Michael Bay’s “Alien” Turtles Have Been Cast and Megan Fox is Among Them…

I have to be honest with you.  I have a deep love for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  I have one more admission.  It physically pained me when I found out some of the silly things that Michael Bay had in mind for the 2014 reboot.  Really, Sir?  Aliens?  Really?

The cast of the mutant, uh, I mean, “alien” brothers has been finalized so I can’t help but add my two cents about the gents.  Being attached to the name “Michael Bay” certainly has its advantages.  Bay abuses what I would call an “increasingly stupefied” audience.   Are his films visually overstimulating because that is his true expression of art, or is he just supplying what the audience wants?  Either way, I don’t know what his exact plans are for the Ninja Turtles reboot, but I can guarantee they will be stupid and I will hate them. He is, however, box office gold.

Ninja Turtles

So will these budding young stars reap the benefits of Bay’s name?  So long as they don’t call him a Nazi, I’m quite positive they will experience some success from this highly commercialized, toy friendly franchise.

Cast as the group’s leader Leonardo is Pete Ploszek.  You may recognize him from Parks and Recreation that one time.  If you missed him then, maybe you saw him on Shameless that other one time.  He has the shortest resume of the bunch, but this could be the springboard he needs.

Ninja Turtles

Alan Ritchson, who has some fairly memorable previous performances, will be Raphael.  Of all the main characters, this guy could potentially benefit the most from this stamp on his career.  Between the Ninja Turtles being filmed, and The Hunger Games in post production, his attachment to some major titles could lead to future success.  His strong handsome face doesn’t hurt anything either.  Too bad his gorgeous mug is going to be CGIed in Ninja Turtles.

Ninja Turtles

Jeremy Howard has been cast as Donatello.  I am not entirely sure how he fits in considering the other gents are a bit more statuesque.  However, he does have the most experience in films dealing with aliens, so I suppose that is fitting with Bay’s ideas.  The only thing I can project is that they are truly trying to highlight the geekiness of Don’s character.  This is the exact opposite of what they have done previously.  Donnie was always the smart techie guy, but to avoid boxing him into a one-dimensional character, they also gave him a skateboard.  These are all just assumptions, but as I have stated earlier, I already hate this movie and it is stupid.

Ninja Turtles

I found Noel Fisher (Shameless, Terriers, etc.) to be the most recognizable of the foursome.  He, obviously, will be playing Michelangelo.  “All the good ones end in ‘o’.”  Considering Mikey was my favorite turtle, I hope he stays true to the character.  I feel weird saying that considering he is a turtle that is a ninja that also likes to party.  What great depth!

Ninja Turtles

Rounding out the cast is the ever sultry Megan Fox.  Considering there aren’t too many female roles to choose from, she will be  April O’Neil.  I was kind of crossing my fingers she would have been the Shredder.  Or even better, she could have been that girl turtle from that Saturday morning show that no one watched…

Ninja Turtles, Megan Fox

The only thing that I can guarantee is that I don’t care.  Keep an eye out for Ninja Turtles exploding in a theater near you next summer.

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