Mr. Remender still manages to keep me on as a regular reader of this new Venom title. Issue three is a vast improvement over the last one which I still enjoyed. Mainly because we are now out of the Savage Land and there is no more Kraven the Hunter. Oh yeah, also Jack O Lantern is back! It would seem that the Crime-Master (The guy behind the antarctic vibranium) knows Venom’s secret identity, so he sends Jack-O-Lantern to pay Flash Thompson’s girlfriend Betty Brant a visit while our sort of-hero Venom is frantically fighting permanent bonding with the Venom suit and closing in on the shipment of vibranium.
Not only do you get to see Venom kicking major ass against the henchman known as… the henchman, but there is also a small appearance by our friendly neighborhood Spiderman who finds Betty’s apartment totally trashed. His searching for Betty makes for huge complications and a cliffhanger that will having wishing you could time travel to next month for issue four!
I give this issue a four out of five bears. It was nonstop with the action, a good and non petty excuse for a Spiderman appearance and seriously a cliffhanger to end all cliffhangers. I doubt either will happen but you almost wonder how the two possible deaths at the end can be stopped. Unfortunately we have to wait awhile to find out. And I’m really digging this version of Jack-O-Lantern, whom I at first thought was a little corny. He was only used for a few pages in this issue but you can foresee than he and Flash will be throwing down once more very soon… maybe for the last time.
Back in 1996 Micheal Bay was and up and coming Director, with only the 1995 credit Bad Boys to his name, and pension for blowing things up. He had not yet sullied his name with predictably bad sequels like Bad Boys II or the Transformers movies. In fact, the movies he did in the 90’s, though now a bit cliché, were some of the decades best action epics.
The brightest spot on his resume has to be The Rock. This was a movie about a group of Marines who steal 15 chemical weapon powered rockets. They then threaten to launch said rockets against the city of San Francisco from Alcatraz Island, where they are holding 81 hostages. His demands require that all the men that has died under his watch, on Black Ops missions, be recognized as heroes and their families be rewarded a million dollars a piece from dirty money seized from weapons sales. His motives are actually noble which sets him aside from most antagonists in the genre. An honorable man pushed too far, the character is relatable and for that this movie is more than your run of the mill Dwayne Johnson/Vin Diesel movie. So in a joint operation, the FBI and a group of Navy SEALS must get onto the island and squash the threat. In 1996 I was all of 13, and when I walked into the theater I found my self thoroughly entertained for the entire 136 minute ride. Here we are now, 15 years later and the movie still holds up.
Our old buddy Nic Cage is our hero. He plays a chemical weapons specialist with the FBI named Stanley Goodspeed, and Sean Connery is basically an old James Bond. Ed Harris and David Morse play our missile thieves, and there are a slew of other recognizable faces as the movie goes on.
When we met Goodspeed, he is in the lab with Todd Louiso (High Fidelity, Snakes on a Plane) and Xander Berkley (24, Terminator 2) attempting to disarm a poisonous gas bomb. After succeeding he goes home to then learn that his girlfriend is pregnant, which only adds to his desperation to survive later on.
General Hummel (Harris) then makes the threat to launch the stolen rockets into the Bay Area. It is then that Goodspeed is called to San Fran because of his knowledge of the VX Gas used in the rockets. Once he arrives he meets John Mason (Connery), and we learn that Mason has been held, nameless and with no trial for over 30 years. Because however, he is the only man to ever escape Alcatraz, he is to be sent in with the SEAL team to guide them through the tunnels of the former prison. He is however told nothing of the rockets.
Once on the island, the SEAL team is led by none other than Michael Biehn(The Terminator, Aliens, Navy Seals, Tombstone) who promptly get his entire team killed. Nice job Mike! You can see Hummel takes no joy from having to kill more soldiers, but some of his men don’t seem to share his pain. With the destruction of the SEAL team, this leaves only Mason and Goodspeed to diffuse the rockets. And it’s only after Mason is let in on the real threat that he decides to help Stanley complete the mission. Thus truly begins The Rock as Connery delivers one of his greatest quotes ever…
So Mason and Goodspeed continue on in hopes of saving the day and are able to disable 12 of the 15 rockets before the John C. McGinley(Platoon, Se7en, Scrubs) led Marine team interrupts them. Things don’t end well for Dr. Cox however, as Mason lights his ass on fire. Booyah.
General Hummel then announces over the Island PA system that if the guidance chips removed from the rockets are not returned, he will execute a hostage. Upon hearing this Mason sends Goodspeed after the rockets and he heads to confront Hummel. This is the first time either of our heroes come face to face with the General, and it is not a battle of fists, but of minds as Mason and Hummel banter…
After this Goodspeed is able to take out only one of the remaining three rockets before being taken into custody. This now leaves Mason and Goodspeed prisoners, with the Marines still controlling 2 rockets.
Mason however did escape once, as it turns out, he still remembers how and they free themselves from their cells. Not in time however to stop the launch of one of the rockets. Luckily Mason’s instinct was right and Hummel is not a mad man, thus refusing to kill innocents. He diverts the rocket so it detonates underwater and causes a mutiny among his own men. The revolt, let by Tony Todd (Candyman, 24, Platoon) results directly in the deaths of Hummel, Major Baxter (Morse) and Crisp (Bokeem Woodbine). From here its a race to the last rocket and a question if Goodspeed can signal in time to call off the impending Air Strike. He does of course win the race and signal in time.
After this he is able to give Mason a give – his freedom. Goodspeed informs FBI Director Womack (John Spencer) that Mason has been vaporized. A lie that is helped along by Special Agent Paxton (William Forsythe). So Mason is free and all is good in the world.
I don’t feel that it would be a stretch to call this one of the best action movie of the last 20 years. I think this is before Michael Bay became so self-aware and you’re reminded of how he built his name. The pacing is good, really no lulls. The cast is great, and the dialogue, though often simplistic, is both powerful and memorable enough to quote. It’s a shame Bay hasn’t done anything of this quality in so long, but this is one of the movies that helped redefine the genre for the 90’s.
South Park has been an institution for so long that it sometimes is lost on us how well they have their finger on the pulse of pop culture and the world. It never ceases to amaze me the different directions they take with the boys and how they can approach a touchy subject and mix it with both subtle and over the top humor to keep us entertained. However, it is safe to say that the season has been somewhat inconsistent, and just like Darth Saeris, I was looking forward to seeing them jump into a rhythm in the season. What we have here was a good, but not great episode with up and down moments of hilarity.
It starts off with Stan and Kyle watching TV and then getting interrupted by those infamous Sarah McLachlan commercials that take the mood down like a SNL Gilly sketch. This time, instead of the animals, she’s jumped on the train of crack babies, and the atrocities they encounter in life but most importantly, JUST LOOK AT THEM!
Kyle and Stan try to resist, but it’s too late. The tractor beam of manipulative images has them by the throat and the only way Kyle can shake it is by volunteering at the local hospital.
Kyle stops by the crack baby ward to do what he can to help the children. He then runs into Cartman in a nice shirt and tie and a video camera. Kyle is suspicious and asks Cartman why he’s there to which the reply is to help the children. Kyle, hilariously, asks again why he’s there. He knows he’s up to no good and follows Cartman to his new office where he’s gathered with his “firm” and is editing tapes together to his most brilliant money-making idea to date: Crack Baby Basketball League. Those four words are enough to make Kyle walk away.
That was my second favorite moment of the episode, and obviously was Comedy Central’s because they put that in the promo. The concept is that they put a crack ball in the middle of the crack babies and watch them go after it. A fairly simple idea to exploit with the wonders of YouTube and the internet. But as outrageous as the idea is, it’s brilliant because if Break.com, or any attention seeker on YouTube can gather fame doing the most asinine things, why not the South Park kids? Regardless, Kyle’s needed for the idea because they need a bookkeeper and duh, the Jews know their accounting. All it takes is a trip to Denny’s and the glory of ‘Baconalia’ to get Kyle to sign up. Kyle is assured that this is what the babies want and in the long run, this will benefit them. After all, it’s about the kids right?
We see Butters and Cartman on a recruiting trip to a pregnant crackhead’s house to try to recruit her ‘in the womb’ kid to play in their league. She wants the money, but of course, it’s against Cartman’s rules that he set up because no babies can get paid but she does not see the point and putting her kid with the league. Kyle pops in later after Stan rebuffs him by telling him he sounds like Cartman, concerning the stupid ideas and justification with concerns about the crack babies financial welfare. Cartman is just dealing with the fact that he needs Slash to perform at halftime and he’s just nowhere to be found. Kyle needs a reason to stay though. Cartman offers that in a hot tub of KFC gravy and McDonald’s french fries. Who wouldn’t stay for that?
However, now with a member of his own team questioning the money distribution Cartman must seek the answers to find a loophole and then gets to University of Colorado – Boulder to find out how they are able to make money off of their slaves, ahem, excuse me, “student-athletes”. Now, this is what I love about the show. Obviously NCAA violations about paying the athletes are front and center what seems to be a weekly basis. It’s always interesting to see the colleges that receive money for endorsements, ticket sales, merchandise and even the NCAA that get the money from EA Sports games to put these “student-athletes” into the game with no concessions. What’s really the difference in the exploitation of these crack babies versus the administrators or agents that take in kids in order to have dollar signs embedded in their eyes? But enough of deep thoughts, let’s get back to the story. I will say the great part of this act was seeing Cartman dressed as a southern plantation owner type trying to find a loophole to protect himself.
Kyle can’t shake that the babies still have nothing so he devises a plan with the EA Sports money they are going to get: build a crack baby orphanage. Cartman sees his loophole, declares his love of Kyle’s Jewish ingenuity and it’s his “university” for his money-making plan. Also, Slash can’t be found. He in Colorado and Russia in the same afternoon. Something is off…but Cartman sends his minions to the post office to gather information on Slash. But guess what? Slash isn’t REAL. He’s basically a Dutch Saint whose legend began in a fable and now has taken the world by storm. Because seriously, the dude is everywhere.
It actually makes more and more sense the more I think about it. Parents basically dress up as him a la Santa and rock the axe whenever needed. Again, makes more and more sense as I think about it. Great moment of the episode by the way, at least until the Denny’s sequence where it’s revealed to all the Slash isn’t real. The reaction is hilarious by Cartman especially when explained that it was his parents that performed at his 8th birthday and probably their parents that performed with Guns and Roses. Stan gets the best exit line because he knew all along and now knows how gullible his friends truly are.
Cartman and gang arrives to EA Sports only to find out that they have signed over all the rights to the Crack Baby Athletic Association. They are told thanks and you’re welcome for the lessons learned now get the hell out. Nothing like the exploitation of the helpless for capital gain huh? But what the hell, Slash ain’t real? Forget the kids, that’s just…too much to handle. Episode ends with Kyle and Stan finding out that someone built the Crack Baby Orphanage after all and…what’s this? Slash’s hat and guitar? It must be a November Rain miracle!
As I said in the beginning, no one is better than South Park in taking situations in the real world and throwing their spin on it. The exploitation tactics that are employed and the hilarity that ensues in this episode shows that. There was not too many laugh out loud moments for me but I still laughed a lot and dug this episode. It definitely had its fair share of moments and although not spot on consistent throughout the whole episode, it’s definitely in the above-average grade of episodes. Here’s hoping this momentum keeps going and the season hits its stride now.
3.5 cracked out grizzlies out of 5 should suffice.
Grizzly Bomb 