Machete is back and according to the title, this time he kills (which is pretty much what he did in the first movie, but who am I to judge the film’s title). The first Machete film was a fun enough little romp through mexiploitation, with Machete getting framed for murder. Danny Trejo was however not the star in this film and he played the strong, semi silent type while the rest of the cast chewed up the scenery around him. Maybe now with Machete Kills it’s time for Danny to be let loose on the screen with wall to wall machete action. Here is the plot layout and again it seems a great and can we go so far as to say very cheesy OTT story that only Machete can sort out.
Party Down Movie Has Financial Backing and a Gung-Ho Cast
Party Down is one of my favorite shows ever and it’s agreed that it was most definitely cancelled prematurely. The brilliant writing, excellent cast, and consistently witty humor was no match for the usual garbage that makes its way to TV which is probably part of the reason why it was cancelled; not enough people “got it”. But that’s okay, because the ones who did are demanding more and it seems like now they’re finally going to get it.
Robert Rodriguez is currently in the middle of making Machete Kills, the sequel to Machete – starring Danny Trejo as the machete wielding Machete (…aaah! Too many machetes!).
It will also see the acting debut of Lady Gaga. Both she and Rodriguez are excited by this, if their tweets are anything to go by (as reported by The Hollywood Reporter). So here is her character poster, as ‘La Chameleon’ (image via I Watch Stuff).
It’s subtle and understated for her. Only the one dead animal wrapped around her.
Machete Kills is the second in a planned trilogy – and, technically, a spin-off from the Spy Kids films. It picks up from the first film with the title character mourning his lost love – so says the films website – then he is recruited by the US president to take down a cartel leader before he fires a missile at America.
It will star – along side Trejo – Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Zoe Saldana, Vanessa Hudgens, Sofia Vergara, Mel Gibson (as the cartel leader), Charlie Sheen (as the US president) and Alexa Vega as Killjoy.
Vega was, of course, in the Spy Kids movies (the first of which was 11 years ago). And now here she is – all grown up – in costume for this new movie. The picture was posted to Instagram and Twitter, and is now all over the internet (image via Starburst).
I’ve posted this at the end because, quite frankly, I knew nothing else I wrote would be read otherwise. You’re not even reading this are you? And who can blame you. Look boobs.
I don’t mean to come off as misogynist or anything like that, but even if Harmony Korine’s new film Spring Breakers sucks royally (which it won’t), no one will dare hate the scantily clad former Disney chicks who carry the film. In these new, steamy pictures from the upcoming film, we get a look at what our heroines will hopefully be wearing for the duration of the film (AKA as little as possible).
My wife, Selena Gomez, stars in the film alongside Vanessa Hudgens. James Franco stars in the film as well, playing a drug dealer. I’m actually really interested in the content of this movie, but tossing in some scantily clad ladies won’t hurt either.
According to IMDb, the film follows:
“Brit, Candy, Cotty, and Faith have been best friends since grade school. They live together in a boring college dorm and are hungry for adventure. All they have to do is save enough money for spring break to get their shot at having some real fun. A serendipitous encounter with rapper “Alien” promises to provide the girls with all the thrill and excitement they could hope for. With the encouragement of their new friend, it soon becomes unclear how far the girls are willing to go to experience a spring break they will never forget.”
Pretty much sounds like the Harmony Korine we all know and love.
Check out the pictures below!
[EDITORS NOTE: Unlike my (obviously) young colleague, this movie does almost nothing for me. I don’t know these ‘Disney Chicks’, they all look like little kids to me. And as much as I love James Franco, this is not a movie that I would’ve even considered watching until about a minute ago, when I saw who else was in it. Heather Morris, who next to all the little girls in this movie, is a woman. Booyah.]
What can I say about Journey 2: The Mysterious Island? It was a little better than I expected and had some great visuals. Also, even though it seems like the Rock is just put into movies to lure the mindless masses into the movie theater, he actually kind of made the movie better than it would have been. The plot seems to be loosely based off of the first movie which I only saw bits and pieces of, but Josh Hutcherson (Soon to be in The Hunger Games.) returns as Sean Anderson who is an adventurer/scientist on a mission to find his grandfather Alexander Anderson who has gone missing and has apparently been looking for Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island for about half of his life. Really, it seems like they just cobbled together the pretense for them to head out and find the grandfather and mysterious island in about thirty seconds…. Which they probably actually did. Anyways, the Rock, who plays Sean’s gigantic, ex-Navy, stepfather decides to help Sean break a code sent from his grandfather in an attempt to be closer to him family wise. What Mr. The Rock didn’t count on was Sean being right that there is indeed a Mysterious Island. A Mysterious Island they have no way of getting off of before impending disaster strikes.
Really, the movie was never meant to be an Academy Award winner and it definitely wasn’t. With the acting talents of Vanessa Hudgens and Luis Guzman (As the father-daughter helicopter team that brought them to the island) intermingled with those of Josh Hutcherson and The Rock, they don’t measure up anything near to Michael Caine. What Rock doesn’t have in acting ability he more than makes up for in hilarity. There is a scene in the movie where he “pops” his pectoral muscles for about three minutes as he urges Josh Hutcherson and Guzman to bounce berries off of them. This as you know, is a sure fire way to win over any woman. The scene had me laughing my ass off, the Rock urging Hutcherson to “Feed them. They’re not going to stop until you do.” As funny as I found the scene, I can only imagine that young kids and their parents were probably left puzzled as to what in the shit they brought their kids to. But oh well, it made me laugh.
Take the setting of One Flew Over the Coocoo’s Nest, add the underlying theme of Inception, and a bit of style from The Watchmen. Then combine with a cast that looks like that of Coyote Ugly and a Kill Bill level of female sword play, you should have a movie that any dude will love.
Now on the flip side for the ladies. Imagine a Moulin Rouge type of setting, a Buffy-like level of girl power, and wardrobe department that could make any girl look good. Sounds sweet right?
So why wasn’t Sucker Punch?
It had all the above elements, but was missing a key component. The story is what makes the movie. Director Zack Snyder nailed all the visuals, his pacing was good, and he inserted a really good soundtrack. Hell, even the story in its primal stages is promising, we just don’t see it develop fully.
Some Minor Spoilers Ahead, Tried Not to Ruin It…
We open the movie strong. The music is good, the slow motion is fitting, and despite the film speed the pacing is fast. Our principal character, Baby Doll is like the subject of a Fairy Tale – dead mother, evil Step-Father, tragedy strikes, and she is thrown into an extraordinary situation and forced to inspire others.
We are introduced to her new home, an asylum with the aesthetics obviously influenced by Arkham…
The cause of her incarceration there being the accidental killing of her sister, and we see the gears in her head start to turn. As soon as she enters the place she begins to plot her escape. We see clues about how she’ll make her eventual break, and we are hurriedly introduced to the rest of the cast. Her escape has a timer on it as her evil step-father plots to have her silenced. Then – Boom. Our setting changes. Now inside her head, the asylum has become a Nightclub/Brothel, and infinitely less interesting a setting than the actual one we just left.
This is the 2nd level of her mind and this setting gives Snyder excuse to dress all the girls as scantily as he wants, and this is also the point where the Inception comparisons start to pass through the heads of the audience, or at least those who can follow what’s happening. In this setting the girls are no longer inmates at the asylum, but instead sex slaves, forced to dance on stage and pull in cash for the boss, who in reality is the crooked orderly at the hospital who is conspiring with the step-dad.
Baby Doll, going deeper into her own mind, enters another plane of existence. This is the whole Inception ‘dream inside a dream’ scenario. In this plane she is a great warrior. She meets a totally unexplained Wise Man (who I assume is maybe her real father) and he tells her what to do. It was like that scene in Final Destination where the Candyman shows up, has no reason to know whats happening, and then proceeds to explain the entire plot of the movie to the main characters. So now, armed with a sword, a pistol, and an incredibly short skirt, we are given maybe the best action sequence of the film as Baby Doll fights 3 giant robot Samurai. This is all happening to her as she dances in the Nightclub level of her mind. Throughout the movie, each major action sequence in the 3rd level is triggered by her dancing in the 2nd level.
After returning from this fight with the Samurai, the 2nd level dance studio is amazed at her ability to move, but all she cares about is the escape plan she brought back from the deeper dream state. This plan however looked to me less like a plan, and more like a list. It was reminiscent of the Underpants Gnomes on South Park. She convinces 4 of the other girls to help her with her escape, and from there on, each time she dances, and enters that 3rd level in her mind, they are there with her. As the movie progresses we get several more action sequences as the girls try to accomplish the tasks that will make their escape possible.
From here, after the first sequence with all 5 girls fighting, it starts to get repetitive. The mysterious Wise Man is present in all of these delusions, but not in any of the other levels of her mind. In the end however, once Snyder has brought us back to reality (Oh there goes gravity…Sorry) and the movie is about to end, we meet the Wise Man. He is completely out-of-place and seems to somehow be in on all that was transpired earlier…which makes no sense whatsoever.
The we close the movie out with a voice over. Now I know some people don’t like voice overs, and it’s considered lazy storytelling and all, but I’m a sucker for them. Think The Sandlot, where Smalls tells us what happened to all the guys with a voice over at the end, gives me chills. When done right, it can really make for a strong ending. But the voice over writing here was atrocious. It ended the movie with a bad taste in your mouth.
Don’t get me wrong here though, I didn’t hate this movie (even if the people I saw it with did), I felt I got what I expected, and I was entertained. Overall it was actually really cool, but cool doesn’t always mean good. My biggest problem was really just the wasted potential here. They took would could’ve been a great movie, and gave us a mediocre one.
And for that I give Sucker Punch only 2.5 Bears.