HBO released three new teasers the other day featuring scenes from the upcoming fifth season of True Blood.  With the amount of whoring they’ve been doing lately for the new season, I feel like I should be checked for hepatitis.  I’ve practically seen half the season.  These three teasers feature actual scenes from the early episodes of the summer.

Teaser One: Features Bill on the phone leaving what appears to be a message for his progeny, Jessica.  Meanwhile, Eric is cleaning up a mess in Bill’s office; the remains of slaying a member of the Authority.  His vampire speed would’ve come in handy when my mom made me clean my room growing up.  I would have had so much more time for video games.

Teaser Two: Alcide and Sookie discuss the shocking news that Russell Edgington is still alive.  Our werewolf friend gets puppy eyes and asks Sookie to come stay with him for her safety (and probably so she can help him find a big bone he has buried somewhere, if you know what I mean).  Sookie tells him she can’t, and the clip ends right as she’s about to tell him that she killed Debbie.  Nothing kills the mood quite like murdering a guy’s ex-girlfriend.

Teaser Three: Terry’s old Marine friend, Patrick, is having a meal with Terry, Arlene, and the kids.  Arlene explains that they recently suffered a house fire.  Patrick gets a strange look on his face, and the two of them exchange an intense look; the look kind of like bighorn sheep get right before they blast the hell out of each other’s craniums.  Patrick mutters something about “fires shouldn’t be taken lightly.”  The clip cuts out right as the camera pans to the seat next to him, where we see he and Smokey the Bear holding hands.

And there you have it.  Riveting stuff. 

True Blood premiers on HBO on Sunday, June 10 at 9pm.  Don’t miss our reviews of each episode!