In the same spirit as the last couple of weeks, tonight’s episode of Raw is yet another special event as the WWE brings back ‘Raw Roulette’. Not only this, but we already knew prior to tonight’s event that the “Heart Break Kid” – Shawn Michaels is going to be in Sin City for the show.
At the start of the show Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring, and says that he’s had a hard time leaving the WWE. He’s getting all sappy, and kissing the crowds ass, telling them they made him who he was. He is quickly interrupted by CM Punk, and a couple of his sideshow clowns, McGillicutty and Otunga. Punk begins to give HBK crap for coming back after he said he was going to retire. After some smack talk about how HBK left the WWE a loser because he lost to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, Shawn Michaels gave David Otunga a “sweet chin music.” The general manager then sends an email saying that CM Punk will be in the first match of the night and they will spin the roulette wheel to see what kind of match it will be. Booker T (who is apparently the roulette host) comes on the titan tron and spins the wheel, which lands on a mystery opponent. Booker informs Punk that his opponent will be Kane. Michaels who is still in the ring, then hits McGillicutty with a sweet chin music and tells CM Punk good luck with the match.
Commercial Break…
CM Punk vs. Kane
The match begins with Kane man handling Punk. He quickly throws Punk to the outside of the ring, and throwing him into the barricade. Once back in the ring, Kane still continues to dominate Punk. CM Punk retaliates with a desperate kick to the head of Kane, and begins picking apart the big red machine. This seems to be the match of head kicks, as Kane gains control back from Punk by doing just that. CM Punk rolls out of the ring, and begins walking to the back. While walking to the back, CM Punk (Who has already promised that after his match in three weeks for the WWE championship, he is going to leave the company) begins yelling at the crowd saying, “What are they going to do, fire me?” Michael Cole then makes one of the most valid points he has ever made, by saying that this was the smartest thing Punk could have done. He already has his title shot, and there would be no point in risking an injury in this match.
Raw begins with the crowning of the Tough Enough champion Andy! This is quickly followed by Andy receiving a Stone Cold Stunner, by Stone Cold Steve Austin.
As the actual show begins, R-Truth makes his way to the ring, where Stone Cold and Vince McMahon are waiting. R-Truth has been given the opportunity to earn a WWE championship opportunity at “Capitol Punishment,” by apologizing for his actions last week. R-Truth delivers a half-hearted apology for his actions, before Steve Austin calls him a jackass for dressing in costume. After R-Truth goes on about how the company is one big conspiracy, The Miz comes out to interrupt him. Miz comes out and says that he deserves another championship opportunity, but is quickly interrupted by Alex Riley. John Cena is quick to join the party going on inside of the ring as well. John Cena tells Miz to stop being a, “jack wagon” and get over himself. Vince McMahon declares the main event on Raw a tag team match between John Cena and Alex Riley vs. R-Truth and the Miz, with special guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The show begins with a message saying that tonight’s Raw was to be dedicated to the men and women in the armed services.
After this we see backstage footage of R-truth at a merchandise booth, tearing down John Cena merchandise. Truth makes his way to inside the arena and begins walking through the crowd ranting about how everybody is wearing John Cena t-shirts. After continuing his rant inside the ring, John Cena interrupts R-truth. Cena tells R-Truth he is living in a fantasy world for thinking that there is a conspiracy to keep him away from main event status. John Cena says that he would be happy to knock some sense back into R-truth. The anonymous general manager says that the match will be made official for later in the night. Commercial break…
Fresh off of last night’s Over the Limit, Jerry Lawler makes his way to the ring. Victorious over Michael Cole, Jerry brings out Bret the Hitman Hart to help him celebrate. I seriously was so glad to see Cole get humiliated last night not only by Hart and Lawler, but by Eve and JR as well. I’m hoping Cole will either go back to being a non heel commentator or just go to Smackdown because I can’t stand the sound of his voice. Surprisingly as Bret Hart is talking, he is interrupted by… R Truth?
Truth of course sits there babbling on about how he should get a title shot and how maybe he needs to beat on a hall of famer to get some respect. Good call Truth, going the Jericho route. Hart of course tells him to bring it on, but then that irritating John Cena music comes on and out comes the still WWE champ. He tells Truth the truth about what a nut bag he is and is about to take him on before the anonymous Raw manager (still? Really?) interrupts them all announcing he may give R Truth a shot after the main event tag match tonight, between CM Punk/R-Truth and John Cena/Rey Mysterio.
Our next match is a tag-team championship match between the champions Kane and Big Show vs Nexus members David Otungah and Michael McGillicutty. The match goes just like every other Kane-Big Show tag match. The opposite team unrealistically competes, except this time against the Nexus you can be guaranteed of cheating. That is of course what happens except this time they don’t get caught and it results it the Kane-Show losing their titles. I can honestly say this makes things a little better because nothing garners more interest in a match than seeing heels lose the belt. Otungah and McGillicutty are pretty damned boring with not a whole lot of talent going around, and I can’t wait until someone else takes the belts from them. It for sure doesn’t look like Show and Kane will be getting a rematch soon, since Big Show had his leg ran over in an altercation involving Alberto Del Rio and his Ferrari.
Finally the inevitable happens and Michael Cole comes down to the ring looking as if he’s going to cry. But the guy actually apologizes to not only Jerry Lawler, but everyone else and the fans. His only wish is that he can commentate side by side with Jerry on Raw and put the whole thing behind them. Jerry accepts after getting in a couple more jabs in at Cole. Thank god the feud is done and I can finally deal with Michael Cole being around again.
Immediately after, The Miz comes out with his butt buddy Alex Riley to bitch and complain about how he deserves another shot at the belt. The general manager responds by telling Miz no and monkey boy Miz fires Riley in a rage. He even slaps Riley causing the guy to snap. It was actually pretty gratifying to see Riley finally put an ass whooping on the Miz.
Yup, that’s the Miz
The next sees all of the lovely divas coming down to the ring for an eight woman tag match. I would tell you everyone involved but after Kelly Kelly and one of the Bellas start the match it is interrupted by Kharma who gets into the ring and inexplicably falls to her knees having a nervous breakdown as the divas watch on puzzled. I was a little puzzled too as we come back from commercial and all of the divas are gone. Uuuuuhhh okay.
We are then presented with a match between the U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston and Drew McIntyre, which a decent match but all too brief as many of the matches were tonight. All three of them…
After a nice Macho Man memorial the main event finally gets started with Bret Hart as the special guest referee. The match was pretty decent yet once again only about 7 minutes long after commercials. After a few twists and turns in the end Cena and Mysterio won with help from the ref. It felt a little cheap but they’ve made such a joke of R Truth that I find it hard to care. I was hoping for a little more out of a two-hour wrestling show instead of thirty minutes (if even) of actual matches. Booooo!
We get to start off Raw tonight with the announcement of a triple threat match that will determine who John Cena will face at Over the Limit in two weeks. Of course the Miz will be one, then Del Rio and the third one takes some build, but between R-Truth and Rey Mysterio it comes down to Mysterio. Although I did enjoy R Truth calling Miz Kermit because he does kind of look like him. And it was surprising to hear him call Del Rio a Mexican fence jumper. Classy. John Cena will also be choosing the stipulation for his match at Over the Limit tonight on Raw.
I’m not gonna lie. I like watching the Raw divas matches because I really, really like watching Kelly Kelly. But regardless this week’s match was decent, albeit short. It was a tag match with Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly vs The Bella Twins. It actually finished this time before Kharma Kong comes out. This time Eve at least tries to attack here with little effect, then Kelly runs away leaving Eve to Kharma’s pretty awesome finisher.
You gotta love this move
The next match is a repeat from last week. We get to see Mason Ryan face off against Kane once more. Like last week, its a pretty good physical match but Raw will burn us out on it pretty quick. Not to mention it ends with Nexus interference. Again.
Our next match is another weekly Santino beatdown. At least now he puts up a little fight, playing a great role as jobber which is desperately needed. I really like Zigler. He’s pretty talented as was evidenced by his dropkick to Santino’s face followed by a Zig Zag to effectively end the match.
Let’s face it: Alex Riley is a bitch boy. He’s an ameoba like the Miz said. After getting berated by his boss again, Alex Riley goes to the ring and challenges John Cena to a match. Cena of course obliges the poor idiot with a match. In classic Raw fashion, the match lasts not even four minutes. He gives him a five knuckle shuffle, two attitude adjustments and the STF. Sorry A-Rei.
Once again we get more Michael Cole vomit-shit talk. I don’t know how else to describe it at this point. Seriously? How classy with him throwing the fact that Lawler’s mom died in his face after Lawler challenges him to a match.
The next match is refreshing change, as we get Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger in a U.S. Championship match. This is the most decent match of the night so far and after a simple distraction from Jerry Lawler, Kofi retains his title.
The best part came after the Kingston win when Lawler get a hold of Cole’s tie through one of the hole’s in front of his glass box and proceeds to bash his head against the glass repeatedly. Jack Swagger then accepts the match on Cole’s behalf. Please let it be their last match.
The Triple Threat match was a bit boring to me, but it was better than the other matches, even the U.S. Championship match. But wouldn’t you know it: Miz wins with some cheating bullshit once again. This guy reaks of credibility. Cena then comes out to announce his stipulation at Over the Limit is that the match will be an I Quit match. This goes to show the originality we are dealing with here in the WWE. Cena will have an I Quit match at Over the Limit, just as he did with Batista at the same pay per view a year ago. Lame. Suck it. Overall this was a pretty lackluster and terrible episode of Monday Night Raw.
By the way. Tomorrow the Maxim Hot 100 comes out and Kelly Kelly made the list! Make sure to pick it up to see which number she is!
After last night’s so-so Extreme Rules pay per view, its onward to Raw for The Rock’s birthday!
In a very classy move to start things off, Raw runs a promo to commemorate September 11th what with scumbag number one Osama Bin Laden being destroyed yesterday. Then we get treated to Lilian Garcia singing the national anthem! Happy Birthday Rock and Happy Deathday Osama!
A bunch of celebrities and friends wishing the Rock a happy 39th B-day
The first person gracing us with his presence is the man himself, The Rock. What starts out as a full on Rock rant that we’ve seen plenty of times before, gets interrupted by the GM and Michael Cole. The GM wants an apology and so does the little Jack-bag Bitch Michael Cole since Rock has disrespected him over the years. The moron even had the audacity to wear a Boston Celtics jersey in Miama, so you can’t be surprised that he got his ass Rock Bottomed with a second course of People’s Elbow.
Congrats Cole, you’re still a scum bag
We were supposed to get a match between the now arch enemies John Morrison and R-Truth, but Truth decided to beat Morrison’s ass before he even got to the ring. Thanks Truth, maybe invisible little Jimmy should teach you some restraint so our time isn’t wasted.
The match that never was…
We definitely got our share of eye candy. Maryse was participating in a match on Raw since I can’t even remember, along with recently drafted and my dream girl Kelly Kelly. The match however, didn’t get very far before the hog that is Kharma (Awesome Kong) made her way to the ring. It looked as if she was going for Kelly, but instead goes after the already downed Maryse. I will say, Maryse still looks hot getting her ass beat!
Oh my…
At first I could have cared less about Kharma because I’m so used to a group of extremely good looking divas who compete each week. None of them save Beth Phoenix are actually imposing, so that is where I hope Kharma adds some diversity and a threat to all of the hot divas. She may not be pretty to look at, but that’s not the point. She is there to make the divas division credible again by providing us with at least a decent storyline where there is actually someone to challenge for the Diva’s title. Rock on Kharma with your nasty self!
Kelly Kelly’s response to Kharma coming to the ring
If you didn’t see Extreme Rules last night, John Cena is now our new champion. Love him or hate him, I prefer to hate him. But I do hate the Miz almost as much as Cena, and that brings us to the main event which is happening at the halfway point to finish out celebrating Rock’s birthday. Miz has used his rematch clause tonight, which actually resulted in a halfway decent match between the two turds. But of course the Miz loses all credibility when he uses Alex Riley and his shenanigans to his advantage. This time it worked against him after he hit Cena in the face with the title belt and tucked it beneath him before pinning the champ. The ref calls for the belt after Miz’s win and upon seeing it gone and in Miz’s hands he reverses his decision and Cena is still the champ. Sorry monkey by Miz.
Before the next match, Alberto Del Rio comes down to the ring in a new Phantom, incredibly upbeat for someone who lost a title match again last night. I guess Del Rio isn’t the chosen one. The match itself is a tag match with the team of Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger and Drew McIntyre. Not much exciting here until the end when Del Rio gets owned trying to attack Mysterio. Behold, a new Raw feud!
The last match is an interesting one and quite entertaining for how long it lasted. Mason Ryan vs Kane. It’s always a good time when behemoths collide. Mason Ryan shows he can definitely hold his own against Kane and even Big Show as he spears him once the match is a catastrophe. The catastrophe is because of….Nexus interference! Big surprise there. Mason Ryan could easily become a number one contender. He just needs more lines than repeatedly going “Come on! Come on! Come on!”. Besides, that’s Michael Cole’s job.
HERE WE GO!
Overall it was a decently good episode of Raw. Not a whole lot of the same matches besides Cena vs Miz again! Rock was able to beat on Cole, get pranked a couple times for his birthday and end the night in the ring to thank everyone.
WORST. GIFT. EVER.
He was even given a surprise birthday wish from one Vince McMahon and a video tribute to him. Top all of that off with Happy Birthday performed the gorgeous and talented Mya, and a shower of balloons and confetti, then it makes for a pretty good birthday if you’re the Rock.
The Rock may not have another Birthday from confetti inhalation!
The match begins with Kane man handling Punk. He quickly throws Punk to the outside of the ring, and throwing him into the barricade. Once back in the ring, Kane still continues to dominate Punk. CM Punk retaliates with a desperate kick to the head of Kane, and begins picking apart the big red machine. This seems to be the match of head kicks, as Kane gains control back from Punk by doing just that. CM Punk rolls out of the ring, and begins walking to the back. While walking to the back, CM Punk (Who has already promised that after his match in three weeks for the WWE championship, he is going to leave the company) begins yelling at the crowd saying, “What are they going to do, fire me?” Michael Cole then makes one of the most valid points he has ever made, by saying that this was the smartest thing Punk could have done. He already has his title shot, and there would be no point in risking an injury in this match.
Grizzly Bomb 