WWE Monday Night Raw Recap & Review: August 8th, 2011

As Raw begins, Triple H comes out to the ring in his cheesy suite and announces that for the CM Punk vs. John Cena match at summer slam there will be a special guest referee. He goes on to say that a match of that magnitude needs a ref that is larger than life, and can take control of such a contest. After building the anticipation for a couple of minutes, you can almost hear a collective sigh of disappointment from the crowd as Triple H tells everybody that he will be the special guest referee.

John Cena comes out and without a microphone, you can hear him and Triple H exchange words about Triple H’s decision for Summer slam. Cena (along with everybody else) clearly isn’t happy about this idea.

Commercial Break…

 John Cena vs. Jack Swagger

Jack Swagger begins the match doing his stupid little airplane run around the ring before John Cena levels him right in the middle of it. Cena has steady control in the match and gets a close pin fall against Swagger. Swagger begins to get a little bit of offense going, but not long before Cena counters. I’ve said it before, but I really think that Jack Swagger has been a bit of a waste of talent in the WWE. I think he could really draw some attention and be an entertaining main event caliber wrestler. Oh and as soon as my fingers type this, John Cena hits the FU (oh I’m sorry we’re now TV-PG, the “attitude adjustment”). John Cena gets the win.

Commercial Break…

When we come back from the commercial break, we are treated to an extra long piss break. Alberto Del Rio is in the back talking smack. R-Truth is in the back talking about why he hates spiders. Ladies and gentlemen, insert next commercial break here!

As Mysterio is walking out to the ring to face the Miz, Miz attacks Rey from behind. (Oh yeah, he’s stompin a good ole fashioned mudhole in Rey Mysterio. This ones looking like a helluva slobber knocker. (Sorry with JR back, I get a bit excited)). As Rey Mysterio lays there, we all do the basic math here and assume that the match is going to be called off. The Miz walks down to the ring and Miz begins saying that he attacked Rey to give him some attention.

He then says he is demanding that a ref comes down to the ring and announces Miz as the winner of the match based on forfeit. A ref comes to the ring but tells ring announcer that Triple H has demanded that Miz compete in a new match. Just then we hear Kofi Kingston’s music hit. Now We have dun dun dun…….

Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

The match begins as a pretty back and forth contest, however, it is Miz that begins gaining the momentum. Kingston does a pretty sweet dive over the second rope, landing right into the Miz. Raw cuts to a commercial break, when it returns the Miz is in control. This has actually been incredibly boring for a Kofi Kingston match. Kingston starts battling back and does an impressive cross body from the top turnbuckle. Fast forward a couple of minutes and Miz hits his stupid face plant move, and beats Kingston. WWE can’t let any true talent get ahead now can they?

Commercial Break…

 Alberto Del Rio. CM Punk

(Yes the excessively large photo of Alberto Del Rio was absolutely necessary there). The match starts with Alberto Del Rio targeting the left arm of CM Punk. CM Punk only lets this go on for a few minutes before he begins dominating Del Rio. CM Punk lands a devastating head kick, and then follows with the GTS to get the pin fall win.

 Commercial Break…

 Beth Phoenix vs. Eve

As the match starts, Beth Phoenix in all of her manliness is beating up Eve. Beth Phoenix is kind of reminding me of Chyna (Without the steroids though). Just like every other women’s match, this one doesn’t last very long. Beth Phoenix hits the “glam slam,” and gets the three count. As Beth Phoenix is running her mouth after the match, Kelly Kelly comes running out and knocks her down from behind. Michael Cole begins freaking out about this, saying that Kelly Kelly sets a bad example as women’s champion.

All I know is that the only Women wrestler’s they’re ever going to show consistently on Raw is the women’s champion, and if Beth Phoenix wins the title Sunday and I have to stare at her ugly ass every Monday Night, I’m going to be pissed.

 Commercial Break..

 Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley

Wow, and I’m actually really excited for this match. Two wrestlers who I feel have great potential to be fantastic wrestlers. The match starts and after two minutes, Vicki slaps Alex Riley, and the match is over with a disqualification.

My frustration tonight is growing by the minute. Once they have a half way decent match going, it of course has to end in less than five minutes. After Dolph confronts Vicki about this, she walks out of the ring saying that she doesn’t need this anymore.

Ps– It does not look like Vicki is wearing a bra tonight, and I just puked a little in my mouth.

Commercial break…

 R-truth vs. John Morrison

R-Truth really needs an actual entrance song. As the match gets going John Morrison does a really sweet dive over the top rope onto R-Truth. However, it soon becomes R-Truth that takes control, and gets the pin fall win. If this sounded like a boring over view of a match, it’s because it was a very boring match.

Commercial Break…

 Contract Signing for the Summer Slam main event.

Triple H is standing in the ring with John Laurinaitis, and CM Punk makes his way out to the ring, quickly followed by John Cena. (The crowd is incredibly unenthusiastic about pretty much everything tonight). CM Punk then begins saying that a contract signing is stupid because they are never entertaining. CM Punk then says that he has an actor that is going to tell John Cena why Punk doesn’t like John Cena. Then Punk plays a clip of the Rock making fun of John Cena for being a fake. After a bit of trash talking back and forth between the two, this contract signing turns into a debate about who is phonier, John Cena or CM Punk. John Cena’s final diss of the night, comes when he says that if CM Punk doesn’t win on Sunday then he will have been nothing more than a one hit wonder. The two stand face to face, and poor John Lauranaitis who is standing in the ring with Triple H as well, gets kicked in the head by CM Punk.

(Poor Johnny Ace)

After a few shoves, CM Punk gets knocked out of the ring inadvertently. After getting pushed out of the ring, Punk looks back at Cena and Hunter and yells out, “Is this the way it’s going to be (Or something like that)?” Clearly insinuating that they are teaming up against Punk for Summer slam.

I’d have to say Raw was extremely lackluster tonight. Not a whole lot of action, and what could have been the best match of the night was ended by Vicki Guerrero slapping Alex Riley in the face. Hopefully this is the end of the Vicki/Dolph Ziggler alliance, but who knows. Summer slam is Sunday on Pay-Per View at 8 PM Eastern time.

Also important to note that Rey Mysterio is set to face whoever wins the undisputed title at Summer slam next Monday, for that title.

Call of Duty: Black Ops – Nazi Zombies on the Moon? Nazi Zombies on the Moon.

This is pretty self-explanatory. One of the biggest pastimes for us writers is to get online during the late hours of the night and embarrass ourselves with horrible teamwork and spite for each other (shooting George Romero in Call of the Dead just to piss each other off). We’ve been doing this for almost 3 years now, and looks like we are strapping in for one more time. According to Gamespot, and the Call of Duty website, it has been announced that the latest and last map pack for Call of Duty: Black Ops is ‘Rezurrection’ and it will be 5 zombie-infested maps. And yes, we’re going to the moon for this one.

Continue reading Call of Duty: Black Ops – Nazi Zombies on the Moon? Nazi Zombies on the Moon.

TNT’s Falling Skies: Season Finale Review (Mutiny/Eight Hours)

Oh man alien invader fans, 2 hour season finale!!!! Whose excited?!?! THIS GUY!!! So let’s get started with Part 1, hour 1: MUTINY.

 We open with the good Dr. Anne breaking the bad news to Tom about what she found examining the skidder, and I must say he takes it better than I would have thought for someone who just heard his middle child might sprout six legs. We next join or rededicated Captain Weaver who is planning the upcoming attack with new comer Lieutenant Danner. I mention this because this planning session is taking place WITHOUT the second in command, Tom. Uh oh, trouble is a brewing and we have our premise for this episode. We finally see the battle between the two that the writers have been tip-toeing around all season. No sooner than Weaver mentions awaiting Dai to return with orders from Porter, does he coming riding up on his motorcycle, and the dude is f-ed up.

Continue reading TNT’s Falling Skies: Season Finale Review (Mutiny/Eight Hours)

WWE Releases: A Bunch of Losers

I know this is going to break hearts aplenty, but the WWE has released some of your favorite wrestlers! Just kidding! But seriously they released a few wrestlers, but if you had these jokes up on your list of favorites then you have some major problems. WWE didn’t have a very good 2nd quarter so that must mean they made 20 billion instead of 30 billion. Those poor executives. So let’s get started.

Chris Masters

This guy was good for about two matches per year and then flexing his oiled up man tits repeatedly but other than that Chris Masters was under utilized like crazy. It had honestly been so long since he’d been relegated to being a member of the joke squad that I can’t remember him being a legit competitor ever. That’s a shame because the guy is clearly no slouch in the fitness area and when he did wrestle he showed a little promise. Apparently people like Daniel Bryan are just better than him… right.

David Hart Smith

I was never much impressed with David Smith. Other than him being the son of the British Bulldog he wasn’t very impressive except in the height area, but we all know that height doesn’t get you very far in the WWE unless you act like an undead guy or have hands the size of basketballs. (Big Show) I enjoyed him in Tag Team competition with Tyson Kid, but it seemed like the Raw writers didn’t want to have their reign continue very long. Either way, that picture with Pee Wee was probably his death knell, so good luck in your future endeavors Mr. Smith.

Vladamir Kozlov

Things went bad for Vlad when he started participating in Dance Offs and teaming up with Santino Morella, who is of course the biggest joke of all. Kozlov worked better as the crazy heel who wasn’t afraid of anyone and tore through the competition. I suppose a schtick like that can’t last forever though and I can’t say it’s surprising to see him slip into obscurity.

Melina

I guess it’s not a huge loss when a Diva goes, because lord knows the writers on both shows constantly let them fall by the wayside. But I guess if one had to go it might as well be Melina. Honestly I can’t say much about her. Her entrance music is atrocious, her demeanor is cheesy and her wrestling ability isn’t much to talk of. I know Kelly Kelly is just a pretty face, but that is one pretty face worth keeping around. So goodbye to Melina and her enormously fake boobs.

So that’s a wrap for the excess fat that was liposuction-ed out of the WWE for now. I know there are plenty of others that should have been canned, including scum like Daniel Bryan, Santino and the Miz. But I guess we’ll have to bear with them until the next culling of superstars.

Breaking Bad: Season 4, Epidsode 4 – “Bullet Points” Review

Someone really doesn’t like Los Pollos Hermanos.

This episode took only about 5 minutes before it was already better than last week. This starts out with Mike in the back of a refrigerated truck when some competitors decide to turn the back of said truck to Swiss Cheese. Total dick move, and one that results in the attackers slain and Mike’s ear a little worse for wear. It was a pretty sweet way to start an episode before the credit even begin.

 After the sweetass opening and intro are done, we’re hit with some solid levity. Walt and Skyler discuss her quite detailed explanation for Hank where their money came from and how sweet Walt is at gambling. And while Skyler’s script makes Walt out to be some sort of animal, it result in little else than Hank and Walt Jr. being impressed.

Continue reading Breaking Bad: Season 4, Epidsode 4 – “Bullet Points” Review

Review: HBO’s ‘True Blood’ Season 4, Episode 7 – “Cold Grey Light of Dawn”

Well, with the episodes of this season of True Blood scoring lower and lower quality ratings from me (and let’s face it, I’ve been far too generous), I was not going into this episode with much enthusiasm.  I was, again, underwhelmed.  Behold, another scathing review!

 SPOILERS AHEAD…

Antonia has made up a full-time residence in Marnie’s body.  She casts a spell on Sheriff Baldy who clears the way for her to escape her cell.  He also tries to attack Bill, but Bill overpowers the Sheriff and he is staked and explodes in a mess of bloody vampire bits.  It’s been awhile since we had a good vampire killin’.

  Continue reading Review: HBO’s ‘True Blood’ Season 4, Episode 7 – “Cold Grey Light of Dawn”