Well, with the episodes of this season of True Blood scoring lower and lower quality ratings from me (and let’s face it, I’ve been far too generous), I was not going into this episode with much enthusiasm. I was, again, underwhelmed. Behold, another scathing review!
Antonia has made up a full-time residence in Marnie’s body. She casts a spell on Sheriff Baldy who clears the way for her to escape her cell. He also tries to attack Bill, but Bill overpowers the Sheriff and he is staked and explodes in a mess of bloody vampire bits. It’s been awhile since we had a good vampire killin’.
Bill has been warned of the resurrection, which will basically be a repeat of the vampire massacre 400 years ago inflicted by Antonia. Bill instructs his existing Sheriffs to let all the vampires in their sectors flee the state or bind themselves in silver in their coffins until the resurrection is over. This is of course wildly unpopular, as silver burns their flesh and all.
Pam catches up with Tara and her girlfriend to get revenge, until the local TMZ catches up to her and starts filming her attack. Pam flees, of course; either because she is afraid of the consequences or that the world will see her rotting face. Tara then breaks up with her Big Easy girlfriend (no pun intended) and has a good scream-cry in Merlotte’s parking lot.
Pam also finds a sort of vampire botox that will supposedly heal her flesh enough to make her look normal. She has to have about 8 injections 4 times a day. And still, she kind of looks like one of those figures in a wax museum.
Meanwhile, Jesus and Lafayette are still at Senor Loco’s house; where Lafayette learns that he is magic. …Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he be? Also, I’m thinking Kevin Alejandro made the wrong choice when he chose True Blood over Southland, because his storyline sucks.
Alcide and Debbie have been initiated into their local wolf pack; also known as: grown men who stand in the forest and howl. Alcide is busy worrying about Sookie out in the woods all on her own, so he and Debbie go to look for her. They find her alright…being kanoodled by Eric. Awkward!
The fun doesn’t stop in the woods, though. Eric and Sookie end up in Sookie’s house for a continuation of their porno and end up in Sookie’s bed. Enter the cheesiest dialogue I’ve ever heard in my life. Eric is super excited about listening to Sookie’s heart beat. Gross. I liked Eric way better when he didn’t have a vagina. No matter, he doesn’t want his memories back.
Antonia/Marnie has assembled quite a gathering for her circle. She makes them recite a spell and then she floats around the circle. Jessica manages to escape her silver and walks right out the front door, with Jason running to save her.
It’s about time we had some sort of development with this witch nonsense. I felt like we were never going to get anywhere! Bill’s idea to be held hostage under silver was a good one, but he was stupid in not putting enough on Jessica. She will most likely be saved by Jason, and then they can hold hands and finally admit their warm and fuzzy feelings for each other, and she will wear his varsity pin and they’ll go to the Sock Hop.
I’m VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY disappointed in Eric and Sookie. This was long anticipated, for them to get together. Their sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. And then he became a woman and started reciting lines that only belong in Stephenie Meyer novels.
I’m usually not one to root for the bad boy, I think they are overrated, but he was much more interesting before he lost his memory. He was a tortured soul acting out on his difficult past, and he was far from perfect, but something about him was redeeming. He had layers. Amnesia Eric was funny at first, but now he’s just a giant scoop of vampire vanilla ice cream. No layers. No flavor. Just bland on top of bland. I hate to say it, but your down-home country good guy doesn’t make a great male lead. He makes a good accountant.
I give this episode 2.5 bears. But let’s be honest, it probably didn’t even deserve that.