted nearly to extinction by the human race because there are no X-Men around to stop them or promote peace. The remaining mutants of course join together to survive under the leadership of Magneto.

The first issue is a prologue of sorts, titled Age of X: Alpha, where the mutants are shown at their base talking of how the humans came together after several events including one involving the Phoenix eating Albany. After it was signed into law that having the mutant gene was illegal, the Sapien League began rounding up mutants for execution, imprisonment and sterilization. Even people without the gene who gave birth to mutants are sterilized. AoX Alpha introduces us to several characters we know and love, but who now have a whole different background and even different X-names. You’ll find out why in Age of X chapter one that Wolverine can no longer use his claws or healing factor, and how Cyclops (who is now called Basilisk) escaped from Alcatraz prison.

In Age of X Chapter One (X-men Legacy #245) we are introduced to how the mutants under Magneto’s leadership survive against the humans in their stronghold called Fortress X. Throughout the issue we are introduced to many familiar faces that we have not seen in sometime in the current series and some of the more familiar are already dead at this point. It’s definitely different seeing some of the relationships in this alternate reality. Scott Summers is shacked up with the Acolyte Joanna Cargill, and Storm wearing very little clothing is with Namor. After the action at the beginning and a little dragging in the middle the story begins to get a little interesting again when Kitty Pryde shows up unannounced and Magneto imprisons her until they can figure out why she sneaked into their fortress. Rogue, now called Legacy, finds a camera that Kitty tried to hide before being detained and mysteriously attempts to find out what is on it on her own without telling anyone.

Chapter 2 of the Age of X (New Mutants #22) follows this mystery without revealing anything and actually raising more questions as Rogue is now on the run from her comrades for breaking protocol. What has seized her to make her want to figure the Kitty Pryde situation out on her own and what part does (highlight between asterisks to read spoiler) *Charles Xavier* have to play in all of this?

I hope to find out in the next two parts of Age of X arriving in X-men Legacy #246 and New Mutants #23.

Fear Itself Prologue: Book of the Skull

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Book of the Skull sets things up nicely for the upcoming Marvel event: Fear Itself. It starts off with the daughter of the Red Skull, Sin (who is uglier than her dad.) and Baron Zemo making their way to an old base of the Red Skull where Sin seeks a book containing spells and the cover made from dead Atlantean flesh. Upon finding it, she describes it to Zemo as “the Red Skull’s greatest failure.”

Flash back to Germay in 1942, The Red Skull oversees his minions performing a sacrifice of several Atlanteans to an unidentified god or gods. Something is seen riding a bolt of lightning across the landscape and the Skull and his cronies follow it, with Captain America, Bucky and Namor hot on his trail.

The Red Skull and his men end their search in Antarctica, standing over what fell from the skies but never saying exactly what it is. That’s when Cap and company show up to give ’em a fight. Not only do they fight some Nazi scum, but what appears to be a frost giant as well. (You’ll never guess who puts the giant out of commission.) In the end the Red Skull gets away and orders his men to build a fortress around the “thing” that fell to Earth since no one can lift it. This thing is revealed to be a hammer in the end. A very Thor-like hammer indeed…

This hammer is only one of many that will fall to Earth to be recovered by what Fear Itself writer Matt Fraction calls “The Worthy”. According to Fraction the God of Fear might also be called the Serpent and the Worthy are the Serpents avatars of rage and destruction on Earth. Certain characters will be drawn to these hammers and from the looks of the preview in one comic I read today Juggernaut and Hulk may be among them. Not good for the heroes! Can’t wait until Fear Itself kicks off! Overall a fun comic to read and great lead up to the big arc.

Venom #1

This comic kicked some ass. It’s refreshing to see the Venom symbiote get used differently than another supervillain bonding with it. The U.S. government using it on a covert agent during special missions is just plain brilliant. And the suit looked real spiffy. I definitely haven’t seen Flash Thompson in a comic book in a long time and had no idea about his legs being lost while serving in the military. As Venom he is given a second chance to serve his country because the symbiote can create legs for while he is bonded to it.

There is a catch though, Flash can only be in the suit for a total of 48 hours before the symbiote bonds to him permanently. In that situation the overseers of the mission have a kill switch standing by to terminate Flash if that occurs. Since the suit feeds on anger and aggression also, if Flash loses control at any time the suit could take over in which case the overseers of the mission will use the kill switch. Very cool in my opinion.

The storyline of this issue in a nut shell is as follows; there is a scientist selling weaponized Antarctic Vibranium to the highest bidders. The U.S. believes that will destabilize the whole world, so they send Flash/Venom in to apprehend the doctor, while the Jack O’ Lantern is also working for someone to capture the scientist for their own ends. Even though it was a great issue, the Jack O’ Lantern was ridiculous looking, using a rocket broomstick to fly around. Let those words sink in… Rocket. Broomstick. Regardless, I will be picking up the next issue to see where they take the concept.

Bigfoot Sighting – Seriously?

Before we start, please watch the below video showing an alleged sighting of Bigfoot.

I just happened to be on Yahoo! and saw that Bigfoot was number one at the top of the trending list. Being a big fan of UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster and THE Bigfoot, I thought “What the hell, it might be something worth seeing.”

But after watching it I can’t help but wonder how this blurry video got everyone talking.

Initially it looks as if the Bigfoot waves to the camcorder as it crosses the street in awkward little baby steps. Really, Bigfoot is supposed to be this huge beast with a long striding walk and he gets across the road as fast as a waddling penguin would have? Actually a friend of mine walked just like that in his bigfoot costume at my Halloween party two years ago. Not only do I give this video and the person taking it a gigantic BOOOOOOO!

But I give it the official stamp of – FAIL!