In the same spirit as the last couple of weeks, tonight’s episode of Raw is yet another special event as the WWE brings back ‘Raw Roulette’. Not only this, but we already knew prior to tonight’s event that the “Heart Break Kid” – Shawn Michaels is going to be in Sin City for the show.
At the start of the show Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring, and says that he’s had a hard time leaving the WWE. He’s getting all sappy, and kissing the crowds ass, telling them they made him who he was. He is quickly interrupted by CM Punk, and a couple of his sideshow clowns, McGillicutty and Otunga. Punk begins to give HBK crap for coming back after he said he was going to retire. After some smack talk about how HBK left the WWE a loser because he lost to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, Shawn Michaels gave David Otunga a “sweet chin music.” The general manager then sends an email saying that CM Punk will be in the first match of the night and they will spin the roulette wheel to see what kind of match it will be. Booker T (who is apparently the roulette host) comes on the titan tron and spins the wheel, which lands on a mystery opponent. Booker informs Punk that his opponent will be Kane. Michaels who is still in the ring, then hits McGillicutty with a sweet chin music and tells CM Punk good luck with the match.
Commercial Break…
CM Punk vs. Kane
The match begins with Kane man handling Punk. He quickly throws Punk to the outside of the ring, and throwing him into the barricade. Once back in the ring, Kane still continues to dominate Punk. CM Punk retaliates with a desperate kick to the head of Kane, and begins picking apart the big red machine. This seems to be the match of head kicks, as Kane gains control back from Punk by doing just that. CM Punk rolls out of the ring, and begins walking to the back. While walking to the back, CM Punk (Who has already promised that after his match in three weeks for the WWE championship, he is going to leave the company) begins yelling at the crowd saying, “What are they going to do, fire me?” Michael Cole then makes one of the most valid points he has ever made, by saying that this was the smartest thing Punk could have done. He already has his title shot, and there would be no point in risking an injury in this match.
Raw begins with the crowning of the Tough Enough champion Andy! This is quickly followed by Andy receiving a Stone Cold Stunner, by Stone Cold Steve Austin.
As the actual show begins, R-Truth makes his way to the ring, where Stone Cold and Vince McMahon are waiting. R-Truth has been given the opportunity to earn a WWE championship opportunity at “Capitol Punishment,” by apologizing for his actions last week. R-Truth delivers a half-hearted apology for his actions, before Steve Austin calls him a jackass for dressing in costume. After R-Truth goes on about how the company is one big conspiracy, The Miz comes out to interrupt him. Miz comes out and says that he deserves another championship opportunity, but is quickly interrupted by Alex Riley. John Cena is quick to join the party going on inside of the ring as well. John Cena tells Miz to stop being a, “jack wagon” and get over himself. Vince McMahon declares the main event on Raw a tag team match between John Cena and Alex Riley vs. R-Truth and the Miz, with special guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin.
After last night’s so-so Extreme Rules pay per view, its onward to Raw for The Rock’s birthday!
In a very classy move to start things off, Raw runs a promo to commemorate September 11th what with scumbag number one Osama Bin Laden being destroyed yesterday. Then we get treated to Lilian Garcia singing the national anthem! Happy Birthday Rock and Happy Deathday Osama!
A bunch of celebrities and friends wishing the Rock a happy 39th B-day
The first person gracing us with his presence is the man himself, The Rock. What starts out as a full on Rock rant that we’ve seen plenty of times before, gets interrupted by the GM and Michael Cole. The GM wants an apology and so does the little Jack-bag Bitch Michael Cole since Rock has disrespected him over the years. The moron even had the audacity to wear a Boston Celtics jersey in Miama, so you can’t be surprised that he got his ass Rock Bottomed with a second course of People’s Elbow.
Congrats Cole, you’re still a scum bag
We were supposed to get a match between the now arch enemies John Morrison and R-Truth, but Truth decided to beat Morrison’s ass before he even got to the ring. Thanks Truth, maybe invisible little Jimmy should teach you some restraint so our time isn’t wasted.
The match that never was…
We definitely got our share of eye candy. Maryse was participating in a match on Raw since I can’t even remember, along with recently drafted and my dream girl Kelly Kelly. The match however, didn’t get very far before the hog that is Kharma (Awesome Kong) made her way to the ring. It looked as if she was going for Kelly, but instead goes after the already downed Maryse. I will say, Maryse still looks hot getting her ass beat!
Oh my…
At first I could have cared less about Kharma because I’m so used to a group of extremely good looking divas who compete each week. None of them save Beth Phoenix are actually imposing, so that is where I hope Kharma adds some diversity and a threat to all of the hot divas. She may not be pretty to look at, but that’s not the point. She is there to make the divas division credible again by providing us with at least a decent storyline where there is actually someone to challenge for the Diva’s title. Rock on Kharma with your nasty self!
Kelly Kelly’s response to Kharma coming to the ring
If you didn’t see Extreme Rules last night, John Cena is now our new champion. Love him or hate him, I prefer to hate him. But I do hate the Miz almost as much as Cena, and that brings us to the main event which is happening at the halfway point to finish out celebrating Rock’s birthday. Miz has used his rematch clause tonight, which actually resulted in a halfway decent match between the two turds. But of course the Miz loses all credibility when he uses Alex Riley and his shenanigans to his advantage. This time it worked against him after he hit Cena in the face with the title belt and tucked it beneath him before pinning the champ. The ref calls for the belt after Miz’s win and upon seeing it gone and in Miz’s hands he reverses his decision and Cena is still the champ. Sorry monkey by Miz.
Before the next match, Alberto Del Rio comes down to the ring in a new Phantom, incredibly upbeat for someone who lost a title match again last night. I guess Del Rio isn’t the chosen one. The match itself is a tag match with the team of Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger and Drew McIntyre. Not much exciting here until the end when Del Rio gets owned trying to attack Mysterio. Behold, a new Raw feud!
The last match is an interesting one and quite entertaining for how long it lasted. Mason Ryan vs Kane. It’s always a good time when behemoths collide. Mason Ryan shows he can definitely hold his own against Kane and even Big Show as he spears him once the match is a catastrophe. The catastrophe is because of….Nexus interference! Big surprise there. Mason Ryan could easily become a number one contender. He just needs more lines than repeatedly going “Come on! Come on! Come on!”. Besides, that’s Michael Cole’s job.
HERE WE GO!
Overall it was a decently good episode of Raw. Not a whole lot of the same matches besides Cena vs Miz again! Rock was able to beat on Cole, get pranked a couple times for his birthday and end the night in the ring to thank everyone.
WORST. GIFT. EVER.
He was even given a surprise birthday wish from one Vince McMahon and a video tribute to him. Top all of that off with Happy Birthday performed the gorgeous and talented Mya, and a shower of balloons and confetti, then it makes for a pretty good birthday if you’re the Rock.
The Rock may not have another Birthday from confetti inhalation!
The match begins with Kane man handling Punk. He quickly throws Punk to the outside of the ring, and throwing him into the barricade. Once back in the ring, Kane still continues to dominate Punk. CM Punk retaliates with a desperate kick to the head of Kane, and begins picking apart the big red machine. This seems to be the match of head kicks, as Kane gains control back from Punk by doing just that. CM Punk rolls out of the ring, and begins walking to the back. While walking to the back, CM Punk (Who has already promised that after his match in three weeks for the WWE championship, he is going to leave the company) begins yelling at the crowd saying, “What are they going to do, fire me?” Michael Cole then makes one of the most valid points he has ever made, by saying that this was the smartest thing Punk could have done. He already has his title shot, and there would be no point in risking an injury in this match.
Grizzly Bomb 