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Eli Roth’s “Thanksgiving” – Another Grindhouse Trailer Getting Full-Length Treatment
After 2007’s Grindhouse, the many fake trailers that played between the double feature are now actually being updated into feature films. It started with Machete, moved on to Hobo with a Shotgun, and is now making its way to Thanksgiving, the Eli Roth directed slasher film that takes place on the 3rd Thursday of November. Following in the footsteps of two excellent Grindhouse homages (Hobo with the Shotgun being the better of the two), Eli Roth looks to continue the trend with what he hopes will be a great addition to the series.
I’m honestly a huge Eli Roth fan. Cabin Fever and Hostel: Part II are two of my favorite horror films of the 2000s, and I think his upcoming film with RZA, The Man with the Iron Fists, is going to be a lot of fun. Thanksgiving has the potential to be really awesome, especially if they include the scene where the girl gets impaled by a knife in her vagina whilst jumping on a trampoline. Or the scene where the guy gets his head chopped off during a blowjob…a Thanksgiving blowjob.
I’m also a bit skeptical about the whole thing because unless he finds a way to make a story out of it, it might become a little bit repetitive and monotonous. What made the trailer great was that at no point did it ever hint that there’d be a story. It just killed teenagers for two minutes in creatively hilarious ways. A deeper investigation into the killer’s motives might be interesting and of course the one protagonist who seems to always escape the killer’s clutches.
You can check out the original Thanksgiving trailer below and leave your opinions under that. If you had the chance to write the screenplay for this movie, what major changes would you make to the story, if any at all?
The things I think need to be in the film are:
- The Thanksgiving dinner scene where someone screws the cooked body
- The obscenely deep-voiced narrator
- The killer POV shots
- Julie as the main protagonist, including all the sexually charged killing scenes
- The blue-ish tint throughout the film
- Michael Biehn…’nuff said
Resident Evil: Retribution – Alice vs. Jill
If you’ve read my previous entries on Resident Evil: Retribution 3D, then you’ll know for a fact that I don’t care for the movie. Not that much anyways. When it comes out, I’ll probably watch it simply because there is nothing particularly interesting going on in my life, and I need my entertainment. I’m so bored right now I’m actually listening to Nora Roberts’ (or JD Robb if you’re getting all worked up about pseudonyms) In Death series audio-books. They are not by any means bad; they’re just kind of tacky. Just saying…
Come to think about it, Eve Dallas has one of the corniest names ever. Dallas as your last name? Really? You get to name yourself and you decide on the name of a city? I know that’s where you’re found as a runaway kid but can you go for something a little less ridiculous, like “Jenkins” or even “Smith”?
Regardless of my “zero f***s given approach” towards the movie, Sony (or someone) decided to release (or leak) footage of Alice (Milla Jovovich) and Jill (Sienna Guillory) getting it on, and by getting it on, I mean “perform a bunch of style-over-substance fighting moves in those hideously tight catsuits while dubstep plays in the background.” As you may or may not know, Alice is our heroine of the franchise whereas Jill was one of the protagonists in the second movie, or the first one – I can’t really remember and am not bothered enough to look it up – before she was brainwashed by Albert Wesker through a ridiculous device strapped to her chest.
Sienna Guillory is hot but logic still applies.
I can’t stress enough how ridiculous it is to design a brainwashing device for chest attachment. For real, son? I know it’s taken from Resident Evil 5 (the game) but come on. It did not make sense then and it does not make sense now. Any person capable of normal human logic can tell it’s that thing located right above Jill’s boobs causing her to be eeeevvviiiiiilllllll. You can stick it on her back, in her nostrils, or even up her ass if you’re ballsy enough. All of these options are significantly less visible. But whatever, it’s Resident Evil. Nobody’s watching the movie for its logic or authenticity.
I swear the intent of implementing such a design is to see more skin.
The scene takes place on ice. Basically, you get to see people trash talk (but not actually hear what they’re saying because the dialogue portion of the audio was cut). Then, evil Rain (Michelle Rodriguez) injects something into her blood stream and knocks out Ada, who was held hostage. A shootout commences and a fight emerges.
*shivers in fear*
It turns out whatever Rain injected in her body makes her virtually bulletproof. Alice has her ass kicked and throws an ice axe at the audience because the movie is in 3D. You are obligated to have one of those shots if your movie is shot in 3D.
Wow, the 3D effects are sooooooooo realistic. It’s as if Alice is throwing an axe at me and I can actually die. I’m shook. Wait, I will actually die of the headache caused by 3D effects.
I can dig movies that are intentionally bad, movies that don’t take themselves too seriously. (eg Black Dynamite) Retribution looks bad and is taking itself way too seriously. Paul W.S. Anderson actually believes that his audience won’t cringe watching this flick.
Come on, brother. It’s not 1995. Flamboyant fighting styles don’t work no more. Roundhouse kicks are not badass anymore.
*door opens*
*Chuck Norris walks in*
*Chuck Norris bashes JasonDaPsycho’s face on the keyboard*
*Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick on JasonDaPsycho*
*Chuck Norris leaves JasonDaPsycho lying half dead*
Roundhouse kicks are awesome. My bad.
Back to the topic, Anderson needs to stop pretending as if this movie is anything more than an action flick featuring video game characters. Once he comes to that understanding, I believe the movies will be much more enjoyable. That’s for me, at least.
Resident Evil: Retribution 3D will hit theaters on 14th September, 2012. The Judge Dredd reboot doesn’t come until a week after, so apparently, there is no choice.
The Rocketeer Set to Make a Comeback
New York magazine’s Claude Brodesser-Akner is reporting over at Vulture that Disney is looking to reboot its 1991 quasi-classic The Rocketeer. With the success of other comics making the jump to the silver screen, Disney is most likely looking at capitalizing on the trend, much as it tried with its Tron sequel in 2010.
Anna Kendrick for Capt. America 2! Or Not…
You may have seen her when she first appeared in Up in the Air, or maybe when she was in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Oh, please tell me you didn’t see her in any of the Twilight films. If you did, that’s unfortunate, but at least you know about her then. Anna Kendrick is one of those actresses you definitely want to remember so fifty years from now you can say to your grandkids, “I remember some of her first performances.” 
Recently, Kendrick’s name has buzzed about the geek world not just because of her voice talents lent to ParaNorman, but also because she is up for the lead female role in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Both Imogen Poots and Felicity Jones are also being considered for this position; one of them will most likely be playing Peggy Carter’s niece, Sharon Carter, though this character has only been rumored and not confirmed. [Ed. Note – both of whom have starred opposite of Anton Yelchin; Poots in Fright Night and Jones in Like Crazy] 
Now that all the female lead choices have been revealed, the blood bath has already begun. Heated arguments about which actress should get the lead have already popped up all over the internet, with most being in Kendrick’s favor. Brendon Connelly of Bleeding Cool says, “If we’re thinking of the casting in a ‘credible’ way, with both creative and commercial integrity, I think Kendrick probably has the edge on most counts: she’s cut-yourself sharp, well-known and well liked, and has great acting chops” [BleedingCool].
Cinemablend agrees with Connelly’s analysis of the female lead. Though both Poots and Jones are British and have the upper-hand in the accent realm, Cinemblend believes we should “never rule out Kendrick, who snagged an Oscar nomination for her first major role in Up in the Air, and seems tenacious enough to tackle a natural British accent in no time” [Cinemablend].
Yet don’t be too sure, state many film, comic book, and geek fans. Many believe Kendrick is not right for the role, right down to her looks. One person commented on Cinemblend’s report that “Imogen Poots looks and sounds like a great actress to play Peggy Carter’s niece in Cap 2. She looks more like Hayley Atwell than either Anna Kendrick or Felicity Jones, and she’s much better looking than Kendrick or Jones.” Some argue that looks are not everything, but others have pointed out that Kendrick is plainly too young for the niece of a woman from the 1940s.
My thoughts? I have never seen Jones or Poots act before, but I have watched Kendrick, and I think she’s wonderful. Based solely on my previous impressions of her, I think she could pull off a British niece of Peggy Carter, but I do agree with those who have said she looks too young for the role. I would prefer to see a natural-born British woman who is slightly older steal the screen in The Winter Soldier, but I don’t want to make any judgement calls until I see Jones and Poots act, either in The Winter Soldier or otherwise.
James Gunn in Negotiations to Direct Newest Marvel Project “Guardians of the Galaxy”
In one of the many post-Avengers Marvel movies hitting theaters before 2015’s The Avengers 2, it’s possible that James Gunn will join Kenneth Branagh, Joe Johnston, Jon Favreau, and Louis Leterrier as the directors who made all the pre-Avengers movies possible. With Guardians of the Galaxy, Gunn hopes to introduce a plethora of new characters to the franchise, like Star-Lord, Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, with Thanos as a villain, a being audiences were only able to catch a glimpse of at the end of The Avengers.
With a somewhat obscure filmography as a director, Gunn will be another addition to the already unorthodox list of names chosen to direct the films. Gunn is known for writing and directing Slither and Super, while also writing the two live-action Scooby Doo movies as well as the Zack Snyder directed Dawn of the Dead remake. I’m a huge James Gunn fan, and after hearing this and the talks of an Edgar Wright-directed Ant-Man have me thinking that Marvel is going to go in a new direction. Previously considered for the job were Peyton Reed (Yes Man) and Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden (Half Nelson, It’s Kind of a Funny Story), but it was Gunn’s ability to blend horror and comedy that landed him the job. Serves him right, too. He’s been doing stuff way smarter and funnier than the traditional studio fare, and I hope his break into the mainstream is a successful one. 
And yes, I know, I’m not the biggest fan of the Marvel movies. Yes, I’m “that guy” who didn’t like The Avengers. And yes, even the people who claim they love me also call me an asshole on a regular basis due to this. Do I deserve it? Probably. But am I also excited with the new direction Marvel seems to be taking with its films now that it’s owned by Disney (who, surprisingly enough, makes the best action movies these days). [Ed. Note – No they don’t.] With Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Thor: The Dark World, Iron Man 3, and Nick Fury to hit theaters before The Avengers 2, I’m interested in seeing how this massive story line is extended even further. And by the way, I think the titles for the Captain America and Thor sequels are badass while Iron Man is stuck with a generic number title. What’s up with that? 
Guardians of the Galaxy is set to release on August 1st, 2014.
Grizzly Bomb 