Tag Archives: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

‘The Hobbit’ Confirmed As Trilogy. Also, Every Story Now Legally Required To Be Adapted Into Three Films.



A couple of years ago, some of you may remember that in a startlingly logical move, a studio decided to adapt and release The Lord Of The Rings as a trilogy of films, each as its own movie telling the story originally told in three parts in the novel. After those movies went on to make millions and millions of dollars at the box office, studios were looking to fast track the obvious follow-up to LOTR, which was Tolkien’s The Hobbit. The main difference between the two, being that The Hobbit was a significantly shorter, simpler, and far less densely written story, that was originally written as a children’s book.   And then it got shelved, re-planned, re-thought out, and finally years later picked back up again by Peter Jackson, who now, along with the money-grubbing studios that want another million dollar trilogy, is adapting The Hobbit into a movie of its own. Three of them, to be exact, as stated on Peter Jackson’s Facebook. Via [Chicago Tribune]

“We know how much of the story of Bilbo Baggins, the Wizard Gandalf, the Dwarves of Erebor, the rise of the Necromancer, and the Battle of Dol Guldur will remain untold if we do not take this chance,” Jackson wrote.

“So, without further ado and on behalf of New Line Cinema, Warner Bros. Pictures, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Wingnut Films, and the entire cast and crew of ‘The Hobbit’ films, I’d like to announce that two films will become three.”

Now while I’m not directly against an adaptation of The Hobbit itself, because it’s an amazing story, It is decidedly NOT enough story to adapt into 2 movies, and streeeettching it into 3 is downright frivolous.  It’s a pretty straightforward story. Hobbit joins up with dwarves for adventure. They fight trolls and spiders. They try to steal a dragons treasure. Dragon gets mad. They war against the dragon. War ends. The END. It’s enough story to make  a really badass 3 hour movie, with each act reflecting each part of the book. But since making money is paramount over making concise, unbloated, well paced adaptations, we’re going to get 2 unnecessary sequels so as much money as possible can be dragged out of our wallets as we’re forced to pay $16 dollars three times over the course of three years (at least!) , to see it in special LieMax 48fps 3D Digitial Surround sound with bonus cups and collectible glasses! Don’t forget the final showing of the third movie in 2014! Where you can buy a $50 dollar ticket to see all three in one sitting for 12 straight hours, and afterward you can go home and hang yourself because you’ve finally seen Peter Jackson’s ONE TRUE VISION brought to the silver screen.

So yeah. Not a fan of this being split up I guess, is what I’m saying.

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Robocop: Coming Back from the 80s in a Strong Way

In 1987 Paul Verhoeven released one of the most awesomely violent movies ever made, so violent in fact that it initially received and ‘X Rating’ for it’s graphic nature. It told the story of Detroit cop Alex Murphy being brutally murdered by Red Foreman, before OCP (the company that owned the police) stole his body and using state of the art 80s technology, brought Murphy back to life. Kinda. Robocop was born, more machine than man, at least early on. The movie was incredibly dark as some of Murphy’s memories surfaced and Robocop was forced to deal with the fact that he was once a man with a family and he struggled with his own existence. He did not however let this struggle interfere too much with the downpour of justice he rained onto New Detroit.

In the years to follow Robocop inspired 2 horrible sequels and a slew of crappy TV episodes. In addition though, he did also star in some pretty legit comics and video games. Then a couple of years back rumors surfaced that Darren Aronofsky, who has a penchant for making some pretty dark shit, was tapped to helm a series reboot and bring the iconic 80s hero back to the spotlight. Well delay after delay, including the production of Black Swan, for which he would receive an Oscar nomination, eventually took him out of the running and it was believed that the project was dead.

So while in ‘New Movie Limbo’, the old tin can cop went and got himself nominated to into statue-hood. What started as a joke on Twitter, directed at Detroit Mayor (and NBA Hall of Famer) Dave Bing was a suggestion to build a statue of Robocop downtown to bring in some tourism. Mayor Bing quickly shot this down, and by simply acknowledging it, the interwebs took it and ran. Internet geeks everywhere started pledging money towards the erection of the statue, but it was one geek in particular, Pete Hottelet, threw in $25,000. Who is Pete Hottelet you might ask. Well he is the owner of OCP, his company, named after the corrupt company that ran New Detroit in the movies, makes movie related memorabilia. His donation, combined with the rest of the internet patrons resulted in $67,436 being raised through Kickstarter. That statue is currently in the production stages.While we’re waiting to see the monument built, interest in the movie spiked back up. This time with Brazilian director José Padilha (Elite Squad) helming the project, and our favorite fictional Cyborg cop is set to be played by The Killing star Joel Kinnaman (below).

Well that had been the extent of what we’d heard for a while. Until just the other day when it was announced that Gary Oldman would also be joining the cast…

Oldman will be playing a new character named Norton, “the scientist who creates RoboCop and finds himself torn between the ideals of the machine trying to rediscover its humanity and the callous needs of a corporation.”

 Gary Oldman is fricking awesome. I’m pretty excited for this movie, which is believed to start shooting something this fall, possibly in Toronto. I was really hoping they’d shoot it here in Detroit. I have to say if this time around, it’s set somewhere other than Detroit, I’ll be upset. Anyway, Oldman makes everything better, so that good.

Ok, that’s all I got.