Having awoken from their spring break extravaganza at Lake Victoria, the swarm heads upstream where they look to make a meal out of Big Wet, a local water park where when it comes to fun, nobody does it wetter! Thought they came to get wet, get loaded and get some, the staff and patrons get more than they bargained for when they must face the fiercest, most bloodthirsty piranhas yet.
Release Date: TBA 2012
The MIB duo of Agent Jay and Agent Kay are back in action. When the world is threatened by an evil alien, Agent Jay travels back in time to 1969, where he teams up with the younger Agent Kay to stop an evil villain named Boris from destroying the world in the future.
Release Date: May 25th, 2012
If there was anything that could put Piranha 3DD over the top for best worst movie ever, it would be this bit of news from IGN:
David Hasselhoff has been cast in the latest water-terror film, Piranha 3DD, Dimension Films has announced.
The action star/recording artist/author/pop-culture phenomenon joins a cast that already includes Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, Gary Busey, Katrina Bowden, Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Chris Zylka and David Koechner.
Piranha 3DD is set at a water park that becomes infested with the infamous flesh-eating fish. We don’t yet know what role The Hoff will play, but the film is set for release on November 23.
Man, I can’t wait to see who Hasselhoff plays in this movie. Perhaps an exterminator who specializes in destroying prehistoric piranha? Maybe a water park mogul? Hell I’d even be satisfied with a singer who is adored by the people of Germany at this point. Maybe we’ll even get to see him in a scene where he’s drunk and mowing down a big ol’ fish sandwich.
Either way, if that didn’t make you want to see this piece of cinematic art in the theater on day 1, then you are not a human and have no soul to speak of. However the picture below will most likely suck the living soul out of your body into the disgusting black hole that is the Hoff’s man thong.
For those of you who don’t know about everyone else, but I’m so ready for another Final Destination movie. Seriously, I laughed at more in the third and fourth sequels than during most recent comedies. I know that may sound sick, but the deaths are so ridiculous in the movies that it’s really hard not to. These are deaths befitting Looney Toons characters not real people.
Granted, the movies should probably be strictly straight to DVD at this point but if you have a whole bunch of idiots (this guy!) willing to shell out ten bucks a ticket for some cheap laughs in shitty 3D, then they’ll still be theater releases. Check out the trailer below:
I honestly thought that they were trying to make the movie a little on the scary-serious side but there was no such luck once you seen the guy on the acupuncture bed fall off onto the floor. It looked really God awful. But hey! Tony Todd is back!
Regardless of it’s levels of suckiness, if me and about six friends can all get together and go see it so we can be the only ones in the theater laughing: I’m all in! Please comment below on this monstrosity of the cinema!