Resident Evil: Retribution – Trailer #2

As I mentioned last time, I don’t give a damn about the Resident Evil movies. Why am I writing this article then? I have no idea. Maybe because I actually make good on my promises?

To be honest with you, I feel the movie franchise has already ran its course. It has strayed too far from anything remotely resembling the video game storyline. In attempt on reminding us, the viewers, of how the movies are supposed to be based on the game, in every single Resident Evil film, we get multiple characters originated from the games forcefully crammed into the movie’s universe. This time round, the new additions are Leon S. Kennedy (of RE2, RE4 and RE6 fame), Barry Burton (the Jill Sandwich guy) and Ada Wong (femme fatale who follows Leon around, also has a thing for wearing high heels in tactical situations). Unfortunately, we don’t get to see much (if any) of them in the trailer, other than maybe a couple of scenes featuring Ada Wong.

In case you have forgotten who Barry Burton is.

Here’s the trailer.

After watching the trailer, I must say I’m fascinated.

*awkward silence*

*bursts into laughter*

You bought that? You believed for a second I actually care about the movie after watching the trailer? SYKE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! The movie doesn’t look distinctly different from the last one. We’re still living in apocalypse, with Wesker still planning to destroy the world, or something. Can’t remember. The trailer starts off depicting Alice’s previous life, in which she’s a part of a happy family living the suburbs. Her husband is horny and her daughter capable of making quirky remarks at the age of 8. Sounds like the American Dream to me. Then zombies show up and eat her husband’s face off. Alice and her daughter escapes. The 5-0 shows up, though I’m doubtful they’ll be able to do anything. Then the camera cuts to Alice lying on the Umbrella logo, with Ada Wong narrating how her memory was fabricated by Umbrella. A bunch of mindless action scenes set across the world later, the trailer ends.

It is noteworthy (if you actually care about the live-action motion picture) that Paul WS Anderson has decided to bring back Rain Ocampo and Carlos Olivera, both of whom were supposed to be dead. They return in the form of  clones. There will be a “good” version and a “bad” version of each replica. Yea, because it makes so much sense to keep good, thoughtful clones around if I’m in charge of a pharmaceutical company trying to take over the world. We also get to catch a few glimpses of Jill Valentine with aRE5-inspired mind-control device hooked to her chest area, making an already ridiculous idea look even more stupid.

I didn’t get it in RE5 and I still don’t get it now: how do you control someone’s mind by sticking a red thingy to her chest?

The movie is shaping out to be just fine. It’s still predictable. There are still characters from the game thrown in simply for the sake of it. The movie will certainly be bad. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not that promiscuous hippy with interesting fashionable sense who watches only artsy fartsy crap and criticizes any movie that doesn’t have deep undertones. I like action movies which don’t require much thinking. I just prefer my stupid movie to make some sense. This movie will be so corny, the US government will stop subsidizing corn farmers, since the movie alone is enough to supply the world’s corn demand for the next 25 years. Yes, it will be even more cringe-worthy than the joke in the last sentence.

It’s going to be so bad, it’s good.

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