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WWE Monday Night Raw Recap & Review: August 22, 2011

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Raw begins with Alberto Del Rio, getting ready to bore us to death at the start of the show. He of course comes out in one of those borrowed cars, what a piece of trash. After his dragged out entrance he finally grabs a mic and before he even does his lame introduction he is quickly interrupted by John Cena, who gets a standing ovation. Cena grabs a mic and introduces himself as the man who is going to take that belt from him. He goes on to say that CM Punk is the only person who can go toe to toe with him, so whipping Del Rio’s ass won’t be a problem. And just as this leaves his mouth CM Punk’s music hits, and he gets an equally loud ovation. CM Punk says that if anybody is going to get a title shot it’s going to be him. Both Cena and Punk say that they are going to cash in their rematch clause to face Del Rio. Triple H then comes out, I like the suit tonight though. Triple H says that tonight there will be a number one contendership match between CM Punk and Cena in the main event of the show.

Commercial Break…

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison

Morrison begins by throwing a few punches and knocking Del Rio to the outside of the ring. Once back in, Del Rio begins gaining some offense. I can’t be the only one who thinks that Del Rio is an absolute joke of a champion. Heres my thing, when the WWE champion is only entertaining enough to be the first match on Raw, there’s a problem. He has a boring personality and  it would be awful for ratings to keep Del Rio as champion after “Night of Champions.”Back to the match, Morrison and Del Rio are on the outside of the ring, and Del Rio shoves Morrison into the barricade before Raw cuts to a commercial break.

After the break, Morrison is getting destroyed. However, as wrestling goes, John Morrison begins to retaliate and begins fighting back into this. Actually, hats off to both these wrestlers, this is turning into a pretty good match. Morrison is still in control, and going for “star ship pain” but misses it and soon finds himself in an arm bar which he taps out to. Actually a great match, and after the match Del Rio begins attacking Morrison just for good measure.
Commercial Break…


Nicki Bella vs. Eve Torres

This  cat fight begins with Nicki throwing some punches and pulling some hair. Eve begins fighting back and I believe we have broken 2 minutes, which is the longest Divas match I’ve seen on Raw in the last couple months. Nicki and Eve go at it for a couple more minutes before Eve Torres wins the match.

After the match Kelly Kelly, who was in the corner of Eve, comes in the face plants the other Bella for no apparent reason.

Commercial Break…

Jack Swagger vs. Alex Riley

Vicki Guerrero comes out and introduces Jack Swagger, who we saw last week approach Vicki about managing him. As the match begins, Dolph Ziggler comes out and begins arguing with Vicki and in the process distracts Jack Swagger. After the distraction Alex Riley rolls up Swagger into the three count.

Boring match, and once again the WWE refuses to use Alex Riley to the extent that they probably could.

Commercial Break…

After the break, Triple H comes out to supposedly clear up what happened at SummerSlam. Triple H calls out Kevin Nash so they can explain everything to the crowd. Kevin Nash walks out to no music.

Triple H then goes on to say that it wasn’t him that sent that text, and Nash says that he will not apologize to CM Punk. Punk then comes out and says that his bet is that Stephanie McMahon sent the text message. Just when CM Punk is about to Go after Nash, Triple H holds him back. CM Punk goes on to tell Triple H that he’s got his balls stuck in his wifes purse. Just as this happens, Nash attacks Punk from the side, and Triple H and Nash hurry out of the ring together.

Commercial Break

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne vs. David Otunga and Michael Mcgillicutty

McGillicutty and Bourne start the match and Evan Bourne is beating up McGillicuty. I really think that Bourne and Kingston would be an awesome tag team championship team. Both have an extremely unique wrestling style, and I’m agreeing with everything that Jerry Lawler is saying right now. Otunga and McGillicutty are not entertaining wrestlers, they make piss poor champions and they show nothing unique about their personalities and wrestling styles. Back to the match, after an incredible performance by both Kingston and Bourne, Bourne hits his back flip off of the top rope to get the pinfall win for the tag team titles. I’m absolutely thrilled, and can’t wait to see these two wrestle as a tag team more often!

Backstage, John Laurinaitis runs up to HHH and tells him that Kevin Nash has been in a car accident. His poor acting is almost uncomfortable to watch. He then gives Hunter the name of the hospital and HHH takes off to see if he is ok. Laurinaitis says that he’ll take care of the rest of the night.

My guess is that Kevin Nash had triple H notified of a car accident just to get him out of the arena so he can get involved in the main event and not have Triple H stop him. We shall see what goes down in about 30 minutes.

Commercial Break…

And here comes grizzly bomb writer Darthsaeris’s favorite wrestler in the world, Santino Marella! As he is coming out to the ring, R-Truth and the Miz attack Santino from behind, thank God we don’t have to see him actually compete in a match. R-Truth grabs a mic and begins talking about how Cena, Punk, Stephanie McMahon, Triple H, are all conspiring against him and Miz. The Miz and his stupid hair cut begin talking about how he agrees with R-Truth. Miz begins rambling and his words really aren’t worth typing, so I’ll just have you all know he is wasting everyone’s time.

Commercial Break

CM Punk vs. John Cena (#1 Contender-ship match)

Alberto Del Rio and John Laurinaitis are both at ring side, LAME! Side note: I happen to love that CM Punk yells out, “It’s clobbering Time,” before he runs down to the ring. The fact that there is still 20 minutes left in the night, is a definite indicator that were going have a full match! The match starts with a lock up, and John Cena is the first to gain momentum. Lawler begins saying how he doesn’t believe CM Punk is that good, and the “idiotic statement of the night award” goes to the guy with the plastic crown. Punk begins fighting back, but not long before Cena knocks Punk off the top turnbuckle and to the outside of the ring. And we have a commercial break. When Raw returns, we see a back and forth battle and Cena gets Punk in the STFU, Punk doesn’t tap. Immediately after we see CM Punk hit Cena with a “Go to Sleep,” and Cena kicks out. Punk then goes to the top rope and misses an elbow drop, which Cena rolls out of the way from. Both men are laying face first in the middle of the ring. As both men get to their feet, Punk hits Cena with a knee to the face, and Cena hits Punk with an attitude adjustment, but neither move ends the match.  Oh and I’m right on the money with my prediction, Nash is back and CM punk is distracted by this. When he turns back around Cena hits him with the “attitude adjustment” again and pins Punk for the win.

After the match Alberto runs in the ring and attacks John Cena. The show ends with this, and yet again we have many unanswered questions.

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WWE Releases: A Bunch of Losers

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I know this is going to break hearts aplenty, but the WWE has released some of your favorite wrestlers! Just kidding! But seriously they released a few wrestlers, but if you had these jokes up on your list of favorites then you have some major problems. WWE didn’t have a very good 2nd quarter so that must mean they made 20 billion instead of 30 billion. Those poor executives. So let’s get started.

Chris Masters

This guy was good for about two matches per year and then flexing his oiled up man tits repeatedly but other than that Chris Masters was under utilized like crazy. It had honestly been so long since he’d been relegated to being a member of the joke squad that I can’t remember him being a legit competitor ever. That’s a shame because the guy is clearly no slouch in the fitness area and when he did wrestle he showed a little promise. Apparently people like Daniel Bryan are just better than him… right.

David Hart Smith

I was never much impressed with David Smith. Other than him being the son of the British Bulldog he wasn’t very impressive except in the height area, but we all know that height doesn’t get you very far in the WWE unless you act like an undead guy or have hands the size of basketballs. (Big Show) I enjoyed him in Tag Team competition with Tyson Kid, but it seemed like the Raw writers didn’t want to have their reign continue very long. Either way, that picture with Pee Wee was probably his death knell, so good luck in your future endeavors Mr. Smith.

Vladamir Kozlov

Things went bad for Vlad when he started participating in Dance Offs and teaming up with Santino Morella, who is of course the biggest joke of all. Kozlov worked better as the crazy heel who wasn’t afraid of anyone and tore through the competition. I suppose a schtick like that can’t last forever though and I can’t say it’s surprising to see him slip into obscurity.

Melina

I guess it’s not a huge loss when a Diva goes, because lord knows the writers on both shows constantly let them fall by the wayside. But I guess if one had to go it might as well be Melina. Honestly I can’t say much about her. Her entrance music is atrocious, her demeanor is cheesy and her wrestling ability isn’t much to talk of. I know Kelly Kelly is just a pretty face, but that is one pretty face worth keeping around. So goodbye to Melina and her enormously fake boobs.

So that’s a wrap for the excess fat that was liposuction-ed out of the WWE for now. I know there are plenty of others that should have been canned, including scum like Daniel Bryan, Santino and the Miz. But I guess we’ll have to bear with them until the next culling of superstars.

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WWE Monday Night Raw Review: June 27th, 2011!

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In the same spirit as the last couple of weeks, tonight’s episode of Raw is yet another special event as the WWE brings back ‘Raw Roulette’. Not only this, but we already knew prior to tonight’s event that the “Heart Break Kid” – Shawn Michaels is going to be in Sin City for the show.

At the start of the show Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring, and says that he’s had a hard time leaving the WWE. He’s getting all sappy, and kissing the crowds ass, telling them they made him who he was.  He is quickly interrupted by CM Punk, and a couple of his sideshow clowns, McGillicutty and Otunga. Punk begins to give HBK crap for coming back after he said he was going to retire. After some smack talk about how HBK left the WWE a loser because he lost to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, Shawn Michaels gave David Otunga a “sweet chin music.” The general manager then sends an email saying that CM Punk will be in the first match of the night and they will spin the roulette wheel to see what kind of match it will be. Booker T (who is apparently the roulette host) comes on the titan tron and spins the wheel, which lands on a mystery opponent. Booker informs Punk that his opponent will be Kane. Michaels who is still in the ring, then hits McGillicutty with a sweet chin music and tells CM Punk good luck with the match.

Commercial Break…  

CM Punk vs. Kane

The match begins with Kane man handling Punk. He quickly throws Punk to the outside of the ring, and throwing him into the barricade. Once back in the ring, Kane still continues to dominate Punk. CM Punk retaliates with a desperate kick to the head of Kane, and begins picking apart the big red machine. This seems to be the match of head kicks, as Kane gains control back from Punk by doing just that. CM Punk rolls out of the ring, and begins walking to the back. While walking to the back, CM Punk (Who has already promised that after his match in three weeks for the WWE championship, he is going to leave the company) begins yelling at the crowd saying, “What are they going to do, fire me?” Michael Cole then makes one of the most valid points he has ever made, by saying that this was the smartest thing Punk could have done. He already has his title shot, and there would be no point in risking an injury in this match.

Commercial Break… Continue reading WWE Monday Night Raw Review: June 27th, 2011! →

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WWE Monday Night Raw Review: May 23, 2011

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Fresh off of last night’s Over the Limit, Jerry Lawler makes his way to the ring. Victorious over Michael Cole, Jerry brings out Bret the Hitman Hart to help him celebrate. I seriously was so glad to see Cole get humiliated last night not only by Hart and Lawler, but by Eve and JR as well. I’m hoping Cole will either go back to being a non heel commentator or just go to Smackdown because I can’t stand the sound of his voice. Surprisingly as Bret Hart is talking, he is interrupted by… R Truth?

Truth of course sits there babbling on about how he should get a title shot and how maybe he needs to beat on a hall of famer to get some respect. Good call Truth, going the Jericho route. Hart of course tells him to bring it on, but then that irritating John Cena music comes on and out comes the still WWE champ. He tells Truth the truth about what a nut bag he is and is about to take him on before the anonymous Raw manager (still? Really?) interrupts them all announcing he may give R Truth a shot after the main event tag match tonight, between CM Punk/R-Truth and John Cena/Rey Mysterio.

Our next match is a tag-team championship match between the champions Kane and Big Show vs Nexus members David Otungah and Michael McGillicutty. The match goes just like every other Kane-Big Show tag match. The opposite team unrealistically competes, except this time against the Nexus you can be guaranteed of cheating. That is of course what happens except this time they don’t get caught and it results it the Kane-Show losing their titles. I can honestly say this makes things a little better because nothing garners more interest in a match than seeing heels lose the belt. Otungah and McGillicutty are pretty damned boring with not a whole lot of talent going around, and I can’t wait until someone else takes the belts from them. It for sure doesn’t look like Show and Kane will be getting a rematch soon, since Big Show had his leg ran over in an altercation involving Alberto Del Rio and his Ferrari.

Finally the inevitable happens and Michael Cole comes down to the ring looking as if he’s going to cry. But the guy actually apologizes to not only Jerry Lawler, but everyone else and the fans. His only wish is that he can commentate side by side with Jerry on Raw and put the whole thing behind them. Jerry accepts after getting in a couple more jabs in at Cole. Thank god the feud is done and I can finally deal with Michael Cole being around again.

Immediately after, The Miz comes out with his butt buddy Alex Riley to bitch and complain about how he deserves another shot at the belt. The general manager responds by telling Miz no and monkey boy Miz fires Riley in a rage. He even slaps Riley causing the guy to snap. It was actually pretty gratifying to see Riley finally put an ass whooping on the Miz.

Yup, that’s the Miz

The next sees all of the lovely divas coming down to the ring for an eight woman tag match. I would tell you everyone involved but after Kelly Kelly and one of the Bellas start the match it is interrupted by Kharma who gets into the ring and inexplicably falls to her knees having a nervous breakdown as the divas watch on puzzled. I was a little puzzled too as we come back from commercial and all of the divas are gone. Uuuuuhhh okay.

We are then presented with a match between the U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston and Drew McIntyre, which a decent match but all too brief as many of the matches were tonight. All three of them…

After a nice Macho Man memorial the main event finally gets started with Bret Hart as the special guest referee. The match was pretty decent yet once again only about 7 minutes long after commercials. After a few twists and turns in the end Cena and Mysterio won with help from the ref. It felt a little cheap but they’ve made such a joke of R Truth that I find it hard to care. I was hoping for a little more out of a two-hour wrestling show instead of thirty minutes (if even) of actual matches. Booooo!

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WWE Monday Night Raw Review: May 9, 2011

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We get to start off Raw tonight with the announcement of a triple threat match that will determine who John Cena will face at Over the Limit in two weeks. Of course the Miz will be one, then Del Rio and the third one takes some build, but between R-Truth and Rey Mysterio it comes down to Mysterio. Although I did enjoy R Truth calling Miz Kermit because he does kind of look like him. And it was surprising to hear him call Del Rio a Mexican fence jumper. Classy. John Cena will also be choosing the stipulation for his match at Over the Limit tonight on Raw.

 

I’m not gonna lie. I like watching the Raw divas matches because I really, really like watching Kelly Kelly. But regardless this week’s match was decent, albeit short. It was a tag match with Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly vs The Bella Twins. It actually finished this time before Kharma Kong comes out. This time Eve at least tries to attack here with little effect, then Kelly runs away leaving Eve to Kharma’s pretty awesome finisher.

You gotta love this move

The next match is a repeat from last week. We get to see Mason Ryan face off against Kane once more. Like last week, its a pretty good physical match but Raw will burn us out on it pretty quick. Not to mention it ends with Nexus interference. Again.

Our next match is another weekly Santino beatdown. At least now he puts up a little fight, playing a great role as jobber which is desperately needed. I really like Zigler. He’s pretty talented as was evidenced by his dropkick to Santino’s face followed by a Zig Zag to effectively end the match.

Let’s face it: Alex Riley is a bitch boy. He’s an ameoba like the Miz said. After getting berated by his boss again, Alex Riley goes to the ring and challenges John Cena to a match. Cena of course obliges the poor idiot with a match. In classic Raw fashion, the match lasts not even four minutes. He gives him a five knuckle shuffle, two attitude adjustments and the STF. Sorry A-Rei.

Once again we get more Michael Cole vomit-shit talk. I don’t know how else to describe it at this point. Seriously? How classy with him throwing the fact that Lawler’s mom died in his face after Lawler challenges him to a match.

The next match is refreshing change, as we get Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger in a U.S. Championship match. This is the most decent match of the night so far and after a simple distraction from Jerry Lawler, Kofi retains his title.

The best part came after the Kingston win when Lawler get a hold of Cole’s tie through one of the hole’s in front of his glass box and proceeds to bash his head against the glass repeatedly. Jack Swagger then accepts the match on Cole’s behalf. Please let it be their last match.

The Triple Threat match was a bit boring to me, but it was better than the other matches, even the U.S. Championship match. But wouldn’t you know it: Miz wins with some cheating bullshit once again. This guy reaks of credibility. Cena then comes out to announce his stipulation at Over the Limit is that the match will be an I Quit match. This goes to show the originality we are dealing with here in the WWE. Cena will have an I Quit match at Over the Limit, just as he did with Batista at the same pay per view a year ago. Lame. Suck it. Overall this was a pretty lackluster and terrible episode of Monday Night Raw.

By the way. Tomorrow the Maxim Hot 100 comes out and Kelly Kelly made the list! Make sure to pick it up to see which number she is!

Also check out the rest of my Wrestling Articles:

The Rock’s Birthday Party – Monday Night Raw Review!

Extreme Rules Predictions

Wrestlemania 27

WWE Draft 2011

WWE Draft – More Picks!

WWE Raw Review – April 4th

WWE Raw Review – April 11th

WWE Raw Review – April 19th

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Why the WWE Has Failed Me

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Apparently Raw continues to be a ratings king on Monday nights and averages more than 5 million viewers a week. But that doesn’t mean it’s beyond reproach. I was an avid wrestling fan, even after that young age when you figure out it’s fake, or after they basically came out and told everyone that it is rigged. However I continued to watch it due to my love of the wrestlers, which I considered actors at this point, and the athleticism they display week after week. The matches may be rigged, and plenty of hits are fake – but a lot of the things they do would most definitely hurt like hell.

I stopped watching wrestling awhile after Rock turned heel, but before the fall of WCW. After that it took a long time for me to garner any interest in it. My brother finally had me watching once again, nearly ten years later. Much had changed but I readily embraced it once more, remarking how much the business and the wrestlers themselves had changed. Some changed for the better and some for worse. I could never recapture what I felt as a youth, but after watching my first Royal Rumble in about a decade I came pretty close.

Oh, great choice WWE…

It’s now been going on three years since I’ve returned as a wrestling spectator, but I’ve noticed after a year and a half how repetitive and stale the whole thing has become, on Raw in particular. I don’t ever remember the current champion competing on the weekly show, except on rare occasions. There would be maybe one Championship Title match on Raw per year, and that was a big maybe. Now the Champion wrestles pretty much every single week and sometimes against the very person they are scheduled to face in the monthly pay per view! (albeit in a tag team match.)

The whole point behind the Champion never wrestling on the weekly show or against the PPV opponent was simple: The anticipation and excitement was so much better when they just talked smack every week, then the pay per view was the big payoff. Raw has completely destroyed this and the show suffers because of it.

The feuds are another thing that really kill Raw for me. We have to watch the same wrestlers fight one another each week and then again in a pay per view. Sometimes it goes to two pay per views! Just recently Randy Orton fought CM Punk at Wrestlemania, then fought him the following Monday and now a third time at Extreme Rules. For all of the supposed superstars in the stables of both brands of WWE, we see the same ones every week on Raw. Wrestling at this point is storytelling, so why don’t the writers do something creative and write in a decent storyline for the wrestlers they hardly use each week.

At least it seems they’ve ended bull SHIT like this…

I understand the supposed reasoning behind having the champion compete most every week before the pay per view and the use of the same matches every week. It’s just to satisfy the fans in attendance and make their ticket money worth their while by seeing every main superstar in action. I understand but don’t like it. In the meantime I still watch Raw every week and keep complaining every week because nothing changes and we get more of the same over and over and over and over… you get the point.

Has it come to this?

I just how many fans out there feel the same way I do and watch begrudgingly each week in hopes of something new. What will it take for Raw to become better than what it is? A ratings drop? Fan petitions? I know they won’t be holding this fan’s interest much longer so I hope they do something sooner rather than later. But until then, I’ll still faithfully write a review each week until I can no longer!