Well Megan is indisposed this week, so your friendly neighborhood Doc is gonna fill in tonight. Now I’ll be up front – over the first couple episodes this season we’ve got a lot of story lines to follow, and I care about almost none of them. I mostly don’t care about the fairies though. Mostly. I don’t like Jesus or Tara, but Lafayette is always fun, and their coven of witches became a hell of a lot more interesting last week when they owned Eric. They still fall well below the Vampire council in terms of what I want to see however.
Sam’s shifter community and Jason’s redneck panthers seem nothing more than filler at this point. And yes I know the 2 panthers eating Jason Stackhouse last week was important, I just don’t care about it, you know it’s gonna lead to another stupid storyline. To be honest, the best connected to that story line is my boy Sheriff Andy Bellefleur and his drug addiction. And Terry and Arlene are hilarious, but as always, my number one reason to watch – Jessica and Hoyt. ANYHOW – Tonight’s episode…
Whoooooooo-eeeeee! You smell that? It’s the overflow coming from this craptastic piece of garbage. Seriously, I was hoping to be pleasantly entertained by a piece of intentionally bad cinema. But this flick was too atrocious for me to even stand! Check out the trailer for Assault of the Sasquatch before you read the review:
A simple story of course; An “awesome” bear poacher named Terry Drake, and his two stereotypical, inbred, redneck cohorts are having a fun night of….checking bear traps. When one of the rednecks, we’ll call him Bubba, because I didn’t care to remember his name, goes to check one of the bear traps it’s revealed to contain a Sasquatch! Mr. Sasquatch promptly assaults Bubba by ripping half his face to shreds, but before he can eat him, Drake and Redneck #2 show up to shoot the beast. Somehow that tranquilizes the ‘squatch and Drake and Redneck #2 wheel it to their truck to make a shitload of money off of their catch. Eye-patch Drake coldly leaves Bubba to die, stating that “he hates wasting bait”.
Honestly, the movie only gets shittier and shittier while it tries to create a subplot about a police officer – Ryan Walker – involving an apprehended criminal he and his family had a run in with in years previous. This fails miserably because I’m honestly just interested in seeing some f–king Sasquatch assault and the only thing I’ve seen up to this point is one face gouge, and the stomping off an ankle biter dog. That was in an apartment the Sasquatch sneaked into. It should have been funny watching the dog get stomped because I hate tiny dogs for the most part, but it still sucked. Not to mention there is a rap song playing the entire time, talking constantly about a chick popping her booty. Check out the music video for it below. It will give you an idea of how un-terrifying the Sasquatch in this movie is. He looks like some overweight turd of average height:
All of that nonsense and the inclusion of the moron in the next video made the movie over the top annoying to me. I really hope this walking waste of space is in no more movies… ever. EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!
Overall I have to give this movie a Craptastic one Bear out of five. I put it above zero because even though it sucked, at least most of the deaths were on-screen, unlike some movies. (Looking at you GRIZZLY PARK!)
Sick of not seeing little Miss Moneypenny in the Daniel Craig Bond movies? Well then shut your face because she’s finally been cast in the form of actress Naomie Harris, known mostly for her role as Tia Dalma in the second and third Pirates of the Caribbean movies. For those of you not familiar with Moneypenny in the Bond films, she is the assistant to James Bond’s boss M. In the role of assistant, she is bombarded with all sorts of sexual harassment from 007 to no avail on his part. She may be the only chick Bond hasn’t banged. Will he finally make his dream a reality in this next spy escapade? Or will she perhaps play a bigger role in the movie, because that would be nice instead of a brief appearance so all of the Bond fans can laugh at the latest Bond sexual quips.
Naomie Harris as Moneypenny isn’t the only casting news to come out for Bond 23. Two heavy hitters appear to joining the film as well. Check out a small blurb from IGN below:
In addition to reporting Harris’ casting, The Daily Mail also says acclaimed actors Javier Bardem and Ralph Fiennes are set to appear in Bond 23, which begins filming later this year.
And here is how the actors will be portrayed in Bond 23!
Unfortunately there is no mention of what roles they might be playing in the movie, though with Ralph Fiennes I would think he’d play one hell of a villain. I mean come on, he’s freakin’ Voldemort! Bardem I guess could go either way as a villain or ally to Bond. I’m just excited that filming starts this year and there is a strong cast. Anyone out there excited for more Bond? Or is 007 wearing thin on you?
Okay, if you’re driving a “tricked out” Honda Pilot, then you’re already certified scum. Seriously just those words all put together are terrible. Tricked. Out. Honda. Pilot. Disgusting should be added onto that. So it’s bad enough if you’re the proud owner of a tricked out Honda Pilot, but it’s a hundred times worse if hit your wife with it and then kept going and proceeded to flip before getting on the highway. That’s just what some foolish Harlem resident did on Saturday. Talk about instant karma, this ass-faced moron was taking double doses after his craziness. Here’s an excerpt from the New York Daily News:
A maniac driver mowed down his wife in Midtown and then sped off, leaving her half-naked body in the street – and then later flipped his car on the Harlem River Drive, police said.
The 23-year-old victim, meanwhile, was in critical condition at Bellevue Hospital Saturday, hours after the wild 3 a.m. accident on W. 46th St.
Investigators are still piecing together what led to the chaotic scene, but witnesses said the victim was working at the El Tequilazo bar in the moments before she was injured.
She was sent flying after she was struck by the Honda – which had a customized Superman theme on its front bumper and her husband behind the wheel, witnesses and police sources said.
Investigators could not say if the man deliberately ran over his wife, or if she fell after trying to hold onto the car.
Hopefully this idiot’s wife recovers from this and proceeds to divorce his prison-bound ass. And hopefully Mr. Honda will never be able to drive again once he recovers in the hospital.
Spoilers Ahead… Continue reading Review: HBO’s ‘True Blood’ Season 4, Episode 3 – “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin?” 
Grizzly Bomb 